~*~
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
~*~

"You look lovely," Jacob said and I offered a smile.

I slid in the front seat of the car and leaned over to kiss him. He kissed me softly and let the kiss linger as he pulled away with a smile. My cheeks heated and he slowly stroked my cheek. I looked up to meet his dark eyes and I felt my smile waver a bit.

He smiled making his bright green eyes glitter in the pale moonlight.

He pushed me back down and captured my lips with him. His kiss sent electricity and fire through my veins and I found myself moaning into his mouth. I could feel his lips swerve up into a smile. My fingers braided into his hair. It felt like silk between my fingers. His tongue slipped in my mouth and we were fighting for control. He won, like he always did and I could feel his hand rest on my hip. He slid my shirt up slowly and placed his warm hand on side.

My body tingled and I could feel his body pressed up against mine.

He pulled away, his breathing just as ragged as mine. He smiled at me. My favorite crooked smile. He pushed a lock of my hair away from my face and gently spread his thumb over my lips. My lips parted under his touch and he leaned down for another kiss.

I moved my head a bit and he landed the kiss on my cheek. He looked up at me.

"Why am I here Edward?" I asked softly and he rolled off of me and looked up at a surprising clear black sky. He sighed seeming to go over his words for a moment. He turned his head to look at me and I rolled on to my side to stare at him.

"Because this place brings me peace. It always managed to make me happy and now…you share the same meaning to it," he said and I felt touched that he would do such a thing. I smiled and rolled onto him. He chuckled deep and low and I felt my cheeks heat.

"Well I have to say…it's worth the trouble if I get caught sneaking out with you," I said with a sly smile and he laughed loudly. I was hypnotized by his laugh and the pure look of happiness on his face.

It was then I was sure I had fallen in love.

"Is everything okay?" he asked softly and I was broken out of my thoughts as I met his eyes. I smiled a bit too widely, but he would never know the difference.

"It's fine, why would you ask?" I wondered aloud. He looked over at me.

"You seem a little dazed. I thought something might be bothering you," he said shrugging his shoulders. I offered a small laugh. I looked out the window again.

"Everything's fine, I was just thinking about…" I trailed off.

I was thinking about him again. I was always thinking of him. I couldn't help it.

"A project that's due," I said and he smiled.

"Well if you need help I could—"

"No. It's nearly finished," I said and he nodded.

We drove in silence until we reached the small mall. He got out and came around to open my door. I thanked him and took his arm as we walked toward the small building holding hands and looking like the perfect couple.

"Bella! Jake!" we heard the voices as soon as we stepped into the cafeteria. A table had been claimed by a couple of our friends. He waved and turned towards me.

"I'll order for you. What do you want?" he asked and I bit my lip in thought.

"Whatever you get will be fine," I said and he nodded as he walked away. I made my way to the table. Jessica was staring at him, like she always did.

"Hey, Bella," Angela said as I took a seat.

"Hey Ang, what's new?" I asked.

"We were thinking of heading out of town next weekend. Just the girls," she said with a bright smile.

"That sounds really nice actually," I said as I thought of it. I wouldn't mind going into town. I wouldn't mind leaving for a while, which said a lot.

"Where's Ben and Seth?" I asked. Angela looked around and shrugged.

"Probably the comic book store," she said and picked on her breadstick.

"So Bella any plans?" Jessica asked.

"For what?" I asked confused by her question.

"I thought Jake said your second month anniversary was coming up soon," Jessica said a bit shocked.

Dammit. I had forgotten all about that. Jessica giggled and I looked up at her raising my eyebrows.

"What?" I asked a bit too harshly.

"Well it's not every day, the girl forgets her anniversary," Jessica said lightly twirling a piece of charcoal black hair. Angela lightly slapped her arm, but I knew it was true. It wasn't likely and not likely for me either. Knowing Jake he probably had something big and special planned. I felt the guilt wash over me immediately.

Jake returned with the trays filled with food. I picked on an order of fires.

