Disclaimer: Neither I, nor the TOTALLY AWESOME Anti-Pookie are J. K. Rowling, Darren Criss, A. J. Holmes, Matt Holmes, (And I continue to list all the names of everyone in/who worked on A Very Potter Musical with the help of Anti-Pookie, because Anti-Pookie is so TOTALLY AWESOME that she knows waaaaay more than me.) Yes, I do, because I rock and am TOTALLY AWESOME in that way.- Anti-pookie She spilled water on her boob! it was funny. Sorry for that bit of randomness.- Anti-pookie Really Rach? Must we inform the world of my poor drinking habits?Yes. I think the owrld needs to be warned of how stupid and challenged you are. You are a hazard to the world's sanity. The owrld needs to know? The OWRLD? Sorry. I type fast and your keyboard kind of sucks! Excuse me? This TOTALLY AWESOME keyboard is, like, my bestest buddy in the entire owrld. WHAT?!? I thought that was me! Traitor! I'm not talking to you anymore! And...she turns her back to me....Well, I'm not going to explain that she can't be both my bestest buddy and my Lesbonic....lesbonic? Lesbian lover. Sure I can! Tons of people say they're boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is their bestest buddy! ANYWAYS, as this has gotten to 233 words, I think we should continue our disclaimer. Actually, by the time you said it was 233 words, it had actually been 239. Unless you want to count the number as a word. Then it's--OKAY, OKAY! 239! 239! Are you happy? ARE YOU CONTENT? Well, now it's more than 239, so... I'm gonna have to say no. Ignoring this, I shall continue to say, we are also not the publishers of any Harry Potter works, RENT works, or any type of anything in general. You forgot to say that we're not Jonathon Larson! How could you forget Jonathon Larson? Because, I didn't He gets an entire paragraph to himself for memorial and credit and disclaimer and such! Or, at least, he was SUPPOSED to, but now that we've said we aren't, I suppose there isn't any pooint! Stalks off to a corner to poout. Well, it's probably a good thing that we're not. I think the disclaimer is too long by now anyway. There is no POOINT so top POOUTING. How can I top poouting? And I don't really want to...Joe Walker is much hotter then poouting... That should be THAN not THEN. You can tell what we're like from the fact that THAT'S what she commented on. So we now don't need an intro for us EITHER! Herumph! Well, Joe Walker is hot. I didn't see anything weird about saying so! Actually, he's super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot! Please tell me your still going to read our version of La Vie Boheme.... YOU'RE, not YOUR. Tsk, tsk. I really need to give you grammar lessons. HAVE I NOT MEANTIONED I WENT TO BED AT OUR STANDARD TIME (2 for all y'alls who don't know) AND WOKE UP AT FOUR? ...Oh...wait...No, you haven't. And for the record, I went to bed at 2, too. Hehe. Two too. Rachel, this is not a ballet. I think we should start typing out La Vie Pheonix now, though. La Vie PHOENIX. You really do need grammar lessons! And I told you how to spell that, too. THAT'S NOT GRAMMAR! 'Tis spelling, it is! Shut up about my Yoda-ing. Spelling is a part of grammar. They are almost always grouped together. Because they're--You know what? We shall argue about this in real life. People reading this only came for La Vie PHOENIX and any other La Vie Fics we post. OK. We shall shut our ungodly, lopsided mouths. Ten points to Dumbledore! --DumbledoreEnjoy the song! Or don't enjoy it. Whatever floats your boat. Hehe, that rhymes! And rhyming is like being shiny! Uh...Rach? A. You totally stole rhyming is like being shiny from me. And 2. That's a HORRID thing to tell them! Enjoy it! Enjoy it even if it doesn't float your boat! Which rhymes much better. And sounds dirtier. =] A and 2? What comes next, green? No, orange actually. I can keep going, too. It's all planned out.Anywho... I love that word. Anywho... Now we will shut up, and you will read. DO IT! I SAID READ!!!!!!!!!! Actually, you said 'DO IT'...Before that, I said 'You will read'. You never listen to me! Sobs uncontrolably OKAY. READ. I shall handle my emotional girlfriend--who is actually the less emotional of the two of us...hmm...anyways. READ. And RAED. But that's besides the point.
That is the longest disclaimer I've ever seen... SHUTTING UP NOW!
Important Note: We actually have rehearsed this (As we're going to try and put it on Youtube) so everything either works, we made it work, or is just hilarious in it's not working-ness. So suck it.
La Vie Phoenix
Draco:
Harry—I'm surprised
A rich and famous bloke like you
Hangs out with these mudbloods
(And filthy blood traitors)
They make fun—Yet I am the one
Attempting to go to Pigfarts
Or do you really wanna make your starts
With mudbloods on top of the class?
His death, his death
Dumbledore is such a dive
This is the truth
The Dark Lord is alive.
Fred & George:
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbye.
