A/N: This is the last chapter of this parody. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. You might like my AWE: The Musical, but I also have a DMC parody. Please let me know if you'll be interested. I do not own a few things in this chapter; namely there are some references to Johnny Depp's other movies. I do not own Airplane or The Wizard of Oz. Thank you again, and I hope you've enjoyed this affectionate parody.

Our trio took the longboat and rowed back out, expecting to see the Black Pearl pick up Jack and carry him to future adventures and exploits, but only the Dauntless waited for them.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Elizabeth said. Not as sorry as I'll be as Mrs. Norrington, though. Better start learning to make shadow puppets since my adventures are over.

"They've done what's right by them, love, can't expect more than that…lowdown double-crossing bastards."

The journey back to Port Royal, Jack's trial, and all that aftermath would have probably made fun scenes, and as a shameless act of self-promotion, willofthewisp did in fact write an in-between story detailing the, er, details of all of that, but the movie doesn't beat around the bush, so we draw a veil over those events and come directly to Jack's hanging.

A fangirl puts a gun to her temple.

He's not really going to hang.

The fangirl sits back down in her seat just as another one gets rid of the match she was about to strike and apply to her gasoline-soaked body.

"Jack Sparrow, be it know that you have…"

"Captain, Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack muttered, rolling his eyes. The official who didn't even have to bother reading his lines failed to hear him.

"…for your willful commission of crimes against the crown. Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature, the most egregious of these to be cited herewith piracy, duh, smuggling, goes right along with piracy, freeing a ship of slaves which will never be revealed onscreen but is part of your official backstory, throwing a toga party in Sherwood Forest…"

"This is wrong," Elizabeth said, in utter disbelief.

"Commodore Norrington is bound by the law, as are we all, although I am surprised you aren't up to something, Elizabeth. I would have thought you'd want to free him," her father said.

"I do, but I'm engaged, remember?" she snapped. She moved her neck to show her shock collar. "If I make one false move…or start barking…the voltage that would course through my neck would bring about severe pain."

"Well, that is keeping up with the latest London fashions," he said in an attempt to cheer her up. "They don't even use the medieval ball and chain anymore."

"…impersonating Keith Richards, singing off-key renditions of Don't Stop Believin' at bars, impersonating a cleric of the Church of England…" the official continued.

"Oh yeah," Jack sighed. Church sex. Talk about heavenly. He snickered at his own pun.

"…sailing under false colors, which again, falls under piracy, arson, kidnapping, looting, poaching, pilfering, depravity, extreme sexiness, 21 Jump Street, appearing in a movie with Marlon Brando, once having scissors for hands, allowing yourself to be slaughtered by Freddy Krueger, and general lawlessness. And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul."

"Damn! I crossed out 'hung' in the rough draft and told him to put in 'hanged' instead!" Norrington huffed. "Rebellious announcer insisting on poor grammar."

Will wove through the crowd, making his way to the rest of the main characters. He had a costume change, one that was a few decades behind the rest of the costumes, at the very least, but nevertheless, he did look dashing.

"Governor Swann. Commodore. Elizabeth."

"Will."

"I should have told you every day from the moment I met you—I love you." He walked away as quickly as he had come up to them.

"Was he referring to me?" Governor Swann asked at the same time Elizabeth noticed Cotton's parrot, its wings fluttering out as it perched on the cross on a flag and shat all over Leno and Beady.

"I can't breathe!" she announced before falling to the ground.

"Oh dear." Both men knelt over her, calling for the smelling salts.

Will threw his sword just as Jack fell through the trapdoor on the gallows. The sword stuck in the wood, Jack used it as a foothold. Will fought his way to him, cutting Jack free. Together, they made their way for the tower.

"The tower? Rapunzel!" an extra shouted.

"Tower?" Elizabeth lifted her head.

"You weren't really in a faint?" Norrington asked. About to press the shock collar remote, Elizabeth threw it off and sprinted after Will and Jack. "Wait for me! You can't have a love triangle without me!"

After several breathtaking stunts, Will and Jack were cornered by Norrington's men.

"I thought we might have to endure some manner of ill-conceived escape attempt, but not from you," he said.

