Lakshadweep

By Badpie

Jane Shepard hadn't been to Earth since she was 23 years old and she'd certainly never been to the Lakshadweep Islands. It was beautiful. The locals called it "blissfully remote." At least that's what it seemed. She hadn't seen more than twenty people so far. There were no big cities, there were no vid cameras, no reporters and no military. It was exactly what she needed.

After the battle at the Citadel, in the following days, after Anderson took his seat on the council and the pieces were put in place to move forward, she and the crew of The Normandy had been forced into a week of shore leave. Udina was insistent on everyone getting out of the star system to avoid the media attention surrounding the recent events. Shepard had tried to stay. She was more motivated than ever to find and defeat the Reapers. Udina wouldn't budge. She supposed he was still bitter at her for recommending Anderson for the council seat instead of him. She'd finally given up fighting with him and accepted her shore leave.

She made sure not to tell anyone where she was going. Garrus was headed to Palaven, Joker somewhere to visit his brothers, Kaidan to see his family in Canada and she wasn't sure about Liara or Tali.

She got off the tiny transit with her bag, packed for the next few days and looked at the beach house in front of her. It was small, cottage-like, very nice. She paused at the walkway and sighed. She was suddenly nervous. She suddenly wondered if this was a mistake. She looked around, thought rationally about it. She quickly decided that had she been thinking rationally in the first place, she probably wouldn't be here. She admitted to herself then, that aside from working tirelessly saving the universe, it was probably the thing she wanted most right now.

She took a deep breath. The sun was pleasantly warm. She guessed it was about 85 degrees. Perfect beach weather. Her dark hair was down and grazed her shoulders, and she wore comfortable civilian clothes, a sage green, simple tank dress that wasn't too girly, and a small, silver locket her mother had given her. Her brain scrambled back to the rational again for a brief moment before she told it to shut up and walked up to the door.

It was unlocked of course. She surveyed the place as she walked in. It was bright, cheery, lots of white paint, a few regional traditional decorations. She glanced at the staircase, dropped her bag at the door and walked up. She could see and feel a breeze moving through the upstairs and after a momentary glance saw the open doorway it was coming from. It lead to the beachfront balcony. She paused again, suddenly relieved that she was there and walked out.

He hadn't heard her. He was simply staring at the ocean, bottle of beer in hand. She had to smile. He looked as focused as ever on something she could never quite put her finger on. She finally spoke.

"So how's Canada?" she said. He turned to her and she realized that her presence hadn't been a surprise at all. He smiled.

"Turns out," he said and stepped toward her "It's really cold there this time of year." He looked at her face, took a deep breath and spoke again. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

She shook her head.

"Neither was I."

Kaidan stepped closer, close enough she could smell his skin. He had the same look in eyes he had right before he'd kissed her the first time, but there was less fear in them now.

"I'm glad you did," he said softly.

"So am I."

She felt his hand on her face and his forehead touched hers as she closed her eyes. They stood like that for just a moment before she tilted her head up to meet his lips. It was a different kiss than they'd shared before. There was no rush, no frenzy, and no desperation. It was simply tender, the kiss of two people who had never kissed before and had all the time in the world.

As one of his hands moved up her bare arm, she felt the air change, felt herself respond to his touch, felt his body language alter itself slightly and moments later he was laying her down gently on the bed. Shepard was grateful that they weren't in her bunk, rushing, fearing imminent death this time. They were both more relaxed, able to fully enjoy each other and take their time. For awhile Shepard forgot about everything else.

As they lay there after, the sun was setting. Shepard ran a couple fingers over the tattoo on Kaidan's right shoulder. She hadn't noticed it before.

"When did you get that?" she asked.

He looked at it as if he'd forgotten it was there.

"Oh" he laughed. "I was 22, drunk and with a bunch of other marines who had all just gotten out of basic."

She smiled.

"That sounds pretty typical."

"Yeah. I noticed you don't have any tattoos." His playful attempt to pull the sheet off of her was met with an equally playful smack.

