Taking Back My Love

Disclaimer : I do not own Gakuen Alice.

Being in love was never easy. This is my story and it's not a very happy one. Both of us, grew up together and was always together no matter what. Nineteen years together! We could be mistaken by people saying, childhood sweethearts. But, we were never together. We were only best friends. I had many guys after me and he had many girls chasing after him. Both of us are tired of being hoarded, so we decided to pretend to be couples. Pretend...not real.

Natsume told me he had a crush on a girl in our class, Luna. She was, well...really beautiful. She won for the prettiest girl in the academy last year. It wasn't odd for Natsume to be after a girl like that. He was indeed the academy's heartthrob. Who doesn't want to be with him? I should be counted as lucky that I can even be close to him. One of the very few people that knew about our real relationship as best friends was only known by two persons. Hotaru and Ruka because they were our best friends.

I told Hotaru that I think I fell in love with Natsume. She said she would ask me to check. I didn't want her to, but it seems that she wouldn't listen!

"Hey Hyuuga, do you love Mikan?" she just asked out of the blue in the cafeteria.

"No! I thought among all people, you should know that. She's just my best friend," he said and showed a disgusted face.

To make sure no one was awkward of the situation, I tried to cheer the mood up even though I was deeply hurt by his answer.

"Yeah! Hotaru! Don't ask stupid questions," I said and laughed. I wanted to burst out crying, but I couldn't. Natsume would be suspicious.

Saying that was also, hurtful. What was wrong with loving me? I guess his feelings for Luna was deeper and he couldn't feel anyone else falling in love with him, including his best friend. That day, when he sent me home, my tears started to spill. He asked me what happened, I just told him that my tears were happy tears but he didn't want to believe it. He comforted me, and when he did that, it made it worse. It made me feel like, I was just his little sister! Which was probably how he felt about me. He patted my back and soothe me. I shrugged from his touch and told him I was simply tired. I got out of his car and went into my house and into my room.

When we were younger, his touch never meant anything. We were always playing together and nothing hurt. Why do I have to fall in love with my best friend!? I couldn't stand being his friend only. I wanted to be something more to him. Was it very greedy of me? To be loved by my best friend?

"Dear?" my mom was outside my room and knocking my door.

"Yes, mom?" I asked her. Making sure my voice didn't have the trace of sobs.

"I got a permanent job at Canada. So I was wondering whether, you would be fine to move there?" she asked me. Perfect timing! I needed something to bring me away from Natsume.

"Sure. When?" I asked.

"In three days. I already packed mostly of our stuff. The only things left are the stuff in your room," my mom concluded.

"That's pretty quick. I'll pack them tomorrow. I'll take a day off school," I told my mom.

"Okay dear. Go and meet your friends and spend some time with them. They would feel sad to have you leaving them, especially Natsume. You both had been best friends since you were babies," she told me.

I knew that. I nodded to my mom and she went out. I started packing the small details. The next day, since I took a day off, I packed my clothes and my soft toys. I opened a box full of photo albums of my baby pictures with my family and some were me and my friends. I even had pictures with Natsume, only the both of us. I thought maybe I would pay him a visit, after all my mom wanted me to spend some time with him as well.

I took my car key and the photographs then drove to his house. It wasn't the first time visiting his house, but it never failed to astonished me on how huge his house was! The maids opened the door for me and greeted me with formality. I was always happy to come to his house. I smiled and went to the living room and saw Natsume with a girl beside him. It was none other than Luna, the girl he had a crush on. My smile faded and a sting hurt my chest.

"Mikan?" he asked as if he was confused I was here.

"Hi Natsume, you two together?" I asked, putting bravery into my tone.

"Heh.. I just asked her whether I could court her today. Why are you here?" he asked me and kissed Luna lightly on the lips. Just a slight peck and I nearly fell on my knees to cry! I looked away.

I was, his first kiss, according to him even though I don't remember much of it. It was during the school prom dance in elementary. It was brief, but it was still my first kiss.

"I..." I had never been good in lying. But I have to because of him. "My mom told me to drop some stuff for Mrs Hyuuga, that's all," I lied with a straight face and I prayed hard that he didn't see through me.

