Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warnings: foul language

this is just the prologue... so just as a heads up, you do not need to read all of this chapter in order to know what's going on in the next.

There are some words that are simply never meant to be said.

Words that shouldn't even be so much as mentioned out loud (forget thinking about them in your head).

Not even if the world is ending and you've got two seconds to get them out of your system before the sky is falling and you're getting smashed into oblivion beneath alien spaceships and crushed by flying frogs.

Not even, if you're being held at gunpoint and threatened to say them.

Why, you ask?

well.

Let me paint a picture for you.

Lets say you (male), kiss another person (female). Then, later on discover that this person, is in fact the very individual that your best friend has been head over heels for since preschool (and subsequently, the girl who he's been talking nonstop about since preschool. He told you everything. From how he almost peed in his pants from nervousness because she lightly skimmed her fingers against his while handing him a building block, to how he almost crashed his car into his lit professor because he was too busy staring at her, staring at the ground.) .

Do you tell your best bud that you just made out with her?

Well if you were an honest person, then yes.

But if you so happen to be one of the few "good" people out there today then...

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You must be wondering. Why? Why lie to your friend like that? Isn't the basis of every relationship trust? and truths? Yet you lie?

Well that's just plain wrong.

But see? That's the thing. It's so right that people don't even realize it!

Take eating instant noodles as an example. Sure, eating all those nasty preservatives will probably give you cancer one day, and most likely deteriorate your health... but think of the goodness of the broth, those, soft, slippery noodles that slide oh-so-sweetly past your lips, and that simply heaven combination. Mmmmm. Très délicieux.

So right, right?

So, you see, you won't tell you're bud about the kiss because:

1. He's going to be really let down, cuz let's face it. He's honestly in LOVE with this girl (even though he's never talked with her. At least not normally. He guffawed at her once in the lunch line, and made her run away... but that doesn't count so much as a conversation as it does... well, a social disaster.)

2. It was only a onetime thing. It wasn't like you guys had sex and got pregnant or something. It's policy. No sex, no baby, no follow-up.

3. You two were so drunk that night that she probably doesn't even remember you. It was a frat party after all.

4. Friends tell friends white lies.

5. It's not even a lie since, well, nothing's being said.

6. If you do tell him he's going to be so mad that you won't be able to play on his new x-box come Saturday.

So after careful deliberation, you come to the conclusion that the pros by far, outweigh the cons. Thus, you don't tell him. And as fate has it, everything goes on just perfectly. Your friend never finds out, he gets to hook up with the girl, dates her, and you get full time free access privilege to his x-box because you were the one who set them up. Win – win for both sides huh?

So keep your mouth shut and everybody gets a happily ever after.

Don't believe the theory yet?

Fine then, Here, is another example.

Scenario 2:

Let's say that you're a teenager in high school.

One day, you're heading home from school with your report card that, once again, only hosts a number of disappointing D's and F's on it. You're really bummed out because you spent all of last week studying (playing on your game boy) for midterms (that are worth 50 % of your grade), but you know your dad is going to be far more disappointed, given that you pretty much promised him at least C's this time around. Plus, since he actually works at your school, he has to deal with you teachers and peers, constantly complaining about your (not so amusing) pranks (you stuffed spaghetti down your gym teachers track suit once. and this other time, you wired the projector in the science room (that is cared for by your outdated, and senile science teacher) to show porn, and convinced the teach that yeah, it's biology. It totally worked.). Thus, really want to pay him back for the trouble you've caused. by, for once, bringing home, a good report card.

And, it just so happens, that today, is his birthday.

So, when you get that life ruining report card in your hands, what cha gonna do?

well obviously.

BURN IT.

Now after you've lit the fire and poured on the oil, the next thing on your to-do list would be to forge a new one.