"No." She said. "I never got the appeal. I had enough scars by the time I got out of basic."

Kaidan looked concerned for a second.

"From Mindoir?" he asked.

"No." She laughed a little. "Actually a lot of um… fights."

"Fights?"

"Yeah. I had …I was pretty angry when I joined up."

Kaidan scoffed, repositioning himself on his back.

"That doesn't sound anything like the by the book, controlled Commander Shepard I know."

It was her turn to scoff. She lay on her back too.

"Neither does this."

"True."

"It's not like you either."

Kaidan sighed.

"I know," he said. She felt him prop himself on his side next to her. He kissed her chest just under her neck.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"Starving."

"Let's get out of here."

The restaurant wasn't fancy, just some small place on the beach within walking distance of the house. It was owned and staffed by a man Kaidan seemed somewhat familiar with. It played good music, and Shepard felt relaxed and happy. She learned that the beach house was actually Kaidan's family's, that he'd spent some time there as a kid.

Real, normal person conversation came easily between Shepard and Alenko. She found herself smiling, almost completely letting her guard down and even cracking jokes. Kaidan was, as it turned out, far less serious than he let on, at least when he wasn't in uniform. She surprised herself, actually. She wasn't the flirty, giggly type, but for a short while she almost forgot that. It may have been the cocktails. By the time dinner was finished she'd learned more about Kaidan Alenko than she had during months aboard The Normandy with him. She learned the things she couldn't have read in his file. She knew he'd held back a lot, but she didn't mind. She had too. Playing it close to the vest was a habit for both of them, she guessed.

Right on schedule, her mind fogged with thoughts of The Reapers, thoughts of getting back to work, thoughts of rules, regulations. Her face must have been telling and when she met Kaidan's brown eyes again she could tell he knew what she was thinking. She suddenly felt bad and looked down.

"I already know what you're thinking, Shepard," he said. "I've been thinking the same thing."

She knew.

"I know." She shook her head. It had to be said. "There is...so much at stake."

Kaidan nodded.

"I know," he said. "A lot has been lost. There's a lot of work to do."

They looked at each other and both realized the same thing at the same time. They didn't even need to say it. This, them, it would end when they left this place. There would be more important things to worry about. There would be judgment calls that would need to be made, decisions that would need to happen with clear heads. Lives depended on it. A wave of disappointment hit Shepard. Alenko took her hand on the table. He seemed to be searching for what to say next. Instead he stood and pulled her up.

"Come on," he said. They walked silently to the beach. Shepard looked at the stars. Alenko wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and looked too. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto him. He kissed her neck. "I think," he said very softly "it's impossible to ignore everything that's real." She smiled a little and felt his hold on her tighten. He kissed her neck again. "Let's go back to the house," he whispered.

They walked back silently, her hand in his. Her head was pounding, she was exhausted, and also sort of pissed off. She heard a tiny voice in her brain whining, something she never did, about it all not being fair and she quickly killed it. She couldn't afford to go soft now.

She fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, with Kaidan's arm around her waist, her back pressed against him.

Shepard opened her eyes to sunlight on her face. It took her a moment to remember where she was. She rolled over, noticed the empty bed next to her and sighed. Kaidan was gone. She knew it. She had to admit, she was a little surprised he would do it this way, but she couldn't blame him really. She figured it was best to remove band-aids quickly. She sat up, ran a hand through her hair and sighed again. She stood, adjusted her thin white tank top and matching boy short panties and walked barefoot to the bathroom. As she stood, looking in the mirror, she heard the door open downstairs. She froze, her stomach fluttered, and then she smiled. The glimpse of her own face in the mirror revealed her relief. She adjusted her expression and made her way down the stairs.

Kaidan was in the kitchen unloading a small grocery bag. He stopped when he saw her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Heads up." He tossed an orange at her and she caught it.

