To Be As Strong

By Jazzbo22

Cloud's dream was to join SOLDIER. He didn't anticipate meeting Sephiroth or Zack, or the unexpected emotions he would feel for them.

SephirothxCloudxZack –yaoi, language

A/N: Okay…so its been forever since I updated this. I don't even know if any of my previous readers are still around, and if you are…I'm so sorry! Yes I did a terrible thing, leaving you hanging. Life got in the way and writing fanfiction got pushed to the side. I know…I'm a terrible person. Please forgive me, here's an update ^_^ And for those wondering (I saw it in the reviews) – don't worry, Cloud's not gonna be a fanboy, Zack's not an idiot, and Sephiroth is not the stereotype everyone writes him to be. I have a fresh take on it all.

**Also, the email I have listed in both stories is no longer active. Sorry if anyone has emailed me. I will have another one up eventually.

Chapter Four

Out of SOLDIER training camp, the first month had been a brutal adjustment period. Cloud had never felt such suffocating exhaustion. Even as the routine set in, it took weeks for his body to tune into this new schedule. However, as each week passed, he felt stronger, more mentally sharp, and – dare he even think it – confident.

Things had begun to fall into place as soon as his sleep pattern had adjusted. As much as Cloud hated to admit it, as soon as his body had learned to rest and recuperate, the early morning runs with SOLDIER Darmouth had become bearable. In fact, his speed had increased substantially. Cloud was now running seven minute miles with ease – and that was before any sort of mako injection. When the mako was eventually introduced, it would make him that much better.

He had found friendship with his core group – Rob, Eric, and Gabe. They did everything together. It was nice to finally be surrounded by a positive male presence. That was something he never had in Nibelheim – his hometown was against him entirely. Whatever. The more he thought about it, the angrier it made him. He couldn't identify with that place anymore – it emasculated him.

Being a part of the SOLDIER training program made Cloud realize many things about himself. The biggest? That maybe he wasn't as wussy as he had believed himself to be. Sure, he wasn't a big guy – it didn't seem like he would grow much taller than 5'7 – but he was both strong and smart. Rob would tease him when he went off into his own world, but when he was focused, he felt like he could do anything.

The classes that bored him before he had suddenly found a new interest in. Sure, Dr. Wright wasn't the most profound speaker, but Nutrition 101 had its benefits. Cloud wouldn't have believed it, except every week his body was changing in a way that he liked. A way that his instructors liked as well. On more than one occasion, SOLDIER Darmouth had complimented his speed during general fitness. Zack, the yum-crush, had told him he had a strong base to work with in his physique. Even Dr. Wright had mentioned during his most recent physical that his muscle mass was increasing at an exponential rate. Life was good.

"Coming to the gym?" Rob asked. Eric had shown himself to be a bit of a partier, but Cloud could always count on his roommate to push him.

"Hell yes." Where everyone else went to class and did their mandatory workouts, Cloud and Rob pushed past that and worked three times as hard as their classmates. SOLDIER wasn't a walk in the park –they wanted it too much, and soon. That, and to be recognized as an accelerated learner. Cloud already knew that Zack didn't see him as anything other than a cadet, but it wouldn't hurt for him try and get the bronze first class SOLDIER to take him on one on one. Until then, Cloud would just keep dreaming, and busting ass.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Here is the projected list of cadets who will start receiving mako injections next week." Every year, it was routine that the SOLDIER instructors, as well as Dr. Wright would get together and discuss progress. They were nearly twelve weeks into the program, which meant that they would all have a pretty good idea who was staying, and who was being sent home. Zack took the list from Dr. Wright, scanning over the names quickly. No shockers there. He had watched the kids train and learn over the last three months, and the names he scanned through all deserved to be there.

"Shorter list than most years." Andrew Darmouth commented. Dr. Wright shrugged.

"Honestly, I thought I was being generous letting twenty cadets through. The remaining cadets will be notified today that their time here is through."

It sounded harsh, but Zack knew it was for the best. They could either try again next year, or join the standard military. SOLDIER was for the Elite only, or for those that showed enough promise to stay. So far, he agreed with every name that had made it onto the list in his hand.

