Konnichiwa!!! :3 This idea came to me in a dream. I thought this was hilarious and a bit sad at the same time so I put it down and tweaked a few things. I hope you enjoy this randomness; this is what happens when you have 20 fluid ounces of blue World of War Craft Mnt. Dew before you go to bed.

I do not own Bleach obviously, because if I did I wouldn't be sitting here writing fanfics.

Grimmjow is blunt, rude, sarcastic, witty, and quite sadistic. Ulquiorra is very cold, callous, and indifferent. Yet some how this unlikely pair managed to fall in love and have a little girl. Well, not really because that is impossible. They just adopted her. Anyways, they promised to each other to protect and care for their daughter over anything else. So, Elle Jeagerjaques Schiffer has two loving daddy's, even when Grimmjow encourages Elle to call Ulquiorra mommy. Which in turn earns the blue-green haired man no sex for that night.

Elle was adopted when she was 7, because neither Grimmjow nor Ulquiorra wanted to deal with anything younger. They wanted someone who was already potty trained and a bit more independent. Elle is a short, skinny, Third Grader, with shoulder length black hair and cerulean blue eyes. Looking much like a mix of her two fathers is what attracted them to adopt her. Together these three formed a loving and fun family, with very little problems. That is until one day Elle came home with tears streaming down her face.

"Elle why are you crying, did you run into the sliding door again?" Ulquiorra inquired. "Sweetie, I keep telling you to be careful," Ulquiorra said as he took the small girl into his loving arms, trying to comfort his daughter.

"No daddy, it wasn't the sliding door this time. The kids at school were being mean to me," Elle said, finally calming down a bit.

"Why were they being mean sweetie?" Emerald green eyes looked questioningly into his daughter's sad eyes.

"Well, the other day my teacher Aporro Grantz-Sensei told us that in a couple of weeks was Career Day. That we could bring in a poster of what our mommy or daddy's job was, but only one. So I asked what if we had two daddies. I wanted to know if I would have to do two posters then. He said no, to pick just one, but then this stupid kid Billy asked why I had asked that question if kids are only supposed to have one daddy. So I told him, that you and my other daddy loved each other very much and decided to stay together forever. So today when I went to school none of the kids would come near me because they said that Billy's mom said that I was contagious. She said it was because you and my other daddy had a serious disease that you guys would be punished for only by death. And and t-they said y-you and d-daddy were r-real-ly bad peo-p-ple." Elle buried her face into Ulquiorra's shirt.

Ulquiorra held his daughter close until she stopped crying and left to take a shower. Then the pale man sat thinking what he could do to help his daughter. That was when the front door swung open and a tall muscular man came through it. Ulquiorra got up from his kneeling position to greet him, giving him a small peck on the lips.

"What kind of welcome home is that?" said Grimmjow as he snaked his hands around Ulquiorra's tiny frame and pulled him into a passionate end of the movie kind of kiss.

"Now that is the way I like to be greeted," said the taller man as he dragged Ulquiorra over to the sofa.

"Grimmjow I need to talk to you, seriously."

"Ulquiorra the last time you had to talk to me seriously, I ended up in the emergency room and you wouldn't let me bring candles anywhere near the house," Grimmjow replied, smirking at the light pink blush that was spreading on his lover's doll-like face.

"Grimmjow! It is not that kind of serious! It's about Elle," the pale man snapped, recalling the incident all to well.

"Oh, what happened is she okay?" Grimmjow asked, his previous comical manner now gone.

" No. The kids at school are teasing her…because of us."

"What did we do?" the cerulean-eyed man asked. The emerald-eyed man answered him by telling him what he had been told when Elle had come home a bit earlier.

"I'm going to shove a metal rod up Billy's mom's ass!" Grimmjow yelled, immediately standing to go find a metal rod.

"No Grimmjow! You'll just make things worse than Billy's mom will know you have a fetish for shoving things up peoples rectums," Ulquiorra smirked at this, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Pfffft, as if that wasn't a known fact. And besides it's not people's butts I like it is just yours," Grimmjow smiled deviously, hinting a bit at what it was that he wanted.

"Thank you, I am honored," Ulquiorra replied with his usual expression of boredom. This was Grimmjow's cue to stop messing around.

LATER AT THE DINNER TABLE

" So Elle, your more feminine daddy," cue angry glare from the feminine daddy, "told me how school went, and I know a great way to get those stupid kids to leave you alone," Grimmjow said after finishing his food.

"Really daddy, how?" Elle asked curiously.

"You beat the crap out of them, and tell them that if they don't leave you alone you will beat their worthless little heads into the ground." Grimmjow winked and Elle smiled.

