A/N: Disclaimer: This is the reason I don't own it....
I warned you about this churning out of pointless crap! Enjoy!
The bottle stopped its spinning, pointing directly at the Doctor.
Donna's face spread into a smile. "Truth or dare?" she asked, Jack, Martha, Sarah-Jane and Rose all listening intently from the side with grins on their faces.
The Doctor paused, mulling it over and tapping his chin in thought. "Truth."
"What's the most embarrassin' thing that's happened to you?" Jack jumped in first eagerly, grinning from ear to ear.
The Doctor's brow furrowed as he contemplated it over for a moment, scratching behind his ear. "Well…"
The TARDIS landed sloppily in the living room of Jackie Tyler's flat.
"I can't believe you broke them!" Rose's angry voice came as the door of the TARDIS flew open and the Doctor and Rose filtered out, the former trailing sheepishly behind the latter. They were both soaked to the skin, covered in copious amounts of fresh mud that was drying uncomfortably fast. "Seriously, how many showers have you got in the TARDIS?"
"Seventy-three…" the Doctor muttered, wiping the mud ineffectually from his fridge.
"And you broke them all?" Rose said in disbelief.
"I didn't break them…" the Doctor injected pointlessly. "I was merely tinkering and they just… stopped working! That's all!"
"That's all?!" Rose repeated in disbelief, throwing her hands in the air, throwing specks of mud everywhere. "You're impossible!"
"What's goin' on?" Jackie asked, regarding their muddy forms. "What's 'e 'ad you doin' this time, sweetheart?"
Rose sighed and rolled her eyes, jerking her thumb at the mud-soaked Time Lord standing behind her, huddled into himself. "He thought it would be a good idea to clamber through two miles of very muddy marshland!"
"We had to get the Relic of Tiratron!" the Doctor protested in a high-pitched voice. "If we hadn't the Tiratron race would've started the greatest civil war in the history of the Universe!"
Rose ignored him. "And if that wasn't bad enough," she continued, now on fire, "he did that knowin' all the showers in the TARDIS were broken!"
"It's not that bad!" the Doctor insisted, but flinched when he saw Jackie's hand raising to connect with his cheek…
CRACK!
"How dare you, Doctor! How dare you do that to my daughter, just who do you think you are?"
The Doctor squeaked and raised a hand to his wounded cheek, tears welling in his eyes from the sudden pain.
"And now you've got mud all over my hand!" she continued, throwing her slapping hand in his face for him to see. "If she gets ill, Doctor…" she growled, not needing to finish the sentence. "You both get cleaned up in my shower, you're drippin' mud all over my flat and I just hoovered!"
With a terrifying glare at the Doctor she threw her head and strutted along the hall and into her bedroom, the door slamming shut behind her. Rose spun around to continue the glare at the Doctor… but suddenly her face fell when she saw him standing there absolutely drenched in mud, his hand clasped to his cheek with tears in his eyes – looking uncannily like a five-year-old boy punished for trailing mud all over the house.
"Oh I'm sorry," Rose muttered, embracing him in a hug. "I was just mad, okay? I didn't mean to yell at you. I know we had to do it."
"It's ok," the Doctor muttered, returning the hug.
"You get in the shower, I'll get us some fresh clothes," she said, pulling away and giving him a small smile.
"Are you sure?" the Doctor asked, looking her up and down pointedly. "I can wait…"
"No, it's okay," she insisted, "I'll go in after. The towels are in the cupboard on the left, okay? Leave the door open so I can drop in your clothes."
He nodded, a bead of mud dropping off his chin and adding to the layer on his usually pristine suit. They exchanged grins, and went their separate ways.
----------
It had taken the Doctor ten minutes to work out how to turn the shower on, unfamiliar with these strange human gizmos. He was used to just stepping into a shower and it automatically turning on and adjusting to his natural body temperature. This shower was also much weaker, feeling more like a drizzle of light rain than what he was used to.
But admittedly he felt a stone lighter once he'd furiously scrubbed himself over in strawberry-scented shower gel and doused his hair in apple-scented shampoo, making him feel slightly like a fruit salad. He even found himself beginning to enjoy the human side of personal hygiene; the odds ways that the shower randomly stopped and started of its own accord, the way the temperature had a mind all of its own. No wonder Rose had been so fascinated by the showers onboard the TARDIS to begin with. These were slightly naff.
