Two and a half STD's

It was an extremely bright day. It was so bright, it was disgusting. Enough about the sun, onto the story. Edward Elric is a shorter than average teenage boy who has two automail limbs, a younger brother who he molests daily, and a secret love with his superior. Roy Mustang is an old, pedophilic, gay man who has a burning passion for people with prosthetic limbs. Actually, I think that's called a fetish...

Ed walked up to Roy's door wearing a very big cloak which covered his entire body. It immediately turned to night, because night is sexy.

"Hey sweet thang!" Roy said as he opened his door.

"Ohhh, you make me love you even more every time you say that!" Ed said as he moved his hands in a very feminine manner.

"Did you bring them?"

"I'm already wearing mine!" Ed said as he walked into the door.

"Let me see!" Roy said as Ed pulled the trench coat off. He was wearing a leopard print thong.

"Oooooo, I just envy your beautiful physique. If only I could fit into something as beautiful! You make me so horny!" Roy said as Ed pulled out Roy's new thong which said 'kiss me here sweet thang!' on the crotch.

"I had them custom made! Do you like them?" Ed said as Roy put the thong on.

"I love it! It is so fabulous!"

"I know!"

"Let's make out!"

"Okay!" Ed said as he immediately began eating Roy's face.

"OH MY GOD! IT HURTS! STOP BITTING EDDIEPOO!" Roy said as he flailed his arms in the air.

"Sorry..."

"Hey Ed. What's your biggest dream?"

"I want to get married and have a family." Ed said as his eyes gleamed.

"With a woman?"

"Of course not!"

"Well how will you have a family?"

"I'll get pregnant duh!"

"But you're a guy." Roy said as he laughed.

"So? What's your dream?"

"I wish I could have a twenty-foursome!"

"Wow! Your dream blows mine out of the water!"

"Hehehe...you said blows!"

"Ohhhh, you dirty little bastard! Let's have a gay lemon!"

"Not here!"

"But..."

"Not on the bed! Everyone does that! Bed's are soooo last year! We're going to do the nasty on top of my tv!"

So Roy and Ed had a very sweaty and long gay lemon on the tv. Eventually Ed began to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow at my place!" Ed said as he walked off in a very *ahem* 'metro' fashion. The next day Ed burst through Roy's front door.

"Hey! You just broke my door! You are sooo not being a sweet thang right now!" Roy said as he took off his 'kiss the cook and then have a lemon with him' apron.

"Do you know what you did to me! DO YOU! I went to the doctor yesterday because I wanted to know if you impregnated me! AND GUESS WHAT!!!!"

"What?"

"YOU GAVE ME A STD!"

"And?"

"That mean's you have other 'sweet thangs'!" Ed said as he spit in Roy's face.

"Of course I don't"

"I'm getting my stuff!" Ed said as he opened Roy's bedroom door. Then he saw. He saw twenty-three people crowded in Roy's bed. Riza, Rose, Fuery, Hohenheim, Breda, Fallman, Havoc, Gluttony, Lust, Father, Hughes, Greed, Sheska, Oliver and Alex Armstrong, Pride, Scar, Kimblee, Maria Ross, Winry, Pinako, Lanfan, and sloth rolling all over each other in Roy's bed.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH TWENTY-THREE PEOPLE!!!!!" Ed screamed very loudly.

"What? We always do this on Tuesday."

"WE ARE SOOOOOOOOOO OVER!" Ed said as he ran out the house crying.

Ed ran straight to Envy's house. He was his bestest friend ever.

"What's wrong Eddykins?"

"Roy, *sniff* Roy, *sniff* Roy's cheating on me!" Ed said as he began crying again.

"Don't cry. Roy is just one person. You can still find that special person."

"The truth is...I've always loved you Envy!"

"Me too Eddykins!" Envy said as Ed pulled him into a room and forced him to have a gay lemon.

"That was great! I love you Eddykins!" Envy said as he hugged Ed and lifted his leg in a girlish fashion.

"Ohhh! I forgot to tell you! That bastard also gave me an std."

"WHAT?!!!! YOU JUST GAVE ME A STD! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I DECIDED TO EAT YOU!"

"Mmmmm, that sounds sexy..."

"I DON'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! I'LL ACTUALLY EAT YOU!"

So Ed ran home and began to confess to Al.

"It's okay Ed! Let me comfort you by having metal on skin sex! YAY!" Al said as he and Ed began having a gay incestuous lemon on the kitchen floor.

"Hey! Now I have two and a half std's!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I got one std from Roy, another from Envy, and a half from you!"

"How do you get a half std?"

"Since we're directly related, everything we produce will be mutated. So I figured that we'd call it a half std!"

"Hahahahahahah! I love you big brother!"

"Hah! You said big..."

"Ohhhhh, you dirty bastard!"

Two and a Half STD's was produced in front of a live audience filled with yaio fangirls. They are all gone now. I think we offended them...oh well!