Here we lie
No one knew our worth
The late, great army of Dumbledorth
On these nights, when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Godric's Hollow
We raise our glass—You bet your ass to
La Vie Phoenix
All:
La Vie Phoenix
La Vie Phoenix
La Vie Phoenix
La Vie Phoenix
Harry:
To days of divination
Hermione:
Reading spellbooks
Ron:
Eating treacle tart and chicken
Harry, Ron, & Hermione:
The need to express
To communicate
Fred, George, & Lee:
To going against the grain
Going insane
All:
Going mad
Fred, George, & Lee:
To loving tension, no pension,
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating detention, hating pretension
Fred & George:
Not to mention, of course,
Hating dear old Umbridge
To riding your broom
Midday past the Quidditch pitch,
To witch, to that toad bitch,
To ditch—to choice,
To the Loony's voice
To any passing fad
All:
To being an us for once-
Instead of a you!
La Vie Phoenix
La Vie Phoenix
Harry:
Is my potions homework done?
Hermione:
It is, Harry.
Harry:
Can you write my history essay?
You got this.
Umbridge:
Hem, hem
Harry:
Hey mister, she's my sister
Fred & George:
So that's five daydream charms,
Four fainting fancies,
Three pigmy puffs,
Two love potions,
And one decoy detonator
Ron:
Sweet.
George:
Five galleons.
Fred:
Put down another order.
Fred & George:
And thirteen orders of hats.
Is that it here?
All:
Butterbeer!
Ron:
To Honeyduke's chocolate made in Hogsmeade
To pudding, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese--
Draco:
To leather, to dildos--
Ron:
To steak and kidney pie
To Cool-Ranch Doritos to white and wheat and rye.
Hermione & Ginny:
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
Ron & Draco:
Mucho Masturbation!
Hermione & Ginny:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion
When it's new
Neville:
To Luna
Sirius:
To Lupin
All:
To anything tabooed
Mad-Eye, Remus, Sirius, and Tonks
Dumbledore:
Severus
George:
Shacklebolt
Ron:
To Bacon!
Harry:
To seven
Neville:
To heaven
Snape:
Lily Evans, too.
Remus & Sirius:
Why Lily and James went- into hiding
To blow off Voldemort
All:
La Vie Phoenix
Harry:
And figure out the next Horcrux.
Hermione:
Yes, Harry.
Harry:
You got this
Draco:
Single?
Ron:
You wish
Goyle:
Goyle rules!
Dumbledore:
Hippogriff, Dand-der-ruff, Homo Sapiens
Luna & Trelawney:
Carcinogens, hallucinogens
All Girls:
Men!
All:
Apparation
To Griffindor
Hufflepuff
Ravenclaw
Not Slytherin
Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, Quirrel, Mad-Eye & Lockhart:
Animagi, wild kappa
Veela--
Sirius:
Werewolf-a!
Hermione & Ginny:
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, Quirrel, Mad-Eye & Lockhart:
Sorcerer, Astrology, Dementors
Harry:
To no shame, always playing the fame game
Crabbe:
To Marijuana!
Ron & Harry:
To spew!
Harry:
It's between Ron and me
Hermione:
It's S-P-E--
Umbridge:
Filch! Filch! Filch!
All:
La Vie Phoenix
George:
In honor of the death of the D.A. an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Seamus Finnigan, our TOTALLY AWESOME Leprechaun, will do a traditional Irish clog dance while accompanying herself on the electric cello
Fred & George:
Which she ain't never studied
Voldemort:
And Quirrel will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high killing days
Fred:
And Harry will attempt to coach the Griffindor Quidditch team
Fred & George:
And notremind us of Sean Biggerstaff.
Lee:
And the twins will recount their exploits as anarchists—Including the tale of their successful reprogramming of Umbridge's quill to self-destruct as it writes the words:
All:
Totally awesome—Act up—Fight Umbridge!
La Vie Phoenix
Hermione: Mucho masturbation? Really Ronald!
Ron: It rhymed!
Ginny: Did anyone else notice Goyle looked....Guilty?
Fred: Not as guilty as Ron!
Ron: I was the one who said it!
George: A confession!
Hermione: And as for you two—Dumbledorth?
Fred & George: It rhymed with worth!
Hermione: (Gapes) No, it doesn't!
Fred & George: It does more than Dumbledore!
Hermione: (Facepalm)
Harry: Umbridge is probably going to kick us out of the school.
All: Yeah....
~~~The Next Evening~~~
The twins walked into the commons room, their hands bleeding with a vengeance. Once the cuts scabbed over a bit, you could read what was written.
I will not sing in the Great Hall.
Please Review! Even if you totally hated it. If you didn't--Check out Harry Potter Song Parodies by Anti-pookie. (Who isn't here, so no arguing and making this really long! Yey!) Anyways. Review one or the other...Or even both!!!