Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the lyrics used in this fic.

Was I just your surrogate?
Was I just your revenge?
was I just your surrogate
was I just one more regret

Well I have no regrets yet
and I
have no regrets

Shuichi's POV

Blood, so, so pretty. Especially when it sparkles down my wrist onto the white pristine floor. They look like droplets of rubies in liquid form. The pain brings relief to the heavy emotions inside of me. I didn't cut deep, no, I'm too smart for that. I cut only enough so that the blood would flow and sting.

You'll wish we never took this ride...
You make me do this, you make me do this, you make me
wish I was afraid of suicide,
Long ago before I died
We should never be this high
I wish I was afraid of suicide

Everyone thinks I'm so dumb. Always the idiot that is too loud and where's his heart on a sleeve. They always assume I'm cheerful and happy going. Even Hiro thinks so. Well I guess this would be a nice surprise to them if they found out about this. Yes it would be lovely to see their faces. I'd probably laugh if I could. Heehe that would be a better sigh to see Yuki's face. Ahh Yuki, Yuki, Yuki…

Once was I, made of glass,
Long ago, before I cracked.
Once was I, made of glass,
Long ago
before I cracked
YOU MADE ME DO THIS

Yuki. Yuki was the reason why I do this. After all he's always telling me that I couldn't do anything. He was the one who said that I couldn't even do suicide right. I'll prove him wrong there. I'm tired of everything. The fights, the cheating, the drinking. Everyday it's the same routine. Never changing. We fight, he kicks me out, and then I go crawling back to him, rough make-up sex and starts over again in the morning. Yuki, you never have loved me have you?

I just can't forget
The blood,
The stitches,
The bite marks,
The kisses,
The glass memories reflecting back
The suffocating black,
Ill milk of regret
Just smile and pretend
it never mattered anyway
smile and pretend
we never mattered anyway

You'll wish we never took this..

The one you loved is buried six-feet under in New York. You would never love me. I'm just your little fuck toy, some object that you can always kick around and throw out. You always do this to me. And yet. And yet I can't stop LOVING YOU!! I don't know why. How could I fall for someone that is cruel and a bastard. No matter where I am or whom I with, it's YOU I think about. I've tried cheating on you, it didn't work. Tried running away, that didn't work either. Now I'm going to do this so I can be rid of you.

I'm starving,
I'm starving,
I'm starving for affection
Your heart is made of ash
you were just a phase to me,
A sacrificial lamb
Rejection, Revenge
Deception, Damaged
I might be going down in flames,

But you will burn with me
You'll wish we never took this ride

I love you. I hate you. But I can't live without you. My world is around you. But I'm so tired of everything. I can't go on anymore. I've tried for 3 years. 3 fucking years I've tried, but always failed. Touma, Mika, and everyone was right. Why couldn't I fall for someone gentler and would actually love me.

I just can't forget
The blood,
The stitches,
The bite marks,
The kisses,
The glass memories reflecting back
a suffocating black,
Ill milk of regret
just smile and pretend
we never mattered anyway

No one will know

Doesn't matter. As much as I love you, I can't live like this. Even if I was able to break up with you, I wouldn't be able to deal with everyone and everything. I can never forget anything. Your looks, rare smile, anger, habits, caresses, kisses. They all burn in my, marking my heart. That's why I have to do this. I'll finally be able to rest.

This is the perfect place
To hide the crime and burn the remains...
I was so naive
I refused to feed
Waiting for you to nourish me
I was so naive
I refused to feed
Waiting for you.

LIKE A LOVESICK ANOREXIC

I can't live like this anymore.

I just can't forget
The love you twisted
The lies you enlisted
to kill us quietly & beat me down
I hope you drown in this shit milk of regret
I WON'T FUCKING FORGET

Because I know I'll never be able to leave if I stay. That's why I have to end this cycle, this misery train we've been on. My vision is getting foggy, I cut a little too deep on that last rant. The floor is a ruby pool. So beautiful. I can't stand anymore. I have to sit down. Ugh. My head is pounding, so is my arms, they sting worst than before. Burning, the wounds are burning.

I'll help you drown while you're world is burning down
I'll help you drown while you're world is burning down

I can't help but smile, even with my breath slowing, my heart stopping. All I can think of is you. I can't help but sigh, this is the end. I hate you. I love you Eiri. My eyes feel heavy. It's strange, I hear a pounding, but it's not my head. It's the door I think. I can't look my eyes are closing. I'm so tired, now I'll be able to sleep. Goodbye everyone, I'm sorry but it's the only way. Goodbye Eiri, goodbye my love.

The whole world is burning
Your whole world is burning
Your whole world is burning
Your whole world is burning down

Here's the ending everyone. Sorry everyone for such a sad one, I've had a rough last two days, my aunt just shot and killed herself cause her husband left her. So this is dedicated to her. I'm sorry everyone for Shu dieing. And yes I'm considering a sequel to this in Yuki's view. Ohh the reason why it's worded a little weird is because it is Shuichi's thoughts so they're going to be a little different than normal writing. I was also inspired by Otep's song Ill Milk of Regret, find on youtube. It's an awesome song; those lyrics in the fic are from the song. Well adios till next time.

~wild-angelz1