"There are some good kids on here. I'm hoping that out of the twenty, at least ten will make it into the SOLDIER program by the end of this course." Andrew said, looking up at Zack. He nodded in response. Between the two of them, they covered the majority of the cadets courses. Zack hoped a large number would graduate onwards as well. Otherwise, it always felt like such a big waste of time. He hated wasting his time. Dr. Wright scratched his chin, leaning against his desk.

"I've been monitoring these cadets every week through physicals. I have to admit, there are a few that surprise me." Zack looked at the doctor, raising an eyebrow.

"Surprise you…in a good way, or…"

"Yes, in a good way." Dr. Wright explained. "There are some exceptional cadets here. They have put in extra time to make themselves stronger, healthier, and smarter."

"Are you thinking there are some accelerated learners in there?" Andrew asked. Dr. Wright nodded.

"I wouldn't be surprised. I could give you their names right now. I'm sure you'll even know who I am talking about. Their response to the training is fantastic. Even I am astonished."

Zack had a pretty good idea who Dr. Wright was referring to. As an instructor, but especially as a SOLDIER, he had to be observant and aware at all times. A few of the cadets had caught his attention. This happened every year – he had been looking forward to this moment since the beginning of training camp. 'Weeding out the weak', as Sephiroth would say. The talent was beginning to emerge, which meant things were going to get a helluva lot more interesting at the base. He couldn't wait.

The meeting concluded after a brief but important discussion on mako injections. It would be neither Andrew nor Zack's responsibility to talk to the cadets about it – Dr. Wright had arranged for Dr. Hojo, the creepiest man alive – to be the 'beacon of education'. What was with these scholarly types and their big words? Zack needed to get out on the field and kill something. Sephiroth was getting to do all the fun stuff, being away on a mission and all. Zack wouldn't be posted to field work until after he was done training the new cadets. Hey, at least he got paid for it.

Cutting across the training grounds, he slipped into the indoor training facility, entering H2H. The cadets were already set up and sparring, which pleased him. Another good thing about having a routine set in – Zack no longer needed to coach them along like they were newbies. God, he hated that. Maybe he would request that this be his last year training cadets. Every time the season rolled around, he would stupidly agree to teach, even though it was a drag. At least, for the first two months. Maybe he could take on a position like Sephiroth and only accept accelerated learners. That would be nice.

"You just exposed your whole side to an attack." Zack walked around, critiquing each group. Most of these kids were going home. It sucked, but it was the way the system worked. Scanning the room, Zack looked for the cadets that had made it onto the mako injections list. Ah…there.

He made his way over, watching Cadet Robert and Cadet Cloud spar. They were good. They were also completely unaware that they were being inspected, and Zack took the time to watch their form. The two of them had put on a decent amount of muscle in a short amount of time – easily fifteen to twenty pounds of mass from when they came into Midgar. It was impressive. It didn't slow them down either. Andrew had talked about these two in general fitness. They were quick on their feet. When Sephiroth got back, Zack would have to fill him in. Robert and Cloud. They should take on the oh-so-almighty General in a fighting match, and let Sephiroth decide if they had potential.

Robert lunged forward, but Cloud anticipated his move and sent him stumbling. Like two fighting tigers, they hit and blocked, leaving it all out on the floor. Unlike some of the cadets who still moved forward and tentatively attacked, these two engaged like they were out on the street. Zack liked it. It showed drive and passion, two of the many qualities that made a good SOLDIER. Robert let out a snarl and tripped Cloud, throwing the blonde off long enough for him to land a solid punch across the face. Zack waited and watched, deciding not to interrupt. Although he didn't want to promote injury or true aggression in his class, he was beyond impressed with what he was seeing.

They moved quickly, involved in their own sort of dance. Cloud didn't flinch or complain about the blow Robert had delivered. Instead, he dropped to the floor, swinging his leg out and tripped his partner. Without a moment's hesitation, Cloud moved on top and pinned him, effectively ending the match.

