This. This i was supposed to have posted last night. I WOULD have done, if my goddamn internet hadn't decided to shit itself and not work for the rest of the night.

And I've been out and about all of today, but now I have a moment and I've managed to tether my laptop to my phone's internet, so i can post this AT LAST.

Part 2/3 of the final chapter. I re-read this all the way through yesterday to make sure it was ready to go, and when I was done I thought 'that doesn't seem as long as I thought it was'. And then i transported it to it's own file out of the main one and saw the word count was 25,000 something and uuuuh... mmmm. BIT long.

I COULD have cut some of this out and put it in part 3, which isn't written yet like I'd planned. But I wanted to keep ALL of Bumblebee's treatment time with Rung contained in one part. it seems to be a neater way to keep it.

It took me so long to finish this chapter because there was a lot of research to be done, and very careful wording and working out of scenes and dialogue. But it is DONE now, and i can FINALLY post it. I WILL make the disclaimer that I have NO experience as a Psychologist or therapist in any way, nor have I gone to much therapy myself (the one guy i saw was aweful tbh :/ ). So yeah please take this with a grain of salt, I did as much research as i could regarding how PTSD treatment works, but in the end it does not reflect any real experiences I've had. Please don't use this as a guide to how therapy works.

I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get the last part finished, but I do have a very clear structure laid out for the sequence of events, which should help it along.

As far as music for this chapter goes, 3 things went into the later part. Probably none of you care much but for the one or two who might:

Many songs from the album 'Hvel' by Aristidir. Look em up on Bandcamp.

Malbeth the seer's words - from 'At Dawn in Rivendell' (Christopher Lee n some of his Tolkien nerd friends made this album it's lovely)

And lastly, 'Many Mothers' and 'My name is Max' from the Mad Max Fury Road album.

SO YEAH HOPE YOU LIKE THIS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT NEED TISSUES IDK.

~DEATH OUT

P.S Uni is going great, I can actually use 3D software without having a total breakdown now. Usually. Most of the time .

Wheeljack had been right. Not a single newsbot had looked their way when they landed at the main docking station.

Their little escape shuttle didn't look anything like as grand as the ship it had come from, and it certainly wasn't flashy enough to catch any bystanders attention.

And with the new paint, Bumblebee didn't stand out beside the more prominent figures he alighted on the landing pad with.

He realised that he'd somehow ended up matching Prowl to some degree, which wasn't intentional, but it worked in his favour. The two of them looked like an escort for the two members of the Guild, and Bumblebee played the part without fault.

He was glad they didn't waste time making their way to the main thoroughfare and out to the street. He felt a lot less anxious once he was able to transform down and get back on his wheels.

He and Prowl drove behind Wheeljack, Perceptor riding in Prowl's sidecar in alt mode. It wasn't particularly far to the main Autobot compound of Iacon from the terminal, but traffic was heavy.

/Does it feel… odd, to you, to be surrounded by vehicles that are actually sentient again?/

Bee tilted on his axles thoughtfully at Prowl's question as they waited for their turn on the flow cycle to join the highway.

/Kinda? I wasn't really thinking about it. It does feel weird not to see signs in English. Don't know why, I've lived here longer than I have on earth, but I guess it's an immersion thing?/

Prowl made a sound of agreement over comms as they rolled forward, keeping close to Wheeljack.

/I'm not entirely sure where we'll be accommodated while we're here, but I do know I'll be making a trip or two out to Master Yoketron's old dojo… when you find out what your schedule is like and when you have free time, would you like to come?/

/Yeah, sure, why not. Might be a good place to keep up the training huh?/

Prowl made a noise of agreement over comms before they fell silent as they moved off onto the highway.

Once they settled into the lane Wheeljack led them too, Bumblebee voiced a question he'd been stewing over since Prowl had had his breakthrough and gotten the new mods.

/Do you uh… do you think you'll ever take over where he left off? Master Yoketron, I mean./

The black and gold mech made a thoughtful noise at that.

/To be honest…. I hadn't really thought about it. And I'm not entirely sure I'm actually ready for that. I might have come a long way since I left the dojo, but I'm nowhere near his level yet. That will take much more time. Besides, I am not done with my optics quest. I think it only right I remain on my current path until I complete it/

Bumblebee tried to hide the relief in his tone. He'd hoped Prowl wasn't planning on breaking away from the team anytime soon, even though he felt selfish for it.

/How will you know when it's done? Thought you weren't even sure what it was?/

/I'm not. And I have no idea. But Jazz tells me I will know, and that I'm doing what I need to be doing, so I'll just keep on doing it. Whatever it is/ he chuckled.

Their quarters ended up being very much like the ones they had shared on the Steelhaven. They were housed in the barracks of the academy, much to Bumblebee's surprise. He felt distinctly uncomfortable walking down the halls, passing so many REAL Elite guards with his fake insignia.

He hoped their curious glances didn't last long enough to notice he wasn't really one of them. The insignia was there as part of his disguise. He'd argued against it, but Wheeljack had won that battle by pointing out he'd be receiving Elite Guard training soon enough that he might as well have it now.

After all, he'd put half the guard to shame fighting on the front lines with little to no combat training, so he'd 'earned' it in Wheeljack's books.

Unfortunately, Bumblebee wasn't sure Wheeljack's books were backed by any actual authority over the symbol, so the best he could do was try to blend and pray no one asked him any questions that might reveal him as the imposter he felt he was.

It wasn't half a cycle that they'd been in their new quarters before a bot came by, one he vaguely recognised as Cliffjumper Minor, who gave him a datapad at the door and paused to salute him briefly before he left.

That had Bumblebee standing slack jawed and confused in the doorway, Prowl chuckling slightly as he wandered up to pat him on the shoulder.

"What was that about?" Bumblebee murmured, looking at the red mech's retreating backplates.

"He's in intel. He's probably one of the few bots who's actually allowed to know who you really are." Prowl explained softly as he led him back in and had him sit with him on one of the berths. "You are extremely tense."

Bee huffed a sigh and leant into Prowl's side, trying to relax a little once his tension was pointed out to him.

"I know. Can't help it. I just… feel like I'm not supposed to be here and at any second someone's gonna bust in and tell me to get out. Oh, this is my schedule… slag, appointment with Rung in five cycles, that's a lot sooner than I thought it would be." Bumblebee frowned, systems whirring when Prowl moved and began to knead at his shoulder joints with his palms.

"You're going to crimp a line if you keep up this stress. No one is going to kick you out. Inundate you with questions about your fight with the Decepticons maybe, but they're hardly going to order you out. None of them have the authority for starters. And secondly, they'd have to take their argument up with me, because I'm even less of an Elite Guard than you. You've been offered a place here. Cyber Ninja corps is a totally different area, my training doesn't technically count for any real authority here, but I highly doubt they'll ask me to go."

Bee slumped under the heat and firm motion of Prowl's servos forcing his gears and pistons to ease up. "Mmmmm. Guess so. Didn't know that about Cyber Ninjas. I thought you guys automatically ranked over Elite Guard. Heh, considering how you used to never listen to Optimus, you can't really blame me for assuming that."

Prowl chuckled. "True. We are afforded a certain amount of respect by the guard, even if we never come here to train and join, but training under Yoketron always meant that if we wanted to, we had an automatic pass. I'm not entirely sure I would have, had I the chance to complete my training… but it might not hurt to look into it. Certainly if I can train alongside you, it could benefit us both in learning faster. And the team's effectiveness on earth would gain quite a boost."

Bumblebee nodded and his engine purred. "Y'could suggest about anything to me right now and I'd agree with you, as long as you don't stop doing that. Uuuuuugh no wonder my suspension felt stiff, all my bolts are wound too tight right now."

"Yes, they are, and I refuse to let you leave for your appointment until I've performed sufficient maintenance on them to make you road worthy again."

Bee snickered at that and lay down on his front as prompted, letting Prowl work his magic, less worried about someone bursting in to kick him out than he was that an intrusion would make Prowl stop.

"Ah, you must be Bumblebee. I see you've been given an appropriate disguise, excellent. I'm Rung, please, come in and sit, make yourself comfortable. And you must be Prowl? Yes yes, you can come in too, this session is merely to acquaint us all, please sit."

Bumblebee's immediate impression of the orange and cream bot who let them in was 'holy slag, he's even smaller than me'. His second was 'wow he has the same colour scheme as Sari', and both of those things combined made him unconsciously rather at ease with the bot.

He sat on a long, low padded couch, Prowl sitting beside him, and Rung came over to stand across the small table from them with a serene smile.

"Now, before we start, can I offer the two of you anything? Energon, coolant? I have some rust sticks and energon goodies if you're feeling peckish."

Prowl glanced at Bee with what seemed to be as much pleasant surprise as he was feeling, and Bee blinked before shrugging.

"Well, we refuelled before we came… but it's been forever since I've had rust sticks." Bee murmured sheepishly.

Rung just grinned and nodded, wandering over to a side-board in his… office? It looked more like a sparsely furnished but homely apartment than an office… when he came back over he set a small bowl of the treats on the low table and settled into the chair opposite them.

Both Prowl and Bumblebee thanked him and took a stick before settling back and wondering what to expect next.

"So, I'd like to start by letting you know that I've been given rather extensive personnel files for the both of you with extra notes in them from Wheeljack, Perceptor and Ratchet. However, personnel files aren't quite the same as meeting bots in person. I know about you, but I don't KNOW you, and I would like to. Seeing as you've not had nearly as many notes about me given to you, I think it only fair I let you know me a little first to even the playing field, as it were."

Bumblebee and Prowl sat attentively, unsure if they were supposed to answer, but the other bot merely smiled a little wider and continued, not letting the pause become awkward.

"I am Rung, of the pious pools. I am, as Wheeljack has often put it, 'old as ball bearings'. Quite literally, the use of them was only just being discovered when I was sparked. I'd LIKE to say that was a joke, but being retrofitted for ball bearing systems isn't the most pleasant experience, I can tell you that. I have always leant towards professions in which I could offer assistance to other bots, but it was a fair few vorns before I got into Psychotherapy, and I liked it enough to have never left it. In my personal time, however, I'm a bit of a craft nut. I like making model ships."

Bumblebee sat listening, rather intrigued by how… normal the bot was. He'd expected a much more aloof bot, someone more distant and clinical. He was glad Rung wasn't that. He already sort of liked him. His sense of humour was certainly disarming.

"Now, how about you two? Either of you can go first, you don't have to tell me as much if you don't wish, I only know what you want me to."

Prowl shared a glace with Bumblebee that seemed to decide it without words, the black and gold mech shifting slightly and pausing his rust stick savouring. He decided given the bot was there to help, he shouldn't really hold back, even if he wasn't the main patient right now. He didn't know how relevant it would be but covering his bases couldn't hurt.

"I was sparked in Praxus, and raised by my progenitors. They were both part of the war effort when I was in my third frame, after it picked up near the end. They were killed fighting, and once I transferred to my final frame, the conscripting forces came around. I dodged them for as long as I could. When they DID catch me, I was handed over to Master Yoketron. After studying under him, my hobbies went from defacing public property with anti-war slogans to meditating, philosophy… and more recently on earth to studying organics in their natural state."

Rungs curiously round optics had lit up with interest as he listened to Prowl. "Ah, yes, I remember Yoketron. He and I had many long walks through the crystal gardens when we both had the time. He was of my generation, our paths were very different but we still shared many philosophical views. And organics, you say? It's been such a long time since I've met any, but they always were so fascinating!"

"Yeah that's sorta his catchphrase for them too." Bee murmured with a small, cheeky look at Prowl. The expression fell away to wariness when his comment brought Rung's attention onto him. The serene smile didn't give any impression of annoyance though, more a sort of curiosity.

"I've been told you're rather fond of organics yourself, more in terms of their culture?" the therapist prompted gently.

"Oh, uuh, yeah. Mostly their music. And games. And TV but there's not always something good on." He shifted and fiddled with the rust stick in his servos, Rung nodding in encouragement for him to continue.

"Uh, guess I should tell you about myself then… I was batch sparked. Last batch before the all-spark reservoir was depleted. There was… I'll go into details about it later, but I didn't really come out of the initiation centre like I was supposed to and I didn't know it. I kicked around doing odd jobs and things I didn't know were illegal until I decided to try for the elite guard. Again, not gonna go into details, but I ended up making friends with Bulkhead there and landed on Optimus' team cleaning junk from space bridges. When we got to Earth it was like coming out of a dead zone and into reality again, Humans have so much stuff going on ALL the TIME. And they get bored as easily as me, so they make great distractions."

"Aaah I see. A short lived species then? Those tend to be the most productive, it's very refreshing. I admit I'm not familiar with the terms you used before, you mentioned something called 'TV'. What is that?"

Bumblebee wasn't sure how to feel about the session once it was over. All he'd done for the majority of it was talk about earth stuff. There had been a little reminiscing with Prowl thrown in, which was both nostalgic and slightly cringe worthy to Bumblebee in regards to how he'd used to behave.

By any means, he wasn't nearly as wary of Rung now as he'd been before. That didn't mean he had any more confidence in the mech's abilities. Sure, the bot could make you feel at home and clearly knew how to steer a conversation the way he wanted it to go… but they hadn't at all touched on why he was there.

There was no real directness, and that made him a little uneasy, as if he was being lulled into some kind of trap and it would be sprung on him later.

When he voiced these thoughts to Prowl on the way back to their hab suite, the ninja bot looked pensive for a moment.

"Mmmm. I don't think that's what he was trying to do. It felt to me as though he was trying to get a feel for what our lives were like before you were taken. I'm not exactly well read in his field of expertise, but I think he was trying to give himself a base to work off, a measure of what was normal for us before, so he can see the effects of what's happened since."

Bee blinked and made a thoughtful noise. "Well, when you put it that way… yeah that kinda makes sense. Still, he didn't even bring up anything about why I was there. What if he never does? What if he's expecting me to just bring it up?"

Prowl frowned slightly at that. "I'm not sure… but you can probably broach the subject with him on your next session and let him know you'd rather be frank about planning ahead for discussions. He struck me as a very reasonable bot, I'm sure he'd try to accommodate you in that. In the meantime however, neither of us have anywhere to be… how do you feel about going for a drive?"

Bumblebee's optics lit up. That was all the answer Prowl needed.

Well, if there was one thing Bumblebee was sure of after spending a day back on his home planet, it was that he was pretty keen to go back to Earth.

His half joke to Bulkhead had tuned out to be true. Inner Iacon was a parking lot half the time. And even when they got into the outer rings of the city structure, they came up against constant stop-and-frisk checkpoints.

