Title: Online Confessions

Author: Twisted Sarcasm (AKA Schuyler)

Rating: T

Summary: Didn't your parents ever tell you to be careful about who you talk to on the internet?

Notes: Please don't read this. I know I put it on fanfiction where anyone can read it but that's only because it was gathering virtual dust on my computer and I couldn't bring myself to delete it. That and Fay is making me post random things. Stupid Fay. I hate you.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

---

Stan sighed loudly as he swiveled around in his chair. For the past five minuets, he had been sighing continually, trying to find some way to alleviate his boredom. So far, he had come up with nothing.

But it wasn't his fault he was bored! It was all Kyle's fault! When Stan had called him earlier on this fine Saturday morning, asking him if he wanted to go to the movies or something, the boy had merely said something about wanting to finish the book he was reading. Sometimes, Stan wanted to kill Kyle! The boy was much too smart for his own good. He even read for fun! Did you hear that? FUN! Who reads for fun, anyway?!

For the better part of the morning, he did his chores, thankful that there was something to do besides wallow in boredom, but once that was finished, he had nothing to do. There was nothing on TV and his other friends were too busy to hang out with him. Eric was eating out with his mom, Kenny was studying for a huge test on Monday, Butters was doing something for his parents, and everyone else wasn't home! How would he survive the weekend if he didn't have some kind of human contact to keep him sane!

Finally, he sighed one last time and turned to his computer. He allowed it to load and hurriedly logged onto the internet. Perhaps he could play a few computer games to pass the time and call Kyle later after he had finished the book. Sure it was a seven hundred and something page book, but Kyle was known to read through one of those suckers in half a day. The boy was a genius. No one had figured out why he hung out with Stan…

"Chess?" Stan scoffed as he clicked on the blinking icon. It was better than nothing. Everything else just seemed lame. Besides, Kyle had patiently taught him how to play the game a few weeks ago, carefully explaining things so Stan could understand clearly. Maybe if he practiced he could win against Kyle some day.

He logged onto the game and waited for someone to join the room he was in. Not long after, another person logged into the room.

It didn't take long for Stan to lose.

Ha! Take that!

The message blinked onto the screen innocently.

Stan scowled and typed a message back.

You just caught me on a bad day!

There was a moment before the request for another game blinked onto the screen. Not wanting to pass up a challenge, Stan clicked yes and the second game began. But this time, his opponent wanted to chat.

If you're having a bad day, you can tell me. I don't want to seem like a freaky stalker or anything, but we'll probably never even meet in real life, so it wouldn't matter if you told your problems to a total stranger right? Maybe I can help?

Stan bit his lip, sliding his knight over to take the other persons pawn.

I doubt it. My life is so screwed up, not even Dr. Phil could help.

His knight was overcome by the other guy's queen.

But it always feels better when you get things off your chest. Besides, I think my life is even worse than yours.

Stan contemplated the offer for a moment before shrugging. What could it hurt?

Alright then. I'm in love with my best friend.

He slid his pawn over to take the rook.

That doesn't sound so bad.

Oh yeah? I'm a guy. My best friend is a guy. And he's Jewish! Plus, he's like, way smarter than me and I'm just average. He's a great guy but way out of my league. I wouldn't have a chance.

There was long pause, during which the game took a turn for the worse for Stan. His queen was overtaken as were many of his pawns until the only pieces he had left were two pawns, one rook, and his king.

Still not so bad. I'm Jewish too, and believe it or not, I'm in love with my best friend. My mom is super supportive as is my dad, but my friend…he's gone out with the prettiest girls in our grade. He's doesn't bat for the same team I do. Don't belittle yourself, though. Who knows, he might be into you, you just wouldn't know it.

Stan widened his eyes in disbelief.

Well, just because he's gone out with girls doesn't mean he doesn't go for guys. I mean, I've dated what all the other guys in my class classify as "Hot," and "Sexy," but I never really liked them. I only dated them because it would have been weird if I hadn't. I wouldn't want to scare off my friend. I'd be really upset if he blew me off just because I felt the way I do.

I know the feeling. Perhaps it's fate we met today. I feel lots better now that we've talked.

I do too. Thanks for the advice.

What's the name of the guy you like? Just wondering.

His name is Kyle. He's brilliant. My name is Stan by the way. Stan Marsh.

Suddenly, he saw the other person log off. Stan scowled. Jerk. Just getting up and leaving like that. After all that, and the other person just blew him off in the end. Of course, he could have just been bumped off or something, but Stan preferred to be mad at the moment. He had never gotten a chance to get his name. Or finish the chess game! Not that he was winning, but just leaving a game like that was rude.

He was swiveling around in his chair when all of a sudden, the door burst open and Kyle rushed into his room, waving a stack of papers in the air.

Stan raised his eyebrows. "What? Did you finish your book and write an essay about it? Was it really that good?" He snickered when Kyle glared at him.

The boy was panting. "No! I…ran…all the way…here!" He thrust the papers into Stan's hand. "Happy!" he gasped.

Stan placed the papers on the desk and leaned forward towards his friend. "Are you okay? Do you need a bag or something? You look like you're about to pass out. And you know you've got that disease or whatever…"

"No!" Kyle breathed in deeply. "I finished my book an hour ago!" He smiled brightly.

"I've got to read this book if you ran all the way here to tell me about it," Stan teased, leaning back in his chair.

Kyle shook his head. "No! I got on the internet to play chess!" He grabbed the papers and pushed them towards Stan. "I started talking to this guy, who was telling me all his problems about how he was in love with his best friend."

Stan blushed as he read the papers. "Oh my gosh. That was you?!" He suddenly wanted to jump out his window, or bury himself, or something like that. He laughed nervously. "I was…I was just kidding. Or high. Some acid, you know?"

Kyle glared as he bent down so he and Stan were nose to nose. His piercing gaze was enough to make Stan's heart stop for a moment.

And suddenly, he felt a pair of lips against his own, but only for a second. They were gone way too fast for his opinion.

"Okay, then. Just wondering, you know." Kyle said as he straightened himself and headed for the door.

Stan laughed shakily, wondering if he had imagined the kiss. "Okay then," he said with a noncommittal wave.

Kyle glared and rounded back on the boy. "Are you really this stupid?" The Jewish boy could hardly take it anymore. He grabbed the front of Stan's shirt and pulled him up, crashing their lips together painfully, tugging on the other boy's hair, eliciting a gasp from the other. When his mouth opened, Kyle shoved his tongue inside, entwining their tongues together sensually.

When they separated, Kyle was glaring heatedly. "You are so retarded! Were you not listening to my side of the conversation on the internet! I'm in love with you!"

Stan blushed and looked away. "I thought you had another best friend…"

Kyle sighed and dropped to the floor. "Stupid. Why did I fall in love with you, exactly?" He rolled his eyes when Stan looked at him nervously. "Well, that kiss was way too heated. I'm hard now, and I've got no one to take care of it for me."

He looked away, pretending to be mad as Stan examined him. Sure enough, the Jewish boy was hard.

Stan made his way over to the other boy, smirking as Kyle's lips twitched slightly. He couldn't keep a straight face for long.

"I'm sure I could lend a hand…or mouth…or whatever you need, to take care of that little problem."

Kyle smirked as he turned back to his friend. "Didn't your mother ever tell you to be careful who you chat with on the computer? Look at you, already offering yourself up to me."

Stan laughed. "It's a good thing I didn't listen, if I do say so myself."

The End

---

Honestly. This story is…weird. I don't even know where it came from. Fay just thought it was cute and since she loves South Park-even though she always complains about how it makes her lose what little brain cells she has-she forced me to post. So…sucks. Review and give your thoughts on my writing please.

Oh, and Fay wants me to tell everyone that I will be posting some of her stories soon so all her fans can keep an eye out for me when I continue her stories. And she also says she loves you guys. Hehe.

PEACE AND LOVE (As Fay would say.)