A/N: With some of your fanmails, I had to edit a bit for the sake of grammar and spelling. So yeah, just wanted to let you know in advance.

"Okay," said Kel, wiping his sweaty forehead. "We're back. Which means that Gulo has been... sedated for the fanmail."

By "sedated", the ferret meant that the wolverine in question was covered in layers upon layers of steel-and-iron chains, not to mention had the wearet, Wurgg, Verdauga, Ungatt Trunn, and several other Badger Lords either holding onto different ends of the chains, or holding him down tightly.

The Savage snarled and foamed at the mouth, creating a fearsome sight that would've put the shivers down Arawolf Beechclaw's spine.

"And I was actually thinking of asking her to guest-star," Kel muttered to himself, snickering.

"Oh come on, Kel! Bring the rat in instead!" said Cole.

"What rat? You mean Kenzie? Well, maybe the next time. Anyway, our first fanmail is from StarlightDragon1636."

Lady Cregga, I know you were in a fury at the time, but still, wish you hadn't got rid of your ax pike. I was hoping to see it used more. Still, sending vermin flying was cool.

"That's nice," Cregga replied, not paying attention as she massaged Steve's ridiculously broad, muscular chest.

Steve was wearing one of his two most common expressions: confusion. (His other most common expression was a blank look.) He kept on staring down at Cregga's paws, trying to figure out what was going on. And failing miserably.

Cole watched the spectacle and snickered at Steve's sheer stupidity. He elbowed Keleiah, covering his mic so the others couldn't hear. "Geez, could you imagine these two trying to do the-?"

Kel held up a claw. "Don't say it, Cole. Just don't say it."

Cole paused, then grinned at the ferret. "Still, if he ever made it that far, that means Steve-o there made it further than YOU ever did when it came to the females, huh?"

Kel looked at the laughing genet. "Dude, I've made out with females before. Granted, they were all Sues, but they were still females."

The Genet rolled his says. "Yeah, right."

"Whatever."

The question: What was it like living at Redwall though you were blind?

Silence: Cregga was still massaging Steve's chest.

No more silence: Gulo began to sputter and snarl, glaring jealously. Even some of the Badger Lords began to look jealous.

"Um, Cregga?" said Kel, his nose wrinkling at the sight.

Cole snickered.

"What?" the female badger answered without turning around.

"The fanmail?"

"The what? Oh, right." Finally (and thankfully) the Badger Lady turned around and read the fanmail on her computer. "Oh, it was nice. Well, no, 'nice' doesn't cover living at the abbey. It was marvelous, just lovely. Even though I couldn't see any of it, there were still such nice smells, and everything felt comfortable. Plus there was all the lovely sounds, and the glorious food! Ooh, the food! Frankly, nobeast has any right to say that Redwall food is overrated!

"So even though I would've liked to have seen Redwall, I still love and cherish my years there. And besides, I'm not blind anymore, and I've seen it now, and oooohh my, was it beautiful! Just lovely, simply magnificent! I started crying when I saw it, actually."

"Awww," said all the Badger Lords.

Gulo snorted, though there was a strange sort of look in his eye that suggested he was trying not to say "Awww" as well.

Cole gave a huge yawn.

"Er, yes," said Kel. "Anyway, let's get on see what they had to say to Gulo, shall we?"

Gulo, you have to have been the most ruthless of all those to walk Mossflower.

"Why thank you!" said Gulo, looking pleased.

I was not too pleased to see you keep killing off your soldiers when you had so few of them (by Mossflower standards).

Gulo's face became a frown. "What's that to you, buddy? Shut thee thy mouth or I'll tear out your guts and eat 'em like pah-saghetti!"

Silence.

Then, after willing himself not to laugh, Kel said, "Its spah-ghetti."

All the other creatures began to holler (except for Cregga, who had preoccupied herself with Steve again, and Steve, who was trying to figure out the difference between "pah-saghetti" and "spaghetti").

The question: Why didn't you bring more than one hundred hordebeasts or forcefully recruit like Cluny did?

"Because I am not a weakling like Cluny!" Gulo spat, red in the face (both from rage and embarrassment). "HE needed all those hordebeasts to protect himself, but not I! I, Gulo the Savage, Fearsome Wolverine from the Northlands, do not need protection! I only have my hordebeasts around to obey my every whim! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!"

"Right," said Kelaiah, who used his lazer to give all those holding down Gulo earmuffs so they wouldn't have to listen to his laugh.

