The Heartache's on Me

A Sue Thomas FBEye Fanfic

By: Amanda Croft

Spoilers: very, very vague.

Song: Tonight the Heartache's on Me

By: Dixie Chicks

Summary:

She sat resolutely still, swallowing shot after shot of the clear liquor; her eyes glued to the 'perfect' couple. Tomorrow her head would be killing her and she would regret not walking out the second they had turned away from the door, but for now she was content to wallow in her misery just a little longer. Slightly AU or future song fic. Ally tries to drink away her heartache when she sees Jack and Sue together at a local DC bar.

Disclaimer: I own neither the song nor anything recognizable from the show.

A conference had brought her back to D.C. against her better judgment. Years ago, or even months ago, the trip would have been something to look forward to. It would have meant another go with Jack – even if only a brief one. But she had realized the last time that she was here that the proverbial door on that had been closed. In fact, that was part of the reason she had left the last time. Sure, she had had him physically but not emotionally or mentally. She had been the one to take care of the man while he was recuperating from his heart attack, but she hadn't been the one he wanted there. She knew that while they had been together, he had never been unfaithful to her – he just wasn't that kind of guy, but that didn't mean he had really been in the relationship with her either. The truth was that she had lost him the day that his 'friend from work' had come into his life. That was easy enough to see. Jack was smitten with this Sue woman and Ally was sure that he didn't even know it. He had no idea how much he talked about her. No matter how the conversation started out, it would somehow work around to a reference to her and eventually it got to the point that Ally just couldn't stand it. So she had left and promised herself that she was done with that chapter of her life for the sake of everyone involved.

You could've heard a pin drop –

When they walked through the door

I had to turn my eyes away

My heart fell to the floor

But here she was in a bar in D.C. with a few colleagues. She had foolishly thought that she was safe here. It wasn't one of the usual haunts for him or his friends. But she was wrong. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack Hudson walking in with a laughing Sue Thomas. She cursed internally and tried to divert her eyes. She could swear that the entire place suddenly stopped and the world around her instantly turned silent except for the sound of their mingled laughter, but that was probably just her imagination. Right? Despite her best efforts, she couldn't not watch them. It was like her eyes were inexplicably drawn to her former boyfriend and his newest love interest. They looked so happy and lost in their own world, and the dark haired woman felt her heart slip to the floor.

Someone whispered "Where's her halo?"

'Cause she had an angel's face

He stood there smiling, holding on

To the one who took my place

One of the people she was with noticed her watching the couple and asked her about them innocently. They made some maddening comment about the beautiful couple and how the woman was stunning. She only heard a few words through the pounding of her heart in her ears. This was pure torture. Apparently her face betrayed her warring emotions because the person stopped talking abruptly and gave her an apologetic look.

The worst part about the whole thing was that she really couldn't hate Sue. Heck, it was practically impossible to even not like her. She was genuine and sweet and generous and honest and had a heart the size of New York. Maybe that's what made it so hard. If she could just hate this woman that Jack was hanging onto so possessively, maybe it would take away some of the sting. Maybe then she could be bitter and blame her for 'stealing' Jack away. But try as she might, she couldn't really muster up bitterness towards either of them. It really wasn't her fault that she was an 'angel on earth'. And it was hard to blame a man for falling head over heels for a woman like that. "You saw it coming from the start anyway" she reminded herself. "You saw them holding hands and staring into each other's eyes in the hospital. You were a fool to think you even had a chance."

So tonight the heartache's on me, on me

Let's drink a toast to the fool who couldn't see

Bartender pour the wine 'cause the hurtin's all mine

Tonight the heartache's on me

Suddenly she felt the need for something stronger than the cocktail she was drinking. Turning abruptly to the bar she ordered a shot of vodka. It seemed that she would just have to drown this heartache tonight. And fruity little drinks were not going to get her there fast enough. As the shot glass was placed in front of her, she silently toasted herself for being such a fool. Because only a fool would have been unable to see what she was in for. With only the slightest grimace she downed what was to be the first of many shots that night. She focused on the burn of the alcohol in her throat as opposed to the burn in her chest from the wound that was apparently not quite as healed as she had thought.

