Things They Wouldn't Say- Eragon Style
Part 8
Galbatroix: Do not prolong my suffering.
Durza: That's what she said!
Eragon: I was hunting…hunting in Narnia.
Arya: Poor Durza, how will you tell the King? You're the Fail Whale!
Eragon: How much?
Sloan: Free!
Soldier: And where did you get such a string of appetizing jewels?
Brom: Your mom…
Soldier: My friend doesn't like you. And, I don't like you either!
Brom: You don't even know me!
Soldier: You know what, that's fair.
Durza (To Eragon): Do you feel that? I'm choking you…from a distance. CHOKING YOU!
Eragon: Stop being such a Boring Brom.
Brom: Hey!
Eragon (Reacting to his home that is buring): SHIT! MY HOUSE!
Brom (Wakes up, startled): Did I leave the stove on?
Eragon (Looking at the Gedwey Ignasia on his palm for the first time): Look at what you did.
Saphira (Mysteriously begins to talk): Put a tampon in it!
Eragon (To Saphira about the lack of milk): I'm sorry, that's all there is.
Saphira: FATTY!
Durza: My King, John Malkovich, it is as you feared, Jeremy Irons is here!
Durza: My King, Galbatorix, it is as you feared, Voldemort is here!
Arya: Eragon, do you like my "I LOVE Eragon" T-shirt?
Durza: Ra'zac, Ra'zac, Ra'zac!
Ra'zac (Pop out of the ground): What?
Durza: HI! *Runs off*
Soldier: Are you deft? Be on your way!
Brom: No need to shout.
Brom (To Eragon): May I see your Rider's License?
Eragon (Regarding his first flight with Saphira): This is not my idea of fun.
Saphira (Complaining): No, no, no! You see, the money always goes to the Rider. I do all the work, but he gets all the money!
Eragon: *Reading a Harry Potter manuscript*
Eragon (Giving his newly forged sword the name Brisingr): WOW! I did not see that one coming. The sword actually glows. Why does the sword glow?
Saphira: *Smiles*
Eragon: Why is she smiling at me?
Eragon (After Brom explained to him about the Dragon Riders): Cool story brah, you should tell it at parties!
Consuela (As in the Consuela from Family Guy): No, no. Mr. Ajihad no here.
Consuela (To Ajihad): We need more lemon pledge…
Eragon: How do you know all of this?
Brom: Because I am your favorite Peddo!
Eragon: Tell me about the Dragons.
Brom: What the hell is a dragon?
Galbatorix: Durza, you little shit, sit down!
Urgals (To Durza): Dude! You need to stop randomly showing up!
Durza (To the soldiers about Eragon rescuing Arya): Security, security. This dude needs to go.
Brom: What are you an idiot, Eragon?
Eragon: Apparently.
Brom (After Eragon blows up the bridge in Daret): You'll have to pay for that you know. That's Daret property…
Eragon: SHUT UP!
Brom: Let's go to the Varden.
*Camelot Song Plays*
Brom: On second thought, let's not go to the Varden. 'Tis a silly place.
Eragon: I will name you Excalibur….I mean Brisingr!
Brom: Eragon, stay out of this!
Eragon: Excuse me, you see me here attacking the Ra'zac. Don't interrupt, rude.
Brom: Will you not listen to anything I say to you?
Eragon: Ah-ha, no, you gon tell the truth!
Brom (To Eragon): I hid out in Carvahall because you are my son…oops, I shouldn't have told you that…
Durza: Congratulations, you've just been promoted.
Urgal: FML!
Eragon: I spy something blue.
Brom: *Sighs* Is it Saphira?
Eragon: However did you know?
Eragon: Saphira, can you carry three?
Saphira: Absolutely not.
Brom: Eragon, I am your father.
Eragon: WTF? Is this some Jerry Springer shit? Am I being punked?
Eragon (To Murtagh at the waterfall): Come on.
Murtagh: But, I can't swim!