/Primus, I know these are meant to be extra security levels with… y'know, HIM on the loose, but really? Like he's gonna just try and drive out of the city as Longarm when they know exactly who he is? This seems like a waste of time/

Bumblebee comm'd Prowl with an exasperated look as they steered away from another block and decided to head back to the barracks. They'd been lucky at the first one they actually went right up to. Bumblebee had nearly panicked. He might have paint to disguise him, but his ID was real, and that was a mandatory check.

The last thing he wanted was his cover blown on the first day, and end up hounded everywhere he went by the media. Which was a very real fear, since they all seemed to be out in force, reporting on the 'dire state of things'.

To Bumblebee's relief, the auto-troopers at the check they'd been stopped had seen their Elite Guard symbols, saluted them, and then sent them on their way.

Prowl noted they might not be as lucky if they were stopped by more thorough troopers. They were supposed to check EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY guard members, since Shockwave had BEEN one.

/I'm inclined to agree with you, but I think it's been arranged more to give the general public a feeling of security, rather than being an effective means of catching him/ Prowl murmured. /It looks like driving is not really the relaxing activity I'd hoped… perhaps we should simply find somewhere to have a drink?/

Bumblebee gave an odd sort of rev at that, rolling up beside him close enough to give him a nudge while they waited at an intersection.

/Did you just ask me out?/

Prowl gave his own odd little rev at that and twisted his front wheel back and forth slightly.

/I… well, I suppose it could… count as that, if you want it to?/

The flow of traffic urged them both forward and Bumblebee continued driving close enough to nudge him. / Well I mean, you already merged with me, the LEAST you could do is take me on a date/

This drew an actual laugh across the line from Prowl. /Very true/

The day after next, Bumblebee was back in Rung's office, but this time he was alone. Rung had requested to see them separately for private sessions.

Bumblebee had been sure this meant the psychotherapist was going to actually start addressing the nitty gritty of his problems. But once again, it became more like a social visit than a medical appointment.

"… I sense you're disappointed Bumblebee. May I ask what's on your mind?"

The sub-compact gave Rung a slightly guilty look. He thought he'd been hiding it well. With a sigh, Bumblebee shifted slightly in his seat, trying to figure out how to word his frustration without sounding rude.

"I… well, y'know, it's nice… talking to you. But I'm kinda wondering what the point is? Just having a social visit without actually… talking about why I'm here."

Rung was sat back in his chair with his servos folded across his mid-section. He'd been asking Bumblebee more about his hobbies, his favourite things, and had been sharing a few more things about himself.

The casualness of their conversation seemed to turn into something more formal once Bumblebee voiced his concern. Rung however seemed to become thoughtful, rather than clinical.

"I'm sorry. And I say that genuinely, because I've not caught on quickly enough to your needs. I ought to have explained how these sessions are usually structured across the course of your treatment from the get-go. I can do so now if you wish?"

Bumblebee just nodded.

"Alright, well, the usual method of starting your therapy involves the two of us getting to know one another. It does seem a little off topic, but establishing a rapport with you first is essential to me being able to treat you. If you do not like me, or I do not earn your trust, I am not going to be able to help you work through your experiences."

Bumblebee suddenly felt very stupid. Once Rung laid it out, it seemed extremely obvious what he was doing.

"I, uhm… sorry."

"What for?"

There was only curiosity in the therapist's tone, but Bumblebee still felt the heat of embarrassment in his faceplate as he shifted in his seat again and rubbed the back of his helm.

"For, y'know… here I am wondering why we're just shooting the breeze and if I just stopped wondering why we were wasting time and used my head I coulda probably figured there was a reason."

Rung leant forward slightly, elbows resting on the arms of his chair, servos still folded together.

"You do not need to apologise for that Bumblebee. You have never had to undergo treatment like this before. This is a new experience for you, I don't expect you to second guess me. I do sense you would benefit from a little more forewarning when it comes to my intentions though. I promise to try and provide you more insight into how this all works going forward."

His tone was un-judgemental, even slightly apologetic. Bumblebee met the other bot's gaze and found only the kindest of expressions. He didn't really know what to say though, and simply nodded. Rung seemed content with this as an answer, and continued.

"As it is, you do not yet have any reason to trust me. And I do not wish to pressure you into telling me very personal things when I am essentially still a stranger to you. I do understand your impatience to get to the part where we start working through your troubles, but I must ask for a little patience. Am I right in thinking your anxiety around approaching these topics is based in your inability to recharge and your desire for some relief from memory recall?"

Bumblebee sat up a bit and nodded. "You CAN help me with that, right? I'm not gonna be stuck with it forever am I?"

Rung shook his head sympathetically. "No, not to the extreme degree you are currently experiencing. Please understand though, there is no miracle cure for memory recall. I cannot remove your experiences from your processor or spark, nor can they be permanently blocked. My aim is to help you come to terms with what has happened, and fully move past your trauma so that it does not impede you from having a whole and happy life."

The scout's expression fell at that. "So… what if you can't?... What if I just… I don't really think I can…"

He looked away and tried not to ventilate too harshly, not wanting to give away how distressed he was at the prospect of the treatment failing.

Rung gave a soft ventilation himself and seemed to consider his words very carefully. "I know it seems as if the things you have suffered are barriers too big for you to overcome. I won't pretend to you that it will be easy, it may even end up taking much longer than our current sessions allow for. If that is the case, I will still be doing all I can to make sure you receive the assistance you need. Know that you will not be alone in this, and you will not be abandoned."

The words seemed to cause a shift in Bumblebee's mood, irritation and distrust surfacing when he looked up at Rung again. When he spoke though, it was very quietly.

"I've been told stuff like that before… I can't even trust my team-mates telling me they'll protect me anymore, how can I know you're going to be able to do any better?"

The therapist's gaze held his intently for a few moments before he said anything. "…You are right. I should not be guaranteeing you anything, but what I can do is promise you that I will be trying my absolute best at all times to do what I can for you. And I hope that is enough."

Bumblebee did not look away, saying nothing as he mulled over that response. Eventually he relaxed a little from his stiff posture and nodded.

"…Thankyou. I just… don't want people promising me things anymore. Not things they might not even end up with control over."

"I can understand that. Your ability to trust has been severely compromised by the events that transpired recently, I do not expect to earn it from you lightly. Is there anything I can do for you to re-enforce my sincerity? Something you feel would reassure you that I have your best interests at spark?"

The question was open and earnest, and Bumblebee had to take a few moments to actually find an answer.

"Yeah… just… don't lie to me. Don't spare my emotions. If I'm overreacting, you need to tell me. Everyone… everyone has been really supportive, and they've all done way more than I feel like I deserved to keep me from going nuts, but… they don't want to hurt me more and won't tell me what I need to hear. I don't want to be coddled if I'm turning into a total aft."

Rung gave him a kind smile at that, and sat back in his chair again.

"Well, while we've not had all that much time together, I can tell you honestly that so far, you are not coming across as a total aft. Nor are you 'nuts'."

The scout gave him a curious, if not slightly wary look. "So uh… what DO I come across as?"

"Deeply hurt, under-confident in yourself and frustrated with your situation. However, despite that you are still a very competent conversationalist and you've certainly got a wit on you. Which, can I tell you, is very encouraging to find in a bot with experiences such as yours."

Bee gave him a slightly dubious look before deciding he could probably trust that assessment. "Seriously? And here I thought sarcasm was just my default coping mechanism."

"Well, it probably is, but it's definitely better than listless un-responsiveness and apathy."

Bee shuffled to settle back in his seat more comfortably again. "Yeah, well… I have my moments with that."

"I would be very surprised if you didn't. Now, I don't believe I talked you through all of the treatment plan. Did you want to know more about it, or are you content to discuss your current psychological state?"

The look he got from the sub-compact was enough to tell him what his preference was, and he smiled at him slightly.

"Alright, well, once we have established a good therapist-patient relationship, my first task is to gauge your emotional health. This usually involves asking you questions relating to how you react in certain situations, both those you have experienced and those you may encounter in the future."

Bumblebee nodded in understanding. That sounded more like what he'd expected from the beginning. Rung continued when the scout did not seem to have any questions.

"Once I know more about your emotional health, I can begin to help you process your experiences. I would like to begin, once we get to that part, with the more recent events regarding Wasp. Because the memories of that are fresher and the effects of it more immediate in terms of your relationships, it's important we help you to come to terms with them sooner rather than later. Beyond that, we can move onto your time incarcerated by the Decepticons."

Bumblebee swallowed dryly just at the thought of that. "So… so when you say help me come to terms… am I going to have to sit here and just tell you everything that happened? Am I supposed to be recounting it like I would for a log entry?"

"No, I can assure you that is not something I will ever ask you to do. If that method was one you preferred, I might structure our sessions so that you could tackle the memories in very small increments, but I sense that is not what you want."

A vehement shake of the sub-compact's head confirmed that, so Rung continued.

"The way we will be approaching the experiences is from a more emotional angle. I will be asking you to describe to me your emotional responses during your more traumatic experiences, the thoughts you had. I will never ask you to explain the situations themselves in detail, that is generally a very counter-productive method of working you through them, though some bots do find it helpful… in the end it is up to you, but not required."

Bumblebee let out a ventilation he hadn't even realised he'd been holding when Rung explained he wouldn't be made to recount everything in detail.

"Yeah… good, cause I… I don't think I could do that. I'm not even sure I'm gonna be much good with the whole explaining how I felt bit but… better than having to give a blow-by-blow account. Literally" he winced ever so slightly at his own terrible, unintentional pun.

"I will not ask more of you than you feel ready to give. There is no set time frame to any particular part of your treatment process, the sessions currently laid out are an estimate of how many I think it will take you to reach each stage, but you are under no pressure to meet any deadlines."

Bumblebee made an uncertain sound at that. "You might not have deadlines… I know you want me to be patient, but as far as I'm concerned I don't want to be wasting any time. The faster I get through this, the better. I already miss Earth."

He slumped slightly in his seat with a slight frown, Rung's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Oh? Is it anything in particular you miss, or is it a case of disliking Cybertron by comparison?"

"Bit of both. Roads here suck. There's no real weather. There's no TV, just information channels and newscasts. No Games, no Sari, no Bulkhead… Primus I even miss animals and trees, and those are Prowl's thing, not mine. Cybertron is just… it's so GREY. Everything is grey and boring and I forgot how much I hate it here."

Rung made a thoughtful noise, lacing his digits together in his lap. "I didn't know you hated it before… could it be you didn't until you had something else to compare I to?"

The scout blinked at that. "Huh… guess so. For the record, I hate space too. It's also boring. And full of rocks. And rock monsters, which eat you. That's not really fun, their insides stink."

Rung's curiosity got the better of him, and once he asked Bumblebee what his experience with that was, it led to a tangent involving more talk of Earth, and his friends, and his life before his incarceration.

Before they knew it, their session time was up, and Bumblebee felt almost reluctant to have to make his way back to the barracks.

It was partially because he was going to be alone there, and partially because he found he'd actually started to enjoy talking to Rung.

Prowl ran his servos over his faceplate. "We've had to take turns recharging. Neither of us are currently getting much. I'm not sure why, but since we arrived, the memories have been more persistent when I am trying to recharge or meditate."

The orange and cream bot nodded sagely. "It may be that unconsciously you have a heightened state of anxiety knowing that Shockwave is in closer proximity to you here. That would certainly account for increased frequency of recall when you are at rest. You said contact with Bumblebee's EM field seems to supress it, is this still the case?"

Prowl nodded. "Yes, but I can't seem to stay in stasis as long as I used to. I don't think it's anything Bee is doing, he brought one of his handheld gaming devices to keep him occupied, and he didn't make any noise, not enough to have roused me."

"Mmm. And are you sure you won't consider suppressants?"

The black and gold mech shook his head resolutely. "Much as I know Bumblebee would not condone me turning them down, I don't feel that it's fair for me to use them when they no longer work for him."

Rung gave him a slightly sympathetic look. "I know you must feel as if you should be suffering through those memories voluntarily because he has no choice. But I'm afraid it does not put you in as good a position to help him than if you took measures to block them in order to get a proper defrag cycle."

Prowl sighed. "It's not just that, I don't see how I can get a full recharge cycle and just leave him to stew, awake and for all intents and purposes, alone with his thoughts. I KNOW what happens when he does that."

"While I have not experienced it myself, I can guess fairly well. Perhaps then, we may find some means of occupying his time creatively while you are offline."

"Oh?... How so?"

"Well, I am yet to discuss it with him, but I have been speaking with a former patient of mine. He is still part of the Elite Guard, but he works more in a training capacity now rather than being on active duty. What I don't think anyone has told Bumblebee is that his offer to be trained at the academy is provisional. The condition is that I sign off on it, based on how fit he is mentally to undergo academy training."

Prowl nodded, not particularly surprised by this information. "I didn't think they would blindly sign him up without some sort of assessment. He's still not sure if he's willing to accept, so far as I know. So, what would be the purpose of referring him to this other bot? Would he be like a sparring partner?"

Rung tilted his head slightly with a hum. "Well, to some degree, yes. It would be more like pre-prep for the academy. I think Bumblebee's main concern is that he receive enough training to feel as if he is not helpless. Sessions with the mech I have in mind would provide him with the basics of the same training he'd be receiving at the academy, but the academy is far more intensive. It may help him to decide if he feels ready to take the offer or not."

Prowl's visor was alight with interest, and he seemed to approve of the idea.

"Do you plan on talking with him about it in your next session, or did you want me to talk to him about it before then?"

"You can talk to him if you wish, I have not finalised the details though. The bot in question still hasn't confirmed outright, but he seems keen. Now, on the subject of your recall, I would like to talk to you more about how the memories are affecting you in general. Do you feel ready to try and process some of them?"

Prowl stiffened slightly, ventilations stalling before he forced them to cycle deeply and nodded.

"Yeah, I like him."

Bee sipped from his energon as they sat in a quiet corner of the barracks refectory. Prowl smiled where he sat across from him, nursing his own cube.

"I do too. I was surprised to find he actually knows rather a lot about cyber ninja creeds. But then, he was friends with Master Yoketron, no doubt they both spoke to each other of what they did." The black and gold mech leant forward slightly on the table, fingers tapping on his cube. "So… has he started to assist you with processing anything yet?"

Bumblebee shook his helm, fiddling with his own cube. "He said we need to build up to it. Build up some kind of… doctor-patient relationship before we get into it. He wants me to go slow, and I get the logic, but I sort of… I don't WANT to have to think about the memories but I wanna get it over with, y'know? I hate the waiting thing."

