Title: Abarai's Advice for Dating

Author: Trynia Merin aka Starbearertm

Rating: R in later chapters for lemon. PG 13 for language here.

Pairings: Ichigo/Orihime and Renji/Rukia

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, it belongs to Tite Kubo and Shonen Jump. This is fanfiction and means no harm to the anime or manga.

A/N: Written from an idea from a convo with snowzapped who helped me rp some of Renji's dialogue with Ichigo.
Summary: When Ichigo needs advice about taking the next step with Orhime, who does he turn to? Why not Keigo and Mizuiro? Find out!

Chapter 1

The half moon sword swung in a glistening arc, not far from the snaking whir of Zabimaru's whip blade. Neatly it bisected the thick neck of a lumbering hollow. Shooting backwards Ichigo then raised his blade and brought Zangetsu down in a mighty slash. A shockwave of energy slammed into the hollow Renji's blade had cleaved, tearing the remnants asunder. Energy released from the slain hollows buzzed the atmosphere intensely.

"Watch your back, kid!" Renji's voice reached Ichigo's ears.

"I know, shut up!" Ichigo gritted back. The offending target dissolved into glittering bits of spirit residue with another mighty swing of Zangetsu.

"Don't be so touchy! That's the last one!" Renji announced. A loud thump punctuated his point, and Ichigo clung to the handle of his massive zanpaku-to, panting. He hefted it up and set in on his shoulder, while mopping his brow with his other hand.

"You bet your ass that's the last one. How many does that make now? I win the bet," Ichigo laughed.

"Still five for me and four for you. You owe me a cup of coffee kid," Renji cackled. His brow was equally drenched with sweat, but the white band tied around his head had caught all of it. Panting, both men shared a triumphant grin at their combined night's work.

"That's funny since you hated the stuff before. Now you can't freaking live without it," Ichigo quipped back. Bandages wrapped around his sword, sheathing it in place on his back. Simultaneously Renji lowered his sword, which shimmered with emerald green radiance as it shrank to the size of a normal sword. Carefully he slid it back into it sheath at his hip.

"Yeah yeah. Let's get moving. I'm starving," Renji waved off his friend's teasing.

"You're just looking for a place to take a piss because you had too much coffee before we left," Ichigo could not resist adding.

"Last one there gets a one hollow penalty on the total," Renji threatened.

"You jerk, wait up," Ichigo panted. Both of them broke into a sprint, each trying to gain headway on the other.

"Say Renji," Ichigo huffed after he shot ahead.

"What?" he answered, overtaking the other.

"I'd been wondering about something..."

"Spit it out..." Renji urged his voice thready from the effort to run.

"How long did it take, before well... this is damn embarrassing and I can't believe I'm asking you of all people," Ichigo winced as if was physically painful to phrase the question.

"What was that? C'mon, can you be any more freaking confusing?" Renji frowned, looking sidelong at his friend.

"It's… about a girl I know okay?" Ichigo said between gritted teeth.

Renji screeched to a stop. Ichigo did as well, leaning over to brace his hands on his thighs. Both heaved deeply in and out to catch their breaths. Bent over still, Renji regarded Ichigo with slightly widened eyes. "A girl huh? So you've got girl problems kid. And you're asking me for advice?"

"I've known her and fought with her side by side, and I was trying to… well… take things to the next level, and I… dammit!"

"Which girl, carrot top? It better not be Rukia," Renji said swinging up to stand straight and tall. His red eyes glowed dangerously. Ichigo snapped up from his crouch, sensing the flux in Renji's reiatsu.

"What no WAY! It's not HER!" Ichigo hastily waved his hands in an X.

"Good cause we'd have a problem there," Renji said.

"No kidding. Shit you're jumping ahead!" Ichigo huffed. "Look… it's someone else… not Rukia… so I just need to ask a few questions… and well…"

"So… anyone we know?" Renji smirked. "You said FOUGHT together… so if it's not Rukia… who else could it be?"

"No it's Orihime okay! Damn you're so nosy!" Ichigo complained.

"You're the one asking me questions, Strawberry. I can't freaking read your mind. I have enough problems with kido and spells, and that is one I sure as hell don't have any clue how to do," Renji replied.

Ichigo leaned heavily against the fence lining the road. Pressing down with both hands, he hauled himself to sit on it. His face hung for a minute in shadow. Next to him, the fence shifted as Renji hopped up and sat next to his friend. Elbows braced on his knees Ichigo pressed his head in his hands and mumbled. "I knew this was a stupid idea," he complained. "Just forget it."

"So you're trying to get Orihime in the sack eh?" Renji said, elbowing him. "I underestimated you, kiddo."

"Shut up," Ichigo griped. "I can't think that far ahead okay! Look it's enough I've gotta ask YOU so stop with your mind in the gutter!"

"What else would it be? I mean you are a teenager, and you got the urge, so why be so uptight about it? Damn you're just wound up worse than the Quincy!" Renji said calmly. "Look, I'm not gonna blab to anyone else. This is a convo between two men okay?"

