A Lot Like Love
By: fruor

Summary: A comment made by one of his go students makes Touya Akira ponder about his relationship with Shindo Hikaru. Canon!Akihika

Rating: K+

Genre: General, maybe a slight hint of Romance?

Pairing: extremely slight hint of a romantic notion between Akira and Hikaru

Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go is written by Hotta Yumi and drawn by the wonderful hands of Obata Takeshi-sensei whose art I worship and stalk XD

Note: A not-really-shounen-ai not-really-straight of Akira's view of his relationship with Hikaru. Totally CANON. Just felt liking writing it before it leaves my brain XP

2nd Note: Now that I'm awake and all, I just modified it a bit and added a something else at the end. My apologies to those who have read it already *bows*

Special Thanks to that anonymous reviewer who informed me of the lack of quotation marks and apostrophes!!! Much love to you!!! I appreciate it beyond words!!!! To those who still read this despite it's epic format failure, you have my sincerest thanks!!!

"Sounds a lot like love, Touya-sensei."

"I'm sorry...?" Touya Akira, startled, paused his hand over the go-ke and faced the person across the goban. She was a prim and proper young lady, just around his age, dressed in a simple yet elegant kimono. Her long hair was tied up in a bun at the back of her head. On her lap rested her folded hands. She was a perfect Yamato Nadeshiko (1).

She met his eyes and smiled ambiguously, almost business-like, and said, "When you talk about Shindo 5-dan, it sounds like that."

Touya studied her face for a few seconds but found no malice nor jest in her features. In a slow, almost cautious movement, he took a white stone from the go-ke under his palm and responded to the girl's last move without even glancing at the board. Her clear and pleasant expression suddenly turned puzzled. Touya look down on the goban and noticed that his response killed his client's cluster on the lower left star. It was far too advanced and cruel for a client's first game of shidou-go.

For a moment, he held his breath. Resisting the urge to sigh, he calmly explained what the appropriate responses for such a move and the possible outcomes of each. He hoped he didn't sound hurried to remedy his mistake and he hoped that mistake was left unnoticed. This girl was, after all, the daughter of her mothers friend. He was teaching her as a favor and so, for his mother's sake -- and especially for the sake of Go pros -- he didn't want to make a bad impression on her.

When the client nodded in understanding, he praised her and offered a game with a one-stone-less-handicap which she politely declined, insisting that she is still too much of a beginner to face Touya 6-dan like that. They restarted the game with the same nine-stone handicap.

It was a while later when the young lady left. With his mother by his side, Touya said his goodbye to the client and her mother who both thanked Touya and his mother.

What the girl had said was still stuck on his mind.

- - -

A lot like love, huh.

Touya repeated the phrase in his mind. In a corner of his fathers Go salon with a goban set on a table and the black and white go-ke placed in front of him, he took a black stone and started recreating a game. It was, after all, in front of a go board where he could concentrate the most. Methodically, his hand placed stone after stone and while the game revealed itself, he pondered deeply on this "love".

Pa-chi! Pa-chi! (2)

He was ignorant of a lot of things but he knew that this "love" wasn't the same as the love he had for his parents. He doubted it was the "love" Ogata-san had with the numerous women that he saw the Juudan with. It was the romantic one which was shared between lovers, like what his parents have, but in the 20 years of Touya Akira's life, he had never put much thought in such a thing. To put it into words or to give it meaning was something he could never do with that kind of love. All he knows was that it was an important feeling towards a precious person and such a vague meaning never bothered him before. He never needed it in Go but now that it was associated with Shindo Hikaru, it became important.

Pa-chi! Pa-chi!

He thought about asking his parents about love but quickly decided against it. His relationship with Shindo was nowhere near that of his parents. Not only that, he didn't want to encourage his mother to do more than arrange a tutoring session with that girl from before. He knew that it was an attempt to match him up with her. If he did mention any sort of romantic inclination, he was sure he would be swamped with omiai after omiai (3) and he didn't want that to bother his Go especially with the tournaments coming soon. Not that he minded getting married.

Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi!