Prowl hummed and reached out a servo to take one of Bumblebee's own, the smaller bot's gaze meeting his.

"Don't worry. When you get to them… he really does help. A lot. It's hard to explain… but don't be too apprehensive."

"… He already talked you through some of the stuff you have from me?" Bee blinked at him, surprised.

Prowl nodded, squeezing his hand slightly. "He said I could tell you, but that I needed to explain why he's already started with me and is working you up to it slowly. Second hand experiences, apparently, require a different method of treatment. He… has not yet tackled my personal experiences. Only the way I am processing yours."

Bee made a noise of understanding and looked down at his energon, servo twisting in prowl's grasp so he could hold it back.

"He told me we're gonna start with the… Wasp stuff. That whole night. Something about the memories being fresher and needing to be tackled first? I don't know, guess we have to start somewhere." Bumblebee shrugged.

Prowl didn't speak. He knew why Bumblebee wasn't keen on thinking about the incident. The wound was much rawer than his incarceration. It hit a lot closer to home. Rung was probably right to want to deal with it first.

The two of them were startled slightly when a voice called out across the cafeteria, and they looked up with brightening expressions to see Jazz wandering over to them.

"EEEEY! My Main mechs, good to see ya again, how you two doin?"

"Hey Jazz. Finally made it huh?" Bee gave him a genuine smile, subdued though it was.

"Yeah, second trip back wasn't NEARLY as eventful as the first. All good though. Although ah did hear for the two breems we were landed back on Earth that Sunny and Sides have finally done it."

"Done what?" Prowl gave him a slightly bemused look.

"Broken the speed ticket record." Jazz smirked.

Bee snorted. "Good, maybe now Fanzone will stop giving me 'the look' every time I see him."

Jazz chuckled and sat with them when Prowl indicated for him to draw up a chair.

"So you cats doin' alright? Findin' Cybertron okay again or are you suitably unimpressed yet?"

"Definitely the second one" Bee deadpanned, taking a swig from his cube.

"Mmm. It is much more crowded and much less… lively, than I remember. Everything is very… subdued." Prowl murmured, Jazz nodding.

"Yeah, I hear ya mech. S'been like that for the last vorn or so. Council's been tryin'a keep Decepticon uprisings on the down-low, but the media latches onto anythin' it can, and Elite Guard bots ain't all ops mechs, they don't run silence protocols. Ah don't agree with them bein' quieted about what they've seen either. People SHOULD be aware that they're out there and they're still posing a threat, but it sure does put a downer on the place."

"Better that than blissful ignorance I guess." Bumblebee sighed. "Hey, uh… how'd you guys end up handling the ones on the ship by the way?"

Bumblebee's question was like opening a can of worms, and Prowl couldn't hide his own curiosity when Jazz's face lit up with a wicked sort of gleam.

"Bots, that is a story which just might be my favourite one yet. Hope you ain't got anywhere to be, cause I ain't skimpin' on the details."

"So, that's pretty much the whole facility and how it works. Any questions?"

Bumblebee stopped beside Tap Out and shook his head. The khaki bot pat him on the shoulder with a grin.

"Good! So, how do you think you feel so far about training here?"

The yellow mech shrugged slightly. "I uuuh… don't really think I can? Not yet, anyway. I'm nowhere near the level of the bots we saw training."

Tap Out laughed. "Bot we ain't gonna pit you against the ones who are half a vorn off earning their Prime status! Primus perish the thought, no, but… I wouldn't mind introducing you to a friend of mine over in the new recruit's camp and giving you some sparring time with him, just to get an idea of what level you're at. Feel up to it?"

"Oh, uh… yeah, I guess? By new recruits, you don't mean bootcamp do you?"

Tap Out waved a hand as he headed off again, leading the way around the main training grounds.

"Nah, the new recruits are the ones who've been selected from Bootcamp. They've begun basic training, so it'll be an introduction to where you'd be starting out. Mind as far as I know, you'd probably be the most advanced in your group. Rung told me you've been receiving training from a cyber ninja?"

Bumblebee nodded, glancing at the advanced training exercise going on behind the huge plates of iron glass they were walking by. A small group of bots around Optimus' size were doing a team exercise with fake rounds of ammunition, but he couldn't tell what exactly the objective was.

"I only really know the bare basics of Circuit-su and Metallikato. Oh, the twins gave me a couple pointers in melee though."

"Oh? I'm guessing you mean Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. In which case, be careful using anything they taught you in here. None of it is exactly regulation." He chuckled. "So, who trained you? Got one of us on your team huh?"

Bee gave him a slightly quizzical look. "One of u- oh, wait… you're a cyber ninja too? Geez how many of you ARE there?"

The khaki bot laughed again, optics alight with a genuine sort of humour. "Used to be hundreds. War fixed that, but Yoketron didn't stop training bots once it was over… actually I think he only finished up with one before that attack that took him. Some bot by the name of uuuuh-"

"Prowl?"

Tap Out gave him the quizzical look this time. "Yeah. Know him do you?"

"He's kinda the one who's been training me." Bee offered a wry sort of smile.

"OOooh, well there you go. Guess he's started on his path then. There were murmurings among some of us he was being trained up as the successor to the Dojo, someone to take over and teach when Yoketron retired, not that we ever kinda thought he would, but y'know… looks like he picked well. Didn't think he'd finished his training though?"

"He hasn't, well… he says he hasn't, but I don't really know, he seems as good as Jazz to me. Better at processor over matter than Jazz is. No offence to Jazz." He murmured. "He went to the Dojo today, not sure how long he's planning on being there."

"Ah… gonna have to try and catch him for a chat later. My Processor-Over-Matter was never crash hot, but then it wasn't the area of specialty Yoketron trained me into. Anyway, we're here."

Tap Out pushed open a set of doors to a large, nondescript building. Inside was like any basic sparring room, and about five bots were already there doing melee drills.

Most seemed to be about Bumblebee's size, which surprised him. Tap Out didn't fail to notice.

"Surprised by how few there are?"

"Uh… no, more that they're all… pretty much the same size as me."

"Is that all?" he chuckled and pat Bee's shoulder again. "Don't look so shocked. Your frame type has become very popular of late among younger bots, it's more fuel efficient, it's easier to get around on the roads in Iacon, easier to get apartments and maintenance is easy as pit. Bots living out on the expanses and in less concentrated cities are still holding onto their larger frames. Them and the older bots who want size on their side if they have to fight 'Cons, but otherwise, there's been a sort of explosion of sub-compacts here. I mean hell, I traded into one when I retired from active duty."

Bumblebee blinked at him in surprise. "Really?... So, how big did you used to be?"

"About Sentinel's size. Not as bulky though. Adjusting was interesting, but I don't think I'd go back to the larger frame unless I absolutely had to. Too old and stuck in my ways now." He snickered, waving to the bot who was standing and barking instructions to the bots sparring.

"Hey Bumper, got a visitor. Wanna give these guys a bit of a fuel break?"

The tan bot looked over and called a halt to the trainee's exercises.

"Alright you lot, go get some fuel and clean your bunks up, I KNOW I didn't see that mess you left in there this morning, I better NOT see that mess by the time I come and get you, clear?"

A chorus of 'sir yes sir' met his statement before the recruits all trotted for the door, all of them throwing Bumblebee curious looks.

"So, who's this? New 'fast track' from one of the minors? Getting' real tired of their cherry-picking." The mech grumbled, arms crossed as the drill sergeant looked the newcomer over.

"Nah, this is Bumblebee." Tap Out crossed his own arms and grinned, watching the other bot's face rapidly change from disgruntled suspicion to pleasant surprise.

"Ooooh YOU'RE the bot who… well hey, welcome home! Sorry 'bout the surliness, been trying to whip a bunch of protoforms into shape all day. Name's Bumper." The tan mech held out his hand, and Bee shook it with a slightly relieved look.

"Hi. So uuuh… guess I might end up being one of those protoforms if I pass all the assessments?"

Bumper waved a hand at him. "Primus no! If Tap Out is giving you a preliminary crash course, I won't be doing much more than just introducing you to military protocol. From what I saw of your capabilities, there's not a lot left I need to teach you before you move up to the secondary stage of training. Which is mostly strategy."

"Oh… take it you saw the video footage." Bee rubbed the back of his helm, murmuring. "Y'know, I still haven't watched that myself."

"Bot's 'round here didn't have a choice. They're talkin' about turning it into an educational archive vid. I understand you not being too keen to see it yourself though, living it once is enough. But hey, even if you don't end up takin' on the training, I wouldn't mind you coming in and giving the newbies a couple tips about thinking on your pedes… and wheels."

Bumblebee was slightly taken aback by the offer. "I, uh… yeah, I guess, if you want me too?"

"No need to be nervous around us kid. Did Rung not tell you why he recommended me as a preliminary trainer?" Tap Out asked with a wry sort of curiosity.

The scout blinked at him. "Nnnno? I figured it was because you've got the same frame type as me, but I'm starting to get the feeling that's not the case?"

Bumper chuckled slightly. "If that were the case he coulda assigned any one of a hundred bots. Nah, scout, he assigned Tap Out 'cause he's been there. Both of us have."

Bumblebee blinked at him, feeling slightly stupid for not catching on.

Tap Out took pity on him. "We're ex-patients kid. Survivors. We know what you've been through."

The yellow mech's optics widened in understanding, and he visibly relaxed. "Oooooh… okay, well, that makes way more sense."

"He does know what he's doing that Rung." Bumper grinned.

"Uh-huh. So kid, ready to show Bumper and me a couple of the moves your friend Prowl taught you?" Tap Out pat his shoulder again, a friendly gesture Bumblebee was quickly becoming accustomed to from the khaki bot.

Bumper made a dismissive sort of noise. "Forget the cyber-ninja stuff, I want him to show me that other stuff he was doing."

Bumblebee made his own sound of surprise. "What, the video-game combos? Really? They're not REAL fighting moves."

"Scout, so far as I'm concerned, if you use them on 'Cons and they work, they're as real as any fighting moves. Also, what the slag are video games?"

Bumblebee had gotten practice explaining with the bots who were new to Earth about the human pass-time, but he wasn't so familiar with demonstrating what he'd appropriated into his combat repertoire while doing so.

It certainly made the next few hours rather interesting.

Prowl entered the Dojo.

It was deserted, but amazingly, completely unchanged.

Wandering through the corridors, he noticed it was also immaculately clean. The black and gold mech walked silently through the building, re-familiarizing himself with it even though he'd forgotten nothing.

After he was satisfied with his inspection, he settled in the middle of the main sparring room floor in a lotus position, gazing over familiar surfaces, wallowing in nostalgia.

Had it honestly been so long since he'd been there? Since he'd found it in a shambles, half destroyed, and stumbled across his dying master?

Primus, it was almost a lifetime ago, but being here made it feel like it was yesterday.

Spark aching slightly with the grief that still hadn't left, he took deep, slow ventilations and shut off his optics, letting his E.M. field smooth and expand into the space. He was just starting to tune into the energies of the building when he noticed an anomaly.

Before he could mentally investigate, there was the clatter of something being dropped, and a voice spoke from the doorway behind him.

"M-master Yoketron? How are you he-… wait… who are you? You're not… Prowl?"

The black and gold mech knew before he turned who had spoken. He'd never forget that voice. It was both the worst and best voice he'd ever heard in his life. The one who'd brought him here in the first place.

"Warpath?"

"The SLAG are you doin' wearing Master Yoketron's helmet ya lousy beatnik?"

The words were spoken with a mixture of humour, confusion and the smallest hint of offense.

Prowl stood to face the larger red mech as Warpath picked up the magna-broom he'd dropped and wandered over.

"That… is a very long story, and one I think you'll want to hear."

The two of them sat together as Prowl recounted his history with Lockdown and their last confrontation. By the time he was done, Warpath seemed a lot less stand-offish. Even respectful.

"Can't believe it… this whole time an' I coulda been huntin' down that scum and giving him what for… if only I'da known."

Prowl canted his helm slightly with a wry smile. "Now now, I don't know that the Master would have approved of that."

Warpath gave a deep, raspy chuckle. "True. But what the master never knew 'bout what I got up to never hurt 'im."

Prowl smirked at that. "You honestly believe he didn't know?"

The red mech shook his head with a wide grin. "Naw. I just know he didn't let on what he knew. He liked to keep me guessin', he'd hint at it sometimes though. So, what are you doing with yourself these days, other than avenging our master and puttin' lousy space scum in their place?"

"I've been serving with Optimus Prime and his team. Initially as a space bridge repair crew. But now we're more like… some form of unofficial secret outpost defence. The only reason we're a secret is because the high council doesn't want to believe what we're up against, and doesn't want the rest of Cybertron to know in case it insights panic. We spend most of our time trying to keep Megatron from amassing enough power to rally his remaining troops and make a move on Cybertron."

Warpath sat back with a deep cycle of his vents and a rumble.

"If I didn't have an acutely tuned sense for liars, I'd think you were one. Your field tells me different, which worries me. Megatron, online again? Hoped I'd never see the day. So, what, you're back here tryin' to convince the council to listen?"

Prowl shook his helm with a sigh. "I'm here with a friend... he needed to come back here to receive treatment. He was captured in the line of duty-"

"Wait… waaait I remember, I saw you in that recording the news has been circulating… it's that little scout from your team, isn't it? Bumblebot?"

"Bumblebee. Yes, and please don't let on that you know we're here, or we'll have a media scrum hounding us everywhere we go."

Warpath picked up on the slightly offended tone when he corrected him on his team-mates name, and gave him an apologetic tilt of his helm.

"Secret's safe with me. So you're here while he's in treatment then. Did you come just to pay respects, or was there more to your visit?"

Prowl's visor dimmed and his shoulders slumped ever so slightly. "…I did come to pay respects… but I also hoped I might… I thought perhaps I could find answers. I did not complete the optics quest master Yoketron sent me on before he offlined. I am still not sure exactly what it is, or if I'm still on the right path. I thought coming here might ground me again, give me some sort of clue… what about you? Do you regularly come and clean the dojo, or is this a rare visit?"

"I'm here pretty often. I've broken a few too many rules working for the guard, so they've got me on light duties. Drivin' me nuts. I oughta be out there on the fringes, cleanin' up Decepti-scum, not cleaning dust off unused floors. Nowadays they barely even let me transport criminals between facilities."

Prowl hummed sympathetically at the bitter tone, but didn't voice any thoughts about how he probably should try to follow protocols more. The voice in his head that sounded like their old Master concurred.

