It had been an exhausting day. Tired and hungry, Gillian strode into the building, looking around as she walked down the corridors: there was no-one there. Everyone must have left already, she thought to herself, able for just that one second to stop reflecting about the day's events. She had taken a case with Loker, whose radical honesty had not been affected in the least by the consequences of his behaviour in the Hollin case. If anything, and if possible, it seemed to be getting worse every day, and Gillian was starting to get pissed.

The click-clock of her heels against the floor was the only audible sound, and for a moment she felt a little scared. This was also worrying her. Gillian had almost never been afraid of anything, but now, after the Jenkins copycat incident, she found herself startled by the smallest sounds and movements, at any place, at any time of day. She was handling it better as time passed, however some fear still remained, deep inside.

Her mind plagued with thoughts, she finally made it to the office, closing the door behind her and flopping down on the couch. She opened her purse to retrieve the files that she wanted to leave for Cal to check on the following morning, and in the process found something that called her attention. The keys to her old house. Alec's house, now. How come she hadn't given them to him yet? She definitely thought she had done it already… To be completely honest, she still couldn't take it in, the divorce, moving out, being on her own for the first time in a very long time. Although she had started to feel alone even before Alec went back to cocaine.

It was probably a few months after Sophie… Not only had they stopped having sex, but also had stopped talking about serious matters altogether. The conversation would always start the same, lead to the same, and finish the same. Gillian could hear the voices in her head.

"Hi, I'm sorry I'm late… I had to help my boss with a report and got stranded in the office for over two hours", he would say, his brows furrowing, lips tight. He was afraid she would catch him in the lie.

"It's okay, I understand", she would reply with a soft smile, knowing all too well that even if she wasn't a great liar, Alec wouldn't be able to see the hurt in her eyes. He just wasn't that perceptive.

Then it would just go on into a trivial exchange of information, such as: "How was your day?", "It was tiring, but okay, what about yours?", "It was just fine, thanks for asking…". Sometimes, after the uncomfortable silence, Gillian would add: "I made you some supper". But it was useless. If he accepted the offer, he would not let her stay with him, waving her away with a quick: "It's ok, go to sleep, I'll be fine", occasionally throwing in a "babe" or "honey" somewhere in the sentence. But most of the times, his answer came distant and slightly guilty: "Oh, thanks, but I'm worn out. I'm going to bed".

No matter how well she hid it, every night for six months straight, she had hoped for a different answer, a different outcome, secretly knowing that her efforts were in vain; and so every single night she would go to sleep feeling lonely, broken and misunderstood.

Her mind drifted back to Sophie, and the thought caused her stomach to knot. It had been hard on her, but if she had to be true to herself, she knew that it had hit hardest on her relationship with Alec. The struggle of not being able to conceive, and the sudden loss of their child, had undoubtedly taken a toll on them. More than once, Gillian had thought, well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Only in her case, it had not killed her, but she was not exactly convinced that it had made her stronger in any way.

And then she started wondering…What if it had been her weakness, her sadness, that had driven Alec away in the first place? She could not put all the blame on him, since she was well aware of the fact that Sophie's unexpected departure had changed her deeply. But then again, no, she had always tried to keep things going, to keep her head up, to show Alec that she still loved him, and that she wanted them to get through the hardships together. Maybe her husband had seen it differently. Maybe something inside him had changed, too. And she couldn't hold him responsible for that, she knew that better than anyone else.

Gillian sighed, then breathed deeply, and got up from the couch, tossing the keys back into the purse and making a mental note to get rid of them as soon as possible. She grabbed the light blue folder that was on her desk and slid the files inside, scanning over them quickly to make sure everything was in order. The expression in her eyes, however, clearly showed that she was still engrossed in her thoughts of Alec and Sophie and the family that they could've been.

Both physically and mentally crashed, she walked into Lightman's office and was surprised to find him sitting on his recliner, dozed off, tossing his head to one side and the other in his sleep with the computer still on. She smiled genuinely for the first time in the day and, as she watched him sleep and tried to contain the chuckle that threatened to escape her lips, her mind was completely quiet. His presence, even if unconscious, made her feel safer. She approached slowly, taking her time to study his face as it really was when he was not trying to cover up his feelings. Surprisingly, she actually thought him quite handsome, and his muscles being relaxed, he even looked a little vulnerable, sitting there alone, unaware of her presence.

