Set after Lady Knight. Kel stops of at Mastiff on the way back from Raoul and Buri's wedding, and finds her feelings for a certain knight have begun to change.

Written for the Peculiar Pairings Ficathon at fiefgoldenlake dot proboards dot com, the best new Tamora Pierce forum for discussion, fanart, and especially fanfiction and competitions!

Unresolved, Unrestrained

"I suppose you've heard the news, Mindelan."

Kel looked away from the window in Lord Wyldon's study at Fort Mastiff. She had returned from the capital only a day ago, and had stopped at Mastiff on the way home to New Hope. The temperature was dropping, clouds were rushing in: any day now, there would be snow. She really did not fancy riding home in such weather.

"Yessir, I heard from Owen himself only yesterday," she answered.

"They're to be married," he went on as if he hadn't heard her, "as soon as spring arrives. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it, though I knew it would happen someday."

Kel frowned. "But you've given your blessing, haven't you? I myself think it's a good thing, though they are a little young."

Her old training master turned to look at her. He was older than she remembered, not only in appearance. "Of course I approve of the match. I've watched it happen, in front of my very eyes, but that doesn't mean I'm not surprised."

"Surprised?"

Wyldon sighed, and moved to sit down at his desk, "I've known the lad for years, watched him grow up, become a fine young man. But I never realised how serious it was for them. Margarry is young," he said, "and first love rarely has a happy ending."

Kel was silent. Owen and Margarry were young, and it was most likely the first time either of them had experienced anything like love. But did that mean it would be a mistake for them to marry? Would their relationship last, despite all the hardships that were laid out ahead of them?

She opened her mouth to ask him if that was what he thought about the situation, but stopped when she saw the look on his face. He was expecting questions, and no doubt dreading them. If she spoke aloud his thoughts, his fears for his daughter's marriage, they couldn't be taken back. He wanted the best for Owen and Margarry, despite his apprehensions.

Kel rose from her seat with a sigh. "I'm sure they'll be fine. Owen does have some commonsense, and Margarry's a smart girl."

*

The mess hall was noisy the next night; the patrols were going well, there was no sign of any Scanrans, and the fort was in working order. Men were packed shoulder to shoulder at each table, spooning down chunky beef stew and talking over each other. It was a change to the mess hall at New Hope, but Kel liked the busy atmosphere. She was used to being around males thanks to her years of training, and sometimes when she was at New Hope she silently wished to be away from the womenfolk and their ways. Men were simpler to deal with, and she was comfortable around them.

Sitting herself down at the Officer's table, Kel's eyes roamed across the hall, looking for a familiar face. She didn't mind sitting by herself, or sitting with people she didn't know, but a familiar face was always comforting to have around.

"Mindelan."

She almost jumped out of her seat, and spilt some stew down the front of her tunic. Turning to scowl at the newcomer—after so many years, she could easily recognise that voice—she was slightly put out when he raised an eyebrow in what she assumed was amusement. Lord Wyldon sat himself down next to her with a grace she would never master except during combat. She used a napkin to try and wipe the stew from her tunic.

"I do hope you haven't forgotten your training already Keladry; it would be a shame for you to be killed in battle because you didn't hear a crippled old man sneak up behind you."

"Don't be silly, my Lord, you're not crippled," she retorted.

Wyldon's mouth twisted up at the corner. Was he laughing? Kel wondered. During her time at the palace she had always assumed that the training master had hated her. Things had definitely changed since she had won her shield, she thought wryly. Sometimes she would accidentally say something to Lord Wyldon as if she were talking to Neal, and he wouldn't bat an eyelash. It was difficult to admit after he had put her on probation, but they got on quite well. And what was more, she actually enjoyed his company!

Kel shook her head at herself, putting her napkin back on the table with a resigned sigh.

