Moonbrains

There was so much fear, anger, exhaustion, hatred, and death flowing into River Tam's brain that she couldn't distinguish her own feelings from that of the crowd of fighters taking cover around her. The new breed of Browncoats all but revered River as a goddess. She felt that amongst the emotions flying all around her. They had faith in her. They believed they couldn't lose if River Tam was in their unit.

As rapid and unceasing fire kept them pinned down in their bunker, River felt their faith in her rapidly fail. She couldn't blame them. Her own faith was beginning to falter, as well.

"What's yer plan now, Moonbrain?" Jayne asked, anger coming off of him in waves. Of course, with Jayne, this was only par for the course.

"Thinking," River answered.

"Well, quit thinking and start doing already!" Jayne yelled gruffly. He wanted to jump over the bunker and charge the Alliance.

"Getting yourself riddled with holes does not help the Independents," River said patiently. She put up her hand as Jayne started to talk again. "They're hungry. And afraid," she said, referring to the Alliance. "They don't want to meet River Tam."

"Don't blame them that one," Jayne muttered.

River ignored him. "Only need to take out their Sergeant. The others are ready to surrender if anything happens to them." He was their Malcolm Reynolds. He was pulling everyone together, telling everyone that River Tam was just a girl. Were any of them really afraid of a girl? Keep firing. We'll see if the girl can dodge bullets.

"All right, where is he?"

River pointed. Jayne fired.

Ten minutes later the Alliance surrendered.

"We make a good team," River said as they made their way back to Serenity, parked in the middle of the Browncoat camp.

"You coulda fired the gun yerself," Jayne said.

River stopped walking and put a hand on Jayne's arm to make him stop and look at her. "No," she said. "I couldn't."

Not for the first time, River got the impression that Jayne was trying to figure if River was a weapon or a girl. And, if she was a girl, was she still a girl or was she now a woman?

He did understand what she meant, though. It was a far more difficult thing to single a person out and kill him than it was to fight in a battle. It was even worse when you got inside a person's head, discover all their secrets, learn all the things they'd never said to the people they loved, see all their family. It made River's blood run cold.

Jayne could pull the trigger and not think about it. He had that luxury. River didn't.

"Heard you two displayed more thrilling heroics out there today," Mal greeted them at Serenity's door, his arm still in a sling from his disagreement with a crashing fighter jet. He'd be back to fighting the Alliance in a week or so. He was already back to fighting Inara.

"You should be resting," River said sternly.

"Right you are, Albatross, but I just had to see the two heroes in."

River narrowed her eyes at him. The Captain was thinking very hard about – ducks?

Jayne pushed past the Captain and into the ship. "All right, we're in. Hope you got some good grub waiting for us. Living legends need real food."

The Captain smiled at River as she slowly passed. "Um, you might wanna get cleaned up, you know, with something nice. Connor decided to uh – stop by."

River thought she heard Jayne laugh coldly at Connor's name. Like River, Connor was a pilot. He was only twenty and had a reputation fro being very good at his job and hating the Alliance with a terrible fury.

The Captain liked him.

Twenty minutes later, as River stepped down into the dining area, a cheer from Serenity's crew, plus Connor, greeted her. "Happy birthday, River!" Simon said, stepping up to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Day is a - " River began.

"We know. 'Not applicable,'" Kaylee said, smiling and holding up River's cake. "Does that mean you don't want any of this?"

"If not, I'm sure we'll find something to do with it," Jayne added. He'd quickly changed clothes, too. He was now wearing his best shirt, the button down one usually reserved for chasing women.

Upon the Captain's insistence, River sat down at the head of the table and blew out her candles. All the fears and troubles she'd felt on the battlefield were washed away by laughter and love. She had a family again. She was a girl again.

"Heard you were brilliant today, as always," Connor said as Kaylee passed out slices of cake.

"Brilliant would have been winning without firing a shot," River said calmly.

"Where's the percentage in sparing the Alliance any pain? They wouldn't spare us. Didn't last time. Every last Alliance dog deserves to die," Connor stated.

River glared at Connor, wishing she really could kill him with her brain.

"That'll be enough war talk for now," Mal ordered from the other end of the table. "Got celebrating to do. Not every day lil Albatross turns nineteen."

An awkward silence settled down for a moment, until Simon spoke up, "Besides, we still have presents for her to open." Simon handed River a box. "Not that they'll be a surprise."

River took the box with a smile and ripped it open with the enthusiasm of a five-year-old. She held up the bran new toe shoes and ran the silky ribbons through her fingers.

