WHY I'M ALONE…

BECAUSE FAIRYTALES REJECTED ME!

My Prince Charming shot himself in the eye looking for me.

My Knight in Shining Armor speared himself running towards my castle.

My Beast has an eating disorder: he doesn't know how to stop!

My Shrek has the memory of a crack rock.

My John Smith threw himself overboard after learning he was a homosexual.

My soul mate got lost on the way to the airport. He got hit by my plane on my way to find him.

My Aladdin fell in love with a flying carpet. Now he's higher than the moon.

My Prince Eric drowned when he fell into the shark tank. It was ruled an accident.

My Prince an himself off the road when he first heard I could burp louder than him.

My Prince Phillip contracted crabs when he lived by the sea. Now he and Sally are together.

My Hunchback rode a hippo to find me, but the hippo confused him for lunch.

My Peter Pan found a fgot at the fortress, so they've been fucking for a fortnight.

My Kokum got lost in battle. He realized we were married and ran towards the cannons. It was ruled a language issue.

My John Ross found the Titanic on its maiden voyage.

My Simba found Scar as soon as he saw me. Now he's King of the Forrest and I'm Queen of Incest.

My Moofasa dances to beat of a different drummer. They say it was just a misunderstanding when he fell off a cliff.

My true love found a poison apple, but he never found me.

My remaining loves lost their minds when they saw me.