"You know what Jake. One day I hope I find a guy just like you. Bella is just too lucky," Jessica said batting her eyelashes a bit. I rolled my eyes. I didn't have to worry about Jake. I never had to worry about him. He was too sweet and too kind. He wouldn't hurt me like that; though I wasn't too sure he could hurt me.

Jake chuckled a bit.

I returned to the table to find him laughing with the waitress. Her cheeks heated a bright pink and she giggled lightly in a happy perky way. I felt myself stiffen.

I coughed lightly and slid into the booth. He looked up at me and smiled his damn crooked smile. The one that made me week at the knees and the one that made his eyes glitter. It was my smile and he never gave it to someone else.

"I'll be back with your order," the waitress said and walked away.

"Why do you always have to do that?" I bit out once she was out of hearing distance.

"Do what?" he asked a bit surprised.

"Why must you flirt with every pretty face," I snapped. He rolled his eyes and leaned back in the booth.

"Bella, I don't see the problem. How many times have I told you I loved you? No one will change that," he said and leaned forward on the table taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. I pulled it away glaring at him and feeling the tears of anger brew.

"Well what if one day it does? What if you get to close to someone else?" I lashed. He sighed.

"I'm not. Why can't you accept that? I wouldn't ever do that to you. So I talk to other girls. I don't see the problem because none of them will ever be you," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"You expect me to buy that?" I asked with bitterness.

"No I expect you to trust me," he said his eyes darkening in anger.

The waitress returned with our drinks and we both leaned backward. We didn't talk the rest of that evening and when he dropped me off home; I ran to my room and cried. I didn't wish him a good night or even kiss him goodbye. When I returned to my room I grabbed the picture of me and him and slammed it to the floor.

He hurt me, but I didn't have the strength to tell him. So I spent my night in tears and glaring at his picture on the floor.

The rest of the day was spent going in and out of stores and talking with everyone else. Jake had a hand wrapped around my waist the whole time and I leaned into him with ease, because being with him was easy. It was simple and I never had trouble.

But that still didn't keep my mind off of him. Jessica talked about the upcoming spring dance and Angela talked to Ben about seeing a movie tomorrow. Jake asked if I wanted to do something the next night, but I turned him down. He nodded and dropped the subject. He didn't force me too.

Somehow I managed to roam around the mall alone while Jake hung out with the guys in a video store and Angela and Jessica roamed around a clothing store. I walked around until I found the small book store. It had limited choices but it was a book store none the less.

I didn't stay in the bookstore, because once I walked in I saw the very person I dreaded seeing. He stood over the counter. The cashier was pretty. His type. She had short brown hair and bright brown eyes. She giggled at something he said and he flashed my smile. The crooked one that made my knees week. I felt my eyes fog and my throat close because that was my smile.

It was the one he only used for me. I felt heartbroken. I knew it was stupid because the smile no longer belonged to me. He no longer belonged to me, but I never flashed the smile I saved for him to Jake. Jake didn't know the secrets he knew, because somehow…I just couldn't say goodbye, but he obviously could.

I guessed I must have gasped a bit loudly because he looked up. His bright jade eyes met mine for a second, but I couldn't look at them. Because if I looked into his eyes I would see everything I knew we both felt. I turned and walked out of the bookstore.

I held in my hurt and anger like I always did. When I was sure I was under control I looked for Jake.

When the sun started to set Jake drove me home. Again he pulled open the door and walked me to my door, but before we had even reached the front door it was thrown open.

"Jacob, good to see you," Charlie said smiling widely.

"Nice to see you too, Charlie," Jacob said.

"You staying for dinner? Sue's making your favorite," Charlie said a bit hopeful. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Charlie seemed more in love with Jake than I did. He might have been.

"It would be an insult if I didn't," Jake said and we walked in. Sue was my father's girlfriend and had known Jacob since he was a baby. So had Charlie. They loved him like a son. He walked into the kitchen and Sue hugged him. He offered to help with dinner, but she sent us both into the living room with Charlie.

Jake argued over something that involved sports with my father. Charlie laughed and patted Jacob a few times on the back and I stared blankly at the TV.

