Title: When all is said and done ( it's not enough )
Pairing: Sam/Dean ( around 3.16/4.01 )
Words: 355
Rating: PG
Summary: It's not enough: buying his cologne so the pillows will smell like him. It's not enough, it's not his smell.
Disclaimer: Nay
Notes: .com/akintay/pic/0000z1rt
this gif from 4.01 totally got me thinking about how I haven't read enough hurt fics about 3.16 and 4.01, how a hurt lover would deal. And it hurt. So I dealt with it and wrote this.
***
He left you when you just had him back.
He left you when all you had was him.
He left you with a memory of his kiss, his touch
He left you with ideas of what could've been
He left you with an ache, a hurt with only one aid
He left you by yourself
You hang the amulet around your own neck (near your heart)
You keep his jacket (maybe he'll come back for it)
You keep his cologne (the pillows smell like him)
You keep his favorite shirt (now it's yours)
You clean his guns (you don't use them, they're his)
You wash the car (you talk to her)
You call his phone unintentionally (intentionally)
There's only a voice left to remember.
It's not enough
***
The jacket is too cold, isn't worn
The cologne is too fresh, it's not him
The shirt rips, you sow it back together
Your blood is on it, your sweat, mixed with his. You don't wash it
The amulet doesn't look good on you the way it did
She doesn't talk back
The voice doesn't call you 'Sammy'
It hurts, but you make due.
It hurts.
***
He's standing in the doorway, like you had let yourself dream about
He's standing in the doorway waiting for you
He's waiting for you to tell him it's okay
He's been waiting for you like you've been waiting for him
And it's okay.
It's okay.
***
He shrugs back in to his jacket.
He dabs his cologne
He hangs his amulet
He tucks in his guns
He takes back his phone
He calls you Sammy and caresses his car
You keep the shirt in the bottom of your bag
***
At night he makes you remember what you'd lost (gained)
At night he calls you 'Sammy' the way you want to hear it (the way you need)
In the morning you smell like him (the way you've longed)
The pillows smell like him (the way it should)
The bed is warm, the body is warm
He's back and the ache is gone
He's back and it's enough.
It's everything.
***
End