In A Moment of Weakness. a Skip Beat! fic. All standard disclaimers apply.

The feeling of losing control. He could feel it. Like sand slipping through his fingers. All his hard work, the painstaking rigidity with which he had kept watch over every little thing he allowed himself to feel, say and do...everything, EVERYTHING was slowly slipping away, and turning into...nothing.

Everytime she looked at him - just him - and smiled. Everytime she called him for every little thing that seemed to bother her. Everytime she looked happy, angry, or especially scared, the desire to give in to his emotions became too great, that it took every last drop of his will, just to stop.

Stop himself from reaching out and pulling her in.

He knows she isn't ready...that it would be a long time before they ever even got into the vicinity of a romantic relationship, but he couldn't help it.

He had realized his feelings for her much too late to keep her at arms length.

He hadn't even noticed that whole part about falling in love.

He had found himself already at the bottom of the damn cliff, bleeding and broken.

There was nowhere to catch a grip to climb back up.

Like a poison, it had spread fatally, that it would be impossible to bleed it out. There would be no antidote to cure it.

And yet...while a part of him dies, he realizes that a part of him is also becoming more alive.

It is painful...and yet it also has moments of pure bliss.

It is bittersweet.

It is both what brings out the real gentleness in him...and the vicious beast he has so carefully guarded.

And this loss of control...while some part of it feels like a release, he is also afraid that, in a moment of weakness, he just might break her.

That his desire would pull her in, unwilling at first, eventually giving in, only to feel shame and spite in the aftermath.

That his jealousy would hurt, even kill others, for daring to tread too close to her. Even hurt her, by accident. Physically, emotionally.

That he would end up locking her in a cage, instead of giving her the freedom she had just found and had begun to enjoy.

And it is these things that scare him. Scare him to the point that he treads too lightly, when he should fight.

He knows the face of the monster inside him too well, and she is too important to him, for him to even sacrifice one iota of what shaky control he has left.

And so, he watches. And waits. And remains ever more vigilant. Only to find that even the littlest action from her, would turn all his good intentions to dust, without even an afterthought.

In truth, he is only counting the weeks...the days...the hours...the minutes...until it happens.

Until a the catalyst would set him off, for better or for worse.

It is this reason why he cherishes every single moment, and is happy by the slightest progress, or the smallests thing they share.

Because there lies always the possibility that, in a blink of an eye, it would all end.

All because of a weak moment, when his control will slip. And he is unable to turn things back.