I sighed not having a clue on what was going on. I could only identify the sport as football.

My thoughts were a jumbled mess in my mind. They floated back and forth. I couldn't let myself think about this afternoon because I would have broken down.

Dinner was filled with chatter between Charlie and Sue. Jake talked about school, his job, and various things. I sat silently and ate the food. I didn't have anything to say.

I opened the window and he climbed though. His hair held shining droplets of water. His shirt was damp and I lightly slapped his shoulder.

"You could have killed yourself!" I scolded and he flashed his smile. My anger lightly rose away. I hated how he did that. With just a smile he made me forget I was mad at him. I rolled my eyes and sat back on my bed. He shook his hair and droplets of water hit me. I laughed.

"Stop," I gripped and he knelt down on his knees and placed his hands on my knees. He looked up at me.

"I couldn't sleep," he said. I bent down and placed a small kiss on his lips. His lips were soft and molded with mine well. Even the slightest pecks made me dizzy. My air vanished from my lungs and I pulled away.

"So you came here?" I asked. He rose slightly and I fell back on the bed. My feet still touching the floor. He climbed on top of me.

"I did, because I thought…why dream when you can have the real thing," he said and bit my neck lightly. I laughed and pushed him off. He rolled off of me and onto the bed, sitting up. He gave me an evil grin.

"My father would kill you if he knew you were here," I said breathing heavily. I lay on the bed looking at him.

"Charlie doesn't seem to like me much," he said with a sigh and turned to me. Lightly he traced my cheek bone down my neck and over my collarbone leaving a burning trail in his wake. I sighed.

"But I like you. I love you actually," I said and he smiled.

"If you knew the extent of my love for you, you'd run away in fright," he whispered leaning down to touch his forehead to mine.

"That's not possible," I said my breathing racing at his proximity. His lips lightly touched mine. What started out as light pecks turned into heated passionate kisses. Soon he was lying on my bed while I straddled his hips and placed light kisses all over his face. His hand came up to stop my movements and caught my lips. He gave me a slow kiss that sent my skin on fire. His tongue roamed my mouth and I could taste him. My heart beat raced and he flipped us over.

He pulled away and lay back down.

"Stop," he said when I started to kiss his neck.

He pulled my chin up and stared at my eyes.

"Talk to me," he said and I stared at him confused, but did what he asked none the less.

I learned more about him that night than I thought possible. I could feel my love for him grow with every new thing I learned.

"Goodnight, Bella," Jake said as I stood by the door. I leaned against the frame and smiled.

"Goodnight, Jake," I whispered and he kissed me softly. His kisses didn't start a fire. They made me blush and feel like I was loved. But never a fire, never a fire.

"I'll call you," he said and let go of my hand as he started to walk toward his car. He'd call me at nine. Like every other night. I smiled as he flashed me a smile from his car. He waved and I did too. He was so special. I was a fool not to be happy with him. He made me happy. He made Charlie happy.

He was all around perfect. Why wasn't he enough?

I made my way into my bedroom. I stared at my bed and I felt the tears well up. They were down my cheeks before I could stop them.

Jake could never be enough. He should have been, but he never would be. I was so angry at him. It was his fault. It was his entire fault. I walked slowly to my bed and sat down lightly. I could feel his heated kisses on neck. I could feel his love bites. I could hear his voice and I could still taste him.

He had ruined my bedroom. I always thought of him.

Then this afternoon came along. He was moving on without me. He was giving other girls his amazing smile and flirting. He was over me. So why couldn't I get over him? I wasn't sure how long I lay on my bed and cried, but what finally made me stop was my phone. Its shrill ring broke the silence in my bedroom.

I searched for the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" I said lightly hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Hey Bella," Jake said over the phone.

"Um, I'm not feeling too well, Jake. Would it be okay it I passed tonight?" I asked.

"Of course. I'm sorry you feel sick. If there's—"

"No. It's nothing. Just some chest pain. Nothing serious," I said feeling guilty because he was too understanding.

