Disclaimer: I admit it! I don't own anything here! Joss Whedon and his group own Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related characters and material. Star Gate is the creation and invention of Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin; the Star Gate T. V. series came from Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner. All Star Gate related materials and characters belong to that bunch, not me!

Oops! This is the short one shot that went beyond the 600 words I was originally planning to write. Sorry.

Still, I hope it entertains rather then bores. So, thanks!

Buffy is dropped into the Stargate universe.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Taverns could be so depressing, Buffy thought, momentarily pausing in wiping down the counter, to glance out into the main room of her tavern. Sunlight, coming in through the tiny windows, provided enough light to keep her mostly sober clients from running into anything. Later, in the afternoon, lamplight will gradually take over illuminating the tavern interior. Okay, not a place Buffy ever thought she would own-Certainly not at sixteen! Or for that matter, at any age! Ugh! Stupid vamps. Stupid portals. No fair using magic! No fair sending the Slayer off to another dimension and planet, or for that matter, a planet without indoor toilets or showers!

Buffy giggled, a nearby client shot her a look, before returning to his tankard. Really stupid vamps! If only they had known they were staying in Sunnydale, with all the competition, instead of enjoying an all-you-can-eat human banquet, at the other end of the portal they went to all the frantic trouble of creating! To be fair (Buffy rolled her eyes up at that!), the vamps had no way of knowing exactly where they were sending her. Maybe the portal had been highjacked by a Power, dropping her, rolling, on Calderia, within yards of a local fight competition!

Okay, she had been in the dark about the whole competition thing. Good thing, otherwise, being the shy little slayer she was, Buffy was certain she would have sneaked off into the forest and missed an opportunity to integrate herself into the town. Instead she jumped into what looked like a free-for-all melee, and being the only one standing, after beating into unconscious all the other fighters, Buffy was declared the winner!

At first, Buffy had been thrilled over winning the tavern-Until, she found out the original owner, had only thrown it into the betting pot (a literal pot!) to avoid his tax obligations! On Calderia, if taxes went unpaid, the debt owner ended up working for the state. A slave in everything but name until the debt was paid off-Sadly, there was that thing called 'interest'. Well . . .at least they were guaranteed life-long job security.

The former owner wiped clean his tax debt by 'donating' his tavern to charity-The fight competition had benefited a charitable cause-And Buffy got to use the majority of her new winnings to pay off her newly acquired taxes.

Yep, it all worked out-The former owner lost his tavern, but got to keep his freedom. Buffy ended up with the tavern, the taxes, the maintenance costs-The former owner's abandon mistress and their bastard son, while the S. O. B. in question, ran off with his legal wife and children to greener pastures, and far better, and profitable, business opportunities. Yep, it worked out peachy . . .Good thing Buffy was able to pick up extra cash in the semi regular fight competitions held around the area, otherwise, she would have gone down while she learned how to run a tavern.

But wait! There was an actual happy ending in sight for Buffy! Turns out the planet had a little secret that kept it from being a totally bland blah sort of world. While taking a walk in the forest, one night, Buffy spidey-senses began tingling. The return of her supernatural warning system served up equal portions of excitement and apprehension. Buffy crept up the disturbance with Slayer stealth-And found herself in a tiny meadow without a bad guy to appreciate her stealthiness!

Buffy looked and searched the meadow, where the feeling was strongest, to no profit or edification-At least, not until the ground under her feet gave way and she fell into a hole! Buffy landed in a stone chamber with what looked like a short pillar in the middle. Loudly using words that would have had her mom reaching for the soap, Buffy got up from the scattered heap of stone, soil and green grass she had landed in and brushed away dirt from her clothing. She looked around the unoccupied, nearly empty chamber and glided over to the only interesting thing there-The pillar.

Buffy's spidey-sense nearly screamed itself hoarse. Okaay, Buffy glided closer to the pillar, what a curious thing . . .Not giving off evil pings-But it was pinging! Buffy thought. She got closer to peer at the weird chicken scratchings on the pillar, getting up on her tiptoes to get a good look, when a hand thingy suddenly shot out of it and grabbed her face!

Wild, muffled, protesting "Mmmh! Mmmmgh! Mmmmgh!" bounced off the stone in the chamber as the entire Alterian database was downloaded into a reluctant blond slayer's head!

Buffy almost, almost ripped the device off her head! The only thing that stopped her, was the instantaneous transfer of information from the database-Oh, a library! Came the calming, distant thought. Buffy stood on tiptoes, her hands flailing wildly about her head and the device but not touching either-It was really designed for much taller people.

Abruptly, the thing released her, sending Buffy backwards, landing on her rear. She darted wild eyes around, while the entire database settled into her brain-A human brain already augmented and contently welcoming its new knowledge. Buffy later swore she could hear purring.

"Whoa," was all Buffy said. She licked her dry lips and got up. Buffy walked over to the pillar and contemplated it for a small moment. Then she reached out and gently tapped a pattern on its surface.

The result was immediate-the surface debris, from the roof collapse, magically collected itself, and flew upwards in a blur. The dark, mix matter plastering itself against the gaping hole and filling it in, an eye blink later leaving a repaired smooth ceiling behind.

