here's Fuji's PoV...

hope it clears up why he just ran away from him...

Akira Yama presents
Fading Fading... Gone

Things come and go. Time passes by at such varying speeds, it seems; slowly... it tortures you, and quickly... it kills you. He seemed so passionate. I knew automatically I would not be able to stop falling for him. When I first met him, I could just sense his enthusiasm; even though he was shy when he first walked into our seventh year homeroom. Of course, how can you not become friends with someone in such close proximity to you all throughout middle school?

We had just moved to this part of the city and I was new. My younger brother was staying at St. Rudolph, but I didn't want to attend there... away from my already scarce parents. I was still homeward bound, even if I hated being away from my brother than I did being away from mom and dad. Still I transferred to Seigaku and I tried not to regret it too much.

I walked into the building and soon realized that it wouldn't be too hard to make friends. I passed people and heard their comments on how cute I was. I was used to that. It was a little too familiar to me really. One girl asked my name.

Fuji Syusuke.

She directly, to my face, told me I was adorable. It killed me a little. She looked like a ninth year and she seemed interested in me. Me, a seventh year, who already knew he didn't like girls all too much. Liking guys was more exciting, more... forbidden.

My name seemed to flow endlessly after that. And first bell hadn't even rung yet!

I almost ran to my homeroom. I almost hoped it would be a sanctuary. That's when I saw him. He was so cute and quiet, he glanced at the kids walking in with such wide eyes; I just couldn't resist. I stayed as calm as I could when I approached his desk and sat beside him. He seemed intimidated by my presence. I was the first to speak.

Hi! I'm Syusuke, what's your name?

His voice was so quiet I almost didn't noticed it as he shyly replied. I'm Kikumaru Eiji.

With that, we were instantly friends….

Lessons we sat together all through middle school. We saw to that. We always sat giggling to ourselves at comments we made about the jokes we twisted from the teacher's words. I was the one who normally started it all. Eiji always ended up laughing quietly beside me. I think I first fell in love with his laugh. I always loved hearing it. I felt this strange possession over it and didn't want anyone else to blossom it from his lips.

I think I gave away my possesive side one time during our eigth year. A girl was shamelessly flirting with me. I felt awful for her. I was gay. I knew that; and somebody had already stolen my heart. As she was attempting (and failing) to win me over, I heard that gorgeous giggle blended into an almost melodious chuckle. His laugh. My jealousy shot out and I regretfully snapped at him.

What's so funny?

He immediately noticed my jealousy and quickly told me it was something he had thought of. Something he remembered me saying he thought was funny. I knew he was lying, but it did cool my anger. Plus him pulling my attention to him got that hopeless girl to leave me alone. I think what happened, as I think about it now, is he realized something about me.

I know he soon noticed that I had the same, usual closed-eye smile. I could tell it bugged him, how it always made me appear so calm. I did change that. I saved one smile just for him. A genuine grin that I only gave him when we were together in our own sanctity. The place we created through our own invisible boundaries. I think the day I showed him my possessive side was the day he noticed I saved that grin for only him.

Over the years, we would give each other presents on gift-giving holidays. One year, the year I discovered my true feelings for him, I bought his something extra special. It was his birthday, his thirteenth birthday, during our eighth year. He was having a simple family party with his parents and his siblings. He invited me over and it was great to be in a house full of such life.

He got mostly books and video games and a new tennis racket. I spent all the money I had on a gold chain that had his name engraved along the length of each strand. My heart fluttered when his eyes lit up when he saw it. He hugged me and immediately put it on. I don't think I ever saw him without it after that.

I think when he realized that I had spent so much money on him he decided to get revenge. He invited me over for Christmas, since my parents decided to leave on another one of their vacations. One reason I wanted to move with them was because they were never home and I wanted to see them when I could. Well I slept over through new years and on Christmas morning we all opened presents. That was when Eiji handed me a little box with a hug silver bow on it. I opened it and saw a white gold band with a single blue stone engraved into it. I put it on and smiled Eiji's smile and gave him a hug. I never took it off. I'm still wearing it now.

Wait! There was one time I saw Eiji without his chain.

It was near the middle of our second semester, a few weeks after Christmas. He ran into the building panting and I noticed the gold wasn't gleaming around his neck like always. Again, I allowed my jealousy to get the better of me. I was scared Eiji had found somebody other than me who was taking him away from me.

However, my fear and sadness was projected as anger.

I glared coldly at him and I snapped at him... all regretfully now.

Where is it? Why aren't you wearing it?

I look back now, and I'm even scared at the tone I gave him. He was shocked and I think a little frightened as he stammered an explanation of being in a rush after having overslept. I refused to accept is one thousand apologies until I realized he had actually been in a rush. He had forgotten to grab most of his text books.

We shared secrets. I told him why I was always at his house; how my parents were never home, how lonely I got, and how much I loved it at his house.

I wasn't completely honest with that last one. I also just wanted to be with him more.