"Do you mind if I stay for a while and meditate?"

Warpath snorted "Slag no, 'course not. I'd meditate with ya, 'cept I get enough of that in my downtime, and I got a date in about a cycle. Flareup's back in town, we're gonna hit up Maccadam's. Welcome to join us if you want, Dojo is always open, you can come and meditate whenever you like."

"Thank you, but I'll pass this time. I told Bumblebee that if he was done with his meeting before I was back, he could come here and find me."

Warpath shrugged and got to his feet. "Ah well. Maybe another time. She's back for about a decacycle. I'm sure I'll see you around."

Bumblebee shifted on the couch, looking at his servos as he fiddled with them.

"There was something recently… Jazz came back, and I asked him about what happened with the Decepticons that got loose on the flagship."

Rung nodded. "He sent me a brief report on that recently."

"Okay, so, you know what happened then. But… it reminded me of what I did. I mean, how I reacted, how… how ANGRY I was." The scout frowned, not looking up.

Rung tilted his helm enquiringly. "Oh? What was it about the incident in particular made you angry?"

Bumblebee took a few deep vents to try and distance himself from the emotions and get his processor in order. "Jazz wasn't with us when it happened. He was on the bridge. When we headed there, we came across the 'Cons, didn't even know they were out. I was… I just reacted by some kind of instinct, I unloaded a bunch of volts into Swindle, I wasn't really thinking straight. Prowl had to snap me out of it and make me run before the other 'Cons got to us… should I… be recounting this? I thought I wasn't supposed to…"

"If you do not feel comfortable doing so, then I would urge you not to. However if you do not feel overwhelmed by it, it's fine. I tend to discourage recounting things of a level that would cause you memory purges. Was the incident particularly traumatic to you, would you say?"

Bee had been looking up at him, unsure, but his gaze dropped again and he shook his head. "No. Not traumatic, but… yeah, so, Prowl led the way, we met up with Perceptor and Wheeljack, we all got in an escape pod, except I didn't know that's what it was until we'd already taken off. And I was… I was so MAD."

He frowned, glancing up at Rung's ever calm, non-judgemental faceplates.

"We ran, and we left the others there, and I couldn't help thinking that… we were abandoning them, and the 'Cons could easily do to them what they did to me. I wanted to go back, I couldn't believe we were leaving them to that on purpose."

Bumblebee clenched his servos to try and stop them from shaking, looking away from Rung, ashamed of how riled up it still got him. "And I know… I KNOW it wasn't the same Decepticons, and I've never had reason to believe the ones on that ship would actually… do the same things to Autobots as the ones that got me… but they could still have killed them. Training or no training, they were outnumbered and I felt like… like I was the one being betrayed, all over again, but I wasn't even still on the ship."

Shame coloured his tone now, and he couldn't bring himself to look up at Rung to gauge his reaction.

When he spoke, his voice was very kind. "When you consider the magnitude of what you have been through up to that point, your reaction was understandable. And I want to clarify that understandable is not the same as logical. When it comes to reactions brought about by traumatic experiences though, logic tends to go out the window."

Bumblebee dared to look up at the other mech, finding once again that there was no judgement in the therapist's optics. Rung gave him a gentle, sympathetic sort of look and continued.

"What you have to remember in situations like that, is that while you are much more acutely aware of the risks than most bots in facing Decepticons, so too are the higher ranks of the Elite Guard. And much as you made a decision to attack Swindle when you came across him rather than immediately run, they have the agency to make a choice as well. And their choice was to send you and some of the others off the ship in order to make sure you were safe and in a position to go ahead and seek further assistance if necessary. They knew they were leaving themselves outnumbered, but that was their own decision, and one I do not think you could have swayed."

The scout shifted, the shame settling deeper as Rung's words sunk in. The orange mech seemed to know it too, because he moved to sit on the couch beside Bumblebee, rather than across from him.

"It's very much understandable that your immediate response is anxiety and anger, when you're made to leave a situation like that. Especially since you weren't fully aware of what was happening until the choice was already taken away from you. Am I right in thinking loss of control over a situation tends to make you especially anxious of late?"

Bumblebee nodded, hands ceasing their fiddling a little. "I feel like I should be trying to accept it, it happens so often at this point… and I can't deal with being so tense all the time."

"It is sometimes very difficult to accept a loss of control over certain aspects of your life. It brings on the fear that you will not be able to stop bad things from happening. Sometimes it only takes being shown how to manage your new problems to gain back a sense of stability. Some things however, will always be out of your control. Such as the actions of others. It is in cases like this, where you cannot challenge someone else's autonomy, that you need to learn how to accept it. Do you understand?"

The black and yellow servos stopped twisting against one another and Bumblebee took a deep vent.

"I… I think so. You're saying I can learn to gain control over stuff I do and feel… but I need to let go of stuff other bots do that I have no control over, because I'm never going to have control over that."

Rung smiled a little wider and nodded, reaching out and patting one of his hands. "It is a difficult thing. Even bots who have never been through anything traumatic struggle with it. In your case, I think, the need to help those close to you is also extremely strong. So much so it drives you more than you realise, and it also drives your anxiety when you are unable to defend your friends."

Bumblebee mulled that over, refreshing his optics. "Huh. Yeah I… I guess you're right."

The servo not covered by Rung's began to twitch and fiddle again and the sub-compact's face fell slightly. "Is that… is that why it hurts so much to think about what my friends did when they thought I was Wasp?"

Rung whirred softly. "Something like that. Certainly that would be part of it, but I feel that is a much more complex issue. If you feel ready to tackle it… we can do so."

The scout cycled a deep ventilation, seemingly steeling himself, and nodded.

Rung's voice was very calm when he spoke. "Alright. How about we begin with your feelings regarding Wasp?"

From that point, the session felt to Bumblebee as if it was dragging on much longer than it actually was.

He struggled through voicing his feelings around Wasp. It was harder than he thought to admit all the things that had been cycling through his mind to someone else.

Rung had offered for him to leave the rest of the night's event's to another time, but once he was rolling, Bumblebee didn't really want to stop.

He forced his vocaliser not to seize up when recounting the fear and self-disgust he felt during his violation by Wasp. Rung pressed home the point very firmly with him that not fighting Wasp off before he could commit the act was not a failing on his part, and was in fact due to him being exceedingly compassionate.

That led Bumblebee into the thoughts he'd had about closing off his spark, a long time ago. And for a while they spoke of how he'd come to be like that, what parts of his initial vorns had shaped that part of his personality.

"I can't do it anymore. I've already been hurt enough but I can't BE who I was anymore, everyone knows it's not REAL. They know I care, I care all the slagging time, I care too slagging MUCH. And I don't… I don't know how to deal with it. I never did. I don't know how to get past how they looked at me and how much they hurt me."

Bumblebee buried his faceplate in his servos, Rung rubbing his back in a soothing gesture.

"It is much harder to forgive your friends than your enemies. Part of you may see what they have done as them not meeting your expectations for their level of concern for you. You worry in a way that they are not sincere, and all the things they say to you about how much they care are lies."

Bumblebee shuddered. The words hit far too close to home, and he knew that on some level, Rung was right. He hadn't consciously thought any of it, but it struck a chord when the other bot voiced it. Was that what was causing the underlying ache in his spark?

"It is extremely difficult when you're in that much pain to trust that your closest friends appreciate what you're going through, and the full scope of the sacrifice you made. When they make a mistake the way they did, it takes a lot to prove that it was just that. A Mistake, rather than carelessness. Had you not been through all you had before the incident, your faith in them would not have been so shaken. It's a lot to ask of you now though, to forgive them for something that compacted your trauma so greatly. However…"

Rung stopped rubbing circles on his back and laid his servo on Bumblebee's again. Bee took the pause to mean Rung wanted him to look at him, but he could only manage a sidelong glance.

"From an outside point of view, it seems to me as if the situation is most certainly a case of terrible luck and your team mates being in an unfortunate mindset. I must ask you to do something for me though, and it is a lot to ask, but try to see the night from their point of view. What do you think they would have been thinking, facing the situation they returned to at the base?"

Bumblebee gave him a pained look. That DID seem to be asking a lot, did he want him to be sympathetic to them for what they'd done? No, that didn't seem to fit with how Rung worked. So Bumblebee closed his optics and tried.

He tried to look past his hurt and betrayal, and the image of the look on Prowl's face when he'd woken to find out he was the enemy…

If he'd BEEN Prowl though…

Coming back to the plant to find that, so far as Prowl knew, he'd managed to subdue Wasp… relief? No, he wouldn't be relieved, he'd probably be confused and a little bit scared that Wasp had managed to run every gauntlet and manage to make it all the way to him.

And Bumblebee knew all too well how fear could screw with reactions to things. A scared Prowl would be a defensive Prowl. There would be no sympathy for Wasp, only guarded wariness and protectiveness for himself.

And yet…

The scout shook his helm, staring at the floor with anger and hurt still burning in his spark.

"I know they would have been scared and edgy about Wasp… whoever they THOUGHT was Wasp. I get that they wouldn't trust me because they had no reason to trust Wasp, but… But I thought they knew ME better. If they had just TRIED a little harder to double check… I was still in my own armour, and it was different to Wasp's. And my spark… they could have just checked my spark, slag, Ratchet could just have SCANNED me."

His frame was shaking with the force of his anger, the deep and mostly buried feelings finally welling up the surface.

"They could have just CHECKED but instead they jumped straight to the stasis cuffs and I… I lost my head, I had to run, I couldn't… I couldn't bear the thought of them locking me up… I couldn't."

Bumblebee balled his fists, trying not to react on impulse to shrug Rung off when he putt a hand on his shoulder.

"That… is a very good point. And I think your team mates are most likely still beating themselves up over that mistake. It seems that fear was so prevalent in the room that common sense went out the window. And the level of fear would have to be HIGH for all of them to lapse that badly. And I'm not trying to excuse their lapse in judgement, but I know that you know what that level of fear can do."

Bumblebee's anger seemed to ebb slightly, and he gave Rung another sideways glance. "…You're telling me they were so afraid of Wasp they lost their heads just as badly as I did? What did they have to be THAT scared about?"

Rung nodded slightly. "It was not so much Wasp they feared. It was their loss of control over the situation. As I said before, he managed to get past all of them, despite their best efforts. They all realised that their best hadn't been good enough. They failed you, and their immediate panic response was to subdue the bot they saw as the threat to you. Unfortunately, Wasp's plan to have them see you as the enemy was only HELPED by their panic. And they only panicked so badly because of events Wasp wasn't even aware of."

Bumblebee was quiet as he processed all of that. After a moment, and very quietly, he laughed. It was a bitter sort of laughter, and Rung gave him a surprised, slightly worried look.

The scout slumped with his elbows on his knees and his head hung down, still quietly laughing.

"Frag… heh, if I… eheh, if I wasn't sure before, I am now."

The orange mech didn't remove his servo from Bumblebee's shoulder, but his voice was rather puzzled when he spoke. "What is it you're sure of?"

"That Primus hates me. Y'know, I wasn't sure he existed… but nothing this slaggin' stupid happens without someone behind it having a good laugh. He must be there, he just really, really hates me. This slag is too good for no one to be getting SOMETHING out of it. It's like some kind of horrible soap opera."

Rung squeezed his shoulder gently. "I have no idea what a soap opera is, but sometimes… I wonder if he's there myself. I've seen all the evidence there is to see telling us he's real, but when I talk with bots who've been through all the things you have Bumblebee, I do wonder whether he's to be praised."

Bumblebee looked up at him, a little surprised. "Sooo he DOES hate me then? Any ideas why?"

Rung shook his head. "Oh, I don't think he hates you. I just think he's a little in over his metaphorical head. I am of the belief that Primus created us all to go out into the universe and collect experiences. All sorts of experiences, good and bad. And that those experiences return to him each time a spark is extinguished and we become one again. I think he has severely underestimated just what that means for the sparks he sends out."

The scout blinked at him thoughtfully. He'd not really heard of that theory before, but considering all the legends and beliefs out there, it probably made as much sense as any of them. It certainly explained the old phrase 'til all are one'.

"So… you think what I've been through is some kind of… karma to him? That when I snuff it, he'll feel everything I felt?"

"Something like that, yes. I don't think he LETS cybertronians suffer, I honestly don't think he has any control over it. In the end though, your suffering becomes Primus' suffering. I also don't think he intentionally picks any one of us out to make us experience these things. But keep in mind, these are just my opinions. They are not fact. I am not sure you may gain any comfort from the possibility that horrible things can sometimes just happen for no real reason."

Bumblebee looked the other bot over thoughtfully and gave a little sigh through his vents. "Y'know it… it kinda does. If stuff just happens for no reason… then it wasn't something I did. And I…" He swallowed, looking away again and clenching his servos so they wouldn't shake.

"… When I was hanging in that cell… I kept trying to figure out what I'd done wrong… what made me deserve what they did…"

Rung's servo squeezed his shoulder gently again.

"That's the thing. You did not deserve it. The universe, so far as I've observed, does not work on the basis of equal judgement. Good bots suffer terrible things. And terrible bots like the ones who hurt you, get off relatively unscathed by life. It isn't fair. But it certainly isn't your fault."

Bumblebee couldn't stop the shaking even if he tried. It overtook his frame, the way it had so many times before, clicks slipping from his vocaliser as he buried his face in his servos.

Beside him, Rung rubbed his back soothingly again and murmured comforting words. Bumblebee almost felt ashamed of losing control. He didn't understand why he was sobbing again, because he felt… relieved.

He'd heard it so many times before, but something about the way Rung brought him to the conclusion suddenly made it real to him for the first time.

It WASN'T his fault.

Pacing in their barracks room, Bumblebee mulled over what Rung had advised.

He probably shouldn't do this. Rung had said he'd talk it over with Prowl, but now the scout was losing his nerve.

He might as well call it off, he didn't WANT to cause Prowl pain.

But…

But Prowl had already caused HIM pain, and Rung said he needed to address it with him. His assumption as to how had taken Rung aback slightly… but he hadn't disagreed.

The therapist had been careful to stress how the two of them needed to be fully prepared beforehand, since he wouldn't condone anything that could do them both more harm than good. In the end though he encouraged the idea.

"If you are both willing to address the emotions surrounding what happened between you in this way, and you've already merged properly since the first time… then it is merely a case of consent and making sure you're both prepared for what you intend to do."

Bumblebee had no doubt Prowl would be prepared, and at the time he'd suggested it, he thought he was too.