"Thank you," Ichigo sighed with relief. "It's between two men. So nobody else heard this and I didn't ask you, okay?"

"So, what's the problem? Don't tell me you haven't…"

"Don't go there," Ichigo warned. "Look, I just got to know something… how long did you wait before… well…"

"If you're worried about birth control you could ask Urahara for something," Renji said.

"That's NOT IT! My dad works in a freaking CLINIC! It isn't about rubbers okay!" Ichigo yelled.

"Damn you have got it hot for her, doncha?" Renji persisted. "Your face is redder than your hair… or mine."

"Grrrr," Ichigo growled. "Look Renji, I don't know what they do in Soul Society or whatever, but I figured you didn't just… pick up a girl without some moves."

"I've got it. Your pal's tricks didn't work huh, so you're asking a real man. I see. You've got some sense in that hard head of yours after all," Renji laughed.

"Whatever," Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Orihime's not just any chick. She's special. The old 'pretend to yawn and let the arm drop's so yesterday. And with Tatsuki around, how the hell can I get close?"

"Are you freaking kidding me? Where the hell did you hear THAT crap? That's no way to show a girl you want her, you idiot!" Renji shook his head. Ichigo felt a hand cuff him on the brow.

"OW hell! What was that for, you jackass?" Ichigo complained, rubbing his ear. "You're worse than my freaking DAD! If I wanted to get beat up I'd go to him!"

"Your friends have shit for brains," Renji lamented, rolling his ruby eyes. "No wonder you're asking me about this."

"Yeah, cause Keigo's an idiot, and Mizuiro's moves only work for picking up chicks to get notches on his bedpost. And that's NOT what I want to do with Orihime, see?" Ichigo said quietly.

"Yeah. Little wonder any of 'em have half a brain put together," Renji sniggered. "Look Ichigo, like I said, you gotta act like a man. Not some stray dog sniffing down a bitch. You gotta use your head and plan, like in a fight."

"I'm not going to piss on her leg, you dumbass, what kind of guy do you think I am, damn it," Ichigo glared at him.

"Settle down. You say I'm a hothead. Look, she already digs you doesn't she? She's always drooling all over how wonderful you are. Dunno because she has weird tastes in food I figure she has the same in men," Renji reassured him.

"No worse than the shit you eat," Ichigo shot back.

"So don't just talk at her. You have to let your body and your stance carry the message. Talk is cheap. It's all in the attitude, kid," Renji explained.

"How's that different from the yawn and grab, uh?" Ichigo smirked.

"Dumb ass," Renji repeated. "Look you want my advice or not? I've got better things to do than hear you piss and moan."

"Okay, okay, you win," Ichigo relented. "So… um… what's all this shit about attitude? Could you give me a clue, like a real example? Something?"

Both their stomachs rumbled, breaking the tense silence. Renji rubbed his belly and exhaled sharply, "Can't talk with an empty hole in me. Let's go get some food and take this man to man talk over late dinner, okay?"

"I'll buy," Ichigo said. "Where to?"

"Somewhere close," said Renji. "Without stopping for gigais."

Meanwhile two women wearily made their way back to Orihime's apartment after an intense evening of training. Together they had pushed the limits of Orihime's powers. Now they were ready for a much-needed break over several movies and ice dream. Rukia had strongly hinted that she was leaving patrol up to Ichigo and Renji tonight. Both friends trudged up the stairs, carried plastic sacks with various purchases. They only put them down so Orihime could unlock the door.

"Matsumoto's out so I figured we could unwind with movies. Fighting always makes me crave marshmallows with pickles over rocky road," Orihime chirped happily.

"You've got enough pickles to stock Urahara's shop. I don't see why you need more," Rukia shook her head.

"I needed sour, not sweet," she answered Rukia's knowing smile.

"Let the guys do whatever it is. You've earned a movie night with me," Rukia patted her on the shoulder. The lock clicked open, and both stepped over the threshold into cool darkness.

"I do hope Ichigo and Renji can join us though later if they want. There's plenty to go around and you did say they should stop by for some tea after their patrol," said Orihime as she carried her bags into the kitchen. Noticing she had left the door open, Rukia carefully closed it. She heard the clink of jars and swish of plastic wrap as various items were put away.

"Let me," she said. "Why don't you go shower off and change? I'll get the ice cream and put the first movie on."

"You sure?" Orihime hesitated.

"I wasn't the one who sweated buckets in a human body. Besides, I think comfy pajamas make the movie more entertaining and the ice cream tastes all that better don't you?" Rukia asked.

"Oh yes, but make sure you put the sour pickles on mine, okay Rukia?" Orihime relented.

"You don't want bean jam with that do you?" Rukia asked.

"Please! And help yourself! I have some coffee in the cupboard," Orhime said enthusiastically. "Though when I'm a robot in the future I'll have an expresso machine built in!"

"Whatever you say," Rukia blinked, shaking her head and hunting for the coffee.