"Well, I'll be over tomorrow to see how you're doing. Sweet dreams, Bella," Jake wished over the phone.

"You too," I said quickly.

"I love you, Bella," he said in a quiet whisper. I felt my eyes well up with tears all over again.

"I know you do, Jake," I said after a moment of silence and hung up the phone. Ashamed I could not say the same thing to him. I slid onto the floor and rested my head against my bed. I placed a hand underneath my bed and pulled out the old red shoebox. I opened the lid and moved some of the stuff around.

The shoe box held little trinkets. Some souvenirs I had gotten when I was younger and would go to the zoo. A couple old necklaces that held meaning. But at the very bottom was our picture. Me and him. I should have disposed of the picture. It was the right thing to do.

But I couldn't because l was still too attached. I was still too in love.

I couldn't figure out why though. I had the perfect guy in my grasp. He didn't make me hurt and he didn't flirt with other girls or fight with me. Charlie loved him and he was always the gentleman. But if l loved Jake, shouldn't he be able to hurt me? Why did I always feel so unattached to him?

In a heat of anger I grabbed the picture and ripped it. I threw it back in the box and wiped the tears away. I called Jacob.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Jake, I was thinking…I would really like to go out tomorrow night," I told him and could imagine him smiling brightly.

"That's great Bella," he said and I spent the next hour talking to him. The conversation dawdled from one thing to the next. We hung up that night and he again told me he loved him and I again refused to return it. I refused to lie to him. Maybe I didn't love him yet, but I could see myself loving Jacob.

He was too perfect not to. I would love him one day.

- -

"I thought you might like it here," he said as we drove to the small restaurant. I recognized it instantly and I nodded. I looked at our hands that were joined together.

"It's perfect," I said and he smiled again. He had such a beautiful smile. The kind that would make girls swoon. He was so beautiful too. He didn't deserve to waste him time on a girl like me. He deserved so much more, because he was so much better.

"You're a really good guy Jake," I said with a soft smile. He laughed and squeezed my hand a bit. He parked and came around to open my door. He offered me his hand and I took it as I got out of the car. He smiled and kissed me softly. It was warm and so sweet. Just like Jake. He pulled away his breathing a bit off. I smiled again a bit too wide.

He took my hand and led me to the small diner. We ordered and talked a bit.

He took my hand from across the table and played with my fingers. He looked so happy.

I walked out of the restaurant. My movements were quick and I felt like running but I would only fall. The afternoon sun poked out from under the dark clouds. It wasn't long before I heard his footsteps following me.

"Bella, would you wait!" he called and I stopped and turned on him.

"What?" I spat angry and hurt. I felt so damn foolish.

"Why do you have to act like this?" he said a bit indignantly. I rolled my eyes, because he seemed to never know what he did wrong. He never admitted what he did wrong. According to him he never did anything wrong.

"Why do I have to act—What about you? Why can't you just—" I stopped myself to angry to even continue. I started to walk away again, but he kept pace with me.

"Is this because I decided to hug, Kate? God, Bella, she's just a friend. We've been close since we were little," he said and I shook my head and just continued walking as the anger decided the heat.

"No, Edward it's not about, Kate! It's the fact that I can't ever seem to know when girls are just friends or maybe something more," I said and he groaned in frustration.

"Jesus, Bella, I've told you a million times no one is. I'm not like that. And god why must you be so damn insecure?" he yelled. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Was I insecure? Maybe I was, because sometimes I just couldn't believe that he could actually want me out of the tons of girls out there.

"Why do you always have to start something? It's always like this!"

"I start something! It's not my fault you can't ever seem to do anything right!" I snapped turning on him. He scoffed.

"I can never do anything right by you. I'm not perfect Bella! I have my faults," he shouted now. He had reached his boiling point.

"No, you're not perfect," I bit out.

"Well, I'm sorry I can't meet your standards!"

"So am I!" I shouted. It wasn't true. But I was just too angry to care.

"Jeez Bella, maybe if you would trust me a little more I would," he bit out.

