Skin Deep

I'm a vapid, shallow, airheaded bitch.

Well, that's what people say, and I don't give a damn. Screw them. What do they know anyway?

Is it really such a sin for a woman to take pride in her appearance?

I don't go out of my way to correct them, and why should I? I enjoy the concessions that come with such a reputation. For one, it means that I am highly underestimated by both enemies and colleagues.

People say that it's what's on the inside that counts. That's bullshit. Everyone judges each other on appearance. Sight is our primary sense as a species. First impressions are formed by it, relationships are built on it. People may say that I am lying...or that it's personality that matters but the proven fact remains that beauty is a kunoichi's greatest weapon. It can be used to lure, to betray and to deceive.

My chest has saved my life on more than one occasion.

The other day I was sent on a scroll retrieval mission to Kakkado, a small village just south of Suna, when once again my natural assets got me out of a tricky situation. Of course the weather in Wind Country is always swelteringly hot; the sand that carpets the land is practically white and reflects the sun as well as any mirror. I was travelling with Hinata. She's my friend, well I suppose we are friends, she's sorta quiet so I'm never really sure.

She's a bit of a prude, she's, what's the word...Mottled? Middling?

**Modest?**

– Modest! That's totally it, she's really freaking modest. Like for serious.

It must have been, like, ninety five degrees with no breeze and the girl still wouldn't take off her sweater. Under that ugly, baggy top she actually has an amazing pair. You'd never know of course. Anyway, I had stripped down to just my bra and shorts and had hooked the straps down so that I wouldn't get those ugly white tan lines that Sakura thinks are so fashionable. Sakura is my other friend by the way.

So, I was walking along with Hinata, when out of nowhere these guys spring up from amongst the sand-dunes and grab Hinata by the arms.

I don't even think about it, I just react, like a freaking cat I'm telling you.

I kick the first guy straight in the face, grab a kunai from my boot and cut the other one straight across the chest. They were only bandits – barely any real combat training, but hell, I knocked five of them out within seconds. Well, in the scuffle my bra slips down around my waist. I didn't care, my boobs are awesome, the guy holding Hinata takes one look, blinks twice and loosens his grip for just a fraction of a second.

Have you ever seen hot blood spilling onto white sand? I think it's possibly prettier than blood on snow. Sand doesn't melt you see, so it ends up looking like thousands and thousands of crimson beads.

So yeah...my point is; why would I fight nature and try to be anything less than drop dead gorgeous? It's what I am built for, clearly.

To all those people that call me an airhead, or shallow, or dense, or a bitch or even unskilled...

Well what they don't realise is that as soon as they write me off as just a 'bimbo' they start slipping up. That's why I am the best gossip in the whole of Fire Country. My sources just don't realise that while I'm picking out nail varnish for them and accessorising their drab wardrobes, I am also listening and cataloguing every little thing they say.

I'm a pro, but I wouldn't be anything without my looks.

And it takes effort to look this good. Beauty maintenance is a ceaseless endeavour.

I'll tell you a secret; I am not this blonde naturally. Shocking right? But seriously, as soon as I hit puberty my luscious platinum locks started to fade to a mediocre mousey brown. Ino Yamanaka is NOT mousey. I have to bleach my hair, all of my hair, every four weeks to avoid even a trace of re-growth. Do you know how much peroxide stings? Especially in delicate places. It also dries the hair and splits the ends, so I employ an intensive system of conditioning and rehydration after each application.

Also contrary to popular belief I do not wear makeup all the time. A girl has to maintain a bit of mystery, and I find that I get a much better reaction out of people if I only wear makeup on special occasions. I love how they look at me when I am dolled up to the nines...I can almost hear them saying, 'Wow, I didn't think it was possible for Ino to look any hotter, but there she goes!'

It's completely umpiring.

**You mean 'empowering'...**

Right, right, empowering. I knew that. Now where was I? Ah yes, so I don't wear makeup generally but I do have a very involved skin care routine. They say beauty is only skin deep and that is so true!

Skin is the first thing to give away your age and the also first thing to gravitate southwards, and for a ninja it's even worse; we spend all day in the sun and are constantly exposed to unsanitary environments which can really screw with your complexion. It's important to look after your skin. Even when getting a tan I use a homemade moisturiser with orchid extract and an SPF rating of fifteen. Sometimes twenty on my face.

In the morning I use a warm flannel to open up my pours. I love the way it feels against my face and best of all it helps promote blood flow which rejuvenates and smoothes. Then I apply a deep action face-pack to remove the grim and dirt, paying particular attention to the nose, chin and forehead.

After that I use a cleanser. This soothes the skin and adds a protective barrier to keep the dirt away. Then after that I apply my moisturiser. You really should smell it, it's glorious. Sakura's always boasting about how fantastic her homemade soldier pills are, but have you ever tried one? No? Well let me tell you, they are disgusting. Like, totally vomit inducing and they smell even worse. At least my moisturiser smells nice and tastes nice. I can't believe those stupid pills won first place at the last Developmental Awards. My range of fruit-and-flower-based-cosmetics should have won. They were all completely organic and biodegradable. If it wasn't for Chouji eating the coconut lipsticks I would have totally won.

Do you wanna know what I called my brand? It's so clever...you'll love it...

-Ready? I called it: 'Fruitiful'

What do you think? It contained fruit and it made you look beautiful...get it? Awesome huh?

**...**

"Okay, enough! Enough!" The man slumped forward awkwardly in a chair, his wrists straining against thick iron restraints.

As Ino lifted her head and blinked dazedly around the room, Ibiki detached himself from the shadows and walked forward to place a large, scarred hand on the crown of her blonde head,

"So, are you ready to talk?"

The man's head snapped up quickly and he met Ibiki's cool gaze with a panicked stare of his own. His eyes were bulging in their sockets. Then he began to openly weep.

Ino folded her arms over her chest and screwed her nose up in annoyance,

"I was just getting to the good part too..." she grumbled, flicking her long platinum pony tail over one shoulder.

"Please," the man began in a thin, reedy whine, "Don't let her back in my head! I can't take it...I can't listen to another...oh gods!"

If he had been allowed the freedom of movement, Ibiki knew that his prisoner would have been rocking on the floor with his face buried in his hands. How did she do it?

"Looks like your one hundred percent success rate remains intact Yamanaka," he murmured in a low gravelly tone, "I think this is a new record, barely half an hour..."

Ino spun on her heel to face him and beamed up at him with a toothy smile and sparkling eyes,

"Oh this one was easy Ibiki-san, I can't believe Anko had such trouble with him."

"Hn, well you may go. Take the rest of the day off," She was already nearly at the door and he hadn't even finished his sentence, "Good work today Yamanaka!" He called over his shoulder.

"Thank you Ibiki-san, I am so going shopping with this free afternoon!" the door clicked shut behind her.

The Torture and Interrogations expert once again switched his focus to the prisoner, "So I take it you're going to comply?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Of course...just keep her away from me."

Ibiki let a very twisted and very uncharacteristic pout pucker his lips as he studied the trembling man,

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what she did to you?"

"I...I can't talk about...it...it was just so horrible!"

Ibiki Morino was well and truly stumped. His new apprentice might seem a little...oblivious on occasion, but he had never had a trainee with such a flair for breaking a subjects will – and so quickly! And best of all? She never seemed adversely affected by watching grown men crumble.

He was starting to think the rumours about Ino Yamanaka having nothing between her ears weren't true. The girl was clearly a genius.