Lord Wyldon was already eating, scooping each spoonful of stew into his mouth in the same steady rhythm. They ate in silence for a long while, until one of Mastiff's captains came and sat across from them to talk to Wyldon about something. Kel finished her meal and took her bowl back to the servers, before heading to her room. She had packing to do.

*

A messenger knocked on her door early the next morning saying that Lord Wyldon wished to see her in his study. Kel followed the boy along the cold stone corridor with a feeling of uncertainty. Sometimes when she reported to Lord Wyldon, as she was required to do as the commander of New Hope, she felt like she was a page in the palace once more; standing in front of the training master and telling him she had simply fallen down. You'd think I'd be used to it after all these years, she thought unhappily.

Lord Wyldon was looking through the window when they arrived at his room, hands clasped behind his back. He dismissed the messenger with a wave of his hand.

Kel waited, not sure if he wanted her to say something. Finally, he turned away from the window.

"I understand you're leaving for New Hope soon," he said in his usual clipped manner.

"Yessir," she replied, "I was intending on leaving this morning, actually, before it snows."

He nodded. Kel cleared her throat, feeling awkward.

"Well," he said, "Make sure to write if you require any more supplies. Give my regards to Sir Merric."

He turned back to the window, which Kel took as her cue to leave.

*

A soft film of snow began to fall just as New Hope came into Kel's sight. The short journey from Mastiff had been lonesome, despite her love of solitude, and she was looking forward to seeing her friends again. From the distance she could see the people who were on duty on the wall. One waved at her and hurried out of sight. A few others waved as well. She couldn't help but smile.

While she unpacked, people came and went; wanting to either tell her news of what had passed in her absence or ask her things, mostly about how Neal was doing. Kel answered as best she could and made sure to listen, smile, and nod in the appropriate places. Even when she had unpacked all of her things and Merric had told everyone to let her rest, she didn't feel quite settled. Looking around her room, something felt different. At first she thought it was Neal's absence—for so long they had been together, and now he wouldn't return for weeks or maybe longer—but even after she had decided that was the cause of her discomfort, something felt odd. Wrong.

Kel hoped the feeling would go away, she really did. A small, nasty corner of her mind whispered that maybe Raoul and Buri's wedding had made her lonely, but that was ridiculous. She was glad to be home—which was what she considered New Hope to be, her home—but it wasn't...she refused to finish the thought. Once she had a good night's sleep, everything would be back to normal.

Over the next few days, Kel went over all of the records that had been kept in her and Sir Nealan's absence, making a list of what supplies would be needed to see them through the winter. The chilled air promised a difficult time for them during the next few months, not to mention the slow and steady snowfall that had begun. At dinner that night, Merric and his men filled her in on the roster changes and patrols. The kitchen staff had begun cooking more warm, hearty meals at the first signs of winter's arrival. Kel thanked the gods for her people and their talents as she sipped cinnamon tea in her small study later in the evening. She had meant to write to Lord Wyldon on the night of her arrival, but had later decided that it was unnecessary; surely any news she had for him could be kept for her letter requesting supplies. There was no need to waste paper just to inform him that all was well.

After she had finished the letter, she checked it and checked it again, careful to ensure that she had not left anything off the list or asked for too much that would result in waste. Satisfied, she went to bed, reminding herself to give the letter to a courier in the morning.

Weeks passed without any significant occurrences, although every day brought a new layer of snow. It did, Kel admitted to herself, look rather wonderful. Though Merric and those on guard duty complained of the glare from it, nothing could shake Kel from her good mood. She had received a letter from Lord Wyldon a few days after hers had been sent, and they had maintained a solid correspondence since. Every week, she received a letter from him, and all he had to say made her good mood brighter; first, it had been the news that Owen and Margarry had set a date for their wedding, and that Wyldon's opinion on the match was improving the more he saw them together. That news made Kel smile. The second piece of information had her grinning from ear to ear: Sir Nealan had arrived at Mastiff, and would return to New Hope in a week. She could just imagine Neal and Wyldon's conversations. The training master had never put up with Neal's witty humour or cheek, but now that they were practically colleagues Lord Wyldon always had a clever retort at hand when conversing with her friend. The first time that Wyldon had replied to one of Neal's taunts, Kel had to hold back a burst of laughter, while Neal almost fell from his horse. Kel grinned now, just remembering it.