But he'd had time between then and now to calm down, and calming down meant losing his nerve. He was no longer bolstered and ready to take on his grievances with Prowl. All he wanted was to curl up with him on the berth and pretend he'd never suggested it, but Prowl was with Rung now and there was no going back.

He wasn't sure if Prowl would be upset by his suggestion or not. Knowing him, he'd probably feel guilty and willing to do whatever Bumblebee suggested to make amends, which just made HIM feel guilty for even suggesting it, because that wasn't a choice. That felt like he was emotionally manipulating Prowl, and the thought made him feel sick.

No, he'd have to make sure, ABSOLUTELY sure that Prowl was prepared to do it. Because he didn't feel like HE was, and there was no point in them trying to merge and have full emotional disclosure when neither of them really wanted to.

The scout had been pacing the small room when a noise at the door stopped him in his tracks.

His optics met Prowl's as the ninja bot silently entered, giving him a concerned look. "You look extremely worried. Rung talked to me about your idea, I think it's good, were you having second thoughts?"

Bee nodded, giving him an apologetic look. "I shouldn't have suggested it… you don't have to if you don't want to-"

"Bee it's not about me. It's about you, if it will help you, then-"

"NO. No it's NOT just about me. This is what I was worried about, I don't want you agreeing to my ideas just because you think it's best for me. Even if Rung supports it, I don't want you agreeing for my sake. If you don't want to do it for YOU as well, then we shouldn't do it."

They both stared at each other in slight shock, Bumblebee as surprised by his outburst as Prowl was.

The ninja bot's expression softened and he walked over, black and gold servo hesitating between them before he gently cupped the side of Bumblebee's helm and caressed a silver cheek-plate with his thumb.

The gesture was so tender it seemed to sap tension from Bumblebee's frame almost instantly. It certainly forced him to hold Prowl's gaze and read the honesty in his face.

"I promise you, if I had any reservations I would let you know… but I don't. I WANT you to show me how I hurt you. I want to know what you were made to feel, and I want you to know how I was feeling too. I want to earn your trust again. But I want YOU to promise me something."

Bumblebee gave him a slightly searching look. "Okay… what?"

"Don't hide anything from me this time. Don't hold back for my sake."

A look crossed the scout's face as if he meant to argue the point, but he said nothing, leaning into the touch and bringing a servo up to rest on Prowl's windshield.

"The last time, that… I was holding back the other stuff. The purge stuff. I don't… I'll try not to hold back, if you really don't want me to, but I don't know how much control I have. If I open up too much, I might not be able to pull anything back again."

"There's always the option of pulling away. You can pull out of a merge at pretty much any point without causing any damage to either of us, it's just very disorientating."

Bumblebee blinked at that. "Oh. See, that I didn't know."

Prowl gave him a small smile and caressed his cheek again. "Shall we, then? Or did you want to leave it until later?"

The scout shook his helm. "Better to do it now before I really lose my nerve. Also while I still remember all the things Rung said."

The black and gold mech hummed in agreement and they moved to the berth, laying to face one another with what was now a familiar ease.

Bumblebee's expression remained slightly troubled and unsure, but he reciprocated when Prowl leant forward to kiss him, unhurried and just as tender as his touch had been.

They parted from the kiss reluctantly, Bumblebee cycling deeply before he opened his chestplates, Prowl following suit only a second later.

Wordlessly, they drew together, Bumblebee offlining his optics and gasping as their corona reached towards one another as if magnetised, touching for the third time.

Even though he didn't expect anything pleasurable to come out of this merge, a wonderful shiver spread through his frame, and he pressed against Prowl, eager for more of that heady sensation.

The ninja bot slid an arm around his waist and hugged him closer obligingly, their fields mingling and shifting to settle into one another with their sparks.

Memories began to surface quickly, causing Bumblebee to focus on recalling Rung's instructions.

Make sure you concentrate on the ones leading into what you want to share. Keep focussed on them, and once you have control, you can both walk through the same memories whilst seeing what the other saw.

Control was harder than Bumblebee thought it would be. Not so much for Prowl, he could feel that, but the other mech was infinitely patient with him while he wrestled his processor into submission.

The scout realised he didn't know where he'd wanted to start. Unbidden, his mind honed in on the memory of waking up surrounded by his friends and seeing Wasp as himself.

The echo of confusion and fear was quick on its heels. In answer, a wave of apology came from Prowl as he offered up what he'd been thinking at the time.

It was as Rung had suspected. Prowl had been just as confused and afraid as he had, his fear creating a sort of tunnel vision that blinkered him to common sense.

Bumblebee couldn't help the knee-jerk reaction of anger at this. Prowl offered no resistance or excuse.

~I'm supposed to be trained to see through my fear, and I didn't. There is no apologising for that. My failure wounded you~

The scout wasn't sure how to answer the confession, or how to react. He seemed to be running on emotional instincts, and what they brought to the fore was the all too clear memory of the look Prowl had given him.

It made the black and gold mech physically wince when he felt the emotions tied to that look. His own reaction was to remember just how raw the fear on Bumblebee's face had been when they'd cornered him… and now Prowl was losing control, memories flitting through moments from that night.

Bumblebee, much to his own surprise, pulled Prowl up short when he lost the thread by thunking his helm lightly against the ninja-bot's and scowling, internally and externally.

~Stop that. I'm the one who goes to pieces, not you. Focus~

He didn't really expect the wave of affection that came with Prowl's murmured apology, but the motion had done its job. Prowl pulled himself together mentally and emotionally and Bumblebee drew his mind back to where he'd been.

He knew Rung was against 're-telling' his experiences as a means of coming to terms with them, but he couldn't help going through it, moment by spark-wrenching moment, in order to make Prowl understand just what he'd been through.

He didn't get very far before he had to stop, when he came to recalling trying to check his valve damage. Memories of Wasp re-inflicting the damage surged strong and sickening, and it took him several tank churning moments to shut down the memories before they span out of control.

Prowl, as horrified and anguished as he was by the things Bumblebee was revealing to him, did not falter when helping the smaller mech regain control.

The two of them basked in each other briefly while they stopped the memory recall, sparks calming and tuning back into one another, having fallen slightly out of sync.

~Maybe Rung is right… maybe I shouldn't go through it like that~

Prowl nuzzled Bumblebee's helm with his own. ~ I understand why you feel the need to. Perhaps for your own sake, you should go through just the parts that you feel are most important that I see?~

The scout struggled to re-organise his thoughts to figure out just what those parts would be. Really, the whole night was one big incident he needed to get off his chest. No one part of it was less important in terms of the overall outcome, and how it made him feel.

It was one thing on top of another, compounding every part until he ended up with the solid mass of raw, aching emotion he so desperately wanted to unravel and be rid of.

Prowl felt and understood all of this, running a soothing servo over his back. ~It will take time. Small steps.~

Bumblebee cycled a deep vent and nodded, optics offline and helm tucking under Prowl's chin.

~Okay, well… here goes nothing~

The memories began again, but they were fleeting. Glimpses of the heightened moments of panic, terror, anger. Being thrown across the city by Jetstorm. Realising his spark was starting to purge. His lashing out to defend against Hot Shot's attack. The twins pushing him to his limits across the city.

There was a blurr of pursuit on foot, glimpses of Prowl and Jazz fuzzed by the physical memory of his searing spark and blinding fear.

Fear, Prowl realised with a sickening pang, of him.

Prowl was left speechless by how afraid Bumblebee had been of him. He'd never, EVER thought he'd cause that in the other bot. Never WANTED to. An icy shiver of dread passed through him as that fear intensified when Bumblebee's memories sharpened and he felt himself fighting the scout one on one.

His own memory surfaced in kind, and he felt ashamed of himself for being so confused by the smaller mech's abilities. Even at that point, it hadn't occurred to him that Bumblebee was telling the truth, that he wasn't fighting Wasp.

An odd flash of bitter amusement came from Bumblebee as he probed Prowl's feelings from his side of the memory. ~Oh, gee, wonder why this bot is fighting me with my own moves, guess it'll just remain a total mystery. Primus you're thick sometimes~

The tension of the recall was broken, even if Prowl still felt utterly ashamed. The fact Bumblebee was reacting by taking a jab at him was almost relieving. It was much more what he'd been used to from the scout before all this had happened.

They weren't done though. Bumblebee sobered across the link, recalling just how desperately tired and panicked he'd been when the Jet twins had come for him. Prowl's spark ached with the echo of the physical strain on Bumblebee's spark.

~I don't… I don't know how you kept fighting through that~

~I had no choice~

Surprised by the embarrassment he felt from Bumblebee, Prowl probed it questioningly.

~Bee you're not… ashamed of being afraid, surely? You had every reason to be afraid, Sentinel is senseless, you could have been in serious danger if you'd let them lock you up~

~Yeah but I wasn't thinking about that, I… ~ Bumblebee couldn't put into words what had driven his fear. He tried to find a way to explain what had taken over him at the thought of even being put in stasis cuffs.

He tried to open up his mind and let Prowl in so he could understand. Before he knew it, the image rose in his processor. The one he spent all his mental energy keeping down.

The dark, cold cell. Wrists bound, body too broken to have a hope of defending himself, and that single red optic.

Phantom pain lanced across his spark and he gasped, jerking in Prowl's hold. He felt shaking black and gold servos clutch tighter around him and he clung right back.

~It's okay, you're safe, you're with me, he's not here~

It was several moments before Bumblebee was able to banish the image and the core chilling terror back to the depths of his mind.

~I'm sorry… I told you I didn't know if I could control it if I let my guard down~

Prowl nuzzled his helm gently. ~Don't apologise Bumblebee, I pushed you, I shouldn't have. Primus you should never feel ashamed for fighting anyone trying to lock you up, not after that.~

~It's not just that. I feel so stupid for running off after Wasp was gone~

~Did you want to show me what happened when he held you hostage?~

Bumblebee cycled a vent, memory rising in his mind of his desperate last ditch effort to make them believe he was himself.

He felt the strength of Prowl's anxiety from the incident, and the horrified fear when Wasp had threatened the scout with a stinger to his bare spark.

The feeling between them was almost too intense to bear, and Bumblebee moved through being dragged out in a bit of a blurr, ending up in the canal with Wasp standing over him.

Wasp is GOOD BOT. Wasp had plan… Wasp was going to free Bumble-bot from his misery… Wasp want to show Bumblebee mercy that Bumblebee's friends not give him.

Prowl felt as if his spark contracted in fear, and the memory fuzzed a little as his reaction threw Bumblebee from it a bit.

~He was about to kill you?~

~Why do you think I was so wound up when the rest of you got there?~

The scout's reply was quiet and restrained, and Prowl could feel him holding back emotionally again.

~I'm not surprised that all you wanted to do was get away after that~

~It wasn't JUST that. It was everything… but it… being attacked by Bulkhead was kind of the last straw…~

Bumblebee could feel Prowl's gentle press for him to stop being polite and let him feel the full brunt of the scout's emotions from that night.

The smaller mech gave in, memory playing out with nothing reserved. Every emotion, every physical wave of pain, the surges of fury that were the only things keeping him on his feet, the agony of forcing his transformation, the burning in his valve, the desperate need to get away from them. The wrenching ache of betrayal he'd felt.

Prowl was left gasping. It was no wonder Rung had wanted them to address this. None of it had really been resolved. Bumblebee had buried everything in order to function alongside them again, but the loss of trust couldn't be fixed with any amount of apologies.

Bumblebee reeled it back in almost as quickly as he'd let it out when he felt Prowl's distress, unwilling to make the merge any more painful than it already was.

~No, Bee, don't… I SHOULD feel it, I need to know what you're going through~

Bumblebee shook his helm, shaking in Prowl's hold. Memories were surfacing faster than he could pull them back, and the pain of betrayal had been morphing into the pain he'd felt while his spark guttered in the forest.

~I already felt it Bee, I can handle it, please~

~I can't~

The sub-compact shook his head and whined.

"I don't WANT it to hurt again… I shouldn't… merges aren't supposed to hurt, I don't want to do this anymore…"

Prowl brought a servo up to the once yellow, now black helm and stroked soothing circles on the back of Bumblebee's head.

"We don't have to... It's alright, we can stop." Prowl murmured, pressing their helms together and starting a low hum, calming his own EM field and bringing Bumblebee's with it.

The scout's shaking slowly quieted, and they returned again to basking in the surface of each other's minds, Prowl using processor over matter to help them both regain control.

~I have… no idea if any of this actually helped at all~ Bumblebee murmured through the merge, which was still only surface deep. They had managed at least to follow Rung's instruction on that, not going deep enough for the longer period of time merging to actually form a permanent bond.

~It was not a waste, if that's what you mean. I needed to know what we did to you. I needed to FEEL it, and I have. It's… it was a reality check, certainly~ the ninja bot murmured, nuzzling his helm again. ~Did you want to stop the merge now?~

The scout shifted to press against him a little more, shaking his helm. ~No… no I… kinda wanted it to end up a bit more like the last one.~

Prowl smiled and let his EM field flare against the smaller mech's, making him gasp and shudder.

~I certainly have no objections to that~.

The refectory was much fuller than the last time Bumblebee had been there. He sat nursing a cube, waiting for his appointment with Tap Out to roll around.

He had another two cycles, and with Prowl being called away by Jazz to help out with reports regarding what had happened on Earth, he had to kill time alone.

Trying to find something to occupy himself with only solidified his disenchantment with Cybertron. He'd already beaten the console games he'd brought with him, and hadn't found an adapter yet to recharge said console anyway.

Not that he could, no one made earth-to-cybertronian AC plugs. Wheeljack could probably do it, but he didn't want to bother him for something so trivial.

Getting antsy, the scout downed the rest of his cube and decided he should try the sparring room. Maybe everyone was refuelling, and it'd be mostly free.

The general sparring room was a huge open space with several different stations inside for bots of different skill level to practice in their off time. It was a much bigger, much fancier version of what they'd made for themselves at home.

Unfortunately, the sparring room was just as full as the refectory. He also recognised some of the bots in there as the ones Bumper had been training when he met him.

One of them caught his optic, and he turned quickly, pretending he hadn't seen, walking out again. He was not in a particularly social mood.

He knew he should probably make an effort, but it wasn't as if he was going to be part of that team of bots anyway. If he started training in the guard, he'd need to go back to Earth first and finish recovering.

He didn't need Rung to tell him he wasn't ready yet. He knew it in himself. Still, the one-on-one with Tap Out was good, and he looked forward to it.

In the meantime, there was still the matter of scratching the itch in his joints. He needed to move. Maybe a drive would help?