Buffy walked over to a spot on the floor and rings came down around her; a flash of light and the chamber was once again, empty and dark.

Two weeks later, Buffy stood in her tavern, busy wiping down the counter from behind it, contemplating on the nearly two month old events. Buffy had gone over the stuff implanted in her head by the device, and she was convinced a way home was possible. And then the door opened and things got complicated.

New clients walked in even more frequently then before the change in management-Buffy had been assured of that by Winnie, the former mistress and current barmaid. Not a bad person, Buffy discovered. Winnie was not what she was expecting, and that momentarily confused Buffy. How could a nice, decent human being like Winnie associate, much less share a bed with a dirtbag like her former boss? Love? Nope. Because he was her boss, stupid! Duh! Buffy almost broke out into a snarl. The former owner had been a real sleaze . . .Yeah . . .Buffy got that, since every mouth around her was willing to spill about the guy. Under his management, the tavern floated just a step shy of a sewer. Buffy was amazed the local citizens tolerated the place for as long as they did, without gathering into an angry mob and torching the tavern!

Ah, reputations were incredibly tough things to overcome-Buffy got hers the night she tossed out of the tavern half a dozen moaning bodies. She deliberately aimed them into the foulest section of the gutter, marking that event, the actual, official change of management.

New clients, huh? Buffy eyed them warily. Four people, three men and a woman wearing standard issue BDUs, carrying P-90's-Except for the tall black guy with the staff weapon, and the gold implant of a first prime on his forehead! And as if the Powers giggle meters were running wild, they all wore the patches and insignias of the US military-Air Force at that!

Buffy suddenly smiled. "What can I get for you, my honored guests?"

"Information would be nice," said the older, gray haired man eyeing her speculatively. A colonel, Buffy noted.

A younger, dark haired man wearing glasses, hastily stepped forward. The quick warning glare he gave the colonel was too fast to have been caught by anyone else-But Buffy saw it. "My name is Daniel Jackson, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill, Captain Samantha Carter and former first prime, Teal'c. We are travelers from far away, and will like to speak to someone in authority."

"Hi, I'm Buffy! Welcome to Calderia! And the only things I have authority over is this quality establishment," Buffy shot a dirty look in the direction she heard muted guffaws coming from. "And what I serve in it. Hmmm, the mayor and the councilors are scattered around, right now. But if we sent out a messenger now, we can have them together and have them met you at or around midday?" About two and a half hours, Buffy mentally calculated.

"That . . .might . . .be . . .good," drawled Colonel O'Neill.

"That will be just fine, Buffy." Daniel Jackson smiled.

"While you wait, will you like something to drink? On the house, and if you like, non-alcoholic?" Buffy moved from behind the counter, and guided her new guests over to a vacant table.

"Yes-The non-alcoholic part too," said O'Neill, sitting with his back to the wall.

"Right. I'll get you four of that," Buffy bounced away and approached one of her patrons. "Hey, Ti-!"

"Yeah, I heard . . .You'll just have to find someone else-I'm too comfortable to run around today. Anyway, it's my day off, and I'm not wasting it on anyone except me!"

"I'll pick up your bar tab."

"I'm going!" A human-shaped blur went out the door.

Even as Buffy hurried to fill four tankards, she wondered exactly what the Powers were planning. And how little Buffy was going to fit into those plans!

Late at night, in one of Sunnydale' many cemetery, behind a large, impressive mausoleum, a 'whoosh!' sound broke the relative silence, in mid air a column of blue water gushed out of nowhere, then pulled back and flattened out into a circle of blue water. Buffy Anne Summers dove through the blue circle, somersaulted in midair and landed on her feet with a flourish. "Ta-da!" Buffy cheerfully announced, with her arms upraised and opened wide.

What? No applause? Fine! Who cares anyway? She was home! Buffy grinned madly at the glowing full moon, and happily waved at it. Buffy never thought feeling the filthy energy leaking out from the partly sealed Hellmouth could cause giddy sensations in her! Revulsion, yeah, giddy? Not so much. But live and learn, right!

A sudden and unexpected brief flare of light through the trees brought out a fierce grin on Buffy's face. Payback! She ran through the trees, towards the former flare of light-"Buffy's here!" she howled as she jumped into the midst of the nest of vampires that had caused her so much trouble!

The swirl of dust finally settled down around her. Ah, so many months, waiting to dust them! Buffy contently watched the final grains of dust blow away in the wind. Too bad she had to wait until after they sent her off to Calderia! From what Buffy had picked up from the Alterian database, paradoxes were bad.

Hmm, so what next? Buffy searched her memory. Her face lit up in delight and joy. Oh! Summer vacation! Daddy was picking her up in the morning, and she was spending the summer in LA with him!

Humming happily under her breath, Buffy danced out the cemetery and headed home. Idly, Buffy wondered how Jack liked his big honkin' space guns?

Honestly, I was only planning a brief meeting between Buffy and SG1. Short and sweet, but instead, it mutated into this thing.

Thanks for reading it anyway. Goodbye!