Apologies to those who were waiting for the looong wait. And it's no epic reward either, I'm afraid. Next chapter should follow sooner, though I do want to go to the library first...

Thanks to and Mrs. Moth for reading and saying nice things! The Missusses...

In my fanfic life, Hunterhunting's Tattward and Inkella DID IT! Woo!

So did 's poor E and B.

AND E and B finally napped together in The Woods are Lovely Dark and Deep, and Bananapancakes has the best author experience detailed in her A/N.

I read theladyingrey42's Vanilla and Chrome story and felt moved to never write anything again. Too good!

I am loving Emancipation Proclamation. Loving it.

Disclaimer: All characters resolutely belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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It was Saturday, and the sun was filtering through the early morning, no obstacle today. Leaving Naia to frolic with Jake in the sunshine, they left for the meadow. Bella's arms sealed around Edward's shoulders as they he ran, biting small kisses up and down the back of his neck, lips brushing the soft hairs there.

Bella sat in the long grass, looking at sections of Edward's skin in small increments. Fingers. The shift and play of the light as he absently pressed chords into the grass. The small movements of his wrists. The exquisite perfection of the hollows above his collar bones. Like fine china receptacles for nectar, she thought, as words filtered past her. Clavicle. Arpeggio. Clavichord? Distractions from the beauty that she sometimes found painful to look at.

She realised Edward was watching her as she looked at him. She could meet his eyes easily, but his silent question was more difficult.

'Bella?'

She scratched again at an insect bite on her arm, hissing at the itch. Edward gently reached out and pressed his fingertip to the angry red bump.

'Thank you.' She pulled her arm back, and ran her finger over the chilled place. She stood up with an angry sigh and walked away a little. Edward didn't say her name again but she could feel his eyes on her. Bella tensed, resenting the frustrating inevitability of the conversation that was coming, and tried to tamp down the anger, the hurt and the impotence she felt.

She looked over. Edward had become unnaturally still, his eyes were fixed on her, and cautious. She read in his forced immobility his need to touch her, to reassure and fix.

She sat again, defeated before she'd started.

'Edward? What do I feel about your refusal to change me?'

He looked at her, quizzical at her phrasing of the question.

'You feel...'

'No, Edward, tell me, in my words, be me for a minute.'

He closed his eyes for a second.

'I feel frustrated. I am afraid of ageing, of losing my beauty. I want the strength and grace I see in the vampires. I want to feel equal with you. I feel tired of being protected, I think I am putting my friends at risk, and I don't understand their commitment to me. I don't see myself... as who I really am,' his mouth curled up at one corner, 'And it's hard to value mortality when you're eighteen, and there is no life after thirty.'

Bella hugged her knees, and rested her head on them, rolling it from side to side. How to reject condescension from a centenarian?

'What is so idyllic about this body that swells, and bleeds and ages? You talk about loving me unchangingly throughout my lifetime. Well, what if I get hit by a van tomorrow and you're not there to be my superhero? Would you watch me rot with cancer, praising my beauty and bravery the while?

'I want to be with you. Really be. Not be babysat, and handled like porcelain. Yes, I want some equality. Yes, it is sometimes baffling that you are so much more than me. Your vision of humanity seems idealised and romanticised to me. Where would the beauty be in me bleeding to death in the street, with crushed bones and burst organs? Humanity is an itchy, gooey, breeding mess, and you know better than I do the frailty and ugliness of people's minds.'

She scratched distractedly again at the swelling bump on her arm, the blood that rose to the surface underlining her point.

She touched his face.

'I know, what you love in me,' she whispered. 'The beat of my heart, the comfort of my sleeping, my dreams. I know I am soft, and warm, and pure for you. But it's not my humanness that has saved you. It's us.'

He ducked his head, unable to form a rejoinder. There was no way to counter that assertion, was there? And he was grateful, so grateful. He gave her eyes, and nodded.

'Edward, can I ask you...' she hesitated, uncertain as to how he'd take it. 'Were you... would you say you were depressive, at all, when you were alive?'

She looked at him cautiously from under her hair, afraid that he would take offense. He looked at the sky for a minute before answering.

'You know I don't really remember much. I can't answer that honestly. I... I know I am given to... well, to pessimism. And to dark moods. I suppose it's safe enough to assume I was similarly inclined as a human.' He stroked her fingers, letting her know it was alright to ask, letting her go on.

'Why is it you're asking me that?'

She bit her lip, and reached to touch his hair off his forehead, gently.

'You think I don't see myself accurately? My angelic, introspective, cautious, restrained, caring man? Your hatred of the monster you see yourself as, your persistent denial of love, your willingness to endure loneliness and heartbreak in order to save my soul, because you cannot see how your own soul shines? You see a dark version of your reality, Edward, one that doesn't seem to be wholly necessary. You say you're protecting my soul from the blackness, but you write off yourself and your family by doing that. '

The sun slipped behind a cloud, dimming the shine of his skin. She returned her hands to her lap.