"What use are those gonna be out here?" Connor asked.

"Girl just likes to dance," Jayne muttered gruffly at River gave Simon a hug of thanks.

Mal slid down a large box, saying, "Now this here's from me and Zoe. Too new, we think, but we figure you'll take care of that soon enough."

River opened it up and shook out a long brown coat. They were right; it was too new. River wished it could stay like that. Clean. An innocently brown coat. She smiled and resisted the urge to ask if it had been on sale.

Kaylee plopped a rumpled package down on River's lap. A lacy crocheted shawl that matched Inara's gift. A beautiful new dress, long and silky, with deep purples and hints of blue.

As the celebration would down, Connor asked River to go for a walk. She obliged, not because she particularly wanted to, but because the Captain had smiled at her, wanting her to go and be a real girl for a while.

While they walked, Connor did most of the talking. He hadn't quite figured out that River didn't need him to talk so much. He was glad the Independents had River, called her a gift from heaven. He was sure they'd win this time. And when they did, he hoped to be right there by River's side. He gave her a ring for her birthday and hoped she'd wear it.

She answered that she didn't like jewelry.

He still kissed her goodnight just outside Serenity's door.

River closed the door behind him. "Hello, Jayne," she said, turning to look at him. He was coming out into the open from deep within the hold.

"Evenin'," Jayne responded. "Connor didn't look all that happy to leave. Not going for Young Pilot of the Year?"

"You think I need a boyfriend, do you? Someone to love me?" River asked angrily.

Jayne shrugged. "Just a bit curious. Seems to me ya might be a bit too cooped up fer your own good. Thought you'd like some boy chasing after you. Thought you'd be wanting - "

He wanted to say sex.

" – someone. By now."

"Connor and I are incompatible," River said. Jayne didn't understand this. She explained further. "He only wants one thing."

"Ah, hell, Moonbrain, that goes without saying."

River sighed and shook her head. "No. I can understand a boy-man wanting to bed me. I can even respect that. It's an honest enough intention," River said. "But Connor wants to be able to tell all his friends that he slept with River Tam. Yes, the River Tam." She shook her head again. "He might as well want to sleep with the Lassiter."

Jayne looked down at the ground, thinking. "Best not let the Captain hear that about his prodigy," he said after a moment. "Mal's likely to go and put a bullet in him."

"I can take care of myself," River said, not defensively, just as a reminder.

"Awe, hell, we all know that one, Moonbrain. Just sometimes, ya know, brain's and knowing's got nothing to do with it. Some thing we just gotta protect."

Like a sister.

Or your woman.

River's heart skipped a beat. "You were waiting up for me," she reminded him.

Jayne looked up, took a few steps towards her, and handed her an awkwardly wrapped package, smaller than a shoe box. "I wanted to give ya your birthday gift."

"I didn't think you - " River stopped. He'd been embarrassed, didn't want the others to see. She opened the package. A small gold gun with a ivory handle fell into River's hand.

"It's a cunnin' lil piece. Looks and feels like an ordinary pistol, but it's all laser," Jayne explained.

River didn't know what to think.

"It's just in case, you know, you need to shoot somebody, and I'm not around to do it for ya."

River looked up into Jayne's blue eyes. Those confusing blue eyes. Sometimes they were hard and cold, like you would expect from a mercenary's eyes. Other times they were soft, revealing Jayne's self-doubt and his big heart. Like the Captain, Jayne was far nicer than what he led people to believe right off.

"It's a beauty," River said slowly.

"Glad ya like it," Jayne smiled slightly. It was an odd expression for the man ape gone wrong, River had to admit. A little unsettling, actually.

"Is that all you wanted to give me, Jayne?" River asked, knowing the answer, but, like always, preferring to hear him say it.

Jayne titled his head to the side. He was thinking how like that little pistol she was. She looked like a woman and felt like a woman, but she had something far more powerful inside. Something maybe he shouldn't mess with.

"Being truthsome, no, that's not all," Jayne said after a moment. "But I don't think you're like to approve of what else I want to give you."

River thought for a moment about taking matters into her own hands, dropping the packaging and grabbing Jayne, leaping into his arms in one skillful and elegant move. And she knew he was thinking roughly the same thing, albeit more graphically than she was.

Oh, yes, she would approve.

"Happy birthday, River," Jayne said, his voice soft and rough. He turned quickly and walked away, as if he had better get out of there before he did something stupid.

River stood in the hold, her new gun in her hand, shaking her head. And he called her a moonbrain.