Title: Joy ride (the Sex Utility Vehicle remix)
Author: Ceindreadh
Summary: Just a typical opportunity for Jack (and Ianto) to rise to the occasion
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
rating: NC-17 for sexual content
Original story: Omni meaning all by Galadriel1010
Notes: written for the Remixredux09 challenge on LiveJournal
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Jack picked up the phone on his desk within a fraction of a second of it ringing. "Ianto!" he said, "Please tell me you're phoning to say there's Rift activity, maybe a Weevil sighting. Heck, at this stage I'd take a call from the Prime Minister if it would get me away from this paperwork."
"Really Jack," said Ianto, "Haven't you heard the adage, 'be careful what you wish for?'"
"Heard it, heck, I practically invented it," said Jack. "Of course," and his voice took on a lower tone, "I also invented lots of other things, like phone sex."
"And you probably helped invent the telephone, just so you could have some?"
"You know I can hear when you roll your eyes," said Jack.
"Yes, well enjoyable and all as this conversation is," said Ianto, "I did actually have a purpose in calling you. And no, it wasn't for phone sex. It's almost lunch time and there's just the two of us in the Hub, what are you hungry for…"
Jack's grin grew even wider, before Ianto continued, "And no, I'm not on the lunch menu."
"You're such a tease."
"Well if you behave yourself and get all the paperwork done, you never know what might turn up for dinner."
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"You know, I could have just brought these back to the Hub for you," said Ianto as they walked along the street. He pulled a chip from the bag and blew on it before popping it into his mouth. "They would still have been piping hot."
"And miss the glorious views on the streets of Cardiff?" said Jack, watching intently as Ianto carefully licked his fingers clean, before reaching for another chip.
"And this would have nothing to do with the pile of paperwork on your desk just waiting for you to finish it?" said Ianto. He blew on another chip, allowing it to cool slightly, before eating it. Glancing over at Jack, he smiled, "Jack."
"Uh-uh?" Jack was focused on the movement of Ianto's tongue and lips as the chip had disappeared between them.
"Lamppost."
It was only Jack's split second reactions and natural grace that allowed him to avoid an embarrassing collision.
"Don't worry Jack," said Ianto. "I'll hack into the CCTV network when we get back, make sure that clip is deleted from public view. After all, we wouldn't want the general population of Cardiff to see how easily distracted you get. How ever would they manage to sleep at night?"
"I'll have you know…" But the remainder of Jack's comment was drowned out by the roaring tones of a car exhaust, as a midnight blue Lamborghini passed by. Jack followed it with his eyes until it turned a corner and then looked back at Ianto.
"No," said Ianto, before Jack could say anything. "We are not getting a Lamborghini." He took another chip, waving it in the air to punctuate his argument, "They're conspicuous, expensive and completely uneconomical to run. And can you imagine trying to fit a Weevil in the back…" He was about to continue, when he recognized the expression on Jack's face, and his gaze was drawn inexorably downwards. "Ah…so when you said 'omni' sexual…it wasn't just a pickup line."
A hint of what might have been embarrassment flitted across Jack's face. Or it could have been discomfort, as caused by his tightening trousers, thought Ianto. He tried to put on a suitably disapproving face. "So, should I be worried about the virtue of the Torchwood SUV, or is it just sports cars that do it for you?"
"I'll have you know that the SUV and I are just good friends," said Jack, "I would never sully her reputation by behaving improperly. But the Lamborghini on the other hand. Now that's a car that's just asking to be taken out and shown a good time."
"Yes, well you do know what they say about men with fancy cars like that," said Ianto, trying in vain to hide his amusement as an idea started to form in his mind.
"That they're sexy and powerful and amazing in the sack?"
The last time Ianto had seen Jack smile that widely, there had been lube, handcuffs, and a rather large feather duster involved. Before he could disabuse Jack of his notion, their comms burst into life.
The chips were finished on the run, as they hastily made their way back to the Hub and the Rift alert that had to be dealt with.
- - - - - - -
It wasn't until several hours later that they finally had a moment to themselves again.
"Ianto?" said Jack, as he made his way up to the hidden garage, where the SUV was stored when not required for saving the world. "You said you needed to see me in private. What's up?"
"Well I think the answer to that is obvious," said Ianto. He was sitting in the passenger seat with the door open, as naked as the day he was born. Pressing a button beside him, Ianto made the seat recline and put one leg up on the dashboard. "I thought that maybe we could sully a reputation or two."
"I think my reputation is pretty damned irreparable by now," said Jack, his hands working quickly at his buttons. "But there's always room for dis-improvement!" He left a trail of clothing behind him, as he hurried towards the SUV.
"Close the door," said Ianto, as Jack climbed on top of him. "It's dinner time!"
"I think I like this menu!" Jack clasped Ianto's face in his hands as he leaned down and kissed him. "Definitely very tasty!" He nuzzled against Ianto's neck, breathing deeply. "Is that new aftershave?"
"No Jack, that's the pine tree air freshener," said Ianto, rolling his eyes. He moved his hand to just the right position and watched in amusement as Jack's eyes glazed over momentarily. "Now that I have your full attention…if you could just slide yourself up a bit, ah, now that's the spot."
It wasn't long before both men were too distracted to continue the conversation. Not that either were uncommunicative, far from it. But their communications weren't limited to anything as simple as speech. A swipe of Jack's tongue across Ianto's collarbone was replied to with the graceful dance of Ianto's fingers down Jack's spine. Ianto's teeth nipped at the side of Jack's neck and were countered with Jack's nails tracing a path down his thigh.
Two bodies in initial counterpoint to each other gradually established a shared rhythm, a co-ordination borne out of long experience. Their bodies rubbed against each other in familiar ways. Ianto's hand on Jack's cock, Jack's mouth on Ianto's neck. Jack's hand on Ianto's hip, as his groin arched up against Jack's leg. Movements that started out as random then settled into recognizable patterns. Faster and faster they thrust against each other, their hands and mouths and cocks moving together, each movement contributing to the overall harmony.
Ianto was the first to come, spurting against Jack's body, even as he collapsed back against the seat. A small part of his mind congratulated himself for his foresight in putting the plastic seat covers on, before he had called Jack. The remainder of his conscious mind was preoccupied with Jack. His hand kept up a steady rhythm against Jack's cock, and soon he was joined in post-orgasmic bliss.
Jack rolled off Ianto and onto the drivers seat. "Wow!" he said when, he'd finally got his breath back.
"So, you weren't by any chance thinking of a blue Lamborghini just then?" said Ianto. He sat up and stretched out, wincing as his muscles protested.
"What's a Lamborghini?" said Jack, a sated grin on his face.
"Nothing important," said Ianto, leaning over and kissing Jack. "But just remember, if we'd tried that in a Lamborghini, you'd have gotten a concussion. Still want to get one?"
"Hell no!"
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The end