Thankfully, your best friend can make you one, since last year, you bought him this mail-ordered tailor made report card forgery set for his birthday. And let's say that this friend of yours isn't exactly the brightest pupil. However, his parents dream big, and hope he'll become a world renowned surgeon one day, and so, push him to "strive for higher mountains"(scream at him to get good grades.). Thus, obviously, he's used the set so much that he could seriously fake a report card down to it's last inch perfectly with his eyes closed. Needless to say, you're very confident in his ……

talents.

When you reach his home, you find out that it just so happens that his drug dealing older cousin is visiting today. With several six pack beers. So while your friend is making a straight C report card for you, you, are getting drunk off of cheap beer, and getting in on some serious male bonding with the cousin.

Before we go any further though, I need to make one point, very, very clear.

There are exactly three types, of stupid drunks. The first type, drinks, and laughs. The second, drinks, and tells. The third type, drinks, and self mutilates (embarrasses, goes wild, etc).

You and the cousin are type two. Actually, you're type two even without drinking.

After three beers the two of you are comparing sizes.

After six you're trading extensive knowledge of jacking off, and girl getting methods.

After eight he tells you he's actually only a three by two incher, and that he lied when he said he was a six by four.

After nine, you tell him that you made out with your cousin because you didn't realize that it was her. (It was a family reunion after TEN years. Anyone could have made the mistake. Charlie sure did.)

After ten he lets you know he's harboring millions of childhood insecurities, despite his tough guy exterior. Like how he's got a stunted toddler sized penis. That's smaller than his eight year old brother's.

After twelve you let him know your dad's a closet gay.

Let me make this known.

When you're drunk, laughing, and really, just pretty much OUT OF IT, the first thing on your mind is not going to be FUCK. I JUST TOLD MY FAMILY SECRETS.

No. It's going to be something like "laddi dadi da, I'm DRUNK! The sky is BLUE! I'm Happyyyy…. I'm not going to remember this tomorrow! I'm a boy! I don't have boobs but I have nipples! That's FUNNY. HAHAHA."

So when you get home with the new report card, you are NOT regretting telling your new drug dealing friend all those secrets.

As a matter of fact, you're in such a state of unexplainable Euphoria that when you hand over your fake report card to your dad, he's almost scared you've killed somebody. Like you math teacher whose stalked you since middle school, and made sure to be your math teacher ever since. And make your life hell. Although, killing him would be tempting, it's not something you've done. Yet.

Now, daddy dearest is SO happy about your grades that he decides that during his birthday dinner out with his new boyfriend, you can have your (as far as he knows) first cup of red wine.

Unfortunately, since you're already half intoxicated from the beers, the wine kind of pushes you over the edge.

The next three hours are a total blur.

There's something about a dildo, Gay people, stamps, slimming food products, and coconuts. None of which you can actually remember.

You wake up in your bed the next morning with a pounding headache the size of Jupiter that even shoving sixty aspirins down your throat can't cure. You can barely even see straight, don't even mention walking in a straight line.

You smell something really nice coming from downstairs. and judging from the scent(and the color of the sky outside), you guess that your dad's either making breakfast, or lunch. whichever one it is, you're totally going to eat it, since your starving.

Let's assume that it takes a whole lot of effort to get yourself out of your bed and onto the staircase, seeing as how you are suffering from a painful hangover. So, since you're too busy stumbling and tripping your way into the kitchen, you fail to notice the expression on your dad's face.

Now obviously, after your wild night, you're going to want to know what you've done in your alcohol induced stupor.

So you ask "What happened last night? I got piss drunk, and forgot everything." You throw in a small laugh to keep the conversation fun and lighthearted. You're expecting a laugh or some teasing from your dad except; it's dead silent.

and silence is never a good sign.

You look up. And there's your dad across the kitchen counter, frying pan in one hand, and spatula in the other.

And he is definitely not smiling.

No. Actually, he looks downright pissed. And then he says a lot of stuff that is not rated pg-13. Not even rated R. So we're going to cut it out. It goes something like this:

"YOU ------ want to know what---- ---- happened last night? --------! You-----, and -------, you know what? Now my------ boyfriend doesn't even----------------------- --------- date-----anymore! And you --------- --------- your report card!? And-------- -------------Got drunk? ------------ before---------- you had ----------dinner last night? You------------------ ---------! You are --------- grounded! For--------- forever------!"

