Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

My friends and I were to think of some inventions for a science project, and we thought of this while we were slacking away. This is pure crack. Rated for mild language and some sexual humor.

Prowl barged into Wheeljack's room, panting like a dog. "Wheeljack! Where are your… Heh? Dammit, he's not here…"

Sighing, the second-in-command proceeded to sit at his comrade's desk to rest a little when something on it caught his attention. It was a sheet of pink paper with almost-illegible words written in the middle. It said:

My future inventions!

1. Children like to fly like Superman, so I thought of inventing FLYING SHOES. You press a button on one of the shoes and magical wings will come out. Meant for everyone, even babies.

2. Flies are freaking annoying, and they are attracted to light. Thus, the idea of the SPOOKY FLY KILLER came out. A special light bulb will give off a creepy green light so creepy, it will scare the shit out of the flies that will pass out and die. Meant for everyone.

3. Parents, teachers and all the people who fart can't control their gas. The FART STOPPER can help by shoving a little special cork up his or her asses so the fart will not come out and stink everyone to death. Meant for idiotic people who fart, and actually, everyone.

4. Obesity is a major problem for many, so I came out of this invention called the DIET CONTROLLER. You feed them with this unique little jellybean that will grow and grow in their stomachs and cause them to be full, so they don't have to eat anything else. Meant for people who can't control their diets.

5. Sometimes, our noses get too clogged up with nose shit, and the NOSE CLEANER can help. By sticking a mini vacuum cleaner in their noses, the device will suck in all the shit and whatnot. Then, the shit can be reused as plant fertilizers. Meant for everyone.

6. Mosquitoes are so freaking annoying too, so I thought the AWESOME MOSQUITO FRYER is the best for this problem. A little box-like gadget will attract the mosquitoes somehow and the stupid insects will fly in. They will then get killed by super heat and become fried mosquitoes. Meant for everyone.

7. Stupid and forgetful people usually forget to remove their keys from the hole in the doorknob. The creation of the KEY BUZZER is great as when it detects a key in the doorknob, it will give off some farting noises, a siren alarm or their grandmother's nagging. Meant for elderly people or people with dementia.

8. Your umbrella gets wet when it rains, and this is pretty irritating for most. Therefore, I thought the MAGICAL UMBRELLA COVER is amazing. After you close the umbrella, press a button on the handle and an invisible umbrella cover will magically cover the umbrella. Meant for everyone.

9. Don't know when to die? With the CLOCK OF DOOM, you will then know your time of doom. This special clock will work like a normal one, except that when it stops ticking, it means that you will be sent to doom. No guarantee that a white, innocent-looking clock will send you to the heaven of doom and a black, devilish clock will send you to the hell of doom, though. Meant for people who wants to die.

10. Female teenagers are always cranky and pissy when their gush of red comes. But the RED RIVER DAM will solve this problem by putting a little pill, which will stop the flow of the red river, up their asses. They will have to fart to remove it from their body and the pill will come out with a 'pop!' Meant for females only. If males use this, they will lose their virginity and regret it for the rest of their useless lives.

Prowl twitched his optic. Seriously, he needed a word with that crazy asshole before he really invents these and cause world end.