"Geez, we should take him bowling with us Kel! I like his spirit!" grinned Cole.

I can't say for sure who is greater in strength. It depends whether Lady Cregga is in Bloodwrath or not, I guess. If she isn't then they are about equal as far as I'm concerned.

"Huh. A tie," Gulo muttered, but he said no more on that (possibly because of his apparent crush on Cregga).

"Alright, then," said Kel. "Our next fanmail is from Jarrtail."

Hey, it's the triumphant return of Steve!

"Hmph," said all the males in the Fanmail Room, glaring at the humongous male badger who was still getting attention from Cregga.

Does he still have the taser?

"NO, he does NOT," Kel answered tartly. "What do you think I am, an idiot?"

"Huh?" said Steve.

"Never mind, Steve."

"Okay."

"Hi, Steve," Cregga purred.

"Hi?"

"STOP SAYING HI! AUGH!"

"KNOCK IT OFF!" SHOUTED KELAIAH. "Ahem. Anyway..."

My question for Cregga is: Which did you prefer: being the blind bagermum at Redwall Abbey or being the head of a thousand fighting hares in the fortress of Salamandastron. Be honest.

"Ooh," Cregga replied dreamily, still running her paws all over Steve's chest. "I'd have to think about it. I do like being young and being able to see, and that comes with the Salamandastron deal, but I so love Redwall Abbey. I really couldn't decide. I think I like both, because each has a special place in my heart that will always be there."

"That's nice," said Kel.

"Yes, it is," said Gulo and the single Badger Lords. (Gulo shook his head quickly, horrified at what he just agreed to.)

Cole gave an even bigger yawn.

Gulo: Exactly why did you think killing random members of your horde was a good idea? You only had a hundred soldiers to begin with, which is really not that much, and think of what it must do to morale.

"It doesn't matter, I just explained this!" the wolverine roared. "I do NOT need the horde for protection! I just use them carry out my whims and orders! And what do I care about their morale? Their only purpose in life is to serve ME! Hmph!"

As for who is stronger...(dramatic pause) Cregga. By a mile. She carried a poleaxe bigger than most of her soldiers. Gulo never did any amazing feats of strength like that.

"WHAT?" shouted Gulo. "You want me to lift a poleaxe? I'll give YOU a poleaxe! RRRRAAARRRGGGG! ARRRGG! AUGH! RRRRGGGG!"

Well, the next few minutes were rather disgusting, so let's skip forward in time a little...

"Okay," said a shaken Kel. "Our next fanmail is from Non Malum."

Ok... Cregga first. Cregga, sweet, sweet, playing with dibbuns one moment, and then kickin' butt the next.

Cregga giggled; nobeast could tell if it was because of the fanmail or because of her fascination with Steve's chest.

Soo... With the whole arrow in the chest thing... Well... I'm sorry about the stupid "Bowbeast"... He was stupid.

"HEY!" objected Vallug Bowbeast from outside the room - and was promptly teleported away by Kelaiah.

"Honestly," the ferret muttered to himself. "How are all these animals able to appear when they're being talked about?" (Cole inched his chair away from Kel.)

"Thanks for the sympathy," said Cregga.

Cole couldn't help but pipe up in the defense of the ferret archer. "Well, in a manner of speaking, it was really that mouse's fault the Cregga was shot in the first place... Nimbo, was it? He bumped Vallug's elbow, which caused the ferret to shoot the arrow into Cregga... So... Yeah. It's kinda his fault really."

"Yes, but Vallug never should've tried to take over the abbey in the first place. Plus he was so stubborn when we told him there was no Taggerung in the abbey. True, Deyna was in the abbey, but WE didn't know that!"

"Take over the abbey? Wasn't that Ruggan Bor's idea? Bowbeast seemed a lot more interested on his mission to take the Taggerung than take the Abbey."

"Oh that's right, sorry. My memory slipped a bit there."

"And besides," continued Cole, "if the mouse had stopped his silly cavilier additude and simply stayed put like you should do in ANY hostage situation, you likely would have still lived to find out what they were talking about. If I were you, I wouldn't blame the archer, I would blame the idiot instead."

"I can't and I won't blame Nimbalo for what happened, because on his part, it was an accident. But Vallug was the one holding the bow and arrow, he was the one who started the attack. And besides, I recall that he realized I was blind, so why would he continue aiming at me if he wasn't really going to shoot anyway?"

