Therapy

Part two

Doctor McCoy stepped out onto the street, took a deep breath, opened up his arms and proclaimed, to no one in particular, "Laughter is the best therapy!"

Behind him, Jim Kirk and Mr. Spock made no comment. They merely glanced at each other, and shrugged. Actually, Jim shrugged; Spock merely lifted an eyebrow.

Doctor's exuberant comment could be easily explained; they had spent the afternoon at the Anturian Improv Café, mecca of the galaxy's best comedians. His uninhibited mood, however, was entirely due to the generous amounts of Saurian Brandy he'd consumed in there.

"Follow me," McCoy said grandly.

Jim and Spock obeyed. They followed him silently through the maze of streets that made up Anturia's downtown, and didn't see reason to intervene till they saw McCoy purposefully avoiding the public transportation area.

"Uh, Bones? Where are you going?"

"Back to the hotel," McCoy said matter-of-factly, "Where else?"

Kirk caught up with him.

"Bones," he said, gently taking the Doctor's arm, "The shuttles are in the opposite direction."

"I know," McCoy said, pulling his arm away. "I'm not blind," he added belligerently.

"Doctor? Are you aware that by continuing this way you are purposefully leaving Anturia's more densely populated areas?"

"I most certainly am, Mr. Spock," the Doctor said, then mumbled, "For God's sake, I'm starting to sound like him." Aloud, he said, "For your information, I'm taking a shortcut."

"Oh, hell," Jim mumbled. He slowed down, hoping McCoy would too, but the Doctor merely went his way. Jim caught up with him again. Trying his kindest tone, he said, "Bones, it will take us hours to reach the hotel."

"I know."

"We barely know this place."

"I know enough," McCoy said, then added, "'The city of Anturia's shaped like a U, with a vast woody expanse in the middle.' What else is there to know? We're going from one end of the U to the other –it's simple enough."

"While I do not doubt your sense of direction, Doctor," Spock said tentatively, "I must point out that it's rainy season."

"Well, it's not raining now." McCoy threw a casual glance over his shoulder and noticed his friends' reluctance. That made him stop. "Aw, come on, you two; a walk will do us good. Good, old-fashioned exercise under the twin moons of Anturia," and he tilted his head in the moons' direction. They weren't visible yet. McCoy shrugged. "Ok; a walk under the sun of Anturia -it's just what the doctor ordered. Besides -"

"Besides?"

"I'm drunk," McCoy said bluntly. "I can't face the crew like this. A walk will help me clear my head." And he crossed his arms. End of discussion, the gesture said.

"Oh, hell." Jim sighed, "Fine, Bones. We'll walk." He glanced at his First Officer, "Mr. Spock, if you please -"

Spock hesitated. "Captain, the locals advised us against taking the open roads after a rainstorm. They are virtually impassable -"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Oh, gee, Mr. Spock, so your boots will get a bit muddy -so what?" He shook his head. "You're just too straight-laced, Spock; that's the problem with you. Every hair in its place, pants creased with obsessive precision, boots shiny -"

Spock looked down at his clothes, obviously mystified by the comment.

McCoy laughed. He clapped Spock on the back, "Come on, Spock! Live a little! Jim, tell him it's ok to get dirty, will ya?"

"Tell him yourself," Jim muttered. He refused to get involved in those two's bickering. They enjoyed the banter -he did not. On the other hand, the idea of taking a walk in the woods had started to appeal to him. He'd certainly had enough of Anturia's deficient transportation system. "I don't see why we shouldn't walk, though," he said.

"But Captain -" Spock started, then realized he was one against two now. Resigned to his fate, he straightened up. "Very well."

"Cheer up, Spock!" McCoy said. "What's the worse that can happen?"

---

Walking was difficult. The rain had turned the local chalky soil into mud -slippery in the areas that were still wet, sticky in the areas that were starting to dry.

McCoy didn't mind. In fact, he seemed delighted by his own difficulties.

"It's like trying to walk with giant wads of wet chewing gum stuck on your soles," he said happily.

Jim was piqued.

"How come you're so ebullient today?"

"I had a great time at the Improv," McCoy said, "My ribs are still aching from all the laughter."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Is pain considered a positive outcome, Doctor?"

"In this case, it is, Mr. Spock. UNLESS YOU'RE A CORIDIAN!" he suddenly yelled, and he pointed at Jim just a fraction of a second after Jim yelled and pointed at him too, and then they both burst out laughing.

Spock watched the exchange with something close to bewilderment. He'd heard those words and seen those same gestures over and over in the past week or so, and he still couldn't understand what they meant. Or why they were considered funny in the first place. He knew Coridans weren't exactly popular in the Federation, which made them fair game -just as Anchovians and Orkans had been till they joined the Federation. Even Vulcans had, at some point, been the object of ridicule too.

Spock shuddered to think of a time when, according to history records, every joke seemed to refer to Vulcans' ears and hairdos, and the size of their genitals. Spock shook his head almost imperceptibly. There was nothing laughable about Vulcans' hair and ears. As for their genitals -well, why should massive endowment be considered funny?

He was pondering this when he McCoy spoke again.

"You know, Jim… I've never seen Spock laugh out loud. Have you?"

Jim only smiled. He was firmly determined not to get drawn into a Spock/McCoy debate.

McCoy glanced sideways at Spock.

"Why is that, Spock? I mean, were were at the Improv, but you didn't even crack a smile in there," he added.

"I failed to understand the stories being told, Doctor."

McCoy eyed him thoughtfully, then nodded sagely.

"You know what your problem is, Spock? You analyze things to death."

"Do I?"

"He's got a point, Spock," Jim said. "You see, humor isn't logical. On the contrary; humor thrives on the absurd."

Spock frowned over this.

"Next time you hear a joke," Jim said, "Don't stop to analyze why it should make you laugh; just try to feel it in your gut."

"My gut?" Spock asked, instinctively glancing at his abdominal area. He pondered this for a moment, then shook his head. "I do not believe I could laugh at what currently passes for humor, Captain."

"You're a snob."

"A snob?"

"What about tickling?" McCoy said then, "Vulcans and humans have the same nerve ends and muscles, don't they?" He glanced up and down at Spock. "Theoretically, I could make you laugh."

"Theoretically," Spock admitted, very discreetly putting some distance between the Doctor and himself. "But tickling a Vulcan would merely force a physiological reaction out of him, Doctor. It would not be the spontaneous reaction you seek."

"Never mind what I'm seeking," McCoy retorted. "What do you say, Jim?" he added, his eyes still on Spock, "Should I give it a try?" He glanced at Jim, who shook his head.

"I'm staying out of this, Bones."

"Some friend," McCoy scoffed. He looked back at Spock, who was eyeing him warily now, "It's ok, Spock; I'm not going to tickle you today. The element of surprise is gone."

Spock visibly relaxed. "Doctor, if I may; why are you so interested in seeing me laugh?"

"No reason in particular. Maybe I'm just tired of seeing you pissed off all the time."

"I'm not 'pissed off', Doctor. I am, on the contrary, quite content with my surroundings."

"Are you?" McCoy said, pretending surprise, "Well, it's kind of hard to tell with those eyebrows of yours."

"My eyebrows?" Spock repeated, honestly surprised.

"Yeah. They make you look like you're supremely pissed off. Why did Vulcan eyebrows evolved the way they did, Spock? Was it to induce mortal terror in your enemies, perhaps?"

"I -" Spock was at a loss for words.

"Ever wonder what you'd look like with human eyebrows, Spock?"

"Human...?" Spock stopped. Literally. Jim didn't stop but he slowed down. The only one who went on was McCoy, too immersed in his thoughts to notice.

"Or what you'd look like with a human haircut, for that matter? I can picture it;" he added, his eyes taking on a dreamy look; "Spock, with hair parted in the middle... Spock, with curly hair -just like Chekhov's! Spock, with Uhura's pony-tail; Spock, with no hair at all! Spock, in a -" SPLAT!

The fall was spectacular.

One second the doctor was talking loudly, making grand gestures with his hands, then the next he was practically flying in the air, having unwittingly stepped on a wet spot.

The fall was so exquisitely executed -so much better than those phony falls staged by some of the comedians early on- that Jim's first thought was that McCoy had simply faked the whole thing. He'd even snickered at the sight of McCoy, lying on his back, looking confused.

It wasn't till he noticed that McCoy wasn't moving that he started to wonder if it was for real.

"Bones? You ok?"

"Do I look like I'm ok?" McCoy growled. He tried to sit up but his hands kept slidding off. "Oh, crap!" He looked up, "Well? Are you gonna help me or what?"

"Sure," Jim said. "Just let me enjoy this for a moment. What do you say, Spock?" Jim glanced around. "Spock?"

But Spock didn't reply. He couldn't; not with his jaws closed shut. There was a weird gurgling sound coming from his throat, and by the look in his face, it was obvious the Vulcan was desperately trying to stifle it.

Suddenly he started to shake.

"Bones! Quick! I think Spock's having a seizure!"

"Hello?" McCoy said, still lying on the ground. "I need a hand here!"

Jim hesitated for a few precious seconds till he realized that to help Spock he ought to rescue Bones first. He rushed to McCoy and offered him a hand, but unfortunately McCoy pulled at it before Jim had enough leverage.

Jim felt his feet start to slid under him.

"Wait, Bones; I need to- BONES, WAIT! -" It was too late. He slipped and unceremoniously fell on his butt, right on the wettest spot. Mud splashed everywhere.

"Damn it, Jim!"

Jim tried to get up but his legs were entangled with McCoy's. "Damn it, Bones, let go of -"

A sudden noise cut him short; faint but persistent, it sounded eerily like steam hissing from a teapot.

"Look!" Jim said, pointing at Spock.

Stifling the gurgling must have done some damage to Spock's throat. How else to explain the awful noises he was making now? And his face had undergone a change, too; it had turned a shade darker. And that wasn't all; his nostrils were flaring, his eyes were watering, and his jaw was moving frantically, as if the bones were suddenly loose and he were desperately trying to hold them together inside his mouth. He gulped noisily a couple of times, snorted, and finally turned his back on Jim and the doctor.

Jim gaped.

"What the hell's wrong with him?"

"Son of a bitch!" Bones hissed. "HE'S LAUGHING AT US!"

Jim looked incredulously. "Spock? Laughing?"

The Vulcan finally stopped shaking. He took a couple of deep breaths before he deigned to turn back, and when he did, he was the same old Spock. A bit breathless, but dignified as ever.

"Spock!"

"Yes, Captain?"

"GET US OUT OF HERE!"

"Right away, Captain." And he set out to do it methodically; he gathered branches and rocks and piled them around his friends so they could have something to hold on to while he pulled them up.

Finally free, McCoy dusted himself off, which only ended up distributing the mud more evenly on his clothes. He glared at Spock.

"The least you could have done was laugh out loud!" he said indignantly. "It would have been less painful to watch, too!"

Spock didn't comment.

"At least I proved my point," McCoy said, smugly.

"Which point would that be, Doctor?"

"I got to make you laugh."

"I beg your pardon, Doctor; I most certainly did not laugh."

"Oh, come on -"

"I believe I may be allergic to certain components of this mud," Spock said.

"Oh, that's a crock -"

"Your fall must have activated elements that had lain undisturbed for a long time, Doctor; an occurrence that might be compared to an ecological catastrophe -"

"Oh, shut up!" McCoy glared. "Ecological catastrophe, my ass. You just don't want to admit it, do you? But that's all right; I saw it! And Jim saw it too! Ha! You were laughing and that's that!" and he turned and went on his way, ranting and muttering and gesturing.

Watching him go, Jim muttered, "He's gonna slip again." He glanced at Spock. "And you were laughing, Mister."

"Was I?" Spock asked innocently.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Jim added, "You didn't laugh at the best comedy sketches of the year, yet a simple fall got to you. That's the lowest form of comedy there is, you know."

"Is it?" Spock asked casually, "Well, I for one found it most agreeable to watch, Captain. But perhaps the performers had something to do with it."

Jim narrowed his eyes.

"Are you including me in that performance, Mr. Spock?"

But Spock was already walking away, shoulders shaking slightly.

The end