"I'm not sure I can," I said felling the tears well up. His eyes widened for a moment and then darkened in anger. He looked livid.

"Then what am I still doing here?" he asked in a low voice.

"I don't know," I whispered and that seemed to make him snap. His dark eyes glared at me and I could see the hurt, disbelief, and anger hidden there. I couldn't believe I had just said that. I couldn't believe I was gonna leave it there. Everything in my heart was telling me to take it back. To apologize and say I didn't mean it, but my pride wouldn't let me.

I was too stubborn to listen.

"I don't need this," he whispered and turned. He jogged back to his car and I stood there stunned. It…was…over.

My hands started to shake and my breaths were coming in fast gasps. I couldn't believe what I had done.

I was in denial for a week after that. I kept thinking he would call and we would make up and everything would be fine, but he never did. I waited by the phone. I read my emails. At school he didn't even look at me. I had screwed up.

I spent a week crying after I had accepted reality.

I had made the biggest and stupidest mistake and I was feeling it.

"Was it something I did?" Jake asked hurt in his voice. I shook my head slowly and looked at him with regretful eyes, pleading with him to understand.

"No, Jacob. It's my fault. You're too good and too perfect for me. You'll make a girl happy one day, but it's not me. It's not fair to lead you on like this," I tried explaining to him but he only stared at me with guilty black eyes. He was blaming himself.

"I don't understand," he mumbled.

"Because you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry Jake, it's just…I don't feel as strongly for you as you do for me and it's wrong. I'm sorry," I said and he looked up at me. His eyes asking for another chance and I felt my heart break for him, because he would never fully understand.

I got up.

"Please don't blame yourself. I just wasn't ready for such a serious relationship," I whispered and kissed his cheek. I wished he would have gotten angry. I wished he would have yelled at me and fought with me, because maybe that would make this easier, but he didn't. He was too understanding. He wouldn't make it any harder.

"At least let me drive you home," he said and I shook my head.

"I just need some time to think. The house isn't too far and I could use the walk," I said and nodded.

"I'm sorry," I whispered once more.

"I guess I should have seen it coming," he said with a deep sigh. I smiled limply. He shouldn't have seen it coming because I should never have to let him go, but it wasn't like that. I nodded and walked out of the diner. I opened the door and light bell sounded as I walked into the evening air.

I started my walk home tears sliding down my cheeks slowly. I hugged myself gently as I thought over what I had done, but I couldn't continue with Jake. He was too good for me. I wiped away a tear clumsily and ignored those around me. I stared at my feet and felt my heart break all over again, but it wasn't Jake who caused it. It could never be Jake. He didn't hold my heart. Maybe one day he would have, but it felt too unlikely that I would ever love Jake the same way.

I felt a cold drop of water on my skin. I looked up to see the sky had turned dark. Another raindrop hit my cheek and soon it started to flood. I was only around two blocks away from the house, but I was already soaked. I didn't hurry my movements. I only brought my hood up and looked down to avoid getting the water in my eyes.

"Bella!" I heard my name. I looked up, but couldn't see anything.

"Bella!" I turned around and saw him. He was stepping out of his car. His hair looking almost black as it got wet. His green eyes sparkled. He ran to me and looked at me. He was angry.

"What are you doing? Are you insane? Why are you—"

"Hi Edward," I whispered and he stared at me.

"Where's Jake? Why didn't he drive you—?"

"Because it's not his job anymore," I said simply mesmerized by his face and the small movements. I watched as the water trailed down his face and down his chin. I watched as his hair and clothes become more and more wet.

"What do you mean—" he asked bewildered.

"I'm not with Jake," I said again and he rolled his eyes.

"He wasn't able to meet your standard either?" he asked and started to lead me back to his car.

"No, because—" should I have told him. I didn't know.

"Because what?" he asked as we reached the car.

"Because he's nothing like you," I said and his head snapped up to meet my eyes. I could see him swallow. He was scared. He didn't want to get hurt. Neither did I, but being with him was better than being without him. He shook his head and laughed for a moment.

