III. Eric Northman
--
"You know what we should do this year?"
"Hmm?"
Blair blows on her nails, freshly painted with Essie's blood red After Sex. The sun is gloriously bright, and the old-fashioned white Juicy Couture one piece is doing wonders for her figure.
Serena shifts, adjusting her microscopic neon yellow Brazilian-cut thong and Blair looks away.
"We should totally go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras."
The tortoiseshell Chanel frames slide down Blair's perfect ski-jump nose and her eyebrows raise in disdain.
"We are not going to Louisiana."
"But we could meet vampires!"
"S, I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure you've already met one. There's no way that Little J isn't one. It's just too much black eyeliner and leather for any human with a so-called sense of fashion."
Serena rolls her eyes and Blair continues to bask in the glow of the St. Bart's sun.
"It'll piss off Chuck."
Blair finishes the margarita sitting on the stand next to her, ignoring Serena's puppy dog eyes until her drink is finished.
"I'm in."
--
Mardi Gras sucks.
Serena gets drunk, and has a multicolored collection of beads numbered somewhere around 100.
Blair hates the South.
And Chuck doesn't call.
--
Blair honestly can't remember how she ended up in Bon Temps, LA. Only that apparently Serena thought, (and that should've been her first clue, because when does Serena ever think?) that it was some kind of Little France town that she just had to visit on their way home from New Orleans.
Well everyone talks in those terrible Southern accents, and they don't even pronounce Bon Temps the right way. When she tries to correct the redheaded waitress at what is apparently the only restaurant in town, she only gets a weird look until she shoos the obviously mentally incompetent waitress away.
"This is all your fault. You could've flashed people in Paris. At least the Ritz is clean!"
Blair hisses through her front teeth at Serena before storming off to the bathroom. Before she makes it there, she collides into someone equally tiny but blonde.
"Well, excuse me! I just didn't even see you there, I'm so distracted!"
"Who are you people?!"
Blair yells exasperatedly, throwing her arms up in the waitresses' face and stomping on her Fendi Jardin Suede Platform Pumps all the way to the door marked ladies.
--
Your sister won't stop flirting with inanimate objects. Send the jet.
Blair hates how her fingers type in the number before her mind can really process it, and she saves it in drafts because like hell is she asking for help from Chuck freakin' Bass.
She glances over towards where Serena was flirting with a pool stick, but is now flirting with the scruffy-but-kinda-cute-if-you-like-lumberjacks bartender and she sighs before pressing send.
She needs to get the hell out of Louisiana.
--
The stupid waitress who doesn't know how to walk is too busy flirting with a pale, dark-haired man to pay attention to Blair's request for another glass of whatever shitty merlot they're serving.
"Excuse me."
No one answers, and Blair Waldorf doesn't do well with being ignored.
"Well, I know down here in this little tiny disease-infested town, you only have so many chances before you have to marry your cousins. And yes, he's relatively good-looking. But if you don't get me another glass of wine in the next five minutes, I'm not going to tip you, and you won't be able to buy your cheap Wet n' Wild makeup this week."
Blair finishes the monologue with a sickly sweet smile and she takes in the open mouths and silence as a compliment.
The handsome man whispers, "Eric would either love her or hate her."
The bottle-blonde sighs. "It's worth a try."
"Hi, I'm Sookie, and this is my fiancée Bill."
"Great. I only care about the wine, because there is no way I'm getting through this night sober. I'll be waiting at my table when you decide to start working again."
Bill grins, "I think he'd like her."
--
Bill walks over towards Blair and Serena, which of course means Serena starts flirting with him, and when he offers to take them to a real club Blair practically has to hold Serena back from rubbing against him.
"That'd be so much fun!"
Eye roll, deep breath.
"Well, of course I feel obligated to inform you that it's a vampire club."
Serena giggles and gasps, practically clawing Blair's arm in the process but Blair grins at her friend's enthusiasm nonetheless.
"Well then, what are we waiting for?"
--
When Blair walks into the bar, the first thing she sees is some sort of god perched on a throne before everyone.
