Black Velvet Chapter 1: Black Velvet, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just play with them.

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"Severus?"

Someone knocked on my door. It was clearly a knock. No first-year student who wants to loose a few hundered points knocks that way. No student with a stupid question would dare to knock that way. Especially not at this hour of the day. Who's that in front of my door, then? Albus? He knocks in a soft, gentle way. This knock was loud, so that I wouldn't overhear it. After ignoring it for a while, I finally gave in and got up to open the door.

A glance at my old clock told me that I'd worked for hours. It's not a good productive work, correcting essays, but what shall I do? Even I don't enjoy giving marks that should be below zero and signing my name underneath. My legs feel stiff and my body aches. I don't care who is standing in front of my door and I don't want to know. It's a teacher, that's for sure - who else should use my first name? Uttering a curseword underneath my breath I open the door.

"Lupin?"

He doesn't sound very enthusiastic. Not that I expected him to open the door wide and welcome me inside for tea and cookies... well, maybe, if someone put something into his tea, he would - but no. Noone would survive putting something into Severus' tea. Maybe Dumbledore, whose fault it is that I'm standing here.

It was his tired gaze, in which so much pain and sadness was hidden when Severus appeared at breakfast for a mere five minutes before he left again, without touching any food at all. He didn't appear at lunch at all, and during dinner the breakfast situation was repeated. And everytime he is not eating, Dumbledores bright blue eyes get a little sadder, a litte bit darker, more tired. It's been a week now and I can't watch Albus being sad for longer. He always feels with others, senses sadness and pain, and the pain Severus is dealing with troubles the Headmaster deeply. And Severus is suffering some pain, I'm sure of that. He's vanishing, slowly, getting thinner and thinner. Even under his wide, high-collared robes it's getting obvious. Is it some kind of self-tortoure? Only that he isn't harming only himself with it - he's also inflicting pain on everyone that cares for him, mostly on Albus. And on everyone else around him: His concentration is slowly giving away, his temper is even worse than usually - although there are spirits out there who claim that this isn't possible. He'll kill himself if he doesn't change his way.

And why am I here? I want him to realize what he is doing, to wake up. We were never friends, acquaintances at the most, during school days. I didn't hate his guts like Sirius, but I wasn't too keen of him either. But since I'm back as a teacher and realized what he is doing for our side in this war, I try to get along with him. It got easier in the last weeks, although I fear that this has to be blamed on his lack of strengh. He is simply too tired to fight back anymore... At least that will make it more easy to get through to him.

"May I enter?"

Lupin, at this time of the day, in front of my door? Did I already think about suicide today? No? Well, it's time for that now. Not that I don't love having visitors, no, my sociable nature loves company. Ah, irony... That was today: I'm tired, have a nasty headache and Lupin in front of my door. And he looks determined, as if he had something to say and not as if he'd simply go away if I told him so. With a sigh I take a step back and allow him to enter my private quaters. He smiles, slips past me and strolls into my living room. There he takes a seat in one of the armchairs in front of the fire place and places a bottle on the coffee table I hadn't noticed before. Red wine.

He seems to admit that he can't get rid of me tonight. He even looks slightly amused as I present my gift - a bottle of his favourite red wine. With raised eyebrows he looks at me, shrugs and from somewhere takes two cristal wine glasses, which he puts down on the coffee table next to bottle and settles down into the second armchair.

"How do I deserve the honor of your visit?"

I smile. Although his voice is cold and filled with irony, I like to listen to it. It's a shame that someone with such a voice is only using it to irritate and degrade others. He knows how to control his voice, knew it from the very beginning of his teenage years and learned to make use of it to his advantage. Dumbledore once told me that Voldemort was aware of this as well and used Severus as his interrogator. Imagine being captured and being handed to someone with a mind and a voice like Severus... I'm very lucky that I never had to face that, as I don't think I would have kept many secrets.

"We need to talk."

My voice dripping with irony I answer.

"I'm here. Talk."

Out of habit my voice is cold as ice. I like to play with my voice, carefully watching my opposite to find out what impact it has. I have a different timbre for every situation, and I learned early to listen carefully. I can make students tremble with horror by pronouncing their name. Voices are dangerous. They betray much of what their owner is really thinking without his knowledge. I always find the true emotions of other in their voices. Even in the voices of my students - fear, pain, defiance, determination. You can hear everything if you listen. If someone is telling the truth or not. I learned to listen, yes, in the years I worked as n interrogator for the Dark Lord. Not many people really know how to listen. But because I know so much about voices I learned how to gain perfect control over my own, learned to bite and stroke with it, to caress and kill. But my voice never shows my true emotions. Only Albus knows the how I sound when I talk freely, without fear, when I'm honest and open. For then it's warm and soft, and Albus says it sounds like black velvet.

I take a deep breath.

"Well.. about you."

For a second he closes his eyes, open them again, watches me. The bright shine of the fire is reflected in his black orbs, in which I can see no emotion.

"Why?"

I sigh. This is going to be hard. But I never expected it to be easy, right? Or? Maybe I wished for it.

"I'm worried about you."