"In a good mood today are we, lady knight?" Kel came to with a start; she had forgotten where she was, she had been so caught up in her memories.

She turned to the guard with a smile, "Yes. Yes, I am." She didn't see the guard shake his head, a bewildered expression on his face, as she turned her back and moved further along the wall, still smiling to herself.

*

By next week, Kel was jumpy with excitement. Neal could arrive any moment now. All of New Hope had picked up on her growing excitement, though she tried to hide it. She was the commanding officer, after all.

It was late afternoon when a guard on the wall called down to her that there was a rider in the distance. The sun had begun it's descent, making the snow-covered ground surrounding the camp a delicate pink colour in the afternoon light.

Neal had a big welcome as he entered the camp. He was accompanied by some men from Mastiff and two large wagons of supplies. He had barely gotten off his horse before people were grabbing him and asking him questions. Kel decided she had better rescue him, so she pushed carefully through the crowd and practically dragged him to his room. He fell on his bed with a groan, rubbing his face in his hands. Kel sat in his desk chair, pulling it closer to his bed.

"Urgh," he said. Kel interpreted that as 'why thank you Kel, I'm so happy to see you'.

"Well?" she asked, leaning back and crossing her arms, "How are you holding up? How's Yuki?"

Neal pulled himself up into a sitting position. "Yuki's marvellous. I feel like I've been riding for a year."

"Do go on."

Neal sighed. "After the wedding, Yuki dragged me off for some 'alone time', or so she called it. I swear, weddings make people get all excited and sappy. I hardly had a chance to go see my family, Yuki had her delicate little claws in me the whole time."

Kel raised an eyebrow at his words. Normally her friend was all poetry and romance.

"Don't give me that look, I did miss her," he said quietly, "and it was, just, unbelievable to spend every day with her, but...I don't know. Sometimes it's good to be away from someone, so you can miss them. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that," he waved a lazy hand.

She left him to get some sleep after he had filled her in on her former knightmaster's state of marital bliss. But later that night as she was lying in bed, watching the shadows around her room, Neal's words came back and carried her off to sleep.

*

Neal managed to drag himself to breakfast the next morning, though it looked to Kel as though he was still half asleep. She knew he would be back to his old cheerful self after a good breakfast, but she still couldn't help but feel irritated at him.

"Oh," he mumbled, dropping his spoon on the table and rummaging through his coat, "Meant to give this to you yesterday, but I was so damned tired..."

And there it was, crumpled and messy, perched on the end of his long fingers. A letter. Something in her chest gave a jolt at the sight of it, and at Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan scrawled across the front of it in a neat, slanted hand.

Kel reached across the table to grab it, but at the last moment Neal pulled it back from her. He suddenly looked very awake.

"Oho!" he said. "Expecting anything interesting?"

Kel kept her face smooth, pushing back the annoyance that was creeping up inside of her. "Just a reply to my report," she said, reaching out for the letter again. Neal held it back above his head.

"I saw it," he said.

"Saw what?" she asked.

"There was a glint. A glint in your eyes when I showed it to you."

Kel snorted.

"There was!" he insisted. "When I pulled out the letter you got all excited and..." His eyes grew wide.

"What?" she asked nervously.

Neal leaned in close across the table, careful to keep the suspect letter out of her reach.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Are you going somewhere? Is there news of Scanra? You're excited about something in this letter, what's happening?" he whispered.

Kel leaned back with a sigh. "Nothing is happening. I promise!" she added when he looked at her suspiciously, "Now can I have my letter?"