"Because your a badger? ...Seriously. That was kind of a stupid question to ask. You were dangerous in a BLIND rage, what real difference would there be if you were just blind?"

"Cole, I was up on a WALLTOP, well out reach from the vermin. So really, I can't SEE him pointing the arrow at me, I'm a good distance away from him, I rest my case."

Well, now time for some questions. How does it feel like to get the bloodwrath? Please be as specific as you can.

"You must not be very familiar with the books, then," said Cregga. "Because bloodwrath is described rather specifically by badgers several times in the series. The only difference with me is because its been said I've been affected more than anybeast else. ...And I STILL haven't found the jerk who said that! Grrr!"

"Ahem, Cregga...?" said Kel, but the Badger Lady was already reading the rest of the fanmail.

Also, How would you describe "vermin"? I just wanted to know by your point of view. (They are cute, fuzzy, and lovable to me!)

"CUTE FUZZY AND LOVABLE?" SCREECHED CREGGA (whose claws were thankfully nowhere near Steve's chest at the time). "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN THEY HUNT AND KILL AND MAIM AND STEAL AND PLUNDER AND MURDER AND PILLAGE AND VANDALIZE AND ENSLAVE AND- AND- AUGH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"I'd like to apologize to the fanmailer," put in Kelaiah, "and ask them to please keep in mind that Cregga hasn't come across the vermin that they have."

"SHUT UP, FOUR-EYES!" ROARED CREGGA, OVERTURNING THE TABLE.

The other badgers, the wildcats, Gulo, the wearet and Wurgg all dove for cover. No WAY were they going to stand against Lady Cregga Rose Eyes. Only Steve didn't run for cover, for he was confused over a new thing: why was Cregga so upset all of a sudden?

Fortunately for Steve, Cregga never once touched him during her... "fit". Maybe it was because of her affection for him, or maybe it was just pure dumb luck. But whatever the reason, within minutes the whole Fanmail Room was in shambles, and all the other beasts present were either injured or very traumatized.

Cregga stood in the middle of it all, taking in deep, savage breaths... and then quite suddenly calmed down and sat back down in her chair (which had been also untouched by her rage) and went back to stroking Steve's chest (only this time it seemed more like she was trying to soothe herself).

Kel took a deep breath. "Cole. You're paying for this."

The genet sighed. Then he grinned at the ferret. "That mailer said we were cute."

Within minutes, thanks to Kel's lazer, the whole room was fixed up once again, but still Kel was none too pleased. Finally Cregga read the rest of her fanmail.

Have you ever mistaken one member of the abbey for another? Like have you ever called an otter a squirrel, or something like that?

"No. When I was first blind, I was in a state of depression and didn't bother identifying anybeast. But when little Russano - ooh, he was such a sweet baby! - came over to me, I knew he was a badger, because of the way he felt and smelled. And that was really how I told one animal from the other: by smelling them. And if I was ever wrong, nobeast ever told me."

Also, If you were able to see for a minute, and Vallug Bowbeast was tied up infront of you, what would happen? Would you kill him like a badger lord, or forgive him like an Abbey Mother?

"'Like a Badger LORD'?"

"Oh no," muttered Kel.

"Why did you say 'Badger LORD' when I'm a Badger LADY? What's the MATTER with you?"

"Cregga, can please not-"

"SHUT UP! I refuse to answer such a ridiculously worded question! Hmph, Badger 'Lord'..."

Cole stopped spinning around in his seat and grinned. "I think I got a good idea of what she would do-"

"YOU SHUT UP TOO!" the Badger Lady roared.

"...Okay then," said Kel. "Now why don't we get to Gulo's questions?"

Ok... Next... Mr. Daft, Delirious, Demented, Deranged Gulo...

"I'LL SNAP THY NECK! I'LL BITE OFF BOTH ARMS AND USE THEM TO SLAP YOU WITH! THEN I'LL BEND YOUR LEGS COMPLETELY BACKWARDS! I'LL-AUGH!"

The genet suddenly forgot his guilt at bringing Gulo to the Fanmail Room from laughing so hard at the wolverine's threats.

"Oh no..." Kel groaned, putting his head down on his folded arms.

Later, after more Gulo-sedation:

What the crap! Really? You gotta go all nuts because your bro stole a ROCK?

IT WAS NOT A ROCK! IT WAS A WALKING STONE! AND THE OWNER OF THE WALKING STONE IS THE TRUE RULER OF THE LAND OF ICE AND SNOW! DIDN'T YOU EVEN READ THE BOOK?"

