Beth has just walked away from me after asking if I was disappointed to find out that Morgan was not Coraline.

Be careful what you wish for right?

The truth hurts.

I always tell her that a relationship with me is not possible, that it's difficult, dangerous and complicated. Usually it's to stop her asking so many damn questions.

Well she asked her question and I didn't say a word. She knows me well enough to understand what my silence means. I can't admit to either of us that the answer to that question is …..yes.

She won't understand, especially after what I have just told her about the crazy, insane relationship I shared with my ex wife.

As usual she wanted answers from me that I wasn't prepared to give. Hell I didn't really know what I was feeling, how could I explain it to her?

The idea that Morgan was Coraline meant that I didn't kill my wife, that she found some way to become human again. The possibility of a cure was just too good to be true. What it would mean?

Did I still love her?

Did I ever?

Hell, I just don't know. The whole thing had been a disaster from the beginning.

Josef was right I am just making myself crazy.

I can hear Beth moving around putting on her coat, gathering her things together.

I wait to hear the click of the door closing as she leaves the apartment without saying another word.

The faint clacking of her heels down the hallway and the ding as the elevator doors open and close.

These are the sounds that take her away from me. One of these days she will leave and never come back.

Is this latest drama the thing that will make her realise that I'm really not worth it?

Beth is not, by any stretch of the imagination, the hysterical crying female stereotype but I don't need vampire instincts to know that she is jealous and hurt by my interest in Morgan.

It's just one more thing to add to the long list of things that I have done to hurt her since that day at the fountain.

Every time she knocks on my door there is a part of me that thinks okay this is the day she is going to say thanks but no thanks. That she can't deal with being involved with vampires anymore and that she wants to go back to her normal life.

I can't blame her for that. I have wanted to go back to my normal life for fifty five years. It's too late for me but it's not too late for her.

God, Beth what have we done to you?

What have I done to you?

There are just too many secrets between us.

Has she really suppressed the whole trauma so deeply that she can't put all the pieces together and see the truth about her kidnapping?

Should I just sit her down and tell her everything and let the chips fall were they may?

No, I can't do that. It would really be the end of any kind of relationship with her. I couldn't let her go all those years ago and I know damn well that I can't do it now.

Despite my best efforts to keep her at a distance she has changed something in me that I will never be able to find with anyone else.

She makes me want the happily ever after… no matter how impossible that dream may seem.