Even with heavy traffic, a slow ramble through the city should do the trick. So long as he kept within the inner city limits, he wouldn't come across any checkpoints. A few laps before his session might make a good warm-up.

Once he was out on the roads, he found they weren't as choked as he'd expected. The sub-compact settled into an easy pace, weaving around larger and slower bots.

Bumblebee's thoughts turned to the night before. The merge with Prowl had helped more than he thought. He'd managed a longer recharge cycle before Prowl had needed to keep him under with P.O.M. And once awake he'd felt much calmer and relaxed than usual.

The sub-compact turned onto the Iaconian straight, a road leading down through the heart of the city. Video billboards were alight along its length with Sentinel's gaudy propaganda, as well as a few other dry, unremarkable PSA's from the high council about staying safe.

Bumblebee realised things really had changed more than he thought since he'd last been here. Those billboards used to run advertisements all the time. Now there was hardly any commerce related media around. In fact, many of the old shops on the straight seemed to have changed into practical sale items only, nothing like the decal and special paint parlours, buffing houses and fancy fuel stores that were there before.

He picked up the pace a bit, overtaking a transport mech and coming up on a small group of motorcycles traveling together. He made a noise of distaste to himself as Sentinel posed on the nearest billboard, one of the largest in the area as it was facing Adaptus Plaza.

The sudden appearance of a dark, horned face and single red optic taking up the whole screen startled Bumblebee so badly he nearly swerved into one of the motorcycles, fishtailing as he over-corrected and transforming to tumble up onto the pedestrian walkway.

He scrambled to his pedes, staring up at the Billboard in horror. He realised after a moment that it wasn't just that one screen with Shockwave staring down at him.

It was all of them.

He'd hijacked the entire public viewport network.

One of the motorcycle bots, the one he'd nearly hit, was storming over to him. Bumblebee paid him no attention, and any tirade the bot had ready for him died when he realised what the smaller bot was staring at.

"Good morning, Autobots of Iacon. By now you should all know who I am."

Bumblebee felt his tank lurch at the sound of that voice reverberating around him. His spark clenched in cold fear.

"I've hacked your extremely poorly guarded media network to remind you all of your place. You see having lived among you for so long, I have become aware that you all have far, far too much faith in your government, and your so-called 'Elite' guard. I intend to remedy that."

Bumblebee was fixed to the spot, and he looked around frantically. It clearly wasn't just his processor cracking and making this slag up, because every bot else on the street had stopped and transformed, not even moving off the road in most cases.

Half of them stared at the screens in disbelieving horror, the other half looked between each other in confusion. They were probably wondering if it was some kind of prank, but the scout highly doubted it at this point. It made sense that as head of ops, Shockwave would be well placed to know how to tap into the media network without much trouble.

The question was, WHY.

"The Autobot populace has become complacent and blindly trusting of the Elite guard. Hero worship abounds. So too does the belief that if a space bridge repair grunt can fight five Decepticons and live, then the bots with the actual training must be nigh on indestructible. But before you decide you have what it takes to sign up and go out into the commonwealth to 'slag cons', I'd like to give you a taste of the reality of your situation."

Bumblebee had a sinking feeling. He didn't know what Shockwave was planning, but some part of him was telling him he should run. The only reason he didn't was because he had no idea where he was supposed to run to.

"You've been shown footage of Autobots fighting bravely against the odds. But did none of you wonder why you are not shown the aftermath? I think it's high time you see what happens to those who oppose the Decepticon cause. And your current 'people's hero' is a good place to start."

As much as Bumblebee was expecting something disastrous, there was nothing he could do to fully prepare himself for what happened next.

A scream rang out across the plaza, and all the way down the Iaconian straight.

The scout stood stone still, every cable in his body feeling as if it had been petrified.

The scream was his, and on the screen, footage played… footage of him being tortured beneath Cyclonus' heel thruster.

A very odd sort of pain made his spark clench when he saw himself like that. He couldn't identify it, and his processor had stalled too much to try.

The video had worse than that in store however. It didn't play in sequence. It quickly became apparent that Shockwave had cut together the worst of it and compressed it into some form of concentrated nightmare torture montage.

The air seemed to be stolen from Bumblebee's vents as he watched, unable to tear his optics away, as his own body was defiled in front of him.

He shuddered, tank churning every time one of the 'Cons voices echoed around him.

"Ask me to stop."

"…No"

"Ask me to keep going then."

"NO."

Bumblebee felt shame writhe low in his tanks at how pathetic he sounded. He hated this, he didn't want to see it, didn't want to hear it, didn't want to feel the phantom pain of Spittor ripping into his armour.

He realised that around him, there was the sound of other bots making horrified, sickened sounds. There was also the sound of several tanks purging.

When he tore his optics from the large screen, he noticed the optics of some bots flicked to him. His paranoia kicked in as he panicked.

Primus what if they figured it out, what if someone there looked between the screen and him and realised the alt mode was the same under the paint? No bot else on Cybertron turned into the same thing as him, and while they might brush it off normally, now they had the true image to compare it to.

Another scream echoed around the plaza, Oilslick's greasy laugh reverberating after it, and Bumblebee snapped out of his petrified position, forcing himself to transform and peeling away, swerving around the bots who'd stopped.

It was extremely hard to concentrate on driving when he could still see the billboards as he drove. There was nothing he could do to avoid seeing them reduce him to a quivering pile of scrap.

More than once he narrowly avoided hitting someone, and he wasn't even quite sure where he was going. He just needed to move.

It was a few moments before the scout realised that his comm link had been pinging incessantly, and he answered more automatically than deliberately.

Rung's voice filled his helm, but he couldn't make out what the therapist was saying as his audios were bombarded with another of his own energon curdling screams. He nearly crashed into another bot, careening around them in a wide swerve before correcting and tuning into the voice.

/-blebee can you hear me? Don't watch, come to the hospital, where are you? You need to come to the hospital, it's going to be alright, just concentrate on my voice-/

The scout couldn't find the space in his processor to produce an answer for the other bot. He replied with some sort of strangled whine and did as he was told.

The further he got through the city, torture still playing out around him (He hadn't realised just how much they'd filmed, or just how many screens there were littering Iacon) the more he realised that the hack went further than the Iaconian straight. It was everywhere.

Every bot in the city was witnessing his nightmare while he tried desperately not to relive it.

He skid to a halt at the top of the drive leading through the courtyard out the front of the hospital. Transforming, he didn't even get as far as to go through the gates.

There was another giant billboard outside, and bots were stood around the road there too, unable to look away. Neither was Bumblebee, because the torture being shown was not what he'd expected.

He shook uncontrollably, unable to process the sight of himself fettered to the wall of the cell, being violated by Spittor… in front of every Cybertronian in Iacon.

It was from a point where he'd been so punch-drunk he could barely keep track of what was going on. No wonder he hadn't noticed them filming while he was raped.

He flattened himself to the wall that surrounded the hospital, praying no one looked at him, no one recognised him as the one making pathetic sounds and being taken against their will on every screen across the city.

His spark span high in panic, optics darting around to the bots turning away and trying not to retch, the ones who couldn't seem to look away, the ones who looked around as if trying to find someone to make it stop.

Bumblebee's gaze was dragged back to the screen as the image shifted, and he felt his engine and spark stall again.

There was a distinct change in this piece of footage. It wasn't shot on an external device, it was a memory engram coded into video. It was from Shockwave's own memories, and he knew it, because he was the subject of focus, and he was laid bare, spark exposed, watching the optic that had hovered over him, and then the claw which came into view.

The scout's servo clamped over his mouth and he slid down the wall, shutting off his own vocaliser so he didn't mirror the scream he'd made as his spark was nearly torn in two.

It felt as though the world around him screeched to a halt. His audials rang and his gyros spun. His other servo clutched at his chestplate unconsciously, trembling.

All he knew was he felt sick and he couldn't process what he was seeing. Could not process the emotions that tried to surge all at once, could not process what it meant for this to be publicly broadcast.

The memory of that optic and that claw and the feeling of it dragging across his soul was stuck on a loop in his processor.

Shockwave ended his broadcast, but Bumblebee didn't hear whatever his closing message was, and he didn't move when they flicked back to what they had displayed before, as if nothing had happened.

It took a pair of gentle servos on his shoulders and a kind, concerned faceplate with heavyset eyebrows swimming into view to snap him out of it.

"Bumblebee… listen to me, it's alright, you're safe. He's not here, concentrate on my voice. It's going to be alright, but you need to concentrate on my voice, do you understand? You're here, you made it to the hospital, you're safe."

It took the scout's processor several wrenching moments to respond, optics whirring in and out of focus before he actually managed to recognise Rung's face. His engine made an abortive sort of whine and his fans took a deep, shuddering ventilation.

He couldn't bring himself to unmute his vocaliser, and realised that once again his comm was pinging furiously and he hadn't noticed. This time however it was Prowl.

Not even sure he had the processing power to coherently answer, he automatically opened the comm, Prowl's frantic voice filling the line immediately.

/Bumblebee where are you? I saw the broadcast, I went straight back to the hab suite but you weren't there, are you alright? I'm coming to you, where are you, Bumblebee PLEASE answer me-/

/At the hospital. Rung's here/ Bumblebee wasn't sure how he managed to drag the words out of his head when it was a mess of barely suppressed memories and aborted lines of code and Primus his spark was aching with anxiety and fear and rage and he wanted everything to just stop.

/I'm coming, I'll be there, stay with Rung/

Bumblebee realised after a few more moments of shuddering in vents that some sort of external force was pulling at his spark.

He offlined his optics, servo over his chestplates rubbing at them as he tried to concentrate.

Of course… it was Prowl reaching out to try and help. He could still faintly feel him thanks to their recent merge. The effects had been almost non-existent since Prowl had been physically distanced from him all day. Temporary emotional synchronisation didn't really stand up to distance.

But now Prowl was deliberately reaching for him, trying to comfort him, he could feel it, and he latched on. The waves of soothing reassurance strengthened as Prowl got closer, and Bumblebee managed to quell his panic to a manageable level.

He onlined his optics again and his servos dropped shakily into his lap. Rung, looking concerned, encouraged him wordlessly to stand, and he shakily obeyed.

They said nothing as Rung led the way to his office. Bumblebee felt as if trying to use his vocaliser might break his tentative hold on himself… or that opening his mouth might prompt his tanks to purge, they still roiled with a sick dread he couldn't pinpoint.

The full gravity of the situation wasn't sinking in. He knew it, and he didn't want it to. He wanted to avoid having to deal with it, he shouldn't have to, it wasn't his fault, he couldn't have stopped it.

It was Shockwave… trying to get to him the only way he probably could. Rage flared in him again, quickly followed by a sickening wave of fear as he watched that claw drag across his spark in his mind again.

They reached Rung's office, and Bumblebee was guided into Rung's chair, rather than the couch he normally sat on.

Rung knelt in front of him, servo resting on one of his and optics openly concerned.

"Bumblebee, speak to me. Let me know what's going on in your processor, it's okay if it's not clear."

The scout took another shuddering ventilation and offlined his optics, shaking his helm.

"I shouldn't… I shouldn't have seen that. I can't stop seeing it, it won't go away, and I can't… there's too many… I'm feeling everything again at the same time and I don't want to I want it to stop, please make it stop…"

Bumblebee leant forward, servos moving to press against his temples as if putting pressure on them would clear away the images looping in his mind.

Rung's servo pat his arm very gently and he made a sympathetic sound. "In an ideal situation, I would not want you seeing any of the Decepticon footage. But with the memories and emotions this close to the surface now, it may be best we try and work through some of them now. Trying to supress it at this point may only cause you further stress-"

A knock on the door interrupted him and he looked up a little puzzled until Bumblebee murmured "S'Prowl. He comm'd. I told him I was here."

The orange and cream mech moved to the let the other bot in, Prowl sparing Rung the briefest greeting before he was knelt in front of Bumblebee with his arms around him.

Bumblebee uncurled to hug back, arms shaking still. Neither of them said anything, But Rung did not interrupt, moving to get something from his desk.

The contact alone helped Bumblebee to calm the undertone of panic still making his spark oscillate dizzyingly. The waves of reassurance and calm being pulsed into his spark and E.M field were what really helped him get a handle on his processor.

None of it stopped the memories though.

"Do you feel ready to try, Bumblebee?"

Prowl pulled away, letting the scout sit up a little and look over at Rung, who had come over with a cube of slightly steaming energon.

Bumblebee gave Rung a slightly confused look. "… Is that… High grade."

"Normally I would never recommend it as a means of calming yourself for a session. But considering what you were just forced to watch, a stiff drink is probably the only thing that might actually help. Yours is not a standard case. And you've had recall forced on you far FAR sooner than you should. This one is maccadam's special stock, careful, it has a decent kick to it before it smooths out."

The sub-compact blinked at him a few times before he reached out to accept the small cube, throwing back a good third in one gulp and pulling a face.

"Primusallslagginmightyyouweren'tkidding"

"Yes, well, please don't tell anyone I gave you that. It's not strictly best practice." Rung gave him a slightly nervous smile.

Bee nodded, letting Prowl guide him to move to the couch so he could sit with him and Rung could take up his usual spot.

Bumblebee finished the rest of the small cube and shuddered, feeling as if a warmth was travelling from his tank into his spark and bleeding out into the rest of his frame.

It seemed to slow both his spark and processor, to the point where he could wrangle thoughts and feelings into line again. He took a few deep ventilations to steady himself.

"…What if bots start to recognise me? I know my paint is different but my alt mode is the same."

"Do not worry too much about that, it's highly unlikely. Bots are really not as observant as you'd think. The only ones likely to be actively looking for you are the reporters, but they're generally noisy and conspicuous enough to avoid." Rung assured him calmly.

"Right… okay" Bumblebee leant sideways against Prowl, whose arm was around his shoulders. He'd probably be shaking if not for the high-grade relaxing his limbs. Rung settled across from them and gave him a patiently expectant look.

The scout's response was a lost and slightly desperate expression. "Where… how do I even start?"

"You can start from the beginning and work your way through, or you can try and settle on a memory brought up by what's happened today and we can go from there."

Bumblebee frowned at that. There was no way he could just pick a memory. There were too many clawing at the surface of his mind to just settle on one. From the beginning it was then.

"There's not much to say about how it started. I woke up in a cell and the 'Cons came to interrogate me and I told them what they wanted to know because it wouldn't help them anyway."

"And what were your initial feelings, finding yourself in that situation?"

The scout gave him a slightly shrewd look. "Thought that would be obvious. Kinda scared, mostly just figured I could endure until… until the others came to rescue me."

