Disclaimer: GW = not mine.

Author's Note: I'm not very good at handling angst fodder so the third July prompt isn't really doing much for me. Still, I'll give it what I've got. The prompt is "I would die for you, but I won't live for you," as quoted by Stephen Chbosky in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. This is no way connected to NN. This is too angsty for that continuity. My angst = fail.

Parting
by mistress amethyst une

She didn't want to be his reason for breathing or to be the cause for his breathing to cease. She simply wanted him, wanted to know he would be all right. Couldn't he understand?

"You're always telling me not to take risks with my life," she said, lying next to him as she ran her hands through his hair. "All I ask is that you take your own advice."

They lay together in bed, his back turned to her as she continued playing with his hair.

"My life's purpose is to protect yours," he spoke into the air, not daring to see the heartbreak in her eyes. "If I die keeping you safe-"

Today. She had almost lost him today. His willingness to take a bullet for her shook her to the core. It was fortunate that the gunman was a nervous amateur. What if...

"If you die, you might as well kill me right now. Your death would do me no favors. If anything, it would just deprive me of you. There's no sense in it."

"What else do I have to offer? This is all I can give you. My protection, my existence by your side..."

"Live."

"You're asking me to live for you?"

"No. Simply live. Live, but not for me. You should be your own purpose, Heero. I want to know you'll live even after I'm gone. Don't deprive the world of your presence."

"You're my world."

She propped herself up on her elbows, peering at the perfect soldier who refused to show his face. She found herself looking into the tearful eyes of a man stripped of all defenses, gripped by the fear of having nothing to live or die for.

"And you're mine," she told him as she captured him in an embrace. "Don't end my world, Heero."

"Be my reason."

She shook her head, resting her cheek against his back. "I can't be your reason. I'm temporary, Heero. You need something that will be with you until your heart beats its last. You need to live for yourself."

"I can't let you die," he insisted, stubbornly trying to stifle his cries. "I just can't. Why can't you stay? Why is it that you have to go first?"

"You can't protect me once my time finally comes, Heero."

"For forty years..."

"I know. But it's almost over now. When you took me out today, I was just so glad to see the leaves falling. I wouldn't have minded leaving this earth then. I've lived a happy life. That bullet might very well have been my intended release..."

He recalled the feel of her wheelchair handles beneath his fingers, how she'd begged to see the light of day despite her frailty.

And then that mugger...

The powerlessness Heero felt at having to defer to local law enforcement for his wife's safety stung more than anything. If that criminal had actually had decent aim, he would be dead but he'd have died protecting her. He wouldn't have to watch this illness eat away at her, wouldn't have to survive without her...

"Live," she pleaded.

"Not without you."

"I'm going to have to leave you soon, Heero. You know that."

"But-"

"I want to be sure you'll be all right without me. Please..."

She twined his fingers with his. "Please," she repeated, her voice weak.

"Wait for me on the other side," he stated, her hand slipping from his as she fell into eternal slumber.

Third July prompt done.