"Commander?"

"Something you need, Lieutenant?"

"I just wanted you to know... I've enjoyed serving under you."

The words rang over again in Kaidan's ears. There were so many ways now he would have said it better - done it better, but it was a bit late now. Every conversation they'd had, he'd tried to slide the point across the table... that he cared... that he... All he wanted to do was kiss her.. kiss her, but he could not bring himself past the line where she'd notice - he wasn't just her subordinate anymore.

Before Lieutenant Alenko ever met Shepard, he knew her. It was more than the hardened career woman the world knew in the vids. It was a quieter, more serene Shepard. He'd seen her once or twice as stops between tours crossed their paths in bureaucratic offices and introspective hallways. He hadn't known her history then, just her name, Shepard. There was no Akuze, not yet.

A more tacky than functional bamboo roof caught Kaidan alone on leave, ankle-deep in boot-filling sand with a drink that was more Jack than Coke. He was picturing her - Rahna - and how, no matter how many times he tried to put the sparkle into the memory of her eyes, she looked at him, broken. He was certain the years that had passed must have filled the warmth back in, but that day there was no accusatory glare, no rampant fear, no .. gratitude, nothing for him to react to in any other way, but to take that hurt into himself. The years had added a chilling crack to his last image of her face as the echo of Vyrnnus' broken body became the sound of Rahna's eyes. He was no longer certain that part hadn't been real.

"Are you that stupid?"

The voice - it wasn't for him. Beyond the tiki hut thing, a couple, whom he had taken for lovers on a last hurrah, faced each other. The male half of the dysfunctional pair had taken a higher ground along the rocks of the beach. The thin straw weave above Kaidan's head obscured the man from his shoulders up, leaving only his lanky, fatigue-clad lower half available for inspection. If it could be said, without merit of expression, that his body held only tense contempt, it did.

The woman, shortened both by matter of birth and vantage point, looked .. shamed.. and nearly apologetic. She too wore the Alliance grey, but her bearing was more stunned than proud. Kaidan drank in the tilt of her lips, the curves of her face. It was a different Shepard than the one he'd come to distantly admire. The man, whoever he was to her, had changed her.

The scene shifted in angle as the standing couple began to walk farther down the beach. The man had.. something.. in his hands that he was detailing the use of with great gestures of pseudo-importance. The man's head was in view now, though it was was only the backside retreating. He had short, brown hair - not much to go on. Kaidan found himself clenching his drink as though he might boil the beverage with the intensity of his ... jealousy? No, anger. Why wouldn't she argue - stand up for herself. He, and many others that had met her, could well vouch for her keen intelligence. It was one of the qualities that drew him to notice her at all - that and the quiet... though it did her no good now.

Ahead, the two figures turned. The man's eyes were already on the road ahead though Shepard turned her face straight to him, pleading with her body in a way her voice would not, pleading with... longing.

"I need to go. It's just six months." She began, apologetic and stumbling.

"Yeah, you'll find some hot subordinate to shack up with while you're gone." The unidentified soldier's voice held more than contempt. To him, his statement was already fact.

There. There was the anger. It pinked her cheeks and narrowed her eyes. She turned, hauled her sea bag onto her shoulder and began walking for the far shore.

"I love you, you know." Working to pin her, Shepard's lover called his twisted version of sweet nothings to her back.

She didn't turn.

Good girl.

He'd known where she had gone or rather he'd found out. The whole world had learned about a place it previously could have cared less about - Akuze. His Shepard - the one he 'knew' was a fighter, the only one to survive. How horrible must it have been to live on daily with the most recent wounds in your memory playing over on news vids from Arcturus to the Terminus Systems.

He could hardly fathom having the will to defeat such odds with a love such as the beach-man to return to. What was the pushing force? I must live today so my will to live can be squelched later? For the kind endearing words.. stupid, idiot. Perhaps he'd carried it a bit far, he had no insight into Shepard's private life but a few glimpses. Kaidan tried to imagine himself there, surrounded by the dying, a large mouth of a beast gaping above, shields gone, pistol overheated, and his body too drained to even flare a corona. For Rahna? For the cold eyes of his runaway? No... for Shepard. For the chance he might manage to speak to her.

These were the thoughts on the Lieutenant's mind as he punched in a few last commands into the console near the mess hall and began his walk to the bridge for take-off. It wasn't often he was in the co-pilot's seat, but every beginning, especially one as unique as the Normandy's first run, required just a few last checks by hand. The view was generally nothing to be scoffed at either even if the company was - in good fun. Especially when the present company was currently grumbling about something Captain Anderson wasn't telling them.

"You're paranoid." Kaidan teased. There was not even a smirk from the pilot in response. It was another piece of clear evidence that Kaidan's humor was an acquired taste.

"Only an idiot believes the official story." Joker retorted, but Kaidan's mind was no longer paying attention. There she was, armored up, back straight, and hands crossed behind her back. He'd though the man on the beach had changed her, but it seemed Akuze had also had a few words to say on that matter.

"They don't send spectres on shakedown runs." Shepard's firm voice backed Joker up.

Kaidan conceded the commander's point and returned his attention to the console though any real work on it only occurred after the woman over Joker's shoulder retreated to meet with the captain.

Author's Note:

Not much yet, but much more to come. Standard stuff applies – I don't own the characters, game plot, or world they're set in, but other than that the story is mine. Some liberties have been taken and will further be taken with what has been and what will be, but it's a plausible way I could see it happening... if it were real.