And then he threatens to disown you.

Ouch.

Even reminding him that he adopted you with GOOD REASON doesn't seem to help much.

It seems pretty apparent that in your drunkenness, you told him about faking the report card. And your drinking habits. And possibly broke him and his boyfriend up. And turned the boyfriend straight. (But he wasn't that hot, so trust me, you. Did. Good.)

By the way, a week later, the whole town finds out your dad's actually gay, and that you kissed your cousin.

Oddly enough, the town is super supportive of your dad's coming out. He gets flowers every day on the doorstep, and he's bringing home napkins with numbers on them every night. When he goes to the supermarket he's getting mysterious smacks on the ass, and other single dads "accidentally" falling onto him to get the ice cream.

So he's doing pretty good.

But you…. You on the other hand are getting dirty looks and leery old ladies that whisper to each other when you pass by. There are also little kids throwing stones at you going "INCEST! INCEST!" as you walk by the park. Telling them that you're not blood related just makes it worse. All because of you and your big fat mouth.

And because of your friend's cousin (who you ruined by telling everybody about his seriously tiny tim.)

Either way, high school ends up being hell.

Lesson of the story?

DON' EVER TALK.

Well, here's the very Last one, although i'm pretty damn sure i've made my point loud and clear.

Scenario 3:

You're fresh out of college, and have somehow managed to (despite your horrid school records) score a small, but cozy apartment in the city. You've also gotten a fairly good job to stabilize your financial situation, with one of the largest companies in the entire world. However, your newly promoted boss hates you, and you hate your new promoted boss.

Being with him makes you want to quit.

Unfortunately, the pay at your job is good, the people are nice, and the entire situation is almost ridiculously stable, so quitting, is not an option.

But let's say, that on one normal work day, you're typing away on your computer, filling out forms and orders for an upcoming presentation. Suddenly, you get pulled into your boss's office about an important order you filled out two weeks back. Meanwhile, while dreading the meeting, you're thinking, "it's okay, it's all okay, you're boss is cool, sheek, and young. he's so cool. he's totally okay with it." to calm yourself down.

However, as soon as you step into the office and shut the door, your boss lets you know "hey! Guess what? You screwed up." With his usual, dirty and arrogant I-told-you-so smirk.

You suddenly remember how much you hate him.

Feelings aside, The order is problematic enough to get you fired.

So, now, what are you going to do?

1. you are not, groveling at his feet or kissing his ass. Obviously. You have pride. And you hate his guts. And he stole your promotion.

2. you're not Begging. Ew. No. gross. You HATE him. He stole your crush. You stole his watch.

3. you're not quitting. Your job's too good. Asshole boss's aside.

You suddenly realize that you've been considering your options for quite a while. Your boss has his arms crossed, and is tapping his fingers on his forearm, waiting for you to respond.

Now you're fidgeting a little under the pressure of your superior's glare. He's expecting you to say something, and despite the fact that he's still completely expressionless, you can tell he's being impatient. And apparently still convinced he's better than you and the rest of the world. Conceited bastard. It makes you want to punch him. Hard.

4. You are NOT punching him! Bad move. He'll fire you. The girls in the office will also kill you for ruining the "perfect visage".

Fuck. Thinking about how pretty he is kind of pisses you off more. And girls…. Thinking about girls…. And how he stole your crush….

So you punch him in a spur of the moment. He goes reeling backwards, and starts cussing you out.

"fuck, what was that for?"

He's bleeding a little from his lip, and a bruise is beginning to form at the corner of his twisted, evil mouth.

You're starting to regret having done that. Thinking back on all those unpaid bills, and the tabs at Ichiraku Ramen, you realize that you more than just NEED this job… your entire life of ramen depends on it too.

You're sweating, and panicking a bit now, since you've just discovered that you cannot afford to lose this job. Too bad you're such an "act first think later" type of person. You've probably already gotten yourself fired.

