Mmk. I fell in love with Snape Lily about a few days ago, after reading wonderful Fanfiction here. So here I am trying to share my own. Planning for this to be long and I'm sorry if this first chapter is short. Average I can normally sprout around at least 5,000 to 6,000 words, but I was so eager to get something out! So please, enjoy the awesomeness and should have been canon that is Snape Lily~

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I hate feeling like this…
I'm so tired of trying to fight this…

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"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.

"I was watching him - his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it; they won't be able to read a word."

No, no. Stupid Potter and Black.

"Wash out your mouth," said James harshly. "Scourgify!"

"Leave him ALONE!"

No, you should have never even bothered.

"All right, Evans?"

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

Was Potter right? My existence…seems to cause all these problems.

You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

No Lily, don't get involved. You're higher than…this. You mean much more that this miserable fool can ever give you.

"Let him down!"

Certainly," said James, and he jerked his wand upward. Severus fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, "Locomotor mortis!" and Severus keeled over again at once, rigid as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you."

NO! You dare do anything to her and I'll make you regret it for the rest of your miserable, idiotic life.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed deeply, then turned to Severus and muttered the counter curse.

"There you go," he said, as Severus struggled to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -"

"I don't-" Severus started to say.

Don't say it.

"I don't need your help-"

STOP!

-Mudblood."

Whoever came up with the age-old adage sticks and stones, Severus thought they could go stuff themselves. It obviously didn't work and was pointless.

For why else was he here, alone, for the first time since they stepped onto the Hogwarts Express but five years ago.

It was the end of Fifth year and start of summer holidays, and Severus wanted nothing more to walk into the joke of a home that was his and lock himself in his room all summer.

He had messed up with Lily, big time.

He wasn't sure now what else to do. He had apologized countless times, tried being nicer to her, giving her all the answers in Potions, the class where they were forced to still sit together.

But of course, it was to no avail. Because he had uttered that cursed word at Lily, his Lily. The beautiful red head that made his life so much more worthwhile those seven years ago. The girl who taught him that life can be a place to laugh, that children could enjoy being around their parents.

He pressed his forehead against the glass of the window, the familiar countryside rolling past.

She had taught him and meant so much to him, the lowly boy straight from the ghettos.

For a full seven years Severus felt like he was indeed living through a fairytale, a dream. Life wasn't kind to him, so why would fate give him such a girl?

The rattle of his worn-out trunk above as the train sped over the tracks brought his thoughts back, and he knew the answer simple enough.

He heard the compartment door open and Severus kept his eyes shut, tilting his head away from the group. He didn't care, didn't want to see anyone. But his Lily.

His chin was propped across his crossed arms, face still tilted away from the visitors to his misery. He tried to hold back the tears, mental cursing himself for even thinking of such a thing. Hadn't he cried enough already? Lily's rejection of his apology, pitiful as it was, seemed like a sword was just pierced into his heart. The weak, damaged organ it was.

He spent the rest of the days before vacation locked up in his four-poster, hiding away from the world that had teased him so. Yes he had come down for classes, but after Lily's refusal to forgive…

Severus held back another dry sob, with a hiccup. He mustn't think of it. That would only bring more of, this. Weakness. He almost blamed himself, and had certainly blamed Lily, for seeming so alluring, so indispensable to his life. When they lived within walking distance if each other even, how much more miserable can you get than that?

Never again would the boy be allowed to sneak in through Lily's second story window, never again would the two race to their spot and watch the night sky. Never again would he have her, her whole loving family, minus Petunia, to escape to after his own life falls down.

Severus tucked his head in between his crossed arms, the front of his black, mop of hair splayed across the window. He had cried already too much. He wouldn't give whoever was here with him the pleasure.

Although he had a fleeting hope the next voice called out to him would be one of pure bliss, a tone laced with the innocent understanding and compassion she gave all creatures. Except him.

"Hey Severus?"

By the first syllable he knew that the fantasy wouldn't come true, and it took all his control to not snap at this student to leave. But he wouldn't anyways. Since this was Mulciber you were talking about. One in a pair of Severus's closest friends in his house, now his only real close friends. The friends he wouldn't give up, which Lily so clearly predicted.

Why was he doing that? Bringing everything to revolve around her?

"Snape…?"

"What?"

He didn't bother hushing or snapping down his tone. This fool wanted to talk to a guy who obviously looked less than willing to converse, let the dunderhead get what he deserved. The only thing not stopping the boy from yelling at him to leave altogether was that this was Mulciber you were talking about. His family high in the rankings of Death Eaters, a position Snape took advantage of, once upon a time. Now his convictions and dedication towards a group, he wasn't so sure.

But the boy was a pure-blood nevertheless, and in Slytherin you would talk to one with respect. Unless you wanted to regret it. Severus was done with regrets, so he corrected his tone.

"Yes Mulciber?"

"I hear you finally did have a falling out with the Mudblood girl of yours? Evans was it?"

Snape kept his face hidden in his arms, his words muffled. He couldn't trust himself around this boy, if he was of easy access to his wand. You don't call Lily that. He hated calling her that. Which he had been sure get across to her during the last days of school. The fact she ignored him was a different matter altogether, but still-

"Severus?"

He had to stop letting his mind wander, especially now.

"Sorry, just thinking. What were you saying?"

"Heh. Just how don't you think we should teach that girl a lesson? You don't mess with one of our own-"

"NO!"

Mulciber blinked, leaning back as Snape finally flipped his face towards him, black eyes wide.

"Uh…Well Severus. She did make one of my mates feel like trash, and she did go against what you called her. Which was the truth you know." Mulciber leaned back against the cushions of the seat, face to the side and muttering. "Little bitch that she was…"

Severus felt the flare of temper rise through him again. "What did you say?"

At the boy's tone Mulciber looked up, eyes bunched together confused. "Just the truth Severus."

"Leave."

"W-What?"

"Go!" Without even bothering to check if the boy was leaving Severus planted his face back into his crossed arms, eyes peeking out at the British country-side. They were only about half an hour away too.

Mulciber stood up, running a hand through his own copper hair. This whole Evans girl really had him thrown for a loop. The boy knew that there was some discussion that needed to be done, in terms of how to handle her. He slid the compartment door shut, on the look-out for Avery. Something needed to be done.

Severus just watched the hills roll blankly by, now alone. He tilted his head down, allowing the black locks so considered greasy to hide his face, the skin sallow and nose hooked. He then shut his eyes, and let the tears leak out. He had just turned his life into a giant mess, and there would be no, beautiful, angelic, emerald-eyed girl to save him.

Perhaps there never was, the boy wrly throught at the train settled into Platform 9 3/4.

Let this miserable summer begin.