"Now that is what I am talking about." Zack finally said, crossing his big arms across his chest. The two cadets stood quickly, sweat dripping down their skin. They weren't out of breath though – good physical conditioning. Cloud had the makings of a purpling bruise decorating his cheek, though his eyes portrayed no pain or discomfort. He was little, but strong.

"You two have been working a lot outside the classroom?" Zack asked, coming closer to speak with them. He didn't want to draw the attention of the whole class – the other cadets were still working. He wanted it to stay that way. Zack watched as Robert exchanged a brief look with Cloud before turning his attention back on him.

"Yes sir. Every single day."

"And how do you feel?"

"Tired, but good." Robert grinned slightly. Zack turned his attention to Cloud. Where Robert was tall and had the features of a big ugly kid, perfect for an eventual SOLDIER, Cloud was his polar opposite. Short but built with compact muscle, Cloud looked too…nice. But, that could work for a SOLDIER. Zack had been told he was too handsome to be in SOLDIER. Look where he was now.

Cloud was all blonde hair and blue eyes, with a face that he couldn't describe as dashingly handsome or school boy choir singer. He looked like he would grow into movie-star looks, like he should be on a set in Costa De Sol or something. He would grow into that face, as soon as he matured a little bit. In fact, it was already happening - Zack did remember him from the first week. He was irrelevant back then. Now Cloud had confidence, and was leaning out. He was also growing up – Zack could see that plain has day in his eyes.

"And you? Tired as well?" He watched as Cloud weighed those words.

"Mentally. I feel like I can recover faster from physical exhaustion." So, Cloud had found his rhythm. Smart kid. Zack wouldn't be able to tell them life would be much easier after their mako injections, but he was pleased with the work they were putting in right now. It would be interesting to see what Sephiroth had to say about the two of them entering into the accelerated learning program. Zack wanted to take them on the field and see what they were made of.

"Well, I'm impressed with you two. Continue on…maybe spare Cadet Strife the blows to the head." Zack joked, patting Cloud lightly on the shoulder as he walked away. Damn, that kid had filled out more than he thought – he was completely solid underneath his uniform. Dr. Wright had been spot on in including the two of them on his list.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Cloud walked out of his appointment, completely in a daze. Did that really just happen? Everything seemed to be falling in place that week – he was even starting to like the cafeteria food, god forbid. Rob was waiting for him in the hallway, a giant grin on his face.

"Can you fucking believe it?" Cloud broke out into a smile that he was sure looked just as stupid and ridiculous as his roommate's. If any SOLDIERs walked past them right now, they would probably call them morons. Like he could care at this moment. Dr. Wright had just told him he would start his mako injections next week. Judging from Rob's giant ass smile, he guessed his friend had learned the same thing.

"Mako injections. I never actually thought I would get this far." Cloud admitted, shoving his hands into his uniform pockets. It was all happening so fast. Getting the mako meant that he had officially made it past the first stage of training. To him, this was more important than winning the lottery.

"And with the mako, that means we'll recover faster, put on muscle easier, gain speed…there's not one thing that's bad about it." Rob said, throwing an arm around Cloud and giving him a good shake. Cloud laughed, pushing him away.

"Not one thing that's bad about it? Did you forget about Dr. Wright telling us we'll be puking our guts out after each injection?"

"Well yeah, but that's a small price to pay for all the good things it'll deliver."

"And that our body will fight it because it's toxic?"

"But we become acclimatized to it quickly."

"We're gonna be so sick." There was a reason their schedules had extra rest days around injection time. The mako made everyone nauseous. Rob was right though, in that the pros definitely outweighed the cons.