His sentence petered out and he stared at his hands where they fiddled in his lap. "I was stupid to think it would be that simple."

Rung sighed quietly. "You know that's not true Bumblebee. It isn't at all stupid for you to have assumed, based on your previous experiences, that your situation would go beyond remaining a prisoner and suffering only impersonal forms of torture."

Bumblebee didn't really take in Rung's affirmations that he wasn't stupid. His mind was being dragged along into what had happened after. There was a sudden wash of comfort through his spark, reminding him that the weak connection from last night was still present between him and Prowl.

He looked up into the sympathetic blue visor, Prowl's servo rubbing his shoulder again reassuringly.

It suddenly dawned on Bumblebee that Prowl also had all of the same memories, and knew exactly what he was facing.

Prowl spoke softly, voice easing the scout's tension a little.

"I can see and feel what happened to you… I know it's hard for you to put it into words, but I can't see what you were thinking at the time. Maybe you should focus on that? Try to remember what your train of thought was?"

Bumblebee took a deep ventilation and nodded. He hadn't realised that of their shared memories. Vision and emotions could be shared, but thought was much harder, especially when recalling any of the ordeal seemed to crash Bumblebee's ability to think completely.

With another deep ventilation he looked down at his servos again, and spoke.

"They didn't… film it, the first time. I was stuck on the wall, cuffs were welded there. It was-" He swallowed dryly, servos clenching so hard he was nearly denting his palms. "- It was Blackout and Spittor. They were overcharged. I thought they were just there to taunt me and beat me up, and they were… kept telling myself to just work through it, just think about how at least it was me and not the others…"

Bumblebee's voice wavered, and he fought the aching knot of disgust and fear making his tank churn.

"I thought it would be fine… I thought… they'd find me and rescue me, within the joor, that Ratch would patch me up and I'd be fine. My team… failing me never crossed my mind. Being raped didn't even cross my mind. I was so slagging clueless."

He scrubbed his servos over his face, ending up hunched over his knees and drawing into himself more without realising it.

"Even when Blackout took me out of the cuffs and slammed me down on a berth, it didn't occur to me… I thought they were going to use an energy lash. Primus I wish it HAD just been one of those."

He ran his servos over his helm, ending up scratching at the vents on the back, trying not to concentrate too much on what he was talking about, distracting himself with running digits over the slats.

Prowl's servo moving to rub his back helped him distract himself from thinking too hard on his own recollections. Stopped him from falling too far into them to get back out.

"I don't know what I thought when… he tore into me. Literally… the damage he did never really healed, it was too much for my nanites… I couldn't really process at all. It was… everything was wrong. I tried to fight, I tried to escape, but you can't with him… the worst, the WORST of it is that he wasn't even as bad as the other two… all their… all their overloads were the same, all of them made me sick, all of them were evil, but the others… they did worse things."

His vocaliser wavered and he took a rasping ventilation, helm swimming as he tried to ground himself to the present, distance himself from that dark room, the smells, the sounds, the pain and fear and…

And…

No.

No he needed to get this out of his head.

He'd purged it from his spark, and frag only knew it had hurt like PIT.

Now he needed to do it with his head. He couldn't keep running from the shadows in his head, now was the time to dive into them.

Bumblebee let it spill out. He couldn't seem to make it more coherent than a garbled rush, trying to find the words for the way fear had made his spark clench, the way the decepticon's overloads had smothered and strangled him, how he'd glitched and struggled to comprehend what was happening.

He didn't move from his hunched position. His vents gasped for air as he tried to remind himself he wasn't THERE, he wasn't under that suffocating, dominating pressure.

The first memory rolled into the others. He couldn't describe them, and he knew Rung didn't want him to… but he could describe how his hope was broken and stripped away within the first few violations.

Shame wrenched at his spark as he remembered the things he'd thought.
"I couldn't tell myself it was worth it… I couldn't, if it happened again, if I'd known what was going to happen to me I… I would have been frozen in those trees, I would have watched them drag the others away and it would have happened to them instead, and I feel sick- "

"You know we don't blame you for that Bumblebee, we'd never ask it of you." Prowl murmured softly, still rubbing his backplates.

The sub-compact shuddered and shook his helm. "It doesn't make it stop hurting Prowl, I know NOW, and I don't… I'd never wish this on ANYONE but I can't stop thinking I wouldn't be able to take yours or anyone else's place if it happened again…"

Guilt dripped from his voice, but he didn't resist when Prowl's servos moved to cup his helm and turn it up to hold his gaze.

"I would never, ever want you to try and take my place again if that happened. None of us would. You can't take that burden again, not for anything. It would kill you."

Bumblebee's vents hitched.

"That's not what I'm afraid of… I'm scared that it wouldn't… I can't even count the number of times I… I wished they'd just killed me. I was so scared of dying but I would have taken it to stop feeling what they did to me."

Rung, who had remained very quiet, and very attentive up to that point, finally spoke again.

"Do you still wish that you had?"

Bumblebee didn't look away from Prowl's pale, overbright visor as he processed that question. And he did so very deeply, searching the bottom of his spark for the answer, weighing the pros and cons of that possibility.

After everything… all the pain, all the agony and the screaming and the breakdowns and the purges and nightmares, did he really feel he'd have been better off dead?

…If he'd died, he'd never have felt what he meant to Prowl. He'd never have discovered what Prowl meant to him. He'd never have known what it felt like to merge, or the depth of pleasure he could feel from it.

But was that enough to eclipse what had happened? Was it enough to make him think the monumental effort of fighting every moment of pain to regain his life was worth it?

Bumblebee let out a shaky vent.

"… I don't know. It's not… I don't want to feel like this anymore but there's stuff I've felt now I wouldn't have if I'd died. I can't know if I'd have been better off dead, how am I supposed to answer that?"

He broke optic contact with Prowl and sent a hopeless, sidelong look at Rung.

"There's no right or wrong answer. Your feelings are what they are. It's perfectly reasonable for you not to have an answer, as you said, there's no way for you to know if death would have been any better of an outcome than surviving. But for what it's worth, I think what you have is most certainly worth fighting for, and so far you've fought with everything you have, which tells me that subconsciously you've committed yourself to living."

Bumblebee shifted, bringing his pedes up to wrap his arms around his knees, expression still unsettled. "There isn't much choice. If I'm alive, I have to fight to stay that way. I can't function if I let the memories in… I'm not exactly doing great right now on that front". His voice rasped and trembled out of his control, as if to emphasis his point. Prowl had returned to rubbing his back in an attempt to help.

Rung's expression was extremely serious, and he held Bumblebee's gaze without faltering.
"You are doing so, SO well considering what you are working through right now. If you still have the energy and the willpower, I think it's worth trying to press on."

Bumblebee swallowed dryly again and nodded, optics once again averting downwards as they unfocussed and he fell back into the shadows lurking just under the surface.

It took several moments to get any real control over his thoughts. There was a point where his chronometer had broken and he'd become far too distressed to keep his memories ordered. It was just one big mess of recollections blending together.

Unable to pick apart the order of events, he focussed on the over-arching thought patterns he'd fallen into, dredging up the broken trains of thought.

Much as he tried to distance himself, he couldn't seem to drag the darkness out of himself without getting back into the thick of it, and it took all the control he had when immersed in the headspace of his incarceration to not panic.

Describe it. Narrate it. Get it out of your head, tell them so it's not trapped in here anymore.

"I stopped being able to tell time. Everything narrowed down to 'am I alone', 'when will they stop' and 'please just let me stop functioning'. Everything hurt…. All the time, I ached, everything was on fire and I didn't understand how anyone could be in that much pain and not be dead. I didn't know how to cope. At the same time, I begged… I BEGGED them to do anything but take me again, I… I would take any pain that wasn't that."

He was shaking uncontrollably again but he didn't really notice. "I felt disgusted with myself for that… disgusted that I felt a little bit of relief when it was Cyclonus or Strika and not the other three. Cyclonus… was almost as bad anyway. His optics… if they hadn't glowed I would have thought he was dead."

Bumblebee's servos clawed at the plating on his legs as more memories flooded in, thoughts on each of his torturers, and he let the thoughts come out because he didn't know what else to do with them.

"Blackout didn't care about anything but making sure he hurt me every time. He wanted me to scream and beg and that was about it. Oilslick was the one obsessed with filming. He also liked to… to force his spike down my throat But he didn't… he wasn't as bad as Spittor… he…"

The scout found his throat run dry with the clench of shame around his spark. Another pulse of comforting reassurance fluttered across his spark and he leant into Prowl's side as the black and gold mech pressed closer.

Prowl knew what he was on the brink of. Knew it was the hardest thing to come to terms with, and wished he could do more to help.

To Bumblebee, the mere fact someone else already knew was enough to bolster him into talking about the thing he felt most sickened by.

He drew a few deep ventilations as he tried to figure out how to put it into words.

"Spittor wanted to mess with my mind. Always. He… when he raped me, half the time he made sure I couldn't move, and then he'd… do everything he could to make it feel good."

His voice dripped with bitter contempt, but he couldn't hide the shame.

"And it… it slagging worked, every, single, fragging time. I stopped being able to tell that it was just my body reacting against what my processor or spark wanted, I didn't understand how he could do it… I started thinking maybe I WANTED it… I thought they were conditioning me and I was starting to… to actually… get off on what they were doing and it terrified me, it made me want to claw my own spark out."

His optics darted up to Rung, gauging his reaction. The therapist had his elbows on the arms of his chair, servos clamped together in front of his mouth, expression carefully blank but optics over-bright as he watched and listened.

Bumblebee tried to swallow the lump out of his throat tubing, expression pleading.

"Every time he… he'd make it so I nearly overloaded… and then he'd hurt me. He'd make it as painful as possible. He made me…" A shudder wracked his frame and his optics averted to the floor again.

"He made me watch when he… made my cord pressurise, and then he started cutting in a-and I can't-" the scout screwed up his optics, curling into himself as far as he could. "I don't know if I can ever… it hurt so bad, I kept passing out, and he'd wait for me to come around and keep going and I feel sick even thinking about touching my own spike again because I can't stop seeing it and I feel… I feel broken."

Prowl was fairly clutching the smaller bot to his side at this point, giving Rung his own pleading look.

He may have seen those memories, but he'd had none of the thoughts associated with them. He'd known nothing of Bumblebee's internalised shame and self-disgust over what Spittor alone had done.

Rung spoke in gentle, measured tones. Internally, he was roiling with as much emotion as the other two in the room, but he'd had too much practice to let it show.

"Unfortunately, Spittor has been well known for a long time for those tactics. Bumblebee, whatever you suffered at his servos, I can assure you, he crafted every single one of those negative emotions. He has made it his life's work to torture Autobots by making them feel as if they are depraved, and by making them associate things that are meant for pleasure as something only painful. I want you to know, without a shadow of a doubt, none of what you felt came from any fault in you. None of it. And I am so, so sorry you had to suffer his torture."

Overly pale optics locked with Rung's own patient ones, overflowing with compassion. Bumblebee looked as if he WANTED so much to believe that what he'd been made to feel wasn't real, and hadn't come from within him. Rung wasn't sure he'd fully convinced him though, and knew he needed to offer a solution to the problem at hand.

"The association he built in you between pleasure and pain, making you expect pain following tactile pleasure, is an old and particularly disgusting form of torture. But it can be mended. As can the negative association with any stimuli to your spike. We can cover it a little later when you're ready. At the moment though, I think we're close to the end of this… I know you still have to go through a little more… do you think you can get through to the end of this for me?"

Bumblebee couldn't believe just how relieved he was that there was a means to treat how Spittor had messed up his head. All he could think was that he wouldn't be too ruined for Prowl after all. He felt his own pleasure was secondary, but so long as he could do things for Prowl in that capacity and not freak out, he'd be happy.

The prospect of coming to the end of his incarceration sent cold dread flooding through his lines from his spark though. What choice did he have? He'd come this far. He'd had to see it. It stood to reason he'd need to address it.

His optics unfocussed and he drew a long ventilation. "Spittor was the worst… but he's not the one who comes up the most when the memories surface. It's Shockwave… it's always Shockwave. It's always that slagging red optic, it's like it never leaves."

"Considering the depth of the damage he inflicted on you, it stands to reason your psyche would focus on him as the primary threat." Rung explained softly, but Bumblebee shook his helm, optics still staring unfocussed at the floor.

"It's not that… I mean, it's not JUST that… the other Decepticons, they hurt me because I was an Autobot. Shockwave… he hates ME. Specifically ME. He talked about wishing he could have… he wanted to torture me to death in Bootcamp. He even said he wished he'd been the first to rape me."

He felt Prowl's servo shaking slightly on his backplates, the black and gold mech probably recalling that very memory himself.

"He didn't really care that he wasn't the first. I tried to fight against him… I don't know why, my hips and plenty else besides were already pretty busted, he just… he didn't even have to TRY to force himself on me. He was strong enough that even at full strength I couldn't have done anything to stop him."

Bumblebee's voice was quiet now, and he was having more trouble than ever controlling the shakiness of it. He realised the rest of him was trembling with it.

Rung spoke up in what seemed to be an effort to give him a moment to re-collect himself.

"Did he elaborate on why he disliked you so much?"

The scout thought on that for a long moment, taking a few more deep, grounding ventilations. "I think he hated me because of my personality. I was cocky. I managed to catch him out. He wanted to tear me down, but he couldn't afford to blow his cover so early in his infiltration. I guess he was slagged off that someone as incompetent as me could catch him out, except he lucked out in me thinking it was Wasp and not him."

"And why did you think it was Wasp?"

"Because when I stood up like a big dumb idiot and shouted 'show yourself', Wasp walked out of the building through the other door. He didn't even see me. I just assumed he'd been sneaking out."

Rung leant forward slightly as if to try and catch his gaze, but Bumblebee was still staring at the floor without seeing it, lost in the much older memory.

"That sounds like a pretty easy conclusion to come to. Even looking past how he treated you creating a bias against him, it sounds like anyone could have come to the same conclusion you did. Shockwave was extremely lucky. And you were extremely bold, trying to confront him when you were only a trainee."

"Yeah… except Wasp coming out was luckier for me than for Shockwave. He could have… he could have just killed me then and there if Wasp hadn't appeared. Instead… instead I survived and both Wasp and Shockwave had plenty of time to build up their anger and take it out on me later."

The scout's optics were unfocussed, memories dragging him back into the cell again, back to the poisonous words, the sharp talon thrust into his port, his useless struggles, the spike that tore him to shreds…

He flinched at the very thought, tanks churning as ghost sensations seemed to shudder through his haptic array.

