Day 715, 1300hrs

Conrad Weller sighed as he walked down the hall, cradling a squirming Ysolde in his arms. The six month old infant was the human equivalent of 3 months and was busy clapping her little hands together and squealing in delight. He tried not to laugh at the truly cute sight, and put a bit more of a bounce in his step as he made his way over to his mother's quarters. In a year's time his mother would be remarrying, and he couldn't be happier for her and Raven.

He'd taken to having tea with his mother every afternoon since a few months before Ysolde had come into the world. Over time there afternoon tea time had expanded to include Gwendal's wife Isabella, and his young son Finn, short for Arthur Finnly von Voltaire. Today he carried a small bag over one shoulder. He'd spoken with his mother earlier and she'd agreed to take Ysolde for the night, so he and Yozak could have some time alone. The bag was full of things Ysolde might need or want.

He was both looking forward to and dreading this evening.

He hadn't told Yozak about his plans yet – incase he couldn't go through with it.

He thought he was ready – ready to try the one thing he'd been the most terrified of since the night Ysolde was conceived. He just had to keep reminding himself that this was Yozak or he'd have bolted last night after making the arrangements with his mother.

He shifted Ysolde in his arms and carefully knocked on his mother's door. Issy answered it in place of his mother – who was currently otherwise occupied making funny faces at Finn. Conrart laughed at his mother's antics as he carefully set his daughter down on the rug with fin. She cooed and rolled over and pushed herself up onto her hands.

Idly he wondered when his baby would start to crawl - perhaps he'd ask his mother about that – she could already put some weight on her little legs when he held her up, but he didn't know how long it would be before his daughter could actually crawl or stand on his own.

Ysolde squealed in delight when her grandma scooped her up and blew a raspberry on her stomach. Conrad didn't even blink, the first time she'd done that he'd stared at her in surprise trying to remember his lady mother acting so undignified. He remembered some of the undignified things his mother had done when Wolfram was little, but nothing beyond that.

It was Raven who'd informed him that his mother had thrown dignity to the wind when all three of her children were small.

Funny how it was always Raven who'd been willing to tell him things, and set him straight – like when Stoffel had cruelly informed him that his mother had only married his father because the human had gotten her pregnant, and that she'd often told him how much she wished she wasn't pregnant with 'a dirty little half-breed'. It had been Raven who'd seen him crying, and after learning what Stoffel had told him had set about setting him strait. His parents had been married a year before he'd even been conceived. That had been 2 days after his father left in the middle of the night.

Raven had been very kind when he'd held him and explained how some men just had a wonder lust, an itch to travel to see the world. How his father had been one of those men. He'd gently explained a human's much shorter lifespan and how his father would soon be too old to travel, but that he knew the man cared deeply about him and his mother.

When he'd been young he'd had a problem with his mother's lovers, Wolfram's Father in particular. Many of them hadn't liked him, and he'd often felt that he was the reason his mother had never remarried.

He'd overheard Wolfram's father refusing to marry her over the 'half-breed disgrace' she refused to get rid of. He'd run away from home on three separate occasions, hoping his family would be happier without him. Gwendal had tracked him down once and given him the worst spanking of his life. The second time Raven had found him wandering less than an hour's ride outside of the city. The man had taken him home (and hadn't told his family about it) but most shockingly of all he'd been kind. He'd treated him like he was any other Mazoku child, when even his friends had started to treat him like the 'worthless half-breed whelp of the queen's'.

The third time he'd run away from home – Yozak had been the one to find him and convince him to go home. A good thing to since it had been snowing and his family hadn't been expecting him home till later– not one of his brighter moments.

But needless to say he had no problem with Raven marrying his mother. Actually he thought it was about time!

He smiled and hugged his mother when she stood up, before going over to help Issy prepare the tea. He chatted quite happily with his sister in law comparing stories and swapping parenting advice. It was nice that Isabella and Gwendal's son would be so close in age to his little girl. It took so long for male demons to be able to conceive for the first time that he doubted Wolfram and Yuri would be having children anytime soon – and he wouldn't be having another child for at least another seven years.

It wasn't that he didn't want more children now; it was just an odd truth about the Mazoku. Unlike human women who could apparently conceive almost immediately after giving birth the Mazoku body shut down reproductively after child birth for seven years.

This was because a Mazoku child wasn't the Human Equivalent of 2.5 until they were nearly 6.

He made his way back to the sofa carefully carrying two cups of tea, his own and his mothers.

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Day 715, 1630 hrs

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Conrad sat on his mother's sofa more than an hour after Issy and Finn left holding his daughter so that while he was supporting her weight her little feet touched the floor and she looked as if she was standing up.

He was halving trouble bringing himself to leave. He loved his husband, trusted his husband, and wanted to be intimate with his husband again. At the same time however, he was very well aware of how brutally agonizing Ysolde's conception had been! He wanted to feel Yozak inside of him, filling him, physically loving him – but at the same time he was terrified of that pain.

The night his daughter had been conceived he'd felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside. He felt sick just thinking about it – and he still occasionally had terrible nightmares about that horrible event.

Not to mention the flashbacks -which usually ended with Yozak having to coax him back out of a corner or once out from under the bed.

He hadn't had a flashback in more than 7 months now and he was determined to get his life back!

He knew Yozak would never hurt him.

But still, he couldn't help being scared.

He didn't jump when his mother set her hand on his shoulder. He hadn't in nearly 10 months.

Baby steps

Yozak assured him he would eventually heal if he was just patient and just took baby steps.

He just wanted to be normal again.

He was sick of the fear!

Damn Aisen for taking away his sense of safety and security.

Damn him to hell!

"Yozak loves you, and he knows how scared you are. If you're ready, he'll be gentle. If you're not he'll understand, and he won't push you any further then you're ready and willing to go. You were raped, honey, you can't change that – but you can move on, and you can heal." Lady Cecilia told him gently as she took his daughter and cradled her in her arms. "Yozak understands that; go spend the night with your husband. He won't hurt you; he loves you far too much."

Conrad nodded, rose quietly to his feet, kissed his little girl on the forehead, and softly thanked his mother for both her advice and for babysitting and left.

As he walked down the corridors to his own quarters he couldn't help thinking about the circumstances that had brought him here. Aisen had brutally raped him a little under 2 years ago, and then proceeded to mentally abuse him for 3.5 months before Yozak had returned home from a mission. His then best friend and lover had rescued him from an argument gone bad and later saved him again when Aisen got tired of waiting for him to 'do the honorable thing' (marry him) and tried to kidnap him. After Aisen's very public trial the rumor and gossip mills had run rampant. Until finally he couldn't leave his rooms at all, without all conversation stopping the second he entered a room and whispers taking the place of conversation as he passed. Finally after a few weeks Yozak had put his foot down and taken him away from the capital city, to some place more secluded so that he could heal in peace.

It was the time spent there that had led up to him marrying Yozak, and his husband's very public and very formal adoption of Ysolde. Under the law, and in the eyes of their family, Yozak was Ysolde's father. Nothing would ever change that.

As he walked he allowed himself to remember those terrible and very tender months.

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