But, I praise you for being one pf the only Vermin leaders to fight in the front of the army...

"Yes, thank you... you better..."

Why would you travel sooo far just to get a turtle? I mean, couldn't you find another one and just say it's the walking stone? Who would question you?

"...'Turtle'? What's a turtle?"

"Actually, it was a tortoise," put in Kel.

"Shut up!" snapped Gulo. "Anyway, the Walking Stone was the only one of its kind in my homeland! And besides, my father would've known, and my brother would've known! I couldn't go through life knowing that my brother had cheated me! NO I WOULD NOT! RRRRAAAARRRGGG! AUUUGGGHHH!"

"Wait a second," interrupted Cole, a confused look on his face. "Isn't a tortoise a reptile? Therefore wouldn't it likely die from being in a place called The Land of ICE and SNOW!"

"Most likely, but it was probably kept nice and warm," answered Kel.

"Course it was," Gulo snapped. "It was better treated than I was!"

"...That's kinda sad Gulo." The genet's ears fell. "Hey, just a question Gulo. Did you kill your father JUST because over a tortoise?"

"I killed him to prove that I was the strongest, you idiot! Augh, I'm surrounded by idiots!"

"Lion King reference," grinned Kel.

"Shut up!"

Cole covered the mic again. "You thinking what I'M thinking?" he asked Kel, grinning.

"I doubt it," the ferret replied, thinking about croissants.

"I'm thinking about sending Gulo a FREE trip to Bryony's Rehab Center! It may be possible Gulo has suffered because his father gave the tortoise better treatment."

"Hm... maybe."

Also, were you aware that your name, Gulo means Wolverine in Latin?

"...So?"

Also, did you know that you were described as being one of the least intelligent of the Redwall Villains?

"WHAT? RRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGG-AUGH! UGH! GRRR! GRAAAHH! AUUGGHHHRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!"

Kel sighed. "They just HAD to ask that, didn't they?"

Now for my vote... who is stronger? Bloodwrath Badger, or Insane Warlord... Well, even though Gulo is huge, I feel he is too insane to be lifting weights, so I vote for... Lady Cregga Rose Eyes! Sorry Gulo, you better prepare for the punishment, 'cause no one's gonna vote for you!

This brought on another wild rage of Gulo, in which all the creatures on top of him had to fight him again into submission.

(Oh and Kelaiah, you can kick Cole's butt anytime! ;) )

"Why thank you!" the ferret said, grinning. "That's so nice."

The genet rolled his eyes. "Yaaaaaay..."

"Our next fanmail is from Mad Maudlin Hart."

In terms of raw power, probably Gulo, but Cregga is probably better at fighting. Then again, Gulo's claws and teeth are sharper than Cregga's. So that's really a toss-up, and depends mostly upon how clean your floor is.

"Alright," said Kel. "We have another tie here. Next fanmail is Razordark."

Heh, I guess someone is a wee bit jealous, eh Gulo? *continues to elbow Gulo from the safety of my home*

"Shut thee up!" Gulo snarled, getting angrier by the minute as he lay trapped beneath his captors. He also glanced over at Cregga - who was still squeezing Steve's muscles.

There's our Lady Cregga! Going for the ones with brawn rather than brains! xD

"I am smart enough for the both of us, thank you very much," Cregga replied with dignity.

To Gulo: Are you a cannibal?

"Well of course I am! All wolverines are, we eat our enemies and grow stronger from taking their stength! Didn't ANY of these fanmailers read the book?"

"Yeah. She definitely ran out of milky ways."

If so, then would you have eaten Askor if you had caught up with him? If not, then be one!

"Okay, this fanmailer obviously did not read the book," Gulo spat. "Of COURSE I would have eaten Askor! What else was I going to do, give him milk and cookies?"

Seriously, your horde are all cannibals; you'll risk having your horde of white vermin seem cooler than you, as they are more interesting with their unique...uhhmmm... customs.

"I refuse to say anything to a fanmailer who has not read the book!"

"Um, I think they haveread the book," said Kel. "They maybe just... didn't get a few parts?"

Gulo snorted. "No, they didn't read the book."

Cole agreed. "Yeah, this sounds like this mailer didn't read the book at all."

"...Whatever."

To Cregga: Living a long life is pretty cool; especially since it gives you more screen..er..reading time, whichever makes more sense.

"Mm-hm," nodded Cregga, squeezing Steve's biceps through his thick black fur.