When he was a lot younger, he had imagined his future to be very similar to his parents. He would become a Go pro, get married through an omiai, win a set of titles, have a child and teach him how to play Go. This plan changed when he met Shindo Hikaru. It was as if a whole world of endless possibilities opened up to him. All that mattered then was that Shindo must face him in a match at their fullest potential. He wanted -- needed -- to have Shindo join him in the world of professional Go. Thinking about it now, he felt foolish for having chased him so desperately. Thankfully, nobody had called him crazy because his younger self sure seems that way right now.

Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi!

From that moment on, Shindo Hikaru became an enigmatic existence that shone brightly in his life. He couldn't ignore him and he certainly didn't want to. His every move and progress was increasingly important and right now, Shindo was chasing him and he felt thrilled and excited and motivated and impatient even! Thinking about the intensity of their sure future encounter made his heart pound uncontrollably. This match was the one battle he didn't want to regret which is why he continues polishing his Go to make sure that when that time comes he could go all out with everything he has.

Pa-chi!

Is that what you call "love"? Touya Akira wasn't sure. All of these things about Shindo was centered on Go and he knew that love couldn't possibly remain on just the game. After all, his parents didn't have that in common. His mother, though she appreciated the game, had no interest in playing it.

He'd like to think that that was the end of all that thinking about love but he'd be lying to himself.

Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi!

Shindo Hikaru was probably the only person in his life who was involved with both his Go profession and outside of it. He knew very well how contrasting their personalities were. He was a quiet and reserved young man who followed the rules diligently (there was no reason to break them) while Shindo was loud and boisterous and yet at the same time, extremely secretive. They were rivals, only that. That was what Touya believed. Shindo's definition of that seemed to be closer to Touya's definition of "friends".

Pa-chi! Pa-chi!

Shindo would continuously invite him to go eat with him and his friends, go to karaoke and even some clubs. He didn't always agree to come but Shindo would drag him at times and he would have to choice. He knew he wasn't that well-liked by Shindo's friends, particularly the one with red hair, but Shindo would interfere with his loud voice and they'd get into arguments about silly and trivial things and everyone would settle down like long-time comrades.

Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi! Pa-chi!

When Shindo is involved, Touya always found himself lacking the self-restraint and preservation he always keeps himself. He knew they were like bickering children arguing about nothings and anythings and everythings and they make up as though there was never any argument at all. Touya would always let go of his control willingly or not when he's with Shindo. He knew he should be upset and irritated but sometimes the lack of what-to-dos and what-should-bes are pleasantly relaxing.

Pa-chi!

Touya Akira rested his wrist on the edge of one of the go-ke. He leaned forward on his elbows and rested his chin on an open palm.

Shindo Hikaru was important in both his Go life and outside of that. Touya enjoys his company, enjoys their talks, he enjoys simply spending time with him. He enjoys the most how Shindo pushes him to do his best in everything and pulls him to be more than he could think of doing. Shindo Hikaru was a very precious person in Touya Akira's life.

Whether as to that was "love", Touya was still unsure. His heart didn't throb every time he sees him nor does he find difficulty in breathing. His thoughts did not remain on Shindo alone but he couldn't help but think about him since he was in almost every aspect of his life. He did not feel any sexual inclination towards his rival nor did he ever focus on any part of his body. If "love" means that one could not live without that person, then he didn't think that was the case with Shindo since if he ever decided to disappear in the Go world and in this life, Touya would readily pull him back in the arena with no regard to his reasons because Shindo must never disappear in this world while he was still here, while they haven't finished their journey to search for the Hand of God.

Touya didn't like this confusing feeling. He hoped that none of this would affect his Go. He hoped this issue with Shindo would not become a problem for the both of them. On that moment, he cursed his lack of knowledge about love. He couldn't truly be in love with his rival since they were both men. It was silly and stupid and he knew it was only spurned by that girl's sudden statement. If not, he wouldn't even be thinking of this. He wouldn't be troubled---

"OH GAWD!!!! I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE, TOUYA!!!"

Shindo Hikaru entered like a storm, startling not just Touya but the rest of the customers in the salon. He rushed towards the table where Touya was sitting and dumped his backpack unceremoniously on the seat across his rival. He was sweating slightly and his breathing was uneven. He must have been running, Touya noted lightly.