"That's Eric. He's the sheriff around here."
Blair watches as Bill and Sookie go talk to him, glancing around at the other (very) attractive vampires and shooing away the ones who aren't up to her standards.
It's really no different than high school or college boys.
Eric gazes at her while Bill and Sookie address him and he waves them both away after ten minutes to go talk to the human himself.
--
Serena becomes a fangbanger approximately 30 minutes after being at the club. It's some young, beautiful vampire with blue eyes like Nate and dark hair like Dan so Blair really doesn't expect her to resist.
Eric sidles up next to her at the bar while Serena is lead into a bathroom stall and when Blair turns around and sees him she frowns.
"What do you want now?"
"To know why you think you can talk to me like this. It'd almost be….endearing," he leans in close and whispers in her ear, "if it wasn't so dangerous."
"Considering you're freakishly large and you know, a vampire, you should really work on intimidating poor little damsels in distress like me."
"Who do you think you're talking to?"
"Someone with bad highlights? Not that I can blame you really. There isn't a worthy hair colorist for states, let alone miles."
He toys with the stem of her martini glass before smiling broadly.
"Pam will be offended."
"Maybe Pam should learn how to take criticism, especially when it's necessary."
At this, a blonde vampire appears at Eric's side and starts speaking in rapid Swedish before moving closer to Blair.
Eric stops her, placing one hand on her shoulder hesitantly and says, "We could have fun with this one," a little too flirtatiously.
"As if."
"Who knows maybe I'll grow on you?"
"I'd prefer cancer. Or Vanessa Humphrey."
He chuckles like it's his own inside joke and her insides twist.
"I seem to have that effect on people."
"Maybe it's for a reason."
The words are right but the bite is off and Blair feels like she's found a worthy sparring partner again.
--
Eric keeps feeding her martinis and Blair can feel her self-control slowly slipping away.
"I hate feeling powerless," she whispers into her glass and he grins at her with something off-putting in his gaze.
She'd cringe if it didn't remind her of power and evil and Chuck Bass.
"I can fix that, if you'd like."
--
Old habits die hard, and the plan forms before she even really tries.
"Kidnap me."
Blair twitches when Eric flashes his fangs, but doesn't back down and repeats her request again.
"Kidnap me. Get Serena out of here, glamour her so she doesn't remember, and then kidnap me."
His fangs glint underneath the terrible lighting in Fangtasia and Blair takes the grin to be a yes.
--
"What is it about men and blondes? I mean, Serena I can understand because she's practically a goddess, but Sookie Stackhouse? Honestly? I can practically smell her Clairol Nice n'Easy from across the room."
Eric opens his mouth to speak, but pauses as CNN's missing persons coverage of Blair Waldorf shines through Fangtasia. He grins because he can.
"I know your Serena is physically appealing, but intellectually she's the equivalent of a rock. You, on the other hand…"
Blair raises one perfectly waxed eyebrow in a practiced tradition.
"Put some ice on it, E. Not going to happen in this lifetime."
"Oh, you have no idea."
She rolls her eyes even under his lascivious stare and tries to ignore the chills on her arms.
--
Bon Temps has never seen this much attention before.
CNN brings in the big guns, 24/7 coverage about the Upper East Side princess who's disappeared off the face of the Earth. Oddly enough, Bill is the prime suspect for about a week. This is mostly a pain in Eric's ass, because it leads to a lot of Sookie stomping her feet and declaring how much she hates him.
During one such session, Blair lounges in silk on a chaise and intervenes because Eric's always been semi-helpless when it comes to Sookie Stackhouse.
"For Christ's sake Sookie, pull yourself together. No plan of mine is going to unravel to the point that Bill will be held accountable for my disappearance. God, listening to you is like listening to Penelope complain about Nate. Entertaining at first, but pathetic and annoying now."
Sookie's mouth opens and closes as if she's not sure how to react to Blair Waldorf. Eric doesn't blame her; he's not really sure what to do with Blair either.
