Right. Notes. Right. I got this idea to write and it wouldn't leave me alone. I hope his starts a trend, it's all I really want to do with myself.

This is just me, being the Tenth Doctor as I think he is, being the man I think he is. Very Doctor/Rose, it's canon, leave me alone. But leave what you think, I've got plenty else to say as him in my head, could go on with it. This is pretty much right after Human Nature, focusing on Rose and the Daleks.

I don't own the Whoniverse, I just mess with it.

Right then. Me and a journal. Worked as a human, why not give it a go now? Seems a bit more appropriate to be typing it in over physically writing it. Well, for me at least.

So a journal of what I've been doing. Don't exactly have to do it, my big ol' head can store enough. Can't call myself a blogger, this isn't exactly something I can post with a cute little emote of my mood. So what am I doing this for. Maybe to feel a bit human again. Maybe part of me needs to.

Martha, she's gone to rest that last little adventure off. Can't blame her really. Even the best of humans need it after something like that.

So I find myself sat here on my own, console for company. And I'm not thinking about that Family, what I had to do to them or what Martha must have been through. Not really.

Ever since I got myself back, I've been asking the same thing. I heard me, him, the person I was as a human. I heard him say it. It didn't occur to me that I'd fall in love. Was that the kind of man I am. What kind of a man is that.

I'll admit it didn't. It didn't occur to me that in human form, I might fall in love. Why? Thought never even crossed my mind. And I think of everything. Why not this? It wasn't that I didn't think I was capable of it any more.

It was Rose.

Rose Tyler. I think they call it having it bad. And I do. It's not like I haven't been in it before. I have, of course I have. But I lost it, I lost all of it. How could I ever feel it again? And then she came.

She came when I was full of hate, bitterness, anger... rage. And she made me better. She didn't even really have to do anything special either, just be there. Just exist. Just... stay with me.

I regenerated and she looked into the Time Vortex itself. She stayed with me. Accidentally met a 'predecessor', stayed with me. Not that I like using the word predecessor, it's never been like that. But the point is, through everything we did, she stayed with me.

How can I get over losing that too? I can't. I don't think I ever will. Not like this anyway, not while I'm still this me. All the regrets. All I didn't get to say to her. Thanks again by the way universe, couldn't have given me that extra few seconds could you?

I'm still mourning her I suppose. I know how selfish that is, she's out there with her family, safe. Behind closed walls. But it's the same thing to me. Safe, maybe. But trapped forever. Where I can never get to her again.

And it's the way it has to be, I won't try anything thick to open them back up. I just have to deal with it. On my own. Always on my own.

Of course I didn't think of falling in love as a human, just changing my biology couldn't get rid of this. Nothing could get rid of this. Well. A few things could but those aren't things I do are they.

Might be why I'm writing this too. That me, human me. What did he go and do? Fall in love with someone so like Rose. Someone who cared. Someone who knew what was wrong and what was right, someone who was there to point it out to me as well.

He would have been happy. I saw it. I remember it. What they could have had. The most wonderful of lives. The life I can never have with anyone, let alone Rose. Is it wrong of me to want to feel closer to that? Can't always be right I suppose.

What would I be without her? How angry would I have stayed? For how long? I don't even know what I would have done next.

Gone off on my own across the universe, of course. But what then? Without her to show me all the small things she did, what would I have been?

Not that I was a monster. I was still me. Still the man who made things better. But there was nothing left for me any more. It had JUST happened. I'd only just done what I did. With all the time in the universe on my own to dwell on it. And I'm a dweller, oh yes I'm guilty of that.

It scares me actually. What might have happened. I'll tell you a secret new journal of mine, what possibility terrifies me the most. I'd giggle like a schoolgirl if it wasn't wildly inappropriate. Right, back on point Doctor.

If I'd have found those Daleks, after being on my own. Those Daleks with the Earth and pretty much the human race as a hostage. Would I have used that Delta Wave? Would the rage inside me that they survived when I'd lost everything driven me to murder all of them? Become like them?

Don't like to think so. Of course I don't. But I'm glad I'll never have to know.