"I'm the one scheduled to hang today," Jack scoffed. "Who else would you have expected an escape attempt from, you effeminate mountebank?"

"Yoo hoo." Will waved.

"Oh, sorry. Thanks for helping me out, even though it's all gone to pot and you'll probably hang with me now. But, hey! At least I didn't deflower your girlfriend!" Jack nudged him with sympathetic eyes.

"On our return from Port Royal I granted you clemency, and this is how you thank me, by throwing in your lot with him?"

"I know he's only a blacksmith, but he's a good man!" Jack patted Will. "Oh. Right. Not me again."

"Jack is a good man. If all I have achieved here is that the hangman will earn two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it. At least my conscience will be clear."

"You forget your place, Turner," Norrington said, stepping towards him.

"It's right here between you and Jack, seeing as how I will always be floating in the middle of your extremes, sometimes being a decent civilian, other times attempting to be piratical. Most of the time, it's going to be decent civilian."

"Will, you're babbling," Elizabeth said, taking his arm. "You need someone like me around to help you maintain some coolness."

"Elizabeth! Lower your weapons. For goodness sake, put them down!" Governor Swann ordered.

"I was wantin' to shoot her," one of the riflemen whispered to the other.

"Too many petticoats. You wouldn't have even wounded her," the other hushed him.

"So this is where your heart truly lies, then?" Norrington asked her, his heart visibly breaking, endearing him to the fans in spite of his occasional jerkiness.

"Can we still be friends?" Elizabeth asked pathetically.

"No, we can't still be friends. You promised me ankles!"

Not really wanting to hear about the promises Elizabeth made to every man in the series but him, Jack noticed Cotton's parrot.

"Well! I'm actually feeling rather good about this." He approached Governor Swann. "You know, I know it isn't right, but I'm gonna miss the way you used to holler for help before you found your courage."

"I never would have found it if it hadn't been for you." Governor Swann wiped his eye before he remembered that he really wasn't fond of this pirate at all, but he had already approached Norrington.

"Goodbye, Brocade Man."

"Now I know I have a heart because it's breaking," Norrington sobbed before he also remembered he really wasn't all that fond of Jack.

"Elizabeth?"

Oh, he's going to pull a vine out of nowhere and swing me to his ship! She squealed inside.

"You had me at Scene 5."

Well, that was kind of a declaration of love and angst…she could live with that until the sequel. Something told her Captain Jack Sparrow would be appearing in the next special pirate edition of Playgirl.

"Will…nice hat. Friends, this is the day you will always remember as the day that…whow!" He stumbled back and fell over the battlement.

"Idiot!" Gillette Razor blurted. "Even though I said he was the best pirate I ever heard of earlier."

"Sail ho!" an extra called in the background, already envisioning his future roles as Mephistopheles and Hamlet.

"Mr. Turner," Norrington said, turning to him.

"I'll accept the consequences of my actions," Will said. Kicking and screaming all the way.

"This is a beautiful sword." Norrington unsheathed the sword Will had made for him. "I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life and I would expect a summer movie audience to not be expecting metaphors."

"Thank you. Bitch."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to afford Sparrow one day's head start. I can't see that hurting my career or resulting in further bad decisions on down the road." With that, Norrington exited, humming a mournful Bryan Adams tune.

"So this is the path you've chosen?" Governor Swann asked Elizabeth. "After all, he is a eunuch."

"Oh, Father, everyone knows I'm just settling for now." She then proceeded to give Will a very VERY stiff kiss that the critics never really forgave either of them for.

Meanwhile, on the deck of the Black Pearl, a soaking wet pirate was heaved aboard. "I thought you were supposed to keep to the Code."

"We figured they were more like guidelines. A bit ironic something Barbossa said at the beginning of the movie ended up saving your ass in the end, isn't it? Well, CAPTAIN, the Black Pearl is yours," Gibbs said.

Fondling the helm, Jack smiled to himself.

"All right! Nautical terms! Now…bring me that horizon." Humming to himself, he opened his compass, grinning at where its arrow pointed. A sequel is most definitely in the works, he thought.

"And really bad eggs/Drink up, me hearties/Yo ho."

END