I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. The words kept playing themselves over and over again in her mind until she thought she would scream. She looked down at her hands which clutched the now emptied glass. I'll have just one more. Maybe then his face won't haunt me, Scarlett thought as she walked over to her bureau, opened the bottom drawer, and pulled out the swoon bottle, now only half filled with brandy. She grabbed the decanter quickly and poured herself another glass, then took a big gulp before returning to her seat. The warm brown liquid burned as it travelled down her throat, but she welcomed the fire if only it would blot out her memory. If only I could get myself drunk enough so I wouldn't have to feel this guilt, oh God I am going to hell! she thought to herself, and then took another large sip.

Scarlett was not accustomed to feeling remorse. Normally, she could pass off the things she had done as something that was out of her hands, something that simply had to be done with no other way out, but now she could not pass off her treatment of Frank as something she had no control over. She had not only manipulated Frank into marrying her, knowing full well he was in love with her sister, but she also bullied and shamed him, and made the remainder of his life unbearable. And then she killed him. For this she knew she was going to be punished and it terrified her. Oh God please forgive me. If I could change everything I would. She took in the remainder of the brown liquid in her glass in one large gulp. The pleasantness of the brandy spread throughout her body but nothing removed her fear or his cold condemning face.

If only I could tell somebody! I wish Melanie were here. She could—no Melanie is at home with Ashley. Ashley. The name usually brought a smile to her face, but now even the thought of Ashley brought her no joy. She thought about what Ashley would say if she confessed her fears, if she told him how she'd killed Frank, how she used him and then killed him carelessly. He wouldn't be able to love her. He would never love her again if he knew. He would never understand and he would never look at her the same way again, and yet she did not seem to care. The only man who she could turn to and who she could truly confess her secrets to was Rhett. Scarlett knew she could tell Rhett anything without having to worry about being upbraided, even when she spoke of her businesses and her leased convicts, which no one approved of, least of all her husband, he was always there to lend a helping ear. Scarlett never thought she would think this but she was glad to have Rhett in her life. Glad to have at least someone to lean on.

I can count on Rhett, can't I? she thought, mystified, because she had only realized this now. Why Rhett is really the only one whom I could ever count on. That night of the siege why Rhett was there to help get us out of Atlanta. I would have never made it home to Tara without him. And when I couldn't pay the taxes, well he really would have helped me if he could have. He did come to me the moment he was released from jail to lend me the money. And when everyone had refused to drive me around he was…. Oh. The thoughts came and went so quickly that Scarlett barely had anytime to process them completely. She shook her head thinking she could shake away these strange thoughts from her mind and then rubbed her temples with both index fingers, but nothing would stop the running thoughts.

"I don't understand!" she unintentionally said aloud, louder than she would have liked.

I don't understand. It's almost as if I… no I can't. I can't. I love Ashley. I love Ashley. Her mind was whirling and although she wished that the sole reason for her spinning head was the brandy, she could not deny that what she knew now also had a deep effect on her. Oh God I am in love with Rhett Butler, she thought then shuddered. The realization came so unexpectedly that Scarlett was truly shocked and far from pleased. I cannot love Rhett Butler! I have to love Ashley. It has always been Ashley. Maybe if I just keep repeating his name over and over again this will all go away.

"I love Ashley. I love Ashley," she began to whisper at least ten times before she stopped, realizing her attempts were futile. She hit the side of the chair she was sitting on, frustrated that her mind was not listening to her own commands. She huffed, got up, and poured herself another large glass of brandy. Before she even had a chance to get the rim of the glass to her lips, Scarlett heard the sound of a familiar drawl coming from downstairs. Her face went crimson, and she almost dropped the glass in her hands she was so stunned. She heard him ask for her and wondered whether or not she wanted to see him after discovering her new found feelings. It wasn't as if she could go on and tell him how she felt because she knew there was no way he cared for her in the slightest. Or did he? She didn't know how he felt and she was still too confused about her feelings to know what she would eventually do, but she didn't think that Rhett would be persuaded to leave the house so easily by Aunt Pitty. Scarlett decided to simply go and tell him she'd be right down.

She came back to her room, rinsed her mouth with cologne, arranged her hair, and buttoned up her dress to the chin. She then also dabbed some cologne on her wrists and behind her ears, and smiled contently at herself in her mirror, even though she truly wished she could also put on some rouge. She then regretted thinking it at all, knowing she did not want to entice Rhett now of all times. I will only talk to him for a moment, she thought. It's not like he will notice a change in me. I'll just let him help me tonight like I would any friend. And then it dawned on her that Rhett was the only man who could easily read her mind just by looking her in the eyes. She began to panic. Her heart was racing and her breathing quickened, which didn't help her already tipsy state. She went to meet him downstairs, although somewhat shakily, telling herself that she would simply have to fool him and that she certainly could because she was Scarlett O'Hara.