No matter what secrets we shared, we never judged each other. We always took in the secret and stayed as close as we could. I even remember when he told me he was gay. I was at his house for a sleep over and we were in the living room by the fire, roasting marshmallows. It was almost time for our eighth year to end and I was so curious. I knew I had fallen helplessly in love with him, but I wanted to know if he felt the same. I never told him how I felt and I still don't know if he ever knew. All I know is I think he knew at least subconsciously; especially when he confessed to me who he actually liked.

I remember asking, as we started making our third smore, if he liked anybody. He was hesitant and I was almost pleading with every fiber of my being that meant it was me. After taking a bite and taking forever to chew and swallow, he finally confessed... he did like somebody.

I tried so hard to stay calm. I tried to stay reasonable. He didn't know I was gay, or at least I think so. I thought it was obvious and I didn't need to tell him, but I still stayed on the logical side.

Whose the lucky girl?

I think the playfulness in my voice sounded rather forced now that I reflect on it.

Again he hesitated taking another eternal bite. The suspense was killing me. He took the longest breath ever recorded before admitting it wasn't a girl... but a guy. My heart was racing painfully, trying to break through my ribs. I remained calm, surprisingly.

Ok, whose the lucky guy then?

Again he took forever to answer. My heart beat was in my ears. I remember yelling in my head answer the question before my head explodes!

And then he did.

His voice was so soft and uncertain I almost didn't even hear it. Tezuka.

My smile didn't waver, but my heart fell into the pit of my stomach and I felt my skeleton slump as my outer appearance refused to. I was crushed. I was wrong! I wasn't the center of his world... it was buchou? I wanted to run and cry in a corner and never look at that soft, cute face again. It had torn my heart in two. I knew I couldn't, though. I couldn't reveal my feelings so I just stayed my usual calm self. I acted stunned.

I look back and I wonder if his hesitance was because he knew I liked him...?

Him? Why? He's so stoic....

He began to paint a picture in my head. How that made him seem so mysterious to him. How it drew him in. How it was like Tezuka was the magnet to his polarity. I laughed quietly, half because I was trying to lighten my mood, and half to hide my broken heart. I hugged the cute naive redhead. I didn't want to be selfish and hurt him. I decided to encourage him. I told him to go for it.

And he did...

Eiji asked him out at the beginning of summer training. They stayed together well into our ninth year, too. I didn't believe it at first when Eiji told me he had said yes. Selfishly, I had hoped he would get rejected. I am such a cruel best friend.

He told me and said that Tezuka wanted to keep their relationship a secret because it was a new concept for boys to be dating each other. It made strange sense. I could have twisted the meaning for the secret around to make Eiji all mine again. Tell him it was because Tezuka didn't want anyone knowing he was dating him. That he was ashamed. But I didn't. I couldn't hurt Eiji like that. No matter how much my sadistic side wanted me to.

I loved Eiji far too much for that.

They did a good job keeping their relationship a secret. They only saw each other outside of practice and school on the tennis courts after every practice. I found myself dragging along while I changed out of my tennis gear just so I could watch them. Some what out of painful jealousy. Mostly because I didn't know if he was capable of hurting Eiji.

I only thought to do it on the first few times, but I found myself going back all summer and a few weeks into our new school year. All they did was talk. At least at first. Then I saw everything Tezuka did to him on those courts.

He stole his first kiss...

Stole his first make-out...

Told him he loved him...

... he even took away Eiji's virginity.

Things I had wanted to do... kiss him all over his pale body. Claim his lips for mine. Make love to that small, frail body in such a passionate and burning way. No matter how much it hurt me, I still was helplessly in love with that clueless redhead.

You know, as I think about it now... he never took off that chain... even while he and Tezuka had sex.

Then one day the answer to my shattered heart's prayers came along. What I had longed for came in the form of a seventh year named Echizen Ryoma. I don't know if Eiji noticed first or if I did, but that short prodigy captivated buchou in a way that stole him from Eiji.

I remember the night only too well. I was home alone (surprise!) and I heard a knock on the door. I went to answer it and there stood Eiji crying. He was hugging himself and just this sight whirl winded my emotions. I never wanted to see him so sad, but I was so happy because I knew what this meant.

He threw himself at me and I caught him as he sobbed, his face pressed against my chest. I wrapped my arms firmly around him. I brought him into the house after locking the door and brought him into the living room. I sat down bringing the sobbing redhead into my lap. I rubbed his back as soothingly as I could as he forced out the story of how Tezuka broke up with him for Ryoma.

I felt triumph. Eiji was mine again.

But I knew first I had to make him forget that awful guy. I told him how stupid Tezuka was and how he would soon regret giving him up. I continued on through my anger towards him for taking Eiji away only to hurt him like this. My words were harsh, but I kept them in a soothing whisper. It calmed Eiji down.

Then we just talked. I wanted him to forget. We talked about everything and nothing and I could tell I was doing a good job in comforting him. I took his heart and put it back together. After awhile, he asked me what time it was.

6:00 AM

He gasped and started panicking. He wanted to hurry and get ready for school, but I knew better. He wouldn't be able to handle seeing Tezuka just yet. I sighed and touched my finger to his lips. I popped in a horror movie and sat back down and wrapped my arms tightly around him, pulling him close. I knew he hated horror films. That's why I chose it. So he would crawl in closer to me and keep his attention focused on something other than that cruel buchou.