On the other side of the room, your boss is slowly, getting up. The way he's moving looks rather frightening.

All things considered, the punch was sort of uncalled for. Maybe if you discuss your problems and work out your differences in couple's counseling or something you could stay at your job.

You laugh out loud.

Yeah, like hell that's going to happen.

He's probably so pissed off right now, that he's going to try and beat you up a thousand times over. and then fire you.

well that's an appealing prospect.

Fuck. Now he's walking towards you, with the 'get ready to die' look stamped all over his face.

oh shit.

HE'S COMING FOR YOU. He's got this murderous glint in his eyes, and there's something in the breast pocket of his suit that's shiny and looks suspiciously like a knife.

You're seriously freaked out now. What kind of boss brings a KNIFE to work? You've heard stories about psychopaths who just go crazy and all of a sudden start killing their co-workers in the middle of the day but… you didn't actually think----

Come to think of it, didn't Billy from accounting disappear last week after going into the boss's office? And didn't Melanie from human resources vanish without a trace?

Oh no. So that's how it happened.

And they do say that all psychopaths are usually "normal" and seemingly "emotionless" as they lack "empathy". Which, by the way, describes your boss perfectly. Now when you put all the pieces of the puzzle together…. You get the big picture. And the big picture is that…

Oh god. He's a foot away from you.

So with all the adrenaline pumping through your blood vessels, you are going to do exactly, what instinct tells you to do.

You jump up, make a beeline for the door, smash it open, and run straight out of his office.

The big picture is that your boss is a murderer for fucks sake.

No way in hell are you going to stay and chit chat with the man that's going to KILL you now, are you?

Even after you've gotten out of your bosses office, you keep on running. Now that you know his secret… he's definitely going to chase you down, and slaughter you like a pig.

So, after running through countless hallways, staircases, and getting frightened stares from co-workers, you find yourself in the car park of your office building. Arguably, one of the last places you actually want to be with a murderer hot on your heels. For starters, you're all alone. So, if he finds you now… you're officially screwed beyond screwed. NO ONE will ever find you. Not even your mangled and mutilated body.

Sadly, while you're busy panicking, you don't hear your boss's footsteps, until his feet are practically right in front of you.

You turn.

Lo and behold! There's your homicidal boss. He's huffing and puffing from chasing you, but only a little. You stare at him for a bit, like a deer caught in the headlights, and watch, fearfully, as he opens his mouth and says

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

And then you're screaming, Shrieking like a banshee through the car park while, quite honestly, running for dear life towards the elevator, because as far as you're concerned, he's serious. Dead. Serious.

You're at the elevator, still screaming while pushing the buttons, except the elevator WON'T FUCKING COME.

Now that's just plain annoying. The elevator, never comes. Even when murders aren't chasing you or trying to kill you. The reason?

Because there's only ONE ELEVATOR in the entire fucking building.

You're seriously considering filing a letter to Uchiha Central to get them to get off their lazy rich asses and finally INSTALL another one. Nobody likes to wait a century and a half just for an elevator to take them up two levels.

Somewhere along the way, while you were getting angry at the elevator, you forgot that you were running away from your boss.

So when the elevator finally comes, you're stupid enough to hold it for him (and he's huffing and puffing to catch up to the elevator), and say

"How are you today Mr. Uchiha? I hope your morning's been agreeable."

Just like you do every morning when you get to work.

HA. Old habits die hard.

They apparently kill you too.

Slowly, he jogs in, and gives you this queer, 'what are you playing at?' look. When the door closes with a 'ding', you suddenly remember that you're running away from the man that you just let in.

Fuck.

You start screaming again, except you get cut off when your boss covers your mouth with his hand, and presses the emergency stop button with his other hand. It suddenly occurs to you that your boss looks a whole lot like the type that will chase down their victims and kill them, mutilate

them, in an elevator.

"Calm down Uzumaki. What is wrong with you?"