"Oh. Well, I'll thank for my mom's behalf. Want to join us? Oh yea, why didn't you attend school today?" he asked me.

"No. I'm pretty busy that's why," which wasn't a lie because I was packing my stuff.

"I see. Alright then. Next time," he said. If there's ever a next time, then maybe but I doubt there'll be.

I went out of his house and drove off. My vision blurred thanks to my tears. I stopped my car at the side of the road and turned on my signal so people will know that I'm stopping here. I put my head on the steering wheel and cried. I was hurt, my chest was aching to come out. It wanted to burst out! I was afraid. I was tired. I'm leaving tomorrow. I took the photographs of me and Natsume and stared at it. I was hugging Natsume. What caused us, to be like that? Why did I fall in love?

I put the photographs on the seat again, wiped my eyes and continued driving. When I reached home, I took the photographs with me and turn off the engine for my car and went up to my room. I placed the photographs on my table and continued packing. Before going to sleep, I took my mobile phone and dialed Hotaru's number.

"Hotaru?" I asked.

"What do you want calling me this late?"

"I just wanted to tell you, I'm leaving for Canada...tomorrow,"

"And you're only telling me this now!?" she sounded angry.

"I'm sorry for telling you only now. That's all I wanted to say, I want to tell Ruka now," I told her and hung up.

I dialed Ruka's number and told him the exact same thing I told Hotaru. I didn't want to talk much, trying to resist the breaking up moments with my best friends. After ending the call with Ruka, I put my face on my knees and thought back on how all four of us became friends. It was..funny, you can say. All of us became friends in an odd way. But I was happy to have friends like them.

I lied down on my pillow and closed my eyes. Wishing for the next day, was painful this time round. I didn't want tomorrow to come yet. But when I thought of the moment when Natsume and Luna was together, and when their lips met, it stung me and tears came out. I erased that thought from my mind and chanted myself to sleep. And so much to my own horror, I did sleep.

The next morning, I woke up at five in the morning. The flight was at nine. I got up and changed to my clothes for the aeroplane. I looked at the photographs at my desk and put it into my hand bag. The taxi came at six thirty sharp and my mom and I board it. In the airport, I went to the bathroom and remembered the photographs in my bag. The sting returned. I bit my lip and chucked it back in. I went to the store and bought a box of matches. I lit up the matches and burned the pictures. I was crying when I did so. To my utter shock, I heard my name being called by him. He saw me burning something. I didn't know what to do. I just threw the pictures and matches to the nearest trash can. I ran with all my might back to my mother.

At the exact time, the announcer announced the terminal gate for passengers going to Canada is open. I ran to my mother and told her to hurry up and go. She looked at me with a confused look but followed me either wise. I looked to my back and didn't see him. He probably lost me. I rushed into the terminal gate and sat at the lounge. So much for trying to avoid him. Through the window, I saw him looking around like a lost cat. Don't feel soft, I told myself. He was holding the pictures that I wanted to burn. Part of it was burnt off. I didn't want to see him any more. I wanted to erase all the trace of memories we had together. After all, this was merely a friendship. I can always make new friends in Canada.

"Passengers for flight C84D153, Japan to Canada, please board the aeroplane now," the announcer said.

Me and my mother showed our air ticket and went into the aeroplane. I took one last glance at the back, and didn't see him any more.

'Please be happy, everyone,' I said in my mind.

When the plane took off, I felt as if I forgotten something. Even though I didn't. I left my friends and the person I love. I..I felt empty and I wanted him by my side. Reminiscence doesn't help. I love him. I really do.

This was a dream. I got weird dreams lately, even motorcycle accidents dream.

Anyway, I'm planning to write Natsume's POV as well, because my friends that had read this, are wondering how did Natsume know that Mikan's leaving even though she didn't tell him and they also want to know how he felt when she left and about the photographs.

Whoever that wants me to write Natsume's POV, please do tell me. I'll write his POV if I receive minimum of 7 reviews regarding wanting his POV to be written.

© Copyrighted by SonyaShulen. Plot is by SonyaShulen, Gakuen Alice by Higuchi Tachibana.