"I bumped into Akari on the way here and she was all excited to see me then she dragged me off -- you know Akari, right? That girl from my go club before with the brown hair in pigtails? Remember? When you rushed in my middle school before? Well, doesn't matter if you don't. ANYWAY," Shindo inhaled one big mouthful of air, "She went and dragged me to brag about her boyfriend saying things about this and that and other stuff I can't quite remember -- you see, I wasn't really listening. I was just waiting for her to finish so that I could leave. Well, actually, I would have left even if she wasn't finished but my mom would nag me for weeks. I mean, I already moved out of the house and she's still so clingy."

Touya kept quiet not knowing what to say quite yet. He hadn't settled his thoughts and feelings yet and the person in question just had to appear at this moment. He was late by an hour but right now he couldn't care less.

"Well, yeah, I know she's excited about her boyfriend but couldn't she bother someone else?" He let out a loud groan, "And then she kept asking about my love life and started sounding like my mom, talking about marriage and all that stuff. I don't have time to think about that and in all honesty, I couldn't really care! I'm far too busy right now with the tournaments and all. Does it even matter anyway??? Sheesh, women are so annoying! But Akari still went on and on and on and on about whatever and by the time she was finished it was WAAAAAAAYYYYYY past our meeting time!" With his hands, he animatedly waved them around to emphasize the length of time.

Touya was startled out of his thoughts. Shindo was right...though he'd never inform the said person that. Does it really matter? Why does he need to define this relationship with Shindo? When it comes to his rival, hardly anything was as clear as day but he was content and happy with this push-and-pull vague relationship that he has right now. Thinking about it, Touya didn't really want anything to change between them.

"I know your'e a prick and all about being on time but this one's totally not my fault." Shindo waved a hand apologetically and put on his most sorry face, "Now let's just clear goban and start playi--" With a deep frown, he stared almost glared at the pattern on the board. He sighed exasperatedly, "Really! If you keep on being stuck on this game, the next time you know I've surpassed you on the rankings! I'll be a 7-dan before you could!"

Touya focused on the goban. He knew this game very well. It was the first one he played against Shindo. He could still remember quite fondly how Shindo held the stone. A total beginner indeed.

Somewhere in the salon, a couple of customers protested, "The young master won't lose to a beginner like you!!!!"

"I don't wanna hear that from an old man who can't even beat me!" Shindo stuck out his tongue at the customer who nearly stood up and rushed to him. At the age of 20, he was still very much a kid.

Then a small chuckle escaped Touyas lips. All the worrying a while ago seemed silly. His attempts to define what him and his rival had between them was frivolous because he really didn't need to give it a name.

Shindo gasped loudly, "Are you laughing at me?!" He gritted his teeth and dug his hands on one of the go-ke and grabbed a fistful of stones, "I'll show you! I'll win a title before you do!!!" He thrust his fist in front Touya's face and almost shouted, "NIGIRI!!!"

Touya burst out laughing and Shindo infuriatingly dropped the stones back into their containers and forcefully took black but Touya didn't mind at all. Really, Shindo was as refreshing as always! It was as if a nagging go puzzle was solved immediately. Whether this relationship was love or not, it was still a very important one and he truly didn't want it to change.

"Mou! Touya!"

(1) Yamato Nadeshiko the ideal image of a woman in historical Japan (think Rurouni Kenshin setting). In my home country, Philippines, we call this a Maria Clara.

(2) Pa-chi! the sound of go stones hitting on a goban

(3) omiai a Japanese arranged marriage

So yeah, that's it. This would be how I view their relationship. OTPs aside, I believe that both Akira and Hikaru are inexperienced when it comes to love that if they ever do realize their affection for one another was romantic, I think it'd be a long process before it gets past their unusual rivalry-friendship issue. As they are, they simply push each other to be a better person and player.

I'd like to do a Hikaru one but since its midterm season and Im procrastinating, it might be a long time away.

Sorry if there are any typos or grammatical errors. Its rather rushed XD Feel free to inform me though.