He raises an eyebrow, his usualy facial expression. It's the arrogant look that Sirius hates so much, that I've seen on his face countless times, since we know each other - and that's quite a while now. He's either mocking me or I managed to confuse him.

"Now that's a piece of exciting news. You distrub me at this hour of the day to tell me that you're worried about me? Great. I know it know. Leave."

He's not really sure about the things he's saying, I can hear it in his voice. It's just the timbre that's slightly off, nothing a human being could detected - but I am not human. The wolf in me feels his insecurity. Who would think that sometimes being a monster could proof beneficial.

"You don't appear in the Great Hall anymore. During out meetings in the teachers lounge you sit by the fire and sulk. It's not that you're usually amicable. But you're never silent. Harry told me you stopped taking points from Griffindor for nothing, and that your aren't as witty as you used to be. What happend?"

Great. Now he's giving me a lecture. I admit that I became a bit tame. Long verbal fights tire me too much. I never realized that I stopped taking points from Griffindor. I will change that soon.

"Thanks for informing me. I will make sure that Griffindor will get rid of their excess house points. Minerva will be one happy being. You can leave now."

I can't belive it. He's laughing. He's sitting in my armchair, in front of my fireplace, and is roaring with laughter. My headache explodes underneath this sound, it feels like my brain trys to flee from my skull through my left ear. Pulling a face I start to look through the pockets of my robes for something against the pain.

I'm laughing. Severus last comment was dripping with sarcasm, and I couldn't stop thinking about Minervas face. Severus simply pulls a face and takes a small bottle out of the pocket of his robes, filled with black fluid. With a tired gesture he pushes a strand of raven hair back behing his left ear and rubs it.

"What is that?"

I'm curious. Maybe something against the headache he always claims to have? Lines appear on his forehead.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I guess I will survive taking it."

He lifts the bottle to his lips and drinks the liquid in one swift swallow. Than he sets it down on the table, closes his eyes and rubs his forehead with his hand. I guess I was right - headache. When he opens his eyes again he notices my gaze and quickly lets his hand fall back into his lap. Damn your pride, Severus!

It's good that the potions works quickly and effectivly. It's my own invention, and I really need it. Often.

"Why are you saying these things? Disappointing me with surviving? Noone would celebrate should you die. Everyone is worried, Minerva, me. Albus suffers."

I look up. Lupin looks agitated. So he's here to save me, to play hero. Who would have thought... when will they realize that I don't need to be saved? Here is no room for a hero. It's not the right story.

"Stop it, Lupin."

I rise from my chair to make it clear that he's no longer welcome. He is not of that opinion, but rises nevertheless and takes a few steps into my direction. Which is my luck. He would not have caught me otherwise.

He jumps up from his chair, making it clear that I should go. But he is not getting out of this that easily, not this time! I rise from my chair as well, take a step forward, when his eyes suddenly loose their focus and his face turn even whiter than it was before. And then he simply collapses.

It's his luck that he practically collapsed into my arms. Surprised I reach out and catch him, and he's so very light that it's almost painful.

"Damn it, Severus!"

I caught him at a strange angle, and because I need to change my grip I slowly lower myself and him onto the thick, soft carpet. I guess he'll wake up soon, right? He didn't eat for days, no wonder that he fainted. My stomach turns a bit at the thought what I should do if... if he doesn't wake up. But now I need to get him somewhere else. Carefully I arrange him in my arms and carry him over into his bedroom, where I place him on his bed. I put a pillow underneath his head, wrap a blanket around his body and put his legs on another big pillow. Than I settle down on the edge of the bed and try to think. Shouldn't I call upon Albus and Poppy? Severus would kill me.

In the end I decide to get a cold washcloth first. I remember my father doing that with my fainted sister - maybe it will help with Severus, too. When I return from the bathroom he hasn't moved an inch. Carefully I wipe his forehead. Rolling up his sleeves I put some cold water on his wrists, noticing the scars that cover both of his wrists. Some are smaller, some are bigger. There are new ones and old ones, but no fresh ones. It's a story of pain and fear, digged into his skin, and it hurts seeing it. On his left wrist there is the black mark, burned into the porcelain skin. All the hairs on my arms stand up as my fingers softly touch it, and cold shivers run down my spine. It's a mark, like a dog tag. In my mind I see the faces and hear to voices of the many friends I had that Voldemort killed, and images start to spin inside my head. But I try to keep a clear head. I need to take care of Severus now. The dead are dead anyway...

Than I decide to call on Albus.

The first thing I realize when I regain my conciousness is that I'm cold. It seems that I'm lying on my bed. I feel the presence of Lupin next to me, and when I carefully stretch my body he immediately moves.

"Severus?"

I take a deep breath. Than I try opening my eyes. I'm lucky that it's fairly dark in my bedroom. Only the light of two small candles throws shadows on the wall. In shock I realize that my sleeves are rolled up. I want to push myself up, but can't find the strengh to go through with the movement. Then Lupins face appears inside my field of vision. He looks worried. That's not necessary. Nobody should worry about me.

Thank Merlin he's awake. I had started to really worry about him... Carefully he opens his eyes, as if he's afraid of the light. When he tries to push himself up he fails. There's simply not enough strenght left in him. Only then I realize the dark marks under his eyes, the bones under his skin. He looks older that he is, and so fragile.

