Note: This is a rather pointless and amusing rant about an idea invented by myself and a friend. However silly, it is completely factual and deserves your serious consideration. The purpose of this is not to offend you, nor your mother, nor your friends, nor any of their beliefs, but is simply meant to prepare you for an epidemic that you have been previously been unaware of.

Introduction.

In 2005, the innocent, pure shelves of Borders, Barnes and Nobles, and public libraries were suddenly introduced to a binding of paper and ink. At first glance, the black cover bearing a pair of white arms holding out a crisp, scarlet apple seem harmless enough. Then, the curious reader, having already sampled just about every other book in the teen section, plucks this new additions off the shelf and examines it. A heavy book, indeed, sporting nearly five hundred pages, the reader's mind is suddenly filled with images of themself, sitting in the classroom or at the back of the coffee shop with this enormous chunk of novel propped open before them. Oh, how pretentious they'll seem when people notice them flipping through such a large volume. The reader then flips the book over to read the summary on the back cover. Their eyes grow larger and larger as the words pass before their slowly scanning eyes, and they nearly drop the entire book in surprise. Shaking their head in disbelief, they murmuer, "No... Not... Vampires."

If the reader possessed any amount of brain cells, they'd take this offensive find, shove it back between the books it had originated from, and hurry away from this aisle to wash their hands of this indignity. Unfortunately, the majority of people, particularly young girls between the ages of ten and sixteen, would not put down this novel, as appropriate, and would actually bring it up to the front desk, dig out their money from within their Hello Kitty wallet, and leave swinging it merrily in its plastic bag. Unfortunately for these people, it seems the horrors awaiting are already inevitable.

If you hadn't already pieced it together, this is an announcement regarding the book Twilight, and all its sequels and counterparts, and how it is, in fact, the work of the infamous Lord Voldemort.