Anyway, was living a long time worth it? I mean, yeah you got to see and do more things, but wasn't it painful to see dibbuns you took care of die of old age sooner than you did?

"Yes, in many ways, it was, but there was always new life going around, and I had already accepted that that was the way of life, so I was able to handle it."

It's a difficult choice, but I'll have to go with Gulo.

"HAH! TAKE THAT, NON MALUM!"

Sorry Cregga. :( Gulo mainly used his own claws and teeth to kill; this just shows that he doesn't need weapons to kick butt! Cregga, on the other hand, used well forged weapons, which is kind of cool, but if you take away her weapons I don't think she would be as tough. Cregga's bloodwrath is pretty lethal as well, but it's unpredictable. Therefore, Cregga must have one of 2 conditions (to have one of her godly weapons or to have bloodwrath) in order to stand a chance against Gulo while Gulo is ready to fight anywhere, anytime.

"Obviously they've forgotten about the time I used only my paws to grab Raventail the ferret and snatch him inside the abbey," the female badger said in a dangerously soft voice.

"Er, yes well," Kel said nervously, not wanting another ramage from Cregga.

P.S. Gulo, that doesn't mean I liked your character; in fact, the only thing I liked about you was your death. hehehehe... *Proceeds to give a high-five to Rakkety Tam*

"-AAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Later:

"Ugh. Okay... next fanmail," said Kelaiah, "comes from Blissey."

Question for both: What's your greatest fear?

"None of your business," the two stated at the exact same time. Then they turned and looked at each other in surprise.

Cregga smiled at Gulo. And Gulo blushed and hide his eyes.

I know both of you are practically fearless, but everyone is afraid of something.

"Yes, but its still none of your business," Cregga replied, still smiling at Gulo while she rubbed Steve's chest. The single badgers frowned and proceeded to tighten the bindings on the wolverine or "accidentally" sank their claws into him. But somehow, Gulo didn't care this time.

Cole was struck with a realization. "Ooooh, I see something going on here! There's a human word for it! Cregga's being... she's being uhhh... Oh!" He snapped his claws. "A PLAYER!"

"Shut up," the female badger said.

Gulo. In my opinion, you are one of the best villains in the Redwall series, probably second only to Slagar the Cruel. Also, you're the strongest Redwall character in my opinion.

"Second to SLAGAR? That wimpy, scrawny fox who hides behind a mask? He's a joke, I tell you!"

"Never liked him much myself," Cole muttered.

"Yes, well ANYway..."

Cregga. I really loved you in the book, and I have to admit, they picked the perfect way for you to die. I loved how you lived a peaceful life in Redwall Abbey after the events of The Long Patrol, since you deserved it.

"Aww, thanks. I appreciate that."

Cregga, did you ever feel bad about being blind?

"Yes, for awhile. But that was before little Russano found his way into my lap. After that, I really no longer cared about being blind, because I had so many little ones to take care of."

(Another big yawn from Cole.)

Gulo again, I already know you're going to claim that you're not afraid of anything. Most likely anyway.

"Well I'm not!"

Also, although Gulo is stronger than Cregga, at least I think so, Cregga would definately win in a fight between the two of them.

"Wait, so which one of us did he pick?"

"The question was who was stronger," said Kelaiah. "And he picked you. He only said that Cregga would be more likely to win a fight."

"How would she be more likely to win if I'm stronger?"

"You forgot how died, didn't you?" said Cregga in a singsong voice.

"Shut up."

"Nobeast tells me to shut up." The singsong voice now carried a dangerous undertone.

"...Sorry."

"Apology accepted."

Cole stuck his tongue out in disgust. "This is just me, but personally, I believe Raketty or whatever his name is is just like Triss. A Mary Stu. Hey Kel, don't you hunt and slay beasts like him? And Triss?"

"They don't count because they exist by Laws of Canon. Mary Sues don't, so Tam and Triss are off-limits, whatever some fans might say. Though I disagree completely that Tam is a Stu."

I've probably made this a bit too long already, so ciao.

"No, it was a good length," said Kelaiah.

"What's 'ciao'?" asked Gulo.

"I don't know."

"I think it's something 'slang' the humans say. Goodbye, I think," said Cole.

"The next fanmail is from All American Autor."

For Gulo: Do you really need a rock to rule your people? A rock. Just think about that. If you were so fierce, why coundn't you just rule your people through fear?

"BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT MY BROTHER TO LIVE THROUGH LIFE KNOWING THAT HE OUTSMARTED MEEEE!" ROARED GULO. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO KEEP ON TELLING YOU FREAKISH OTHERWORLD BEINGS?"

For Cregga: Do you ever regret losing your sight to the bloodwrath? Also, if you did regain our sight, would you leave the Abbey and march back off to war?

"Yes, I believe I already established that. But if I hadn't, its possible I never would have gotten Damug Warfang, and that would mean he would've won. But thankfully, that didn't happen. And I probably wouldn't have left the abbey if I regained my sight, because I was grooming Russano to be the next Badger Lord. And besides, I was getting old anyway."

Again the genet-warlord couldn't help but pipe up in the defense of a vermin. "If memory serves me correctly, you lost your sight because the rat slashed your eyes out with the wicked sword of his, not because of bloodwrath. Most beasts smartly DISARM their enemies before they maul them like that. And while I'm at it, despite the fact Warfang was scared of you, he DID fight you. And not only that, but he slashed your face out with that sword of his and also your eyes in the process. You're lucky he was not able to aim a little lower than your head otherwise your time likely would have came sooner."

"I suppose so. Meh," shrugged Cregga, tracing a claw on Steve's chest.

"Next fanmail is from Squirrels-R-Awesome."

"No they're not!" shouted Gulo.

Although I haven't read the books you two are in, I'd have to say I think Cregga is stronger. BADGERS ROCK!

"Hmph," said Gulo.

Cregga smiled. "Thank you, mister Squirrels."

"The next fanmail comes from SugahRush."

Cregga totally. I mean, she's a badger, so duh. Plus, she's the good guy (gal?), so she always comes out on top.

Cregga grinned while Gulo once again frowned.

Except for the dying part. Heh.

Cregga frowned while Gulo began to grin.

Anyhoo, I'm saying Cregga, and I was going to ask if she had a more girly frilly side when she was younger, but Steve had sort of answered that question.

Cregga giggled and tickled Steve's chest. Steve also giggled, much to the shock and disgust of the other males.

And Gulo, I'm betting you smell as bad as the corsair guy from chapter one.

"No, as a matter of fact, I DON'T!"

"Actually, he's right, Gulo. Is that Seaside Palms you're wearing? That's a bodyspray, by the way, heh heh."

Silence from the Redwall characters.

"Whatever." The genet then took out a can sprayed himself.

One of his horde beasts, a female rat, questioned him. "Why do you need bodyspray anyway?"

"Females don't like a beast who smells like smoke for some odd reason."

The rat gave her master a confused look, but than thought it was better to stop speaking now.

"Next fanmail: John the Angel."

My bet is towards Cregga. I mean come on, she took a poisoned arrow and survived for weeks. And all Gulo has is a beserker rage.

"So does Cregga!" Gulo objected.

Cregga also has a more developed strengths due to training in weaponry.

Gulo snorted.

"Alright, the next fanmail is from Ala Cye."

Cregga! PINK BADGER KILL!

Everybeast blinked.

...what?

"Eh... never mind," said Kel.

Question (Not Really): Kel, I implore you put a collar + chain on Steve. Model it on the one from the movie Up. The talking dog collars? Remember? Then, turn Steve's voice tone level DOWN. So his voice is deeper than some other guy's deep voice. 'Kay?

Kel blinked again. "Why would I want to do that? Besides, its not like Gulo's voice is all that deep anyway."

"HEY!"

Cregga scared me. She scared me more than Gulo.

Cregga grinned, crossing her legs and giving yet another stroke to Steve's chest.

"Alright, then. The next fanmail is from Adder of the Pit.

Kenzie: Yes! I ran out of milky ways! I just ran out! And you know why? That... that... that BOTTOMLESS WOLVERINE! He ate all of them! Even the ones that aren't for him! Even the ones I laced with a powerful antidepressant! ALL OF THEM! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (goes on a small rampage)

Cole exploded with laughter.

Gulo smirked.

"Ah heh, yeah... anyway..." said Kel.

Gulo: I know you took those Milky Ways, Gulo. I always know. You can't hide anything from me. You hear? Anything... (wiggles fingers spookily) Also, she wasn't kidding about the antidepressants. You might want to see somebeast about that.

Here Gulo's smirk began to fade and was replaced with a rather worried look.

Cole laughed even louder, and the genet fell right out of his seat. It took him twenty long minutes to finally get himself under control and back in his chair, though he was still sputtering like a dying car.