'Sure, I saw James and Victoria, and their wild, feral murderousness. I know you have killed. But I see more soul in your family than I do in many of the people around me. Perhaps vampire nature is even easier to understand than human cruelty or bloodlust. You Cullens shape your own urges into something constructive and good. What about Carlisle's centuries of selfless care? Have you taken more lives than he has saved? What of Esme's love and care? Emmett's embracing of live, his sweetness? Alice is like a vessel for joy and energy, and Jasper, with his deep understanding of how people work, and his beauty and dignity and love. The love they have together, it's a genuine creation of something new and beautiful, you can't deny that.

'They all embrace and enhance their vampiric nature and live it with strength and joy. They add to the world, you can't deny it.

'I can no longer imagine my life without you all. You are my home. But I'm locked out.' Her voice dropped to a rough whisper. 'Because of your warped perspective. You're denying yourself a partner because of your skewed view of yourself. '

Her hands tensed on the blade of grass she'd been running through her fingers.

'You left me alone because of it.' She swallowed, trying to master the pain that swelled her throat and made her voice dry up.

'My guess is you might have done the same in your human life.'

The sun came out again. Without looking up, she could feel his stillness. She hated that, the way he froze inside himself instead of having an emotional reaction. Then she felt his finger and thumb stroking up her neck, lifting her chin. Her eyes slid to meet his golden, sunlit ones, felt the slide into bliss they held for her.

'Isabella. You think my reluctance to change you is a rejection of us?' He was incredulous.

'You think it isn't? How can it not be, Edward?' Bella wished there was some way to underline her question that would make a mark on him, a physical impression. But there was no point slapping him or pulling his hair, or gripping his arm. She considered punching it to emphasise her point, but she knew from experience it would just hurt her.

'Bella. 'He fell to his knees with his usual unconscious grace. 'Bella, you don't understand. You don't see the depths of my selfish fantasies. I try not to let myself think about having you forever, it's too much to ask of you. To huge a sacrifice. And the risk... it scares me beyond belief. Can we... can we just wait a while?'

His eyes looked up at her, huge and dark, the plea in them painful and clear. She nodded, helpless, and he pressed his face into her stomach, allowing his weight to rest on her for a fleeting moment. She stroked his hair, bending to kiss it. Her chest hollowed and twisted, with love and longing and frustration. She felt the seconds ticking by, in much the same way he measured time with the beat of her heart that he was always aware of.

But suddenly, he was standing, the pain wiped from his eyes, which were now sparkling with the laughing mischief she loved to see there, though it appeared so seldom.

'You left out Rosalie,' he accused, laughter in his voice, 'in your list of Cullen attributes.' She smiled and shook her head.

'I suspect Rosalie might fall into your camp, Edward. But the mere fact that she uses her powers for good rather than evil is a credit to her heroic self control. You know Rosalie would just make the ultimate kick ass Bad Vampire.'

His laugh rang out around the meadow.

'I'd make a good Bad Vampire too, don't you think?' And without any warning other than his sudden exuberance, he picked her up, so fast she couldn't keep up with his movements. The next thing she knew, she felt a force like an aeroplane taking off, and she was flying, air rushing past her as she sped towards a huge tree at the far end of the meadow. Before she could do more than cringe away from the impact, she was no longer flying. The air was still again, and cold hands plucked her from her flight without jarring her. She floated to the ground in his arms, as they landed smoothly out of the running jump he'd made to catch her.

Bella breathed in gasps as the adrenaline seared through her system. She rubbed her chest, to relieve some pressure from her pounding heart. Unapologetic, bad vampire Edward wiggled his eyebrows at her.

'Nope, sorry,' she shook her head. 'La Nausee would catch up with you too fast, you'd implode with the horror of your situation.'

'Um. Yes.' Edward looked embarrassed, and Bella considered that her quip might have been a little too close to the bone.

'My existentialist vampire boyfriend,' she sighed.

'You're the existentialist,' he teased.

'No, you are.' She giggled. 'What was with the throwing of your human girlfriend across the meadow? I could have wet myself.'

He shrugged, sheepish, but naughtily pleased with himself nonetheless.

'You want the unrestrained vampire experience, I'm just aiming to please. Or discourage...' he smiled.

Half smiling, she glanced up at him.

'As if I could fight you off,' she whispered under her breath. He would have blushed if he could have, embarrassed by his former dramatics, yet admittedly stirred by the memory of their coming together, and her layered innuendo. He closed his eyes and saw her running through the trees, head whipping to and fro to search for him. He could catch her so easily, spin her and pin her against a tree, hear the pounding of her heart, his prey...

He groaned, laughing but hard, and lowered her to the grass, pinning her wrists down and lightly pressing his weight against her. She turned her head, and he ran his lips along the vein in her neck that called to him.

'So, would Rosalie have an outfit?' he asked, teasing her ear.

'Of course,' she answered weakly. 'Nothing but black silk and leather. And red, red lipstick.'

His unguarded laugh filled her. It lit her like birthday candles' glow. She closed her eyes against the cold delight his tongue was spreading, against the light of his face as it shone with laughter.

'I don't get to hear that laugh enough, Edward. I need to hear it ring out more often.'

He nodded against her breasts, nudging sideways, pushing back her shirt, and whispering into her nipples as he kissed them, 'I promise. I promise.'