What Doesn't Kill Me, Doesn't Kill Me

A series of drabbles in the aftermath of the birthday cake that was never eaten. Post-Superboy and the Invisible Girl. Spoilers!

A/n: The brainchild for this came about during a four hour car ride. If you've never been to NJ, then you don't know how absolutely BORING it is to stay on the parkway for 4 hours in the dark on a Sunday night. (I resorted to crocheting in the dark to the last quarter of the N2N soundtrack, all of Spring Awakening, and half of In the Heights… so much harder than it sounds.) Like the summary said, I'm trying to make this a series of drabbles. This one is Natalie's POV, but I'm trying to engage other characters in this, too. If I can't come up with anything, I'll revise it to make it just about Natalie; I LOVE writing in her POV.

P.S. I made Gabe's birthday time for two reasons. One reason will be clear at the end, I hope, and the other is because it was something many of my friends recognized at this writing workshop I went to a few weeks ago. Dedicated: DWAP '09. :pope wave: ;D

Disclaimer: Aaron Tveit has no idea who I am. I wish it weren't so. Since he doesn't know who I am (YOU DON'T KNOWWWW!), obviously I'm not an integral part of the Next to Normal creative team.

Daughter of Air

Tonight, at 11:11 pm, Gabriel Goodman would have been 18. This would have been the night my parents would dread the most; he was an adult now! The law would have freed him! He could get the hell out of here! I don't know if he would be the type to bolt as soon as possible, but that's what I would do.

But he's dead, so I'll never know.

It's stupid how all of those dreamy people at school believe in things like "psychic dream visions" and "everything happens for a reason" and "true love". If everything happens for a reason, then why did Gabe die as a baby? Was it just to fuck up the family 16 years later? Was it to test how long we could go without blowing something up? If he were living, would I have even made it out of the zygote world? I mean, like, my parents can handle one child just so well, it's like, I wouldn't be here. So, did the puppeteer of life decide to cut Gabe's marionette strings loose while knotting everyone else's? Fate just has too much fun watching us fuck up again and again, apparently.

Of course, fate also had to make Henry stay and watch the big shebang. I knew that this would go wrong; it was the eerie calmness before a hurricane. Everything just swirls around and there are warnings of danger ahead, but you shrug it off because it's easier to just ignore it. Then, when it comes, it's more horrid than you have ever dreamt. When I was younger and I had nightmares, I scurried away to my parents' bedroom with my tattered stuffed bear Peter dragging behind me, and they'd tell me that everything will be better in the morning. So... would anyone tell me that now?

Would I even believe them?

It's 11:02 now; 9 minutes until our beloved Gabe is 18. Sure, it doesn't seem like a long amount of time now, but then again, it doesn't take long to screw stuff up. Mom managed to do so in 4 seconds; the people at the Guinness Book of World Records would shit themselves in excitement.

Since it looks like I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, I might as well make a list:

REASONS THAT YOUR FAMILY IS FUCKED

At your swim meet last year, your mother dove into the pool when you were getting a towel. Bonus points if it was in the lane with the hot backstroke guy from Bloomwood Park.

Your father forces you to bring the guy you've been hanging out with to dinner, only for him to witness a complete disaster. You also start wondering what's wrong with him when he doesn't sprint down the block immediately after the whole ordeal. Great idea, Dad.

Your mother once made sandwiches on the floor. Bonus points if she made one for someone who isn't alive.

Your sibling gets more attention than you do. Bonus points if he or she is older. Daily Double if he or she is dead. Take the cake if you'd rather be him or her on almost any given day.

So, here I am… tada. I'm never going to win at this game. He's immortal and aging! He defies the laws of time! Oh, that's right; Gabe wins…at…everything. He's all I'll never be and more. I'm just so fucking tired of competing with him. You know what, Mom? Take him. Just take him and go. Apology not accepted, so take him and go somewhere else.

11:10. Henry told me that if I needed anything I could just txt him. Seriously, how'd he get my number? You know, I knew it took him more time than it should have to put his number in my contacts list (he labeled himself as 'Henry 8-)', for the record. It comes right after 'Dad' but before 'Mother Figure'). What nerve. If I'm going down, why should I drag him down, too? Why would he want to bring that upon himself…?

11:11

Make a wish…

Give me a stable family. I hate this feeling; for one day, I want stability. Just one day.

Happy 18th, dear brother.