Cregga: Okay, seriously, honey, what do you see in Steve? Geez, you're worse than Celandine. He's incapable of using multi-syllable words properly, and he has the deductive skills of a block of cheese. Even that perfect little snowflake Bladestripe had a higher IQ.

Everybeast gasped. (Except for Steve, that is.)

All eyes were on Cregga.

The Badger Lady's pink eyes turned a brilliant shade of red. Her body began to tremble like a volcano. Her very sharp teeth began to show, and a strange sort of drool began to spill forth between them.

"...rrr..."

The male badgers, wildcats, Wurgg and the wearet all flung themselves against the wall farthest from Cregga, as though trying to scratch their way through to safety. Gulo, however, was still covered in chains, and try as he might, he couldn't quite break them.

"...hhhmmmrrrggg..."

Fortunately, Kel took pity on them and teleported all of them out there. Even Steve. Sure, Cregga hadn't attacked him earlier, but the ferret didn't want to take any chances.

"Rrrrrggggg...!"

"We probably shouldn't watch this," Kel whispered to Cole.

"Rrrrr-RRR-rrr-RRRR-RRR-RRRGGG!"

"Here it comes."

And come it did.

The rampage that Cregga went on earlier was nothing compared to this one. In fact, it was so bad, that Cregga actually managed to break through the walls of the Fanmail Room, and proceeded to run amok in the building.

"Uh oh! CALL SECURITY! GET EVERYBEAST TO SAFETY NOW!"

"Told you my whole horde would help," said Cole.

Two horrible hours later, Cregga Rose Eyes was seated once again in her chair in the Fanmail Room, her arms and legs crossed, her face composed and cool.

It took some more time to coax Gulo and the other males back into the newly repaired room, and finally Kel once again had to resort to teleportation. Steve, however, had no trouble in going back in (he was too stupid to do otherwise).

"See? Told you. Maybe my stoats, weaels, cats and rats aren't perfect, but my Rakkards sure are."

"Yes, yes, I'll make sure to give them a raise. And you too, of course."

Finally they were all back in, and returning to Adderstar's fanmail.

Oh, sorry, is that still a sore point with you?

Silence. Deep silence.

"...Er... ah heh... let's go on, shall we?" Kel said, grinning weakly.

Kelaiah, your thoughts on BP and the situation in the Gulf of Mexico?

The ferret was a bit surprised that such a question would be asked in this fic, but nevertheless he answered.

"Well, first of I think BP is horrible and greedy. They never should have kept on digging when they were told the drill was loose. Plus, what were they doing, having an oil rig way out there like that?

"And then there's the fact that so many people were complaining to the president about it. Why, though? Why were they doing that when its BP's fault? I hope they make BP compensate for all those poor people they've inconvienced.

"However, I heard not too long ago that the oil spill is beginning to clear up, so it looks like God is taking care of things, thank goodness. So... yeah, that's pretty much my thoughts."

"What is this all about?" Cregga asked.

"Never mind. Okay, the next fanmail is from Fear the Silly People."

"I FEAR NOTHING!" ROARED GULO.

Well, I think Gulo is stronger, but what I wanna know is, what would make Gulo run to his Mommy! (Evil smile)

At first Gulo smiled but then he shouted, "SHUT UP, FREAKISH NON-FURRED CREATURE!"

"Alright, fine!" yelled Kel. "Now then, our next fanmail is from Ike5000282."

For Cregga -

What was it like taking care of Russano?

"What do you mean?" Cregga asked. "It was like taking care of any other dibbun. The only difference was that it seemed like I had my very own son, and that made it just a little bit more special, I suppose. But I love all dibbuns."

If you could wish for your blindness to be gone for an hour (in the Redwall world), when would you have chosen the time?

"Hmmmm," the Badger Lady mused. "I don't know. Maybe... well, I could say during the time when Vallug Bowbeast attacked the abbey, but then, I might not have died then. Then Russano and his hares never would have arrived to save Redwall from Ruggan Bor. So I don't know. I have my sight now, so it doesn't matter."

Have a box of chocolate.

"No, thanks, I'm watching my figure." Cregga smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at Steve again.

"Ugh," rumbled Gulo and the male badgers.

For Gulo -

Don't you read a book?

"Why would I want to waste my time with a stupid book?" the wolverine snapped.

You do a barrel roll? (I don't know why I wrote this XD)

"I know why," Gulo growled. "Its because you're a brainless, worthless piece of-HRRMMFF!"

Several badgers clamped their massive paws over the wolverine's muzzle.