"Deep ventilations Bumblebee. Take as many pauses as you need to, there's no rush."

The scout blinked, realising he'd been shaking violently and his vents had turned shallow and strained. He forced his vents to even out, but he couldn't seem to push the images away.

But this was the last of it… if he could just get through this, he could… he could rest, couldn't he? He could find some distraction and hold onto it for dear life, but he had to get through this last part…

He screwed up his face, not trying to control the shaking anymore, letting the shame and disgust and horror pour from his field.

"He told me I'd always been worth nothing… that my place was as a pleasure bot… said I was a useful pawn at least. His… his spike was covered in spines. When… I thought he'd tear me in half, and that wasn't the worst of it, because he p-plugged in and I-"

Bumblebee's vocaliser failed him. He clamped a servo over his mouth, ruthlessly fighting down the urge to empty his roiling tank. Optics dialled wide and he couldn't stop the memory of that feeling…. The white hot pain and sickening malice that had suffocated his spark and set every line on fire.

"He's not here. You're safe, he can't do that to you again."

Bumblebee was grounded back in reality by Prowl's whispered words and helm pressed to his. He drew gasping ventilations, leaning into the contact with a soft keen.

"W-what… what if he does, he's still out there and I can't… nothing can stop him, nothing… I can't stop thinking about it and I see him holding me down and I can FEEL that claw in my spark every time and it aches…"

Arms encircled him and held him tightly, unable to quell his shaking, but Bumblebee didn't care. He clung back, still curled in on himself and gasping for air. It felt as though his spark was being physically constricted by the memories.

"I wish I could tell you that he can't do any of that to you again… but I won't make empty promises to you Bumblebee, I know as well as you do that there is a possibility he could find you again. However, remember that that chance is very low. You're spending the majority of your time surrounded by the Elite Guard and their security systems, and when you aren't, you're surrounded by the hospital's security."

Bumblebee focussed on Rung's voice to try and force his processor to calm down, to stop fixating on the red optic swimming in his mind's eye. Rung continued when he saw he had the scout's attention.

"Take his recent actions as proof he currently has very little chance of getting to you physically. He had to attack you from a distance because he doesn't know where you are. That's assuming he's even aware you're back on the planet. He may well have done what he did merely to disillusion and demoralise home-world Autobots."

The scout shuddered and squirmed slightly in Prowl's hold, shame once again pouring from his field.

"I don't… how can I ever come out of hiding, even if they catch him, now everyone's seen…"

Rung's expression shifted and he re-folded his servos, leaning forward in his seat slightly.

"You do not necessarily have to. In extreme situations such as this, victims can be granted a… new identity of sorts. Your history and records can have certain encryptions placed on them with limitations as to who can view them. It goes as far as to assign you a new serial number, along with a change of designation, alt mode, and a paint change much like the one you're already sporting."

The scout stared at him, optics pale and uncertain. "I…but that would mean I couldn't go back, could I? To earth? Changing my name and my paint wouldn't make a difference if I'm in the same team… would it?"

Rung canted his head. "That is why I would discourage you going with such measures. They would only really be viable if you made the decision to stay on Cybertron and pursue a new life. You've made it clear to me that you haven't really made any such plans, and you'd prefer to return to Earth."

Bumblebee nodded vaguely in agreement. There hadn't really been any options to him other than returning to Earth… to the place that felt more like home still than his home planet, despite everything that had happened there.

"I would not recommend you go through with an identity change as drastic as a new serial and designation. You may wish to adopt an informal designation change to use while you're on Cybertron, and resume your normal identity and paint scheme once you return to Earth. The longer you remain out of the view of Cybertron's public, the faster you will be forgotten, and it's likely by the time you return you may not have to change your paint at all."

"You really think bots will just forget what they saw?" Bumblebee couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice.

Rung just gave him a sympathetic look. "Many bots will never forget what they've seen. I don't doubt a great deal of them will have second-hand trauma to address with several of my colleagues after today, but given time the memories will be cached in the back of their processors, not fresh enough to make the connection once you return and walk around as yourself. And if you're worried about being recognised, you can always just adopt your paint change and alternate name whenever you are here."

Bumblebee's optics dimmed slightly and he nodded, gaze dropping back to the floor. "Sounds a bit… I don't know, I'm not… disguises and alter-egos is more Prowl's area. No offense Prowl… I just hate that I have to hide because of what HE'S done… I still feel like somebot might figure out who I am every time I go out and it stresses me out and I just… I don't want to be here anymore but I need to do this, I can't handle the memories anymore, I can't recharge when I keep seeing him pinning me down and tearing into me and..."

The scout's voice cut off into static and he shuddered. Prowl's helm rested against his own again, and his hand stroked steady circles on the back of his helm. He was pretty sure it was the only reason he hadn't broken down and become completely incoherent.

"It's alright, you've nearly gotten through it now. I want you to know that what you've done takes incredible strength Bumblebee. Surviving an ordeal is one thing, but coming to terms with it is much harder still. To be sitting here and able to speak about what happened after having to see it, I want you to be able to appreciate that that is an incredible achievement."

Bumblebee's pale, tired gaze met Rung's. The orange and cream bot's own optics overflowed with sincerity and what looked suspiciously like admiration.

Bumblebee had to reset his vocaliser to get it to co-operate, and even still it sounded strained. "Just… tell me it'll work, and I won't have to keep going through it all in my head every time I try to recharge."

Sadness crept into the kind optics holding his gaze. "I want to tell you for certain, but there's no way to be sure at this stage. You've been forced to go through this part of the process much sooner than you should, and your processor may take more time to cease fixating on the trauma. It will help in that process, certainly, but it won't necessarily be the end of your recharge troubles, I'm sorry."

Bumblebee felt as if he'd been punched in the chest-plates. The feeling of defeat had him curling tighter into a ball and shaking his head, fighting back the urge to sob.

There was a soft shuffling sound, and after a moment a gentle servo settled on his arm, but he didn't look up.

"Please don't feel that it was all for nothing, that's not at all the case. It will take time but you are much, much closer to being able to recharge without fear of the memories again. And you won't be without assistance, I've been arranging with the head of the hospital for him to see you and attempt to customise some recharge aids. If anyone can do it, he can. First Aid is the best in the field of innovative repair methods."

Emotions too high to attempt face-to-face communication, Bumblebee just nodded slightly to show he was agreeable to that. Slag he'd try ANYTHING to have a decent recharge cycle again.

Rung pat his arm and hummed. "Do you feel like there is anything more you need to talk about, or would you like to leave it there?"

Bumblebee wanted desperately to say he was done… but he knew it wasn't true. The more he let the memories surface, the more he knew he would regret not voicing now.

But voicing them was going to be physically difficult, since his vocaliser felt like it had seized up. He knew there'd be no controlling it. He had to swallow what little pride he had left and force the rest out. He'd still rather do it now than try and face the prospect of returning to expand on it later.

Shockwave had done so much damage to him he was overwhelmed by how much continued to surface that he'd buried, never wanting to think of it again.

Drawing deep ventilations, the scout tried to swallow away the painful lump in his throat tubing.

"I thought… I thought he was going to kill me. A-and I knew it would be slo-ow. I didn't… I never thought… what he di-id…" Bumblebee shuddered and shook his helm where it was buried in his own arms.

"He tore… all of my armour off… pi-ece by piece. He'd already r-raped me, I thought he would just tear me apart… he wanted to draw it out, and I was… all I could think was I wanted to die but I di-idn't want to give him the satisfaction of begging him to ki-ill me."

Bee raised his helm slightly, dim, pale optics staring, unfocussed, at nothing. "He forced his spike… d-down my throat, it hurt so much I… he made me purge, and then he… he dis-sected me… broke open my chestplates… he ra-aped me again while he tore at my ca-asing…"

Prowl was stiff at his side, arm clutched around his shoulder and ventilations shallow. There was nothing he could do for Bumblebee, not against this. His extremities felt numb as he listened, and his spark ached as he felt emotion pouring from Bumblebee's. He barely noticed Bumblebee wasn't the only one trembling. Even second hand the memory was too horrific to fully process.

Having seen those injuries was one thing. Finding out exactly how they'd been made and having emotions tied to them was something else entirely.

The scout's voice shook so badly, and became so quiet, Rung could barely understand, but he focussed intently on the small mech. He could not afford to mishear, this wasn't something he could ask the bot to repeat.

If he were doing this with the proper amount of time, he'd be telling Bumblebee to stop recounting it for his own sake. But the broadcast of the poor mech's ordeal had changed things drastically. If he stopped the scout now, he may never feel able to return to the trauma in ANY way, it would be far too compounded.

"Y-you saw… you s-saw what he did… to m-my spa-ark… I thought tha-at was it. I'd d-die. It would b-be over. It f-felt like dying… he-e was in every c-circuit, it burned, it wouldn't s-stop. It… it didn't go awa-ay. The ff-feeling he left in me…"

A trembling yellow and black servo came up to clasp over the scout's mouth, and he shuttered his optics, forcing back the sick roiling in his tanks again.

He didn't want to remember this. He didn't WANT to think about any of this, didn't want to acknowledge the fear of Shockwave's sickness lingering in him forever, because of the scar, but that's what tumbled from his mouth, like some kind of confession of his deepest shame.

"I-it's never going to be gone it's there fore-ever… and now everyone kn-knows. I fe-eel disgusting. Rr-atchet and Pro-owl keep telling m-me I'm n-not but I can't… I can't…".

Bumblebee loathed himself for breaking down into sobs. He curled into himself again, wanting to disappear, not wanting them to witness it even though Prowl had seen it already more times than he could count, and Rung had very much expected it.

Gentle servos petted his plating soothingly and Bumblebee didn't know if it was Prowl or Rung or both. His mind was filled with red and that overpowering, coldly savage presence.

He drew in ragged ventilations, vents stuttering and choking in distress, but he pressed on, emotions haemorrhaging from his spark.

"I w-wanted so badly f-for him to kill me to m-make it sto-op… I wanted to d-die before the o-others could fi-ind out what he'd d-done to me. But he didn't… he-e left me… with a virus… a-and I begged Ra-atchet to k-kill me instead…"

Bumblebee flexed his servos as they trembled, scraping at his legs hard enough to transfer paint.

"Whe-en Prowl… when y-you found me… I tho-ought I was hallucin-nating. When I reali-ised I wasn't, I felt sick… I didn't want you to s-see what he'd done… I believed him… I tho-ought I must have be-en made as a p-pleasure bot… and I'd been av-voiding it my whole li-ife. I didn't… I didn't want to be rescu-ued. I didn't want any of you to see what he'd d-done. I told m-myself it would all be worth it if I died. I didn't… I do-on't know how to live with thi-is. It hurts too much… it hurts all the time and I can only ign-nore it so much…"

Prowl couldn't clutch the smaller mech to his side any harder without actually hurting him. He was shaking as much as Bumblebee now.

And to the scout's shock… he heard quiet clicks come from the black and gold mech. One of his servos reached out to clutch at Prowls arm where it encircled his front.

Prowl was sobbing… and Bumblebee had no idea what to do. He'd NEVER heard Prowl sob like this… the closest he'd come was the moment he'd frantically offered his spark up for the life-saving merge in the forest. And even then, a smattering of distressed clicks was not the same.

Bee raised his helm enough to shoot a lost, pale optic'd look at Rung. The therapist just pat his and Prowl's arms with a sympathetic and entirely not surprised expression.

None of them spoke for several kliks.

Bumblebee, snapped out of the shroud of memories by Prowl but unable to figure out what to do, just hugged the black and gold mech back.

It wasn't too much longer before the ninja bot got himself under control and nuzzled Bumblebee's helm apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I… I'm supposed to be here to help you and support you-"

"You are." Bee murmured, but Prowl shook his helm, cupping the smaller mech's helm and stroking his cheek-plate affectionately.

"I feel terrible… I feel like we damned you to this, but we… I was so scared when I thought we couldn't save you, I thought if we could just keep you alive, everything would be alright. I never… even having seen the memories I could never reconcile how desperately you begged us to kill you. I didn't think about the consequences of keeping you alive, what it would do to you. And I had no idea… NO idea how fresh your wounds were when we found you. If we had just been faster…"

Bee shook his head. "I thought about that. I've tho-ought about it a lot, and it wouldn't have ma-ade a difference. Sh-shockwave would have taken me o-off the ship, I know he would, you w-wouldn't have found me. He might have ke-ept me longer, n-not killed me, done worse."

"I still feel as if I've done you more harm than good. I feel like… like you should hate me, for what I did, for asking you to live with all this" Prowl murmured, visor dim and expression heavy with guilt.

The scout shook his head. "I don't ha-ate you. I can't hate you. You ne-ever complain about how weak I am… all the gross slag you've had to deal with from me. I was…. It HURT when you didn't recognise me, but everything hurts, all the time. And you're still here. 'Course I don't hate you."

Bee looked sincerely up into the black and gold mech's visor, and Prowl seemed ready to start sobbing again. The scout decided hugging him firmly was about the only thing he could do to counter it.

Prowl tightened his own grip slightly with shaking arms.

Rung, who had been kneeling silently and patiently in front of them, shifted, clearly taking an internal comm call.

"Ah. First Aid tells me he has a room set up for you now Bumblebee. If you feel the need for a few cycles of shut-down time, you only have to ask for him at the main medical reception and he'll meet you there. I would certainly recommend it immediately after this session, down time will help you recover physically and mentally from the stress."

Bumblebee and Prowl broke apart slightly and took a moment to assess where they both were emotionally. Bumblebee diverted his gaze first to look at Rung, Prowl following, both of them wearing very similar looks of exhaustion.

"Yeah. Recharge sounds good. S'long as Prowl can recharge in the same room."

Rung gave them a gentle smile. "Of course."

Bumblebee, still a little shaky, finally uncurled from his huddle on the couch, Prowl's arms moving to allow him room.

Before either of them could make a move to get up, Rung placed his servo on Bumblebee's chestplates, prompting the scout to give him a confused look.

"I need you to know Bumblebee, that you are not tainted. What he did to your spark… as horrific an act, and as painful as it was for you, the scar he left is proof that your spark rejected everything about him. It burned away any physical energy he may have tried to imprint on you. Try not to think of it as a mark that taints you. It is much more a physical sign that you fought him, and you won."

Bumblebee stared at Rung and his round, incredibly sincere optics for several moments before unceremoniously moving forward and wrapping his arms around him.

It took him a while to stop shaking, but Rung didn't seem to mind, patiently hugging back, patting his back-plates in silent reassurance.