Title: Falling In Love In a Coffee Shop
Author: DoYouCareEnough
Rating: T for language, and maybe some sexual themes. (Ha! It makes it sounds like it's a movie or something!)
Summary: Five years after Rory turns down Logan's proposal and graduates from Yale University, she's faced with the man she once loved, lost, turned down once, and turned down again. Is it love again, or has too much damage been done?
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, nor do I own the lyrics to "Falling In Love In a Coffee Shop" by Landon Pigg.
A/N: Hope you like it.
Falling In Love In A Coffee Shop
By DoYouCareEnough
*****
"I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you
Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you…
No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me…"
****
Chapter One
South of Nowhere
*****
The funny thing about saying something is lost is that really, nothing is ever really lost. Whatever it is is always somewhere. It may be stuffed between two couch cushions, or maybe it just fell out of your pocket on the way to work one morning. You may never see it again, but it isn't really lost.
That's just the way I see it.
Years ago I thought I lost Jess' love for me. Well, actually, it was more like I felt like Jess' love for me was taken from me. Ripped violently and painfully away. It sat on a bus and rode away without my knowledge. It was never coming back. Or that's how it felt.
And then he came to Yale. Then I went to Truncheon. The story has been told and re-told many times in my head, until it became old news. It felt like it hadn't really happened to me. It was as though it was something I read in a book, or saw on TV or in a movie. You feel sad for a minute. Oh, that's too bad, you think. You're glad something like this didn't have to happen to you. And then, oh, you realize that yes, it did happen to you. Shit, you think. And then the pain becomes real, becomes your own.
Sometimes I wonder if I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I hadn't rejected Jess when he came to Yale. Like, I wouldn't have had to go through the whole thing with Dean or Logan. I never would have quit Yale, I never would have pissed Emily off so much.
But then, maybe that was all part of the process, of the journey. Maybe things were truly meant to be played out the way they did. And, I can't deny the fact that Jess really did change when he went to Philadelphia. And I, too, changed at about the same rate. But, whereas Jess changed for the better, I think I changed for the worst. Everyone I know will tell me that I'm still the same amazing Rory I've always been, just maybe with better clothes and better hair.
I'm not so sure.
The funny thing about the world is that it can chew you up and spit you out and leave you laying there going, it can't get any worse, and then it will show you, hell yes it can get worse. Or, after it's left you flat on your face it can lift you up and show you that hey, there are people out here that love me. The world is a bitch like that. You never know what its going to do.
I guess that's what makes life interesting. Not knowing what to expect.
But I think sometimes it would be nice to know what's going to happen.
*****
Sometimes, if I get the chance, I'll go down to the bookstore and go to where Jess' book sits on the shelf and I'll pick it up and start reading it. Though I actually own the book, there's something really neat about seeing it on an actual shelf in an actual bookstore. It's a weird feeling to see the price tag on it, and the little barcode. As I read it, I like to pretend that Jess is sitting there reading to me like he used to in the short time that we actually dated. I like to pretend that the words he wrote were written to me exclusively.
Today I decided I was going to go see his book again. I had no time to read it, but I was feeling exceptionally lonely and, though I didn't like to admit it, I missed Jess. Terribly. I haven't seen him or talked to him in so long, but my heart knows him well, so it feels like a piece is missing. I've always felt like that, even if I never said it. I would try to fill the void with other things, like writing and Logan and school and reading, but, truly, I knew deep down that the thing I was missing the most was Jess.
As I walked into the entrance of Barnes & Noble, a book on the front table caught my eye. I drifted to the table and picked up the said book, and I had to read the author's name twice before I could really grasp who it was.
Jess had written another book.
It was priced at $15.99, and that was fine with me. I would never spend an hour's worth of pay on a book that I didn't know what it was about under normal circumstances but this was definitely not a normal circumstance.
After I paid I went to the Starbuck's that was located inside, and ordered a coffee and sat down so I could start reading.
Jess' book was called South of Nowhere. And it wasn't like his last book, a novelette. This sucker was a novel. It was at least four hundred pages long. I opened the page to the Acknowledgments, and the first thing that surprised me was the very first name on there.
"To my daughter Paige: This is my promise to you, that when you're old enough to read this, I'll still be around to read it with you."
Jess is a father. The thought made me smile. Jess would be a great father. An absolutely fantastic father. That I had no doubt of. My selfish self scanned the rest of the Acknowledgments quickly for any mention of a wife, fiancé, or even a girlfriend. I saw nothing. But, as I was scanning it, the very last name jumped out and practically flung cold water in my face.
"To R.G. I have always loved you most. You are my greatest inspiration, and the only reason that I cranked out four hundred and twenty-six pages." Okay, R.G. Is that me? No, it could be anyone. Rachel Gere. Raina Geller. Riley Green. Anyone. The possibilities are endless.
And yes, I know how stupid this sounds. I've been going on and on about how much I love Jess, and then when he seems to be saying that he loves me, I start freaking out and denying it. Sometimes the very thing that you want the most is the very thing that you want the least. It's just that I'm so afraid of having a relationship with him for the simple fact that it may not last. Right now, when nothing is happening, there's still the idea that we can be together. It might happen. But if one of us ruins it again, I already know that there is no chance for redemption. It will be over. We've run out of chances. It's now or never, and that is why I'm afraid.
The acknowledgment continued, "I was impossibly sad to see you go, and there were a thousand things that I wished I had said but couldn't seem to find the voice to do so. Just know that this book is for you. It's all for you."
Shit.
I started reading at 6:28 a.m. (what can I say? I felt like being an early bird that morning even though I had nowhere else to go) and I finished at 6:22 a.m.
There was no stopping except for bathroom breaks and brief expeditions to the kitchen for more Cajun trail mix or another cup of old coffee.
At 6:23 a.m., I realized why this book was for me. It was one line from the sixth chapter that I'd written down on a Post-It note so that I would never forget it. At this point, I was so intoxicated in the reading that I forgot that this book had been written for me.
The line was this: "This world means little to me today because you are not with me."
A/N: Please review. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and I really hope you enjoyed this! Not a very long update, but it's sort of a prologue of sorts. Other chapters will be longer, I promise.
Special thanks to Vera Cobb for helping me out, or, well, giving me the line of Acknowledgment to Paige.
Oh, one last thing. I am also a beta reader, so let me know if you're looking for one.