Disclaimer: I don't own Trinity Blood

AN: Written for my friend Warrior Dae.

Driving Lessons

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"Now, Esther, part of being an AX member means knowing how to drive. Noel and I will be giving you instruction in this area. I understand that you've studied and passed the written test. Am I right?" Abel asked

"Yes Father Nightroad." Esther nodded

"Good, now you'll take the part of the test that actually involves driving." Noel said as she leaned against a black car with a cross on theside.

Noel handed a key to Esther and they all got in, Esther in the driver's seat(duh), Abel in the passenger's seat, and Noel in the back behind Esther.

"Okay, first thing, get in the car. Next, fasten your seatbelt." Esther muttered to herself as she clumsily buckled her seatbelt.

"Then, put the key into the ignition." she said, and tried to put the key into the ignition. It took her a few tries, but finally after a few minutes of metal clicking against metal and mental swearing, she succeeded in inserting the key into the keyhole.

"Then, turn on the car." she breathed, and started the car by turning the key. The car rumbled to life, and Noel smiled encouragingly.

"Good. Now you do know where we'll be driving, right? Abel gave you the map of Rome and the course we'd be taking, right?" she asked

"…Um..no."

"Abel." Noel glared at the priest, "You were supposed to give her the map."

I'm sorry…I just…got distracted." he shrunk back from the angry nun's glare

"Distracted?! What could've distracted you from such a simple task?!"

"…I…I…saw…a squirrel and chased it around the Vatican. It was nearly midnight when I stopped chasing it." Abel said, looking down at his lap

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, ABEL!!! How in the Lord's name did you manage to even chase something like that for so long!"

"…………………I lost track of time."

"Only you would be able to do such a thing, Abel."

"I'm sorry."

"…Well, did you catch the stupid thing?" Noel asked

"…No." Abel looked down at his lap again, looking sad, "It died before I caught it. It just sort of…fell over when I got close. It had started to slow down-"

"Well no wonder! Even squirrels can't run around for hours like that! The poor thing was probably being tortured by running around sp much, no wonder it died." Noel sighed, shaking her head.

"…Um…Father Nightroad…Sister Noel…what about my driving test?" Esther asked, who had been sitting here the whole time, letting the car run.

"Oh, right! Well, you do seem to know your way through Rome, so you would know where the closest park is. We'll just be looping around that, then coming right back to the Vatican." Noel said

"Oh, okay." Esther said, and lightly pressed her foot on the gas. The car inched forward, going ever…so……………………sssllllloooowwwwwlllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

"Um…Esther, you might want to speed up a bit, because we-OH DEAR LORD!!!!!!!!!!" at the words 'speed up' Esther pressed her foot down as hard as she could on the gas, and the car shot forward.

Both Abel and Noel barely blinked, but in less than a second a crosswalk came into view.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLOW DOWN ESTHER, SLOW DOWN!!!" Abel screamed as(and quite girlishly)the car sped towards the crosswalk.

Now, many a reader might have thought that at this point, Esther would've have put the brakes on, just stopping an inch from one of the school children and elderly citizens crossing the street. But on the contrary, she plowed right through all of them.

Abel watched in horror as school children went flying through the air and senior citizens rolled of the windshield.

"AAAHHHHH!!! HELP ME, I CAN'T HOLD ON!!!" screamed a woman as she clung desperately to the side mirrors on the car.

Abel rolled down the window and yelled over the screaming people and wind "GRAB MY HAND!"

The woman reached out with one hand, but just as she did, Esther sharply rounded a corner and the woman lost her grip. She went flying into a small, indoor café. Abel could see a hole in the wall just before the small café vanished out of sight.

Abel was speechless as he looked at his hand, then he turned around to look at Esther who-

"WHY HAVE YOU LET GO OF THE WHEEL????!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed as the car fishtailed out of control. Esther still had her foot pressed down firmly on the gas, but she was busy adjusting her driver's mirror and not paying any attention to the road.

"ESTHER!!! THE ROAD!!! THE ROAD!!!" he screeched, and Esther suddenly did something completely unexpected and somewhat spontaneous.

She slammed the brakes on.

Abel was glad that he had worn his seatbelt, but that sense of gladness was torn from him when the seatbelt ripped and he went flying head first through the windshield and into a tree that was just inches from the car.

And his head got stuck in a hole in the tree.

Abel looked around in the hole and saw a family of squirrels sitting at a small squirrel-sized table with little chairs and a picture of a squirrel surrounded by flowers. The squirrel in the picture looked oddly familiar.

"…Oh…hello Mrs. Squirrel." Abel smiled "Er…lovely weather we're having."

"You're the silver haired monster who killed my husband!" Mrs. Squirrel squeaked

"Oh, so you're his wife and these must be…your children." he frowned as realization dawned upon him

"Monster! Acorn-smasher! Silver-haired giant!" it squeaked and started throwing nuts at him.

"Ow! Ouch! Please-AH! S-ow! Stop!" Abel struggled to get his head unstuck, and after a few minutes he fell back on the hood of the car.

Mrs. Squirrel squeaked angrily at him for a moment before disappearing back into the hole.

Esther was still sitting in the car, and when he got back in, she got a nosebleed.

His glasses were gone, and so was his hair ribbon. That, and his black priest cloak thingy was partially ripped, exposing some of his fairly chiseled chest.

'Oh. My. GAWD. I was right, he has a six pack.' Esther thought as she vainly tried to stop her nosebleed. Stupid hormones.

"Noel?" he looked back, only to see a Noel-shaped hole in the side door.

"Esther…where is Noel?" Abel asked, fearing the answer. By some miracle, her nosebleed stopped when he asked that question…concerning Noel.

"I think she flew out the car when I took that last turn." Esther shrugged "She was screaming something about asking God for forgiveness after having sex with Gunslinger."

Abel opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound came out. Finally, he gave up, and just said "Take us back to the Vatican."

It took him a few minutes to realize what he just said, but by that time, Esther had already started the car.

"Wait! Esther, let me drive-" he never got a chance to finish, because at that moment, the car shot back, then forward, and then it stopped abruptly.

Abel screeched as he went flying through the hole in the windshield. Again.

"Wait, Esther!" he screamed as she ran him over, then backed up on him.

"Oh, sorry Father Nightroad!" she yelled, and tried to get the car off of him by driving forward, and backing up a bit. After a few minutes of backing up and going forward, she gave up and drove over him one last time before driving off.

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5 hours later…

Esther winced as she closed the car door and the car fell apart. She looked up at what used to be Rome, but was now just a large pile of rubble, ash, and dust thanks to her driving.

"Oh no, what've I-Oh my God!" she looked over at the ruins of what was once a car, and saw that among the metal pieces, there was a small, perfectly shaped white card. She picked it up in disbelief.

"This must've fallen out of Father Nightroad's pocket…Oh…God…" her face split into a huge grin, "I got my driver's license!"

Suddenly, the entire Vatican, the last building standing in Rome, collapsed behind her.

And that is how Rome and the Vatican were destroyed. Not by a bunch of evil vampires and humans, or a natural disaster. It was destroyed by Esther's horrible, crappy driving.

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