He handed it over slowly, and she tucked it into the pocket of her breeches. He was still watching her when she picked up her spoon.

"What?" she said, annoyed.

"Don't you want to know who it's from?" he asked her, picking up his own spoon again.

"I know who it's from," she replied. Her porridge had gotten cold, she realised forlornly.

"It's from the Stump."

Kel frowned. "I know it is, I just said so, didn't I?"

Neal shrugged and returned to his porridge. After a moment's silence, he went on:

"Why are you so excited about a letter from the Stump?"

Kel scraped her porridge out loudly, the sound of the spoon against the bowl making a loud sound that rang out across the mess hall. Neal watched as she finished her porridge, got up from her bench, and walked across to return her bowl. On her way out, she came back by his table.

"I am not excited," she whispered.

As she left the mess hall, Neal went back to his porridge. He didn't bother wondering whether her tone had been more angry or annoyed. He would find out what was going on soon enough.

Winter dragged on, like a relative that didn't want to leave. The days got colder, the nights longer. Kel wrote a report every week, and continued receiving a letter a few days after.

Everyone at New Hope went about their business as normal, even Neal, though sometimes Kel would find him looking at her across the yard or during mealtimes. One week, a number of letters came with the courier; Neal, Merric, and Kel had received their invitations for Owen and Margarry's wedding. Neal and Merric still couldn't believe that Owen was getting married, let alone to Lord Wyldon's daughter. Kel secretly thought that it made them feel old, though she didn't say anything. She was happy for Owen: he was a true friend. Every time she passed by the invitation sitting on her desk, she couldn't resist opening it and reading the date. Each day, the date got closer and closer, until finally it was time for the three of them to leave New Hope.

*

Kel wasn't sure how long it had been, but Neal and Merric had been arguing for quite a long time. Something about all the women at New Hope that Merric flirted with. Kel had tried blocking them out and admiring the scenery, but they squabbled like a pair of old washerwomen. And she told them so.

"I am wounded," Neal replied, holding a hand to his heart. Merric rolled his eyes. Kel felt like joining in. Maybe absence did make the heart grow fonder. Neal babbled on about something or other until Merric leaned across and tried to push him from the saddle. The two men started to tussle, their horses keeping to the road thanks to their own commonsense. Kel wished she had the patience of a horse.

The three of them were more or less composed when Fort Mastiff came into view. Owen and Margarry had decided to have their wedding there rather than at Cavall, for it was easier for most of the guests to get there, and Margarry had become rather fond of a spot surrounded by wildflowers a few yards from the outer wall.

For what reason Kel couldn't imagine, she began to feel nervous as the three of them rode up to Mastiff. It felt as if there were little birds hopping around in her stomach. Neal and Merric payed no notice to her, for her sudden onset of nerves wasn't at all noticeable.

As they reached the outer gate, Neal looked across at his friend. Kel was sitting straight in her saddle—nothing strange about that—but her eyes were flicking quickly from side to side, searching the crowd, as if she were looking for someone. Some men came and took their horses, and as Kel dismounted she found that her palms were sweaty from holding the reins. They were ushered towards mess hall through the throng of people; Mastiff was twice as busy as usual because of the wedding. Decorations were being hung everywhere imaginable, and a wondrous smell was wafting from the kitchen.

They were almost to the mess when Kel got a feeling that someone was watching her. It crept up her back, between her shoulder blades, and made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. She knew who it was without turning around. Her stomach tightened as if a fist had clenched around her insides, and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. Neal and Merric were somewhere ahead of her in the crowd. She had almost reached the mess hall. As she was about to enter the building the temptation overtook her. She turned to look over her shoulder. His eyes found her hazel ones immediately, like an arrow headed straight for the centre of the target. It felt like they stared at each other for an age, but a minute later she was hustled into the mess hall and managed to find her seat next to Neal. He looked at her oddly for a moment.

Then she remembered to breathe.

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