I wonder if he told her

She's the best he's ever known

The way he told me every night

When we were all alone

Three shots in she noticed them move to the dance floor and had to fight her gag reflex. By now she was buzzed enough to find the bitterness she had failed to conjure earlier but still not drunk enough to feel numb. Watching them dance she saw Jack lean in and whisper something in the blonde's ear. Whatever he had said earned him a light smack which he returned with a smirk. Idly Ally wondered if he had told her that she was the best. Downing another shot she scoffed at the idea. When they had been together, he had been full of praise for her. At the time, it had made her feel like the most cherished person in the world. Now, the thought of him showering that praise on his newest flame was far more bitter than lime she was sucking on.

She'll find out when the new wears off

He'll find somebody new

She'll learn what heartache's all about

And what I'm going through

A smile crossed the woman's face as a dark thought flitted through her head. "One of these days" she told herself, "Sue is gonna be where I am watching him with someone else." The thought brought a kind of perverse joy. Jack Hudson was a great man, incredibly sweet and doting. He wasn't a womanizer, but he wasn't the type to really settle down either. Through her alcohol induced haze, Ally searched for the term that was on the tip of her tongue. "Serial … momn … monog … monogamist!" Jack loved to be in a relationship, but he didn't want to get too deep or too attached. Sure he had long lasting relationships, but he never really let himself give his heart fully to the other person.

But tonight the heartache's on me, on me, yeah

Let's drink a toast to the fool who couldn't see

Bartender pour the wine 'cause the hurtin's all mine

Tonight the heartache's on me

The next drink found the fuzzy voice inside her head laughing at her. She was in pain, yes, and she was lashing out – projecting. While it was true that Jack had never really trusted her with his heart, though they had known each other practically their whole lives, that niggling little voice taunted her with the fact that he had given it to Sue Thomas. As much as it hurt to admit, Sue honestly held his heart and had for a long time. All she had to do was look at the obliviously happy couple to see the love they shared. They were completely comfortable with each other in a way that Ally and Jack never had been. The fact that he was willing to be open and vulnerable with Sue and not Ally, even when he was still technically in a relationship with the latter, was proof enough of that fact. Turning resolutely back to the bar, Ally signaled for yet another shot. What was this her fifth? Sixth? It didn't really matter – she wasn't numb enough yet.

But tonight the heartache's on me, on me, yeah

Let's drink a toast to the fool who couldn't see

Bartender pour the wine 'cause the hurtin's all mine

Tonight the heartache's on me

At some point, one of the people in her group had asked what was wrong and another had attempted to get her on the dance floor to distract her, but she couldn't move for several reasons. First, if she did she risked being spotted by Jack or Sue and she didn't think she could handle them being friendly towards her or worse yet ignoring her outright. Second, she had a perfect view from here and the proximity to the alcohol wasn't bad either. Third, while she had yet to reach the numbness she so desperately was seeking, she wasn't sure she could actually stand, let alone walk and dance. So she sat resolutely still, swallowing shot after shot of the clear liquor; her eyes glued to the 'perfect' couple. Tomorrow her head would be killing her and she would regret not walking out the second they had turned away from the door, but for now she was content to wallow in her misery just a little longer.

Yes, tonight the heartache's on me

Author's Note: Thanks to those of you who have pointed out that Jack whispering something in Sue's ear doesn't really work, I will admit I wasn't thinking when I wrote that, but I think it could still work. Like if she asked him something and he purposely decided to answer out of her line of sight - she would know he said something by feeling his breath on her ear - and I can see her slapping him for something like that. I don't know - maybe it doesn't really work and you can just chalk it up to a brain fart. Either way, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.