After a minute which seemed an eternity, Gillian brought the vacant chair closer to his and sat down. Then she reached out, quietly touching his hand.

"Cal?" She shook him a little bit and his eyelids fluttered; he looked up with a confused expression and his eyes met hers, then instantly relaxed.

"Hey" he answered hoarsely, cleared his throat and took her hand in his. It felt warm. He must've fallen asleep without realizing, his whole body was aching for a hot bath. His feet felt especially cold.

"What time is it?" he asked, throwing his head backwards and closing his eyes briefly.

"It's a little past eight".

"And why are you still here?" he squeezed her hand and swiveled in his chair, turning to face her with a small smile. He leaned in, propping his head up with his elbows against his knees, and Gillian returned the smile. She freed her hand from Cal's and replied, "I had to bring this to you. Thought you might want to check them out early tomorrow".

"Mm-hmm", Cal received the folder and barely looked through the pages, fixing his gaze on Gillian again and leaving the report on his desk.

"Listen, Emily's at this party at her friend's, whatever her name is, I keep thinking Jessica… No, Jeanie–anyway. I have to pick her up at ten", he ran a hand through his messy hair. "Do you mind if I go to your place til then? I'm afraid I might fall asleep if I go home now".

Gillian laughed and shook her head. "Not a problem". They looked at each other for a moment.

"Okay", said Cal, "Great then. Let's go". He shot up from his chair, grabbing his coat and turning the computer off all at the same time. She loved how he could look so idle one moment, then appear as if he was about to run a marathon the next. She was so amused by her own appreciation of the man that she didn't realise he was already at the door.

"What?" came his voice, his eyes half-closed and intrigued, mouth slightly open. "Come on", he waved at her slightly exasperated. Gillian smiled and quickly said, "It's nothing", then got up and followed him out. They did not speak as they went through the hallway and out of the building. Cal waited with his hands in his pockets until she found her car keys, then looked for his own.

"I'm following you" he said to her as he walked over to his car. He climbed in and watched her until she was safely in hers, too. Something about her was off tonight.

They drove to her apartment, Cal keeping close by so as not to lose track, for he had never been to her new apartment yet. The fact that she was letting him go with her so soon after the divorce, though, reassured him. He figured she was not too depressed to accept company, and that was good. He knew what it was like to feel like staying home and not seeing anyone for weeks.

Finally, Gillian parked her car in front of a huge apartment building, and signaled for him to do the same; this was her place. Cal turned off the engine and cut his eyes at the monstrous structure hovering above him as he got out of the car. He closed the door and walked onto the sidewalk next to Gillian.

"This thing's got over 50 meters" he said matter of factly.

"I know" she answered with a mocking smile and walked away. Cal followed shortly after.

Soon they were in the elevator and Gillian pressed the button to the last floor. Cal's eyebrows jumped up in surprise, and he put his hands in his pockets. "Looks like you bought yourself a little piece of heaven", he said, obviously referring to the height of the building. But Gillian's expression warned him that it was not the best joke to make, given the circumstances. "Sorry" he offered apologetically. After a short silence, he continued.

"How long does it take to get there anyway?".

"It'll only be a minute, stop whining" she chuckled, waving her hair off her face with the back of her hand. With this movement, her fragrance reached Cal and he shuddered, not displeased, actually quite the contrary, but it took him by surprise and he found himself exhilarated by it. He suddenly felt an urge to pin her against the glass walls of the elevator and kiss her, but he kept himself under control and put the best blank expression he could muster at the moment.

Maybe it was because he was so dizzied by his own arousal that he never acknowledged the fact that they were already up there and the doors of the elevator were opening. He walked beside Gillian, afraid that if he walked behind her her perfume would leave an intoxicating trace and he wouldn't be able to keep composure. She stopped at the door of apartment "C", sighing.

"Well…" she started.

"I bet the C stands for my name" Cal interrupted with a crooked grin. Gillian grabbed the doorknob.

"Always the charmer", she opened the door slightly, "You know I've always wondered how you could be so modest, being as successful as you are" she played along as she let him in. He grinned again and thanked her, waiting as she closed the door behind them, then turned on the lights.