--
Chuck Bass walks into Fangtasia like he owns the place.
He's young and dark-haired and pale and dark-eyed and reminds Eric too much of Godric to be comfortable.
Basically, he hates him on sight.
Both vampires and humans watch as the human walks up to Eric's throne, face steely and hand poised on a blank check.
"How much do you need?"
Eric has to admire his audacity, the lack of a proper greeting and the accusation all in one sentence is a feat not many would survive.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Oh please, Serena told me all about you and the strange effect that you had on Blair when she was vulnerable. The police aren't going to ever find her when you're involved, and I've found that money can get rid of almost any problem. No matter how invincible the problem thinks they are."
Eric is out of his chair and talking into Chuck's ear before Chuck knows what's going on.
"You're one to talk, human. I can guarantee I am more invincible than you will ever be, and I have no need for your money nor you. Your Blair on the other hand…"
Chuck clenches his fists and gnashes his teeth.
"Well, maybe she doesn't want to be found, hmm?"
Eric orders security to take Chuck out of the building before the human does something rash. Blair wouldn't be pleased if Eric had to make an example of him.
--
About three days into the commotion, Eric gets a call from Sophie-Ann.
"Really Eric? Another human. She better taste like the fuckin' rainbow for all this attention. It's really not worth the bad publicity, darling."
Blair's watching the news, turning sheet white as Chuck Bass talks on Larry King Live.
"Trust me, she will be an excellent addition to our species."
Pam smirks when she hears the affection in his tone, and he almost snaps at her for being disrespectful.
When he gets off the phone, all she says is, "At least she has fantastic shoes."
He doesn't say anything because he happens to agree, the Choo's speak for themselves.
--
She fades from the news after three weeks, when a young teenager who was bullied walks into a school and kills seven people before killing himself.
When she sees the breaking news broadcast, she murmurs, "I would've bullied him you know," with tears glistening on her cheeks. On anyone else it would sound remorseful. On her, it just sounds proud.
They better not forget me, is what her sentence really means.
He watches with his gorgeous eyes and she thinks it all might be worth it.
"Blair, don't be foolish. We still can."
I won't lurks under the subtext of his.
She smirks halfheartedly with her eyes still shining and that's when Eric leans in to kiss her.
--
He's no stranger to women's bodies; it's been two thousand years of breasts and butts and g spots and the noises they all make.
Blair's no different. She still moans when he plunges deep and groans when his tongue curls around her nipple.
But, Blair is different. She does this breathy-gasp thing when he nips her collarbone and she smiles devilishly when she bucks her hips and he grimaces in pleasure.
It's the way she (in all her tiny, human, weak glory) flips him over and grinds down hard until he feels like he could drown in her, is drowning in her, and then he can't stop from coming and his name leaves her lips in a scream of ecstasy.
He wouldn't have taken her for a screamer.
Later, her brown hair is fanned out against the white sheets and her cheeks are still flushed pink.
"I'd like you better if you sparkled," she says with a teasing smiles and he kisses his way up her navel towards her neck.
"I'll have Pam do some experimenting with my hair color then."
They both know he's kidding, that he'd never really change for anyone who wasn't Godric or Sookie, but Blair shudders when he touches her and it's nice to pretend.
His journey north stops at the blood pulsing through her jugular and Blair notices.
"Ready?" He asks with an eyebrow raised in a challenge, fangs perched on her skin and eyes ablaze.
Blair doesn't back down.
--
It doesn't hurt as bad as she thought it would.
--
When Blair wakes up, she pushes her hands through the dirt and feels it sticks under her fingernails. Eric murmurs something, and she leans in closer to hear.
It's his breath on her face that sends chills up her back and when the fangs pop out she thinks she might cry.
He runs a thumb under her eyes and murmurs something again in Swedish, and geez who the fuck speaks Swedish anymore?
Still, when he pulls her close, she doesn't resist, and she runs a tongue over her fangs before running her tongue over his.
Redemption tastes like blood and dirt and Eric Northman.
Blair grins. Heads will roll.