The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

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Author's Note

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After years of inactivity and me being out of ideas, this is the finale.

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Story Start

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''Kagebunshin no Jutus is more then one word god damnit!'' Hidan roared. It was another typical day in Akatsuki head quarters.''Konan! What does the rules say? Konan?''

'Huh?'' She asked turning the page in her book. She was sitting at the table with the two more immortals while the others were at the couch. Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi were playing Halo on X-box while Zetsu and Naruto watched. This feels? Oddly familiar.

''Konan!'' She continued to ignore Hidan's shouts. She told him not to get into a high risks game with Kakuzu's greedy ass but did he listen…no. There it was again an odd sense of Deja Vu.

''Tobi! Tobi you're fucking up! No don't throw the grenade at me!'' Deidara screamed as Tobi blew up his character. ''God damnit Tobi you no aim having son of a bitch!''

''I sorry Deidara-Sempai…Tobi was trying to be a good boy and take out Itachi-sempai like you instructed but I missed.''

''Deidara it is obvious...''

''Yeah your fucking out-classing abilities! Up yours Itachi!''

Itachi raised an eyebrow.''How did you know I was going to say that?''

''I...'' He raised an eyebrow. ''Don't...know.''

''Hey guys...this is...so familiar!'' Konan said closing her book. ''Something doesn't fill right.''

She said as Itachi hit Kisame with a Tsukiyomi.

Ignoring the Yo mama jokes she pulled Naruto to the side.

''Goddamnit! I ordered a meeting two days ago. Where were you all?'' Asked a not so happy Pein from a doorway.

''Technically you never ordered a meeting. You just told them to come back to base,'' Konan answered.

''Now that everyone Is here Tobi has a surprise...'' Before Tobi could run off Konan pinned him to the wall with paper shurikens. ''Tobi..did you make brownies?''

Tobi stopped squirming. ''AAaw...Konan-sempai ruined the surprise.''

''Konan-chan are you ok? Maybe you should lay down?'' Naruto suggested as Konan shook her head.

''No...you weren't here, but I remember this. Right around this time you and the others ambushed us with that damned assault team.''

''Wait...that's right...but who the hell...''

''Sasori...'' Itachi concluded. Itachi dispelled the Genjutsu to find Kisame dead, a kunai wound in his back.

''Sasori that bastard...he killed Kisame!''

''Right...it was Sasori,'' Itachi said edging the bloody kunai with his foot under the couch. Suddenly an explosion came from Itachi's room. Paper of Icha Icha Paradise were scattered over the floor burnt and destroyed. ''NO MY PORN!'' Another explosion sent a food like substance splattering on the walls. 'NOOOOOOOO MY POCKY! NOT THE POCKY! SASORI MUST DIE!'' He ran off.

Konan sighed. ''Well we lost Itachi and Zetsu, and as much as I hate to admit it...Kisame is a decent fighter when he's serious so we're at a severe disadvantage as he taking out those with detection and transportation abilities.''

''Sasori is trying to destroy us all for what reason I do not know. As the leader of Akatsuki I can not be replaced. The rest of you...''

''You might want to rephrase that bit if you don't want to loose the second favorite part of your body Pein,'' Konan said in a threatening tone. Pein looked at his right arm.

''But I like my right arm,'' He said as the guys all snickered.

Konan shot them a look causing them all to silence instantly. ''I was talking about your brain you peverted dope.''

''But that's the fourth right after my...''

Bam

Pein was knocked out cold my Konan's punch.

''Looks like someone's testy...hey kid looks like your woman needs some di...''

Bam

Hidan too was knocked out cold. ''Anyone else got any smart ass comments?''

Naruto, Tobi, Deidara, and Kakuzu looked at each other then shook their heads furiously. An angry Konan was a scary Konan.

''Good. Dediara check the cellar, Kakuzu the Armory, Tobi you go check all of your room and Naruto you'll check outside while I do a search of the attic!'' The guys all nodded and scattered about.

Unknown to them one of the paintings on the wall were watching everything. The glowing red eyes was plotting revenge and how the Akatsuki members would be dispatched.

Some time later with Itachi Awol and Kisame along with Zetsu dead that only left the others to search for the puppet master. Who they all assumed or was pretty sure Sasori.

''You know...what ever happened to the good old days un? Back then when we all used to be friends?'' Deidara suddenly asked as everyone looked at him crazy.''You fuckers know what I meant. Like that time we went to see Katt Williams for Hidan's birthday. Yall remember...''

''Tobi remembers...poor little tink tink.''

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Flash Back

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''...There was a white boy who ran track for a mother fuckin livin. He ran track for a mother fuckin livin. And he lost both his mother fuckin legs. Now I hate losers and quitters but if you run track for a mother fuckin livin and you loose both your mother fuckin legs you ought to be allowed to sit this mother fucker out. You have done everything there was for you to do."

Most of the Akatsuki had burst out laughing with the exception of Konoha who was trying to act dignified and Zetsu who...well no one knew what the hell was wrong with him.

"And this mother fucker own some gangster shit, cause not only was he gonna walk again, this mother fucker was gonna race again. Cause you gotta be in tune with your star fuckin player to pull this shit off. They made him some aluminum racin legs and shit. That looked like bent back paper clips and shit."

The audience exploded with laughter and screams.

"Don't be tryin to act like somethings wrong with me. Some of you mother fuckers saw the story. You know what the fuck I'm talkin bout. It looked like bent back paper clips. Like two baby boomerangs and shit. that's what he had to run on.'

Naruto spat out his drink as he roar with laughter.

"This mother fucker had to be in tune with his fuckin star player. Cause sometimes mother fuckers wont' have your back like you think you should. And now this mother fucker has to come in on his aluminum racin legs and race again. And he had to come in all calm and smooth and not draw too much attention to himself."

Katt jogged slowly from one end of the stage to the other and with every step he took and with every step he said. ''Tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink.''

If their wasn't people laughing they were trying desperately not to.

"Yeah this mother fucker fuckin winning this shit. Mutha fuckers fucking with him and shit. 'Yeah, you gotta go over thier and sign up first and shit before you race.'

''Oh, ok mother fucker."

He jogged to the other side of the stage, ''Tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink.''

"Yeah, they say I gotta sign up first. It's no sign up