"Real fruit," she said. She was kind of amazed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a real orange. "Thanks." She started to unpeel it.

"There's coffee there too." He walked toward her as she took a bite from the orange. It burst in her mouth and the taste of it made her close her eyes.

"Mmm," she said. "This reminds me of Mindoir."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She popped a piece of it in his mouth. He chewed it, smiling at her.

"You know I decided something this morning," he said.

"You did?"

"I did."

"And what was that?" She took another bite of orange as he put his hands on her waist.

"I decided we wouldn't think about it for the rest of our time here. We're just gonna enjoy it. Forget about everything else."

She knew he realized not thinking about it was impossible. She loved his optimism and his faith in her ability to let go. She knew it would be hard for him too, but he was right. They had this time. No one knew about it. No one would, and real life was days away from now. It was worth a shot.

She pressed against him.

"So you're giving the orders around here now?" She smiled.

"Yes Ma'am." He kissed her jaw. "So what do you want to do today?" His lips grazed her ear and his breath tickled it.

"That ocean looks pretty inviting," she said.

He kissed her neck.

"You look pretty inviting."

She laughed a little and threw her arms around his neck. The inevitable happened, though Shepard found herself wondering if they'd given the table a permanent wobble. For all his previous control and hesitation, shy glances and flubbed comments on The Normandy, Kaidan was proving himself to be an assertive, adept and generous lover.

The rest of the day was spent on the beach or in the ocean, drinking beer, playing cards and telling old stories. Kaidan wasn't the romantic type, which Shepard liked. He didn't spend his time on empty compliments, didn't tell her she was beautiful, didn't confess his love for her or tell her how amazing she was. Those things would have made her uncomfortable. He didn't even call her by her first name. She had a pretty good idea of how he felt. Didn't need him to say it. She tried to pinpoint her own feelings for him, tried to come up with a label for it. She wasn't sure it was accurate to say she was in love with him, but it certainly was a feeling she hadn't had in awhile. Trying to categorize it frustrated her so she decided to tell her brain to shut up for the hundredth time.

The remaining few days passed too quickly for Shepard. They rock climbed, went for runs, went to a couple bars, but mostly spent their time on the beach or in the bedroom. Kaidan had even joked that they could write off their sleeping together as a team building exercise necessary for building communication skills on The Normandy. Then Shepard pointed out that no one, including Kaidan wanted to sleep with Wrex and they laughed.

By the time the last morning came, Shepard was feeling bittersweet and she could tell Kaidan was too. She reminded herself, or rather tried to convince herself, that the end of this was really no big deal. She'd been in a lot of relationships that had ended, and always came out of it all right. It was necessary. If they carried on back home or worse aboard The Normandy and were discovered, Shepard would lose influence with the military brass and Alenko would most likely be transferred. She couldn't have that. She needed him, professionally. The team wasn't complete without him. And that was the important thing.

She would be leaving first, and was ready to go much later than planned thanks to Kaidan's procrastination tactics. Finally though, she had to go. They stood at the door looking at each other. She threw her arms around his waist and squeezed him hard. He did the same around her shoulders and they stood like that, silently for a few seconds. Shepard was a little surprised at how choked up she was starting to get, but she quickly turned it off and loosened her grip on him. She kissed him softly, pulled away.

"See you back home, Lieutenant."

He nodded.

"Commander." he said softly.

She reached for the doorknob, opened the door and felt him grab her arm firmly, turning her to face him again. In the blink of an eye they were kissing passionately, his hands on either side of her face. She felt him force himself to let go and a few seconds later she squeezed his hand and walked out.

The walkway to the transit was long and she had to physically force herself not to look back. When she was finally en route, she let out a breath she had seemed to be holding for hours, swallowed any sadness she had and locked all her feelings into the vault, where they usually were. It took a few minutes to make the transition back to her normal brain, but when she did she was relieved. She felt much better by the time she got on the ship back to the Citadel, and a familiar mantra popped into her head.

Time to go to work. She smiled.