"C'mon, let's go eat before the caf closes." Cloud allowed Rob to lead him out of the training facility and towards the cafeteria. First, Zack had been praising him on his fighting, and now he is on the injection list…it was like Christmas. He would have to call his mom sometime and let her know that he was moving onto the next stage. She would be happy. Maybe he would call Tifa too…

That was probably a bad idea. Cloud imagined that her father would answer the phone, and then all hell would break loose. No, he wouldn't think about that. She probably forgot about him anyways. Besides, he was sure she wanted more from him than he could give. In a small town like Nibelheim, it was unheard of for guys to like…other guys. Even here in Midgar, Cloud would have to watch what he did or said. Although he was proving himself to hold his own, he couldn't take the chance of hitting on anyone mistakenly, and then getting the shit kicked out of him for being a queer. Besides, with his busy schedule, there was no time for fooling around. Sure, he liked to daydream – with Zack around, it was impossible not to – but Cloud came there for one purpose, and one purpose alone. SOLDIER. That was all there was to it.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The days seemed to meld into each other. On the base, there wasn't much to do besides train, and go to class. Today was a special day though, and because of that, no classes were scheduled.

Cloud sat with Rob and Gabe, dressed in a thin hospital gown. Sitting across from a hard faced SOLDIER, he felt cold, naked, and insignificant. His friends were just as quiet and somber as he was. No doubt nervous about what was coming – Dr. Hojo was a freak. It was also sad to think about Eric, one of his buds, being sent home. It could've been anyone of them. Cloud was sure when the news had spread, that thought had crossed all their minds.

One by one, each remaining cadet disappeared behind a closed door and received the first of their injections. Cloud could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. After this, there was no turning back. Shinra put their money into them – literally. The injections weren't cheap. But it also meant that they had enough faith in their abilities to continue training them. It was humbling.

"Cloud Strife." The plain-clothed nurse called out from her clipboard. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Cloud stood.

"Good luck man." Rob said, giving him a light pat on the back. Cloud turned, trying to muster up a small smile. For all that he was excited before, now he was practically shaking.

"Thanks." Just like the few before him, Cloud followed the nurse into the hospital room and waited for her to shut the door behind him.

It was just like any other hospital room – an examination bed with a trolley pulled up beside it. Having Dr. Hojo right there was unsettling – apparently he was extremely intelligent, but borderline crazy. That was how the rumours went.

"Okay sweetie, we're just going to get you up on the bed here." The nurse smiled at him, her arm lingering on his a moment longer than necessary. Although Cloud was maturing rapidly, he was still a teenager. She must've thought he was older than he looked. And straight. Can't forget that. Still, she made sure to flash him an ample amount of cleavage as she disinfected his arm and prepared him for his first injection. Dr. Hojo shuffled over, glaring at him through thick lenses.

"You'll feel a slight burning sensation as the mako hits your bloodstream. After that, you'll feel dizzy and nauseous as you process it. Don't be alarmed." For all that Cloud thought the strange man was comforting him, he didn't imagine the giggle that erupted softly from the scientist's lips. All the fine hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. The nurse girl was smiling at him reassuringly, but Cloud felt no comfort. Suddenly, he was aware that this mako injection procedure might be the worst thing he would ever feel.

The sharp prick of the needle was the first of many pains. Dr. Hojo wasn't exaggerating when he said it would burn – Cloud gasped as the mako ripped through his body, feeling as though it was leading a burning trail through his veins. The nurse had come over and rubbed his back as the needle was emptied into his body. She was saying something about going to a recovery room…he couldn't concentrate.

All he could feel was the fierce burn that came with the injection, and how he was experiencing double vision because of the pain. No one talked about it being this bad. Cloud thought the other cadets were putting on a show when they came out of the room doubled-over…now he understood.

"Come on now, let me help you." It was a blur how the nurse managed to get him on his feet and move him out of the room. Cloud wasn't sure if he was imagining the sympathetic look the SOLDIER in the waiting room was giving him, or if he was going as crazy as Dr. Hojo. Probably a combination of both. Somehow, he had managed to stumble into the so-called 'recovery room'. It was just a place full of mats that the cadets could rest on. Waves of crippling nausea overtook him just as he forced himself to lie down and breathe.

"There, there." The nurse girl spoke comfortingly, but Cloud couldn't find it in himself to respond. Instead, he let darkness take him as the mako pulsed in his body, the foreign substance wreaking havoc on his system.