Sookie POV:
As cool as his skin was to the touch it felt like he was pressing fire against my own skin as his hand gently cupped my cheek.
"I would like to start by saying that I am sorry and that I do truly detest the fact that I have hurt you."
I brought my own hand to cover his as I allowed my eyes to close for a moment before stepping away from Eric.
"I know, me too." I whispered. "Please come in. Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back." I told him as I gestured for him to enter the living room.
I knew that I needed to calm down as seeing him at my door only me made that much more… angrier. I needed to splash some cold water on my face and take a moment to just breath.
When I returned to the living room Eric was seated on the far end of the couch, I decided that a little distance is probably better for us and took a seat in the chair across from him.
"Do you know where you'd like to start?" I asked jumping right in.
"You have to tell me what happened. Everything, from the beginning. I already know from Pam how I came to be here but of course so much has obviously happened that she nor anyone else is privy to…aside from us that is" He looked at me intently. Searching my eyes for something. Probably truth.
"I hate not knowing what I did, what we've done. I've had a life longer than you can even imagine, some of it good some of it…not and I remember every second of it, except for the time I spent here with you."
"Well for starters I can't make you remember," I said as calmly as I could. "I can only tell you that you stayed with me for several days, we enjoyed each others company, we were…um intimate and then Pam came to get you."
Eric stared into my eyes a little longer. I guess still searching for answers, mine not being satisfactory.
I sucked in a deep unsteady breath and released an even shakier one. It's utterly ridiculous that after everything we have shared that I feel so darn nervous having this conversation with him.
"Eric, I am completely aware that the person you were before as well as now would never have opened up to me the way you did, would never have let me in. I'm sorry that I've not been more forward with you about all this but you have to take a step back and see all of this from my point of view as well."
Eric simply nodded obviously waiting for me to continue.
"I don't know just how much you want to know but I guess the most important part is that I admitted that we were together intimately." He again didn't seem too surprised by this revelation so I quickly added the last part. "quite often really."
"Often?" He questioned as he cocked an eyebrow.
"I, ah. Eric," I said, "we had sex in every room in this house in almost every position I could imagine, and some I couldn't multiple times. You told me it was the best you'd ever had, not that you could honestly remember any other sex but you were very set on making me believe that, making me want to believe it."
I wasn't sure how much more he needed to know but I decided if I was getting this out there then it was damn well going to be all of it. He could do with it what he wanted but at least I could say that I had tried, I had finally reached out to him.
"You were sweet and kind and caring. You wanted to protect me, take care of me. Stay with me."
Eric looked like he'd just taken a pretty serious blow to the head. And I oddly enough felt a little relieved for all of about thirty seconds. Then I began to feel uneasy as his eyes changed, his face took on a closed off, far away look.
"Ah…Is there anything else…you think I should know?" he said in a voice so calm it in no way even remotely resembled what his eyes were trying to convey.
"You offered to give up your position as sheriff, walk away from it all and come to live with me. You said you would get a job if that is what enabled us to stay together safely."
He Hadn't said anything for the better part of ten or more minutes and I was beginning to feel the affects of far too much anxiety flowing through my body. I felt like I could be ill at any moment.
"Please say something Eric, you're the one that wanted to know these things. Believe me I would rather be you and have no knowledge then be me…I get the joy of remembering every little detail, every touch, feeling, emotion and word spoken between us while at the same time living with the fact that you don't remember any of it."
He still never spoke a word but had finally shifted in his seat, leaning forward and wringing his hands together in front of his knees.
"I know it wasn't your doing and it's not your fault but I can't help but feel like it's me sometimes, like I'm just not important enough for you to…want to remember."
"Want to" His silence finally broken "want to? You think I don't want to remember, it's all I fucking think about, my every thought brings me back to you, Sookie! Everything you've told me, yeah it's great to have some of that knowledge but fuck…it still doesn't help me." He angrily ran his hands through his hair.
"Yeah" She scoffed "Please enlighten me, Eric. Have all your whores made you think of me? I admit I made a mistake, I made one mistake thinking if I could move on that I wouldn't have to feel like you ripped my heart out when you left me…AGAIN!"
"Sookie"
"Don't you Sookie me! You want to talk? Well it works both ways. So tell me why, why all those…those women?" I was using the term women, very loosly.
"And don't even try the feeding bullshit with me, you've already told me how little you actually need because of your age. It sickens me, Eric. It makes me sick to even think about it much less see it through her…mind!"
"I, fuck. I can only say I'm sorry, the same as you. Why is it that you can't understand that I too was trying to rid my mind of you?"
"I don't know what else to say. I have an excellent mind for business, acting as Sheriff, and I know exactly how to deal with any other person, human or supe without question. It's you, you're the only being that I have no clue how to be around, fuck…I hate having feelings!