All the signs were there. Like, how every morning, he'd have this freaky "I'm happy but not really" look on his face when he was in the elevator… Or how he'd always be touching the elevator in some way. Like, grabbing at the railing, and pushing his back into the lift.

You have an elevator epiphany. Two actually.

1. boss has an elevator murdering fetish.

2. you're screwed.

You struggle a bit, and manage to get away from your boss.

"I'm a black belt in Kung-fu and I'm not afraid to use it!" which is not a total bluff. You do know kung-fu. The second part…. Not so much.

Your boss sighs.

"Uzumaki, what are you talking about?"

Let's just say you are so freaked out that you're not really listening to him. So what he really says turns into something like this in your head:

"Uzumaki, I am going to kill you –smirk- and tear you into a million pieces and feed you to your co-workers. Just like I did to Melanie. And Billy."

Naturally, You go (Since you're so brave):

"Yeah? Well bring it on! I'll beat YOU! I'll avenge Melanie and Billy!" And start punching and kicking like Tarzan.

Your boss sighs again.

"Uzumaki? What are you going off about? Is this about laying off the guy in accounting?"

"So is that the story you're going with? That you "laid them off" because of the economy?" You try to kick his shins. He dodges, effortlessly.

"No, it's not the "story" I'm going with, it's the truth. Now stop trying to attack me."

"Why? So I can let you kill me? NO WAY!" You throw a punch at his face. He sidesteps.

"What?" He has the blankest look on his face. Almost like he genuinely doesn't know what's going on. You try to sweep his feet away from underneath him. He jumps up without even looking. "You're not being, serious are you?"

You toss a rapid succession of punches, kicks, and head butts. You manage to land a weak kick on his shoulder. He growls, and grabs the offending leg. With it, he swivels, and pushes your back into the elevator door, while pulling your leg up until your knee is level with his hip.

"Calm down you moron. I'm not trying to" he's seething "Kill you."

"yeah right you jerk. Is that what you told Melanie?"

You Flail some more, and somehow, he's ended up between your legs. You assume he's trying to start something.

Thus, you wrap your arms around his neck, your head over his shoulder, and try to use your free leg to trip him, wrestle him to the ground.

Except all of nature is against you because he's been built a little heavier than you, and is impossible to push over. Worst of all, you're all over him now; like you're climbing a tree.

The position is almost suggestive.

If you were a girl that is.

You laugh out loud.

"Uzumaki, what is wrong with you?" comes the indignant words of your boss. Whom you are currently accidentally semi-hugging.

Come to think of it, suddenly laughing for no reason at all during a fight would make you look like a maniac, wouldn't it?

You pause, fighting and killing momentarily forgotten. You push your upper body away from his, to explain to him about the really ridiculous though you just had, and come, face to face with him. You nose is a mere inch away from his, and somehow, your legs are latched around his waist, while you arms have stayed around his neck. You want to start laughing again at the lover like position you two have ended up in.

"hahaha, man, Uchiha! isn't this just the mo--mmmph!"

Too bad you have the worst luck on earth, because the elevator gives a lurch, and one moment, you two are fighting to the death, and the next, you're kissing. Eyes wide open.

Except it's not really kissing, since there's no lip action. It's more like… CPR. Unromantic.

You pull away as quickly as you humanely can, and spit over your bosses shoulder. You look back at you boss, and he's making the most accurate impression of a fish out of water you've ever seen.

You Freeze. Now you're seriously freaking out. You know you should say something lest this turn into "an office rendezvous"(the office elevator porno you watched last night. Featuring a guy and a GIRL), and you really, don't want your boss to get the wrong idea.

Now, let me make it clear that your thoughts at this very instant are "say something! Say anything! Anything's better than nothing!"

So you're not thinking right.

Not right at ALL. As a matter of fact, you're too worried considering how to not make your boss kill you.

And in your craziness, you tell the homicidal, very heterosexual boss of yours that you hate:

"I love you."

And you kiss him again.

...

...

Point is, just shut up.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Love it? Hate it? Review it?