Not that I'm perfect now, I hold my grudges. Especially against those superior pepper pots. Can't wait to see them again, guaranteed to knowing my luck.

Hah. She even brought emotion to them. Made a Dalek feel. I think that day was the day I realized how she was helping me. Standing over a Dalek who actually wanted to die from feeling. Amazing.

Oh but they got their own back didn't they? Coming back in their millions. Taking her away from me.

I mean the Cult of Skaro, what are the odds? Emergency temporal shift with a prison ship. Into the perfect hiding place. Re-birthing the Daleks all over the Earth. Forcing my hand to rid the universe of them again. Risking everything again. And I lost. Again.

And even then, it wasn't the end. To come back again later in New York City, destroying more people's lives. At least this time they destroyed themselves. But even then, they took so many innocent lives with them. I couldn't save them. I couldn't stop Caan from leaving. I lost.

I lose everything and they survive. Is that how it's always going to work now?

Well. Even if it is, I can't give up. I'm all the universe has left. And even if you've been a bit unkind to me, I'll keep looking after you. It's my duty, the last Time Lord in existence. Can't let you fall into chaos now can I? Planets ending left and right, your infinite space being used as a battleground, can't be having any of that.

Even if you're a demanding patient, I'm your Doctor. And I'll never get tired of saying things like that. Is my ego showing?

Rose Tyler and the Daleks. Kind of a nice opener isn't it. Fits this life so far. Oh that makes me sound old doesn't it.

The more I ramble on the more I think this is a good idea. No-one left to talk to about this. I can't tell Martha everything. Not everything. She must know though, about Rose. She's not thick, no not at all, she's brilliant. But there are things I don't think she would understand. There are things that don't really need to be said.

Besides, wouldn't really make her experience any fun would it?

"Oh by the way Martha, you're brilliant and everything, but you really can never replace Rose. You know that blonde people who can vaguely see what I'm thinking about always mention? Let me tell you more about her!"

No. No! I might say the odd thing without thinking sometimes but I do have some tact. ...some. When I really really should have it.

I wonder what she's doing right now. Rose I mean, I'm back to her now. I sit here on my skinny, or so I'm told, backside blogging away to myself like a big sad space geek and she's... what?

Has her Dad, at least. Still stuck with Jackie but it can't all be perfect can it? Oh... I even miss winding Jackie up, I must be desperate. But no, right, she has her family. New little addition to it on the way. Torchwood in her back garden. She'll still be brilliant without me. I know she will.

And me, what did I go do after the fact, went and got ahead of myself with the Racnoss. Not one of my proudest moments. Took a right gobby human to stop me too. Useless on my own. Nearly met my end first time without Rose.

What am I like going on and on. TARDIS must be bored out of her mind, has to see this all the time anyway and now I'm typing away. Let me off eh, just trying this out for myself. Works for the universal internet, can't hurt doing it in private.

Oh. Then again. They said that about a lot of things related to the internet, that didn't end well...

Where was I? Ah yes, useless without Rose. No, credit where credit is due, I'm still fairly brilliant myself. Just might be a bit less now.

Right, right! That's it. That's enough going on about the old days for now. Looking towards the future. With Martha, not like I'm going to boot her out of the TARDIS because I'm a bit sad about the past.

Didn't I hear something about Election Day last time I was on Earth? That should be interesting. Don't think I checked who's running. Probably won't turn out that badly. Probably.

Poor Harriet Jones. Well. Sort of. Had to slap myself on the hand for sort of kind of changing a bit of history there. But that's what flux is for, can't keep everything the same. And she deserved it.

I know, I'm such a Timey Wimey rebel. I should get that on a badge, it'd be great at kid's parties.

I'd say what about the immediate future, but every future is immediate to me if I pilot myself there. I love little things like that.

I think I'll just park the TARDIS somewhere nice, give her a once over to see if those nasty Family members left any scratches and see where I end up next.

This was good. Good. Even if it was just a posh way of talking to myself.

Not sure of the exact date, travelling through vortex.

With love and lots of words,

The Doctor.