The place was all white. The walls, the curtains, the table, the chairs, even the doors and the lamp were white.

"Are we back at the office?" Cal teased.

"Cut it out", she smacked his shoulder, "The furniture was already here. I haven't brought my stuff in yet, other than my bed and nightstand. This is the previous owner's. She said she wasn't gonna be able to pick it up before next week, and I just wanted to move in as soon as possible, so…" Cal opened his mouth to say something, but Gillian interrupted.

"As for the walls, I'm still thinking what colour I want to paint them", she started walking around the living-room, Cal right behind her. "I think I might leave them white here, since it's a bit small and it will appear to be bigger in daylight… And then maybe green, or blue, for the kitchen… And probably maroon for the bedroom. I haven't decided", she smiled and looked at him again. He studied her face. Her smile was asymmetrical, and it never reached her eyes. She looked away.

"Are you happy?" Cal managed to ask in a low voice. She met his gaze briefly. "With the new place, I mean".

She smiled sadly. "I know what you mean. And, yes, I am… I mean, I've mixed emotions, you know… But, yeah, I guess I'm just waiting for everything to fall into place." He breathed deeply and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"As for the other meaning of your question", she locked her eyes with his, "you already know". Cal felt a lump in his throat as he looked into her watery blue eyes. Her look was so sincere, and there was so much sadness and fear, yet a little bit of hope too. Her eyelids fluttered.

"What is it?" he inquired almost instantly. Gillian swallowed and went over to the couch. She sat with her legs crossed, her gaze fixed on the empty walls of her apartment.

"I've… Today I- Well, it's just, I've been thinking a lot about Sophie lately" she said, her low voice almost a whisper. Cal listened to her respectfully, not wanting to invade her space just yet. After all, she had moved to the other side of the room before she spoke. "I guess it's just this, all of this… I sometimes wonder if maybe it was me that drove him away, you know? Cause I was so devastated back then… I just wish I had more answers sometimes."

He knew she was being honest, and that she was probably not going to say much more. Gillian was too good. She wouldn't want to burden him with her own stuff, especially because there was that line that they had promised themselves not to cross, and it was so thin, so fragile, that one word, if pronounced even slightly out of place, could erase that line, and then everything else would just come crashing down.

The dynamic of their relationship was, at the same time, made interesting by all of these boundaries and unspoken promises. They were like two hurricanes, two forces of nature that could take on everything around them, but there was something between them, stopping them from joining forces, from spiraling into the unknown. They had been close to breaking the code a few times, but one of them had always fallen behind, trying to convince themselves that there was nothing there, that it was better to keep things as they had been for so long.

"Do you want to tell me about it, luv?" he asked as quietly as he could. Gillian sighed, resigned. She opened her mouth to reply, then stopped and looked up at him tearfully. "I'm… No, not really, I just need some company right now. Does that make me a selfish friend?" she asked, a little jokingly in the end. Cal smiled whole-heartedly. "I'm not going anywhere, luv".

Gillian wiped a tear from her cheek and returned the smile. Then she turned her gaze to him again and motioned for him to sit next to her. He hesitated, then she patted the spot beside her again, encouraging him until he started to move. She waited with a coy smile creeping up her lips while he turned off the bright lights and let the faint glow of the moon crawl through the blinds and into the room. There were no curtains.

After this, he sat down and put his hand on the armrest, the other arm hanging loosely beside him. Gillian faced him with a stern expression.

"Thank you, Cal. Seriously".

"I thought you were the one who was doing me a favour tonight" he replied, shrugging it off. Then Gillian scooted in closer and, without doubting it for a second, laid her body against his, resting her head on his shoulder. It felt so right that Cal didn't stop to think about it. He just draped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her slightly closer, brushing her hair behind her ear and kissing the top of her head. Cal mumbled something under his breath, almost to himself, and Gillian kept her eyes closed as she inquired, "Mm-hmm?".

"I was just thinking, this is nice" Cal whispered. Gillian nuzzled into the cave of his neck before she sighed contentedly.

"Mm-hmm".

The light crept onto their faces as time passed , neither of them strong enough to move, to break this silent understanding, and the acknowledgement that they needed each other as much as they needed oxygen.