"Why?"

With a gentle movement I touch the skin on his wrists. He flinches, but doesn't find the strengh to pull his hand away. His skin is so cold. Than he opens his eyes again, his gaze fixed to the ceiling.

"Too much pain potion in one day, insomnia, too much cruciatus, too much work..."

His voice is weak, but neutral, as he lists all the reasons why he collapsed. The cruciatus - if I met Voldemort now, I'd probably strangle him with my bare hands.

"No.. I meant that."

Once again I touch the scars on his wrists. My touch makes him flinch again, but this time he shakes his head.

"I'm so tired..."

So soft he says those words that I can hardly hear them. Then he drifts off. I decide to stay for the night. With some floo I inform Dumbledore of my decision. When I come back into the bedroom Severus hasn't moved again and in the dim light of the two candles I settle in for a long night.

When I open my eyes again it's still night. I don't know how long I slept, but I feel better now. I still feel a bit weak, too weak to walk, but at least my head is clear again. As I try to turn around I realize two things. First, I'm still fully dressed, only my shoes are missing. Second, I'm not alone in my bed. It's not that I've never woken up next to a strange, but usually I had quite fond memories of how that person came into my bed. This time there'nothing. When I carefully check who my unknown companion is I realize that waking up next to that said person never belonged into the category of "my deepest desires". Next to my Remus Lupins is sleeping soundly. Great. At least it's not Black, that would have caused me a heart attack. Waking up next to the best friend of your favourite enemy isn't a very enlighting experience. Then the memories of the previous evening return and with them the weakness and dizzyness. Carefully I let myself sink back into the pillows, and feel the cold creeping back into my bones, together with the well known pain of too much cruciatus. My nerves start to tingle.

"How are you feeling?"

I try to speak, but I can't. The pain is taking over, and soon I'm sinking into unconciousness again.

He's shaking violanetly. His whole body. Albus once told me that the cruciatus curse can cause attacks like that if it's forced upon a body too often. I never knew voldemort was doing that to him. But I guess only Albus knew. I feel helpless.

"Shh.. come here.."

What do you do with someone suffering from the aftermath of a curse? His hands are holding the blanket in a tight grip. Is he still concious?

In the end I decide to do the only thing I can: Hold him tight. Body contact can help to calm people down, simply holding someone is often a good medicine. So I pull him into my arms. His body is cold to the touch. After a while the shivering stops and his breathing comes to a normal rythm. And after an even longer amount of time he's asleep again, still in my arms, holding the hem of my robes tight. Maybe I was right and all he needed was to be held, once? Musing over that fact I fall asleep as well.

I only wake up again when the sun was already high in the sky. Severus is still asleep, but has softend his grip on my robe, and so I place him back into the pillows, tuck his blankets around him and leave. I feel really shaken up, and am in real need of a shower and fresh robes. After a quick visit to the bathroom I go back to the bedroom to check one last time on him, and find him wide awake.

By Merlin's bones - I did not sleep curled up to Lupin, did I? I only remember the upcoming pain of the cruciatus, and then emptyness and pain. I think I didn't scream, which would be good.

Lupin looks shaken up and in need of a shave and shower. I don't want to know what I look like - probably not much better than the Dark Lord himself, or Death. I can only hope Lupin won't ask too many questions.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

He smiles. I strech my neck, rub my temple and try to control my voice.

"Better."

At least my voice isn't trembling anymore. But it still sounds weak. Lupin looks at me with a worried expression.

"Dumbledore is informed, you will not teach today. I'll go catch some sleep now, you should do that too."

Then he turns around, collects his belongings and leaves. I'm surprised.

He looks so much better. Tired, yes, tired to the bones, but better. I'm tired too, looking forward to my bed. It's good that Dumbledore told me he'd cover for Severus and make Minerva cover for me. He really couldn't teach today.

I know he needs time now. I mean, it's still Severus, after all. He'll be emberassed that he clung to me, but I think he needed that. Human touch. Being hold. Only that, nothing more.

I pick up my belongings from the living room, and open the door to leave for my own quarters. I just hope I won't meet Harry or Ron. Explaining why exactly I look like I slept in the Forbidden Forest, or worse, the Dungeons, could be interesting. Behind me I hear small steps in the bedroom, and Severus appears in the doorframe. He's tucking a sweat drenched strand of hair behind his ear, his robes crumpled, sleeves still rolled up. His skin is almost translucent, and he looks twice his age. But there's a tiny hint of a smile on his lips. Looking at me calmly his eyes aren't that empty anymore.

"Thank you, Remus."

His voice is pure velvet. Black velvet.

I just realized that it's been almost seven years since I wrote that. It's only the first chapter in a series of three, and it found quite a few fans in the german speaking parts of . I didn't like it for a long time and made some minor changes while translating it. The process of working on it made me like it again, and gave me an understanding why so many fans enjoyed reading it so far. I do not have a beta, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.

I'm always open to advice and opinions, and of course I appreciate your reviews. I could translate the other two chapters as well, depending on the popularity of this first part. Let me know what you think.