"Thank you," said Kelaiah. "And Gulo, no foul language or insulting the fanmailers, please."

Gulo snorted, but made no other fight.

I say Cregga is stronger.

Once again Gulo snorted, but again made no other fight.

"The next fanmail is from Sara Darkotter."

Gulo, why do you keep reacting the way you so to Cregga's flirting with Steve?

"Because its disgusting! AND I AM NOT!"

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuure Gulo," said Cole. "We all believe you here."

"Good," the wolverine snapped, not catching the sarcasim.

I think Cregga's stronger.

The wolverine snorted.

Note to Kelaiah: I have a pretty good idea of why he's acting like that. I just want to see how he'll respond.

"Well nobeast wants to know what it is!" Gulo shouted.

"The next fanmail," Kel went on, "is from icefox425."

Dear Cregga Rose Eyes,

Please stop flirting with Steve. It disturbs the younger minds.

"You disturb the younger minds!" the Badger Lady retorted sweetly, still squeezing Steve's chest muscles.

Anyway. Before I get to the questions, I'll answer the poll (what I mean by that, is that I have no questions and am stalling).

Who is stronger depends on if Cregga is in Bloodwrath mode or not. If she is in Bloodwrath mode, yes she is stronger than Gulo. If not, I have to say that Gulo is slightly stronger.

"So who did they choose?" Gulo demanded.

"Meh, I'll just give you that point, Gulo, because you're not getting very many," said Kel.

"Gee, that makes me feel so special," the wolverine spat.

Cole patted Kel's shoulder. "Isn't it nice that you make SO many friends?"

"...you don't know me very well, do you, Cole?"

"I was being sarcastic Kel."

"...Oh."

Now on to the questions.

For Gulo:

Did it ever cross your mind that killing your army in the book wasn't the smartest thing? They ARE sorta your only backup. You kill them, no more backup.

"I'VE ALREADY STATED," GULO ROARED, "THAT I DON'T NEED BACKUP, THEY WERE ONLY THERE TO SERVE ME AND CARRY OUT MY WHIMS! WHY TH-hrrmph!" The wolverine was once again gagged by his captors.

For Cregga:

Who's your favorite hare out of the Long Patrol?

"I don't have a favorite, silly. I like them all. ...Though Deodar did impress me quite a lot..."

For both:

Edward or Jacob? *is shot*

...*is revived* I hate Twilight, but I just HAD to ask that XD

Yeah, I know, lousy questions. T-T

"Darn right they were lousy," Gulo rumbled.

"They were lousyrific," stated Cole, giving his biggest yawn yet.

"Next fanmail is from Ithilgore."

Personally, I think Cregga is stronger what with the the blood wrath and all.

"Surprise, surprise," said everybeast.

As for questions: Gulo, what would you eat if you didn't eat meat?

"...what?" The question made no sense to the wolverine.

Cole answered for him: "Milky Ways."

A few chuckles escaped the others.

"Oh yeah," Gulo said dreamily. "Milky Ways... and cheetos..."

"Uh oh. We're losin' him..."

Cregga, what is the most epic battle you have been in?

"Probably the last one I was in. The one where I killed Damug."

"Alright the, the last fanmail is from PokepwnDigi (though I personally think Digimon are cooler than Pokemon)."

I think Gulo is stronger - wolverines are awesome.

"Hah!" smiled Gulo. "Got that right!"

"Alright, that's it!" said Kel, clapping his paws. "That's the end of the fanmail! Now then, Cregga wins eight to five. Thank you all for your reviews and/or fanmail everyone! And please remember to tune in next time for Gulo's punishment!"

Gulo snarled.

Cole covered the mic. "And you just lost a friend, Kelly."

"DON'T CALL ME KELLY!" ROARED THE FERRET, TACKLING THE STARTLED GENET.

A few minutes later, Cole went on as though he and Kel hadn't just ripped each other to shreds.

"Seriously though. How are we going to punish HIM without being ripped limb from limb!"

"...you REALLY don't know me very well, do you, Cole?" the ferret said with an omninous smile.

"I know that your on your own on that deal, cuz I'm staying right here; I can deal with trying to put down a badger, but not a wolverine."

"Sissy."

"Says the ferret who does everything with a magic CLICKER instead of a weapon!"

"Dude, I just whooped your spiral-y tail WITHOUT any magic!"

"You wanna go another round, KELLY?"

"Oh THAT does it!"

The following is censored.