We talked all day and he ended up staying the weekend and we just sat and talked endlessly. I remember him falling asleep in my arms and I recall only too clearly my thoughts before I, too, drifted into oblivion...

Who could hurt such a perfect angel...?

Tic

Toc

Tic

The clock just loves to torture me. I already knew this was the end. I was just waiting for the only thing stalling me from a long foreboded good-bye. I would never see Eiji after this. We would be going to different schools. I can't stand the thought of never seeing him again. I place my usual smile on my face as I strain to hold back tears. The thought of him gone shatters my heart like glass.

The bell chimes and we are all ushered into the auditorium for the closing ceremony. I open my eyes and try to stay focus on the speaker. I blink a few times, shoving back the tears burning my eyes.

Then I sense him looking at me. When I look at him, he is looking down and I know he is crying and I worry as to why. I bite my lip and stay focus on my poor angel.

The truth is I'm madly and helplessly in love with him and I don't want to let him go.

Even if I confess and it just so happens he feels the same, what's the point? After I love you, we'll be forced to say good-bye.

Then the speaker's final words, and the ceremony ends.

...*...*...

I am pushing my way through the farewell crowd in attempts to find Eiji. I have to tell him my feelings before I leave him. My eyes are burning at these thoughts. If he is to reject me then let it be. Just so long as he knows I love him dearly. I see his red hair and something inside me breaks.

"Eiji?"

My voice is almost a whisper. My tears are threatening to fall from my opened blue eyes. Why does it have to be like this?

He turns to me and his quivering lips force a smile. "Hi, Fuji, nya."

I can feel how his strong emotions are tearing him apart. His nya sounds drained. My heart over comes my sense and I immediately embrace him, my arms wrapped firmly around his waist, pulling him into me as close as I can. He replies by quickly wrapping his arms around my neck. I feel the desperate cry; I'm not letting you go! He buries his face into my neck and I can feel his tears and sobs.

We both struggle out desperately. "I don't want you to go!"

I hold by breath as tears start draining from my eyes and sobs begin to release themselves from my chest as he continues on in a shaken voice; "I don't want to say good-bye. I want you to stay with me, Syusuke."

My heart flutters painfully as he says my first name. He pulls away to look at my face and our eyes lock. Before he can comprehend that I'm crying for the first time in front on him, I lean my face closer to his. I brush our lips, taking a deep breath before pressing them gently together. Then it comes crashing down that this is all that's left and I kiss him rougher, needier, desperate to tell him how long I've wanted this.

He returns it. I feel his desperation as he claws into my shirt and he returns with a desperate force on my lips. We both know that this isn't only our first kiss, but our last and only.

I don't want this to end, but it does for we eventually need to breath. Our eyes meet and our hearts beat together against our chests. Everything stops around us and it is only me and Eiji. A silence falls upon us as we try to catch our breath.

Then he shatters the silence, gasping out...

"Syusuke, I love you."

You would expect pure joy, relief, that he feels the same way about me, right? No... I feel crushed. More crushed than when he confessed his feelings for Tezuka. I feel my sadness deepen and all I want to do is run away. It would have been better if he had just rejected me. Then at least this good-bye, this never seeing each other again, would be easier to handle. No, this means that I'll want him even more now that I know my fantasies, at least, had a chance of coming true. I'll want desperately to see him and I'll be clinging to this moment wishing for another. Only... there won't be another moment!

My eyes are on fire as I try to force back my new tears. I don't want him to feel like I'm rejecting him because I wish not to. I love him and he needs to know that.

With that thought my lips form a sad half-smile as I attempt to give him his smile. My deepening sadness pulls me away from my failing attempt. As I speak, my voice is just a whisper. I place my lips to his forehead as I confess, "I love you, too, Eiji." I kiss his forehead gently, wanting this moment to continue.

My crushed heart had other plans as it took control yet again. Our eyes meet as my voice turns emotionless. "It's just too bad it's too little, too late."

I pull him away, not wanting to see him crushed, and I turn and I run into the crowd. I rush through the people trying to get away as quickly as I can. Tears are raining from my eyes and my heart is dead. I'm dead.

I can feel him chase after me. I hear his desperate, pleading voice calling out my name.

Syusuke! Please, come back! Syusuke!

I never look back; even after I reached my sister's car, even after I told her to drive. I never turn around in my seat. I want to go back. Go back and hug him, but I can't. It would just make it harder to be away from him. My sister asks why I cry, but I stay quiet.

I regret having kissed him...

by the way that ending part about the kiss isn't meant to be mean it's just meant to say he wishes he never brought that pain upon himself.

i'm thinking about doing a sequal where Eiji tries to get him back... it's like a desperate chase in trying to get his love back... i think it might have two PoV's like this...

its just what I was thinking... i'm trying new styles.

by the way if there are any spelling or grammar errors i'm sorry i went through this at least three times, but it was like 5:10 in the morning and i was starting to fall asleep when all this was done.

thanks for reading! please review!