"Grimmjow! Don't tell our daughter that, she could get hurt." Ulquiorra snapped, taking a shot under the table at Grimmjow and succeeding in tipping his chair over.

Grimmjow hit the floor with a thud and was back up on his feet again in a fraction of a second.

"What the hell was that for?!" Grimmjow yelled, already knowing what it had been for.

The only reply that he received in response to his question was an angry glare from across the table.

"Fine, my dear lover. Then what do you have in mind?" growled the teal haired man.

"We are going to have a talk with the useless piece of filth," Ulquiorra responded tonelessly.

"That is wonderful Ulquiorra. That stupid woman and her dumbass kid insult and hurt and our daughter and you want to talk!!! You and your stupid ass pacifist ways," he muttered the last bit under his breath.

Ulquiorra heard this though. "Yes dear Grimm, we are going to show, or demonstrate if you will, that there is nothing wrong with us. That in fact everything is absolutely alright," Ulquiorra smirked, and Grimmjow finally understood what his lover was talking about. While poor Elle was not sure what was going to happen, she was happy her dads were so loving.

NEXT DAY AFTER SCHOOL IN APORRO GRANTZ'S CLASSROOM

"Please Mr. Jeagerjaques, Mr. Schiffer, sit down." The pink haired man said to the two men that stood before him.

"Thank you. You said my daughter hit another child?" Ulquiorra said, knowing the cause of this.

"Yes, Elle attacked Billy stating that her daddy said it was okay to beat him up, because Billy's mom was a stupid piece of trash." Aporro Grantz said, finding it difficult to not look at Ulquiorra.

"Damn it Grimmjow, no sex tonight," Ulquiorra swore under his breath. He then quickly apologized; he had forgotten where he was.

"I'm sorry for this sir, and don't worry, I will make sure she never beats up anyone else ever again. I do have something to ask though, may I have Billy's mom's address so that I may apologize to her personally?" Ulquiorra asked, smiling sweetly.

"Why of course you may," said the pink haired man.

LATER AT HOME IN ELLE'S ROOM

"You slugged him in the face, and gave him black eye! I'm so proud you! That's my girl!" Grimmjow praised her, looking close to tears with the pride in his daughter that he felt. Elle smiled up at her more masculine father. That was when Ulquiorra walked in.

"Uh, I mean, Elle how could you slug that poor little boy! There is never a good reason to use violence on someone else. Don't do it ever again!" He winked at her

"Elle are you okay, did you get hurt at all?" Ulquiorra asked while flashing Grimmjow a murderous glare.

"No daddy I'm fine, and I won't go around beating people up, I'll just shut them up when they need to," the girl said smiling and then striking a furious fighting pose. Ulquiorra couldn't help but smile at how adorable his little girl was.

"Now sweetie, your daddy and I have to go and apologize to Billy's mother," said Ulquiorra with a devilish glint in his eyes. Grimmjow eagerly jumped up after hearing this, already knowing what was coming.

"Yeah sweetie pie, so we will be back soon. Your Uncle Gin will be here to take care of you while we're gone," Grimmjow added as he closed the door behind him and his lover.

Once outside he pressed Ulquiorra up against a wall and began kissing him passionately. "G-Grimm-jow," moaned the pale man "S-stop it."

"I thought we could practice before going over to Billy's," the cerulean-eyed male said as he started to caress every inch of Ulquiorra's lithe body.

"No, G-Grimm-jow. Mmgh stop." Ulquiorra pushed the other man away hesitantly.

"Fine, be that way," Grimmjow said, pushing out his lower lip and crossing his arms to show his protest.

"Okay fine but-" Before he could finish, Grimmjow had already pressed him against the wall picking up were they had left off.

THE NEXT DAY AT AFTER SCHOOL

"So, Billy told me his that mom said that my dads were wonderful people who had nothing wrong with them at all. Also that they were invited to come over whenever they wanted to. She loved having you over. What did you guys tell her that made her change her mind about you guys?" Elle asked with genuine curiosity as she sat down in between her dads on the sofa.

"Oh Elle don't worry about it," Grimmjow replied, dreamily gazing over at his lover who smiled back.

"The kids at school will not be bothering you anymore, and if they do, we will go show them what we showed Billy's mom," Ulquiorra said cuddling closer to his two loves.

That is it folks. Hope you liked it. Yeah, I tried to make a serious issue sort of funny. I'm sorry if I offend anyone. I just wanted to say that having two daddies and or two mommies is perfectly okay. I would love to have two of a kind. Anyways, love will be given to any reviews and the reviewers. And thanks to my beastly beta, Andraiyel, who puts up with my crap. Hope you enjoyed. I know I did XD

Ja Ne