Rating: K+

Warnings: very short, mentions of sexual-related activities, no actual sex or sex-related activities (lawl at that being a warning), not actually funny just a little stupid.

(A/N): For the joy of Kai Hiwatari's birthday, I have sat down for about half an hour and pounded out this nonsense. It will probably be a temporary thing anyway.

Happy Birthday for yesterday Kai :D

Crack for Kai

By StZen

After a night on the town with the guys Kai liked to pretend he hated, the birthday boy bluenette stumbled back through the ominous abbey gates alongside his favourite partner in crime. It's fair to say that by now the pretending had worn off, along with the ability to use his legs effectively.

The two of them staggered towards Balcov Towers as the sun began to rise, casting a beautiful glow over the murky building. Kai took a moment in his alcohol-induced mirth to gaze at the sight before him and wonder why he'd never seen it like this before. All of a sudden, it was like looking at the fucking Eiffel tower.

But then again, he was completely wasted.

As they approached the large door which they would use to sneak back into their beds, Kai stopped. Tala, too, hesitated in bewilderment, his usual scowl replaced with a dopey grin.

'What are you waiting for?' he demanded, louder than was necessary.

Kai, who was used to similar situations with certain people he brought back with him to sneak into his room, was well prepared. From beside the door he dragged out a small box and stood on it, giving him the height advantage.

He leant his arm against the bricks beside the door and said smoothly, 'so, how about a blow-job?'

Tala's eyebrows raised well above his hairline and he stuttered, 'wha…nh..e..u…what the fuck, Kai, no!'

'Come onn,' Kai grinned, swaying slowly backwards and forwards on his box. 'It's my birthday!'

'I don't care, asshole, I'm not giving you a-'

'But I looove you!'

Tala barked with laughter, shaking his head. 'I can't believe you have the nerve to use that one! God, do all the idiots you bring home fall for that?'

'They're not idiots,' Kai grinned, 'and yes they do.'

'Well you can just forget it.'

'I payed for your drinks!'

'You didn't pay for a damn thing. The guys and I payed for all of it!'

'No! I payed! I always pay! Why wouldn't I pay this time?'

'It's your fucking birthday, that's why!'

Kai paused for a few seconds, mulling it over. 'Oh yeah,' he said. He then reached his conclusion and demanded. 'It is my birthday! Why won't you give me a blow-job?!'

Tala groaned as the door swung open, almost knocking Kai off his box. Both of them recoiled in terror as the horrifying sight of a hung-over Bryan appeared in the doorway. Kai couldn't remember when the guys had decided to leave, but it can't have been long ago because Mr. Happy here didn't seem to have had much sleep.

'What do you want, Bryan?' Kai snarled suspiciously, placing his hand back where it was before. If Bryan was out to get a piece of Tala too, there'd be hell to pay!

Bryan completely ignored Kai and turned towards the red-head instead.

'Tala,' he said through clenched teeth. 'Boris says to give Kai a blow-job.'

Tala opened his mouth in shock to object.

'Or I'll do it,' Bryan continued, looking menacing. 'Or he'll get his own ass down here and do it. Just tell the idiot to get his hand off the fucking intercom!'

'…Ah shit.'

(A/N): I said it was short and silly :)

If anybody's wondering, what it says on my profile is…well, it's still true.

I was going to draw this comic-style. And might still do that…I think it will be funnier.