He seemed to take moment to gather himself before he continued.
"Look, Sookie. There's more that you should know." He stated apprehensively.
"We said we'd be honest here so I will. I already knew we had sex Sookie, christ I could smell it, smell both you and me and what was so very obviously the scent of our sex." He hesitated taking an unnecessary breath before continuing.
"I, I know because I had to have come back into my right mind at what could possibly have been the worst possible moment."
"I don't understand." I said quietly.
"Our last night together, I didn't just suddenly remember myself after you drifted off to sleep. It…it happened before, it happened earlier…"
I know I gasped audibly as my mind grasped what he was trying so hard to say.
"When Eric? When?"
He stood now facing the fire and ran his hand over his face, his stance not quite so tall and strong. He looked so torn and confused, he had never looked more human than in that moment.
"During, no. Before the…sex. While I was, we were…fooling around, I guess."
I didn't know what to say, it was me left speechless now.
"I was confused Sookie, I had no idea how or even what the hell was going on. It didn't help when I looked into your eyes…there was something there and it scared the shit out of me because I knew I felt it too. You…I, what have you done to me?"
He turned to me with the most tortured look on his face and I just wanted to hug him but I stayed seated for fear of his rejection, I just couldn't take that right now.
"I'm not me anymore, I mean I am me for the most part but I have these….feelings, strong feelings that drive me insane. I thought that if you told me everything that something would finally click, that it would finally explain why I don't like to be away from you, why I constantly think about you."
"It's the same for me Eric, only I know why I feel the way I do. I am just more afraid of what anything between us would mean for the both of us. Your not the same person yet you are, it confuses the shit out of me."
He stood silently simply nodding his head as I spoke.
"I would willingly give up anything to be with my Eric, the Eric that I spent days on end with here in my home. I have a little trouble being willing to give up all those same things to set up home with Eric Northman, Sheriff of area 5, because that person…"
"You know Sookie, that person is still me. It's quite insulting you act like you're referring to two different people, as confused as I am even I know that."
"No Eric, that person would never make me feel like I was nothing more than a conquest, with the real you I would always be waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. I don't trust you, not with my heart. I'd trust you with my life any day but not my heart."
"What are you saying? Is that it, we're just done because you say so?"
"I don't know anymore, I was so ready to be with you no matter what because I miss you, I do but you don't even remember us and you are still having your share of enjoyment with the lovely fangbangers that are constantly at your feet.:
"Only after I seen you with your 'friend', before that I never touched anyone I only wanted you. I wanted you before, during and after losing my memory, you don't find it strange that even with no memory I ended up here? You were the only hold up, tell me why am I ok for you when I am…broken but not when I am ME?"
Eric POV:
This woman is infuriating, she can somehow make a 1000 year old Viking Vampire feel inferior.
It doesn't help that none of this conversation has actually answered anything for me, I need to understand how suddenly my own existence, my own safety is not the most important thing to me anymore.
Why I would risk my own life, so to speak, in order to ensure that Sookie is here and safe. Why I feel the need to beg her to come home with me, be with me.
"That's not true Eric, you were never broken not by a long shot. You just didn't have to be so guarded, or in control you were able to let go of the hard exterior for a little while and just be Eric."
I ignored her attempt at stroking my ego, it wasn't necessary.
"I would have been loyal to you, denied you nothing."
"Loyal" She scoffed at me. "Denied me nothing, can you promise to love me Eric, do you even know what love is?"
And just like that I realise that I do love her, I had already come to this conclusion but let my pride and my anger get in the way. Not anymore, this will complicate the shit out of everything but I will not deny it anymore.
"I didn't, not until you."
"What did you say?"
"I said not until you, I keep going back and forth but I'm done second guessing myself. I kept denying it, thinking it wasn't possible and then I realised if I am capable of feeling everything else like anger and hate. Then why not something else…I love you, Sookie."
"No you don't, don't say that! Don't you dare!"
"It's true, I came here to tell you just that the night I saw you here, with him. I might not remember anything but I came to realise that I didn't need to remember in order to feel…and I want to feel again, Sookie."
A sob escaped her lips and she near dropped to the floor as her knees buckled but I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. She cried into my chest for a few moments telling me how sorry she is, for what I don't know.
She finally pulled away from me and I wiped the tears from her beautiful face.
"Say it again " She demanded.
"What?"
"I said say it again."
"I love you, Sookie Stackhouse."
A/N: I have cut it short to get something posted but obviously there is still a little more to the conversation. So we see a softer side to Eric, I know not everyone agrees that there is a softer side to him but to me it was always obvious where Sookie was concerned.
Yes, he takes advantage of certain situations but he is different even if only a little when it comes to her.
A/N: I do not own anything!