"Do you expect everything to be perfect just like that?" he asked the anger showing again in his features.

"No, but it's only fair that I tell you. Only fair that you know," I said and shrugged lightly.

"Why do you have to do that Bella?" he shouted. I leaned against his car in shock. He was angry at me. Very angry.

"Do what?" I snapped.

"Why do you have to go and turn things around like that? Do you have any idea how long it took me to finally get over you?" he said and I felt the tears slide down my cheeks along with the rain.

"You're over me?" I whispered. I wasn't even sure he heard me over the pour of the rain, but somehow he managed to.

"That's the problem. I'm not over you and I don't know how to, but I know when you start throwing words like that at me it gets harder and harder," he said and I watched him.

"You think it's easy for me?! That trying to get over you was simple!" I shouted angry now that he would think anything like that.

"I don't know, you're the one that broke it off," he yelled at me.

"You're the one that walked away!"

"What was I suppose to do Bella? Dammit do you even know how much that hurt me?" he shouted and his eyes went so dark they were almost black.

"You were supposed to snap some sense into me. You were supposed to call me! You should have done something!" I said tears continuing to slide down my cheek.

"Well it didn't take too long for you to find someone else, did it?"

"God, because anything would have been better than feeling so alone. Jake took that feeling away but he didn't replace you. He could never replace you or make me feel like you do!" I shouted. It was silent between us. He stared at me his breathing coming quickly and I leaned against his car not knowing what to do.

In a moment he was in front of me. His hands were on my hips and his mouth was on mine. He bit down hard on my bottom lip and then smoothed his tongue over it. I ran my fingers through his hair and ran my tongue over his lips missing the taste of him. I pushed myself closer to him because he could never be enough. His lips molded around mine and I was soon out of breath. He pulled away from my lips and trailed his kisses down my jaw and toward my neck where he bit softly.

I moaned and he pulled away.

He took my chin in his fingers and forced me to stare at his bright green eyes.

"Don't do it. Ever again, because you might just kill me!" he scolded his voice deep.

"I won't. I won't ever do it again. I promise," I said and kissed him again. He let me, but this time it was softer. He moved his lips gently against mine in a sweet enticing kiss that left me aching for more. He reached around me to open the door. I slid in and he ran around to his side.

He started to drive toward my house and my heart started racing. I couldn't say goodbye to him just yet. I had him back after 3 months. He saw the panic in my eyes and gave me my smile. I relaxed for just a moment and he brought his thumb to slowly stroke over my thumb before stopping in front of my house.

"I'll be back," he whispered and I nodded.

When I got into the house I had to deal with Charlie. He asked me what happened to Jake. I told him it didn't feel right. He tried to convince me otherwise but I shook my head and ran to my room.

It was close to eleven when I heard the light tap on my window.

I opened it and he climbed in like he had been doing every weekend night when we were dating. It was natural.

He shook his head and the water droplets flew from his hair. I giggled softly and closed the window because it was still raining forcefully. He turned me around and grabbed my hips as he kissed me. They were soft sweet and slow kisses but they heated my body.

"I'm sorry for everything I told you. I didn't mean it," I said softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't fight for you. I just felt that I could never be enough for you," he said and leaned his forehead on mine.

"But you are enough. You're so much more than enough," I whispered confused. How could he ever think such a thing?

That night was spent reminding me why I had fallen in love with him in the first place. Sometime during the night when he probably thought I was sleeping he whisper in my ear.

"I'm still not perfect," he said I could hear the regret in his voice. I smiled and turned around to look at him.

"You're wrong," I told him simply.

"Am I?"

"You are perfect. Perfectly right for me," I whispered and he laughed.

He stroked my cheek softly and kissed my forehead.

I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat before falling asleep.

The End

- -

Okay so I hoped you guys liked it. Pretty obvious that it's based off the song, The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift, but I really wanted to write the song out.

Anyway this is a one shot and something I wrote in the middle of the night so let me know how it turned out….okay??

REVIEW!

Twilightholic-Tanya