Disclaimer:: I do not own Bleach.
Hell, I'm not even old enough to be able to buy my own bleach. Lol.
Sorry, that was corny.
Well, this is going to be an... interesting story.
Another one of mine that's very angsty.
Might change later on.
I was writing this, and then thought, hey! Why not make this an on-going story?
It's already longer then most of my one shots.
So, that's what I'm going to do! Hope you keep reading!
Also, I won't be making chapter 2 for a couple of days probably, maybe a week.
On this one, and Memory's Shadow.
It's because I'm on Vol. 38 out of 42 that's on mangafox.
And, I want to actually know what happens after the fight before I add more details.
Sorry!!
I screamed. I drank. I threw things. I cursed. I was emotional.
I've never really been one for screaming, I hate the sound of it. I remember that when I was still a human, whenever someone would be in a screaming fight with someone, it didn't matter who the two were, I would start to cry.
I've always hated the smell of anything used to get yourself drunk or tipsy, let alone the taste of it. It reminded me of piss, to be completely honest. I would always politely refuse when Rangiku would ask me to come drinking with her.
I've always liked the thought of breaking things, to throw something against the wall, and watch the pieces shatter and spread across the ground. Though I liked the idea, I've never actually done it.
I will say that I've always cursed, even when I was glared at for doing so. Although, I didn't use five curse words in one sentence, I hated it when people did that. The sound of cussing just to cuss has always irritated me; it still does.
I'm the of girl that will look at a girl with a tear streaked face, who's yelling after her boyfriend not to go, and smile. I would smile, not to make her feel better, but to mock her. I've never been able to stand insecure girls.
But none of that matters now. It doesn't matter who I used to be; this is who I am now.
This is how I became when he left me.
"Kairi! Calm down, please!" Rangiku screamed at me, begging me to calm down. If I didn't, they would keep me locked up here; I was fully aware of that.
I just couldn't build up the courage to stop.
To stop screaming, banging my hands against the stone walls until they bled, using every cuss word that I knew of, twice.
And after I finished, I would just start again.
It's been like this for a while now.
At first, I was very quiet. I stayed like that for a couple of months. I stopped going on missions, ignored the threats of Izuru. He'd put my rank back down. He'd tell the other captains. The other captains already knew, everyone did. And I didn't care about ranks, not anymore.
I used to hate Izuru. I guess in a way, I still do. I had been placed in the 3rd Squad, a ranking officer, as soon as I graduated the Academy. I was so happy back then. But then I met him, my Captain. Ichimaru Gin.
At first, I hated him too. His smile, his creepy voice, his narcissistic ways, even the fact that I had to crane my neck to look him in the face. So I avoided him, keeping my training to myself. I wanted to be stronger. I was only in the 12th seat, I needed to be higher than that.
Then there was this one night, when I was practicing. He caught me by surprise, and I whipped around, ashamed that I hadn't noticed his reitsu. Gin just chuckled, his grin never fading.
''Tis okay, Kairi-chan. Just wanted 'ta see what 'ya were up to, is all.' He walked closer to me, and I had to stop myself from backing away; it was disrespectful. I didn't like the man, but I still respected him.
Gin looked down at my zanpakuto, which was still out and in my hand. I quickly sheathed it, not wanting to be carrying an un-sheathed weapon around my captain.
'You trainin'?' His head tilted over to the trees, which had multiple gashes in the trunks.
I kept myself from saying, 'Duh, that's pretty obvious, wouldn't you think, Captain?'
Instead, I ducked my head down. 'Yes, Captain Ichimaru.'
A moment went by, and when I looked up once more, I was surprised to see that the man didn't have on his usual grin. His face actually looked serious, for once.
'Show me.'
And so I did.
I made sure to be quiet, and hid my reitsu. Why they had just sent one fourth squad member to give me food tonight, I didn't know. I didn't know much of anything these days. The past couple of weeks, I'd been locked up in a cell, for my own good apparently.
But I had something I needed to do.
Ever since I had seen him again, I set my mind to killing him. I made it my mission. And I planned on going through with it.
If it wasn't for the fact that everyone thought I was insane, I'd be a Captain myself by now. After that night when I trained with Gin, and learned not to hate him anymore, I quickly went up the ranks in Squad Three. I wanted to be the 2nd seat.
Of course, Izuru would always be in that spot. That was why I hated him so, he had to have the only thing that would make me happy. To work directly under my captain. To fight along side my captain. To die for my captain.
To be with the man I loved.
I stopped, frozen with fear.
Aizen was attacking Karakura town, which was a fake. I had been one of the officers chosen to fight for everyone's life. I usually turned down missions, but something told me to accept this one. I shouldn't have.
'Kairi! Focus, please!' Rangiku had become a good friend to me over the years. She pushed me now, trying to get me to look away from the man I loved. From the man she loved. I always knew she felt about him the same way I did, but we decided not to talk about it, to avoid the subject. Neither of us could have him now. For only about a week, she sulked, then started back on her usual ways. She didn't love him as much as I did.
Aizen's gaze turned over to me, where I was still frozen, my eyes wide and shiny with un-shed tears. 'Ahh, look who it is, Gin. Wasn't this your 3rd Seat? What was her name again...?' For a moment, it actually seemed like Aizen really had forgotten my name. Him and I were good friends too, when he still played the nice role in the story.
Gin followed his leader's eyes, which lead to mine. To my surprise -many things surprised me about him. He'd gotten taller, his hair was a little longer. He wore a white robe over his Shinigami's outfit- his eyes were open, just a sliver. He glared over at Aizen for a moment, before looking at me, his face growing a little softer. I hadn't expected that, either.
'Asaka, Kairi.' When that impacted, I really thought I was going to explode in a sea of tears. Never, never has he ever called me Asaka, nor Kairi without the -chan at the end. He knew how I felt. He knew what he'd done to me, it was obvious in his red eyes.
It was at that moment, that I was hit, full on.
I wouldn't be able to fight. Not anyone. Especially not him.
And if I did, I would get everyone here killed by not being able to protect them from the one thing I couldn't fight against.
Right in middle of the battle field, with everyone watching the un-pleasant exchange, with him watching, I dropped to my knees, still hovering in the air.
And I started to weep.
That day changed my life. So here I was, on my way to kill the very man I had cried in front of. The man my best friend used to love. The man who still held my heart tightly in his cold hands.