He heard the bathroom door creak slightly, and presumed it to be Rose coming to deliver his clothes. He continued, running his hands through his hair with yet more apple-scented shampoo (he'd used half a bottle already) when he suddenly froze.
"Rose, love?" a voice asked from just outside the shower curtain… the voice of Jackie Tyler. "Y'left the door open and I'm bustin' for the loo, d'you mind?"
Terror gripped him in its cold steely fist, his hands stopping dead in the middle of his hair, his breath caught in his throat.
"Rose? Love?"
His hearts were hammering in his chest, his hands still entangled in his hair as panic began to mount…
"Rose?" Footsteps started moving towards him. "Are you okay?"
The Doctor knew he had to speak, had to warn her… But when he opened his mouth only pathetic quiet squeaks came out, drowned by the sound of the shower still running.
There was a silhouette on the white shower curtain now as Jackie moved forward again, coming up next to the bathtub. "Rose? I'm gonna open this curtain if you don't answer me!"
NO NO NO NO! The Doctor's mind screamed, but still he remained utterly paralysed, hands still entwined in his hair. NO NO NO!!!
"I'm opening it, sweetheart!" the unmistakable hand of Jackie Tyler clasped the edge of the shower curtain, the Doctor staring at it in horror… Say something, SAY SOMETHING!!!
"Wait!" he shouted, but it was far too late. The shower curtain drew back and Jackie Tyler stood in front of him, her jaw dropping at the sight of the dripping wet and completely naked Doctor standing in front of her, his hands knotted in his hair, his expression of utter shock and horror.
For a moment neither of them spoke, Jackie's eyes riveted to the things dangling less than a metre from her face. She forced her eyes upwards to his face…
"AGGGHHHH!" the Doctor yelled, yanking his hands from his hair and throwing them down to cover himself.
"AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Jackie screamed, hands over her mouth in shocked, backing away in alarm.
"AAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
"What's goin'…" Rose's voice trailed off as she entered the bathroom, her eyes connecting to the dripping wet Doctor standing completely naked under the showerhead still pouring out water, his hands only barely covering his genitals. She stared, utterly mesmerised as the last word of her sentence died in her throat.
"Rose?" came a new voice from outside the room, and within seconds Mickey Smith's head popped in the doorway, looking at Rose. "I heard you land and…" he realised she was staring, hypnotised at something across the room. "What's wrong?" His eyes followed her gaze to look where she was, and his jaw dropped to the floor. "Oh."
Silence.
Then there came a new voice from just outside the door – one the Doctor had never even heard before. "Jackie love! I've got those…"
The Doctor watched silently as a middle-aged woman looked towards him and stopped dead in her tracks, her beady blue eyes staring where she really shouldn't have been. He squeaked, wanting to reach out to the shower curtain and pull it across but knowing if he removed either of his hands then he'd lose what very little dignity he had left.
Silence.
"Jackie, I've got your groceries!" another new voice suddenly sounded from the living room, the voice of a London man. Footsteps started coming towards the door. "I've got you a bag of oranges!" a head of a black-haired man popped in the door, before he realised what was happening and his head turned to look at the Doctor. "Oh bloody 'ell, looks like ya already got a full fruit bowl…"
Silence cast itself on the room again as the Doctor's face began to burn red with utter embarrassment. "Err…" he started in a very high-pitched voice. "Can someone get me a towel, please?"
Slowly and silently Rose moved forward, taking a towel from the side without even looking at it. She reached the Doctor, holding up the towel to cover his privates which he gratefully and hastily took, wrapping it around his midriff. Slowly he clambered out of the tub, aware of all eyes on him as he sidestepped out of the room, heads of all the occupants turning and following him out the room in silence…
"And that is why I always hang a towel within arm's reach now!" the Doctor said as all his companions stared at him in utter disbelief.
"Is that true?" Donna asked Rose.
Rose's eyes were suddenly fixed to a point across the room, as if back in a trance… "Oh God, yes."
"That was about the time your mother started being awfully nice to me…" the Doctor muttered as the revelation hit. The others sat in utter silence, staring at him. "… Y'know… Suddenly I'm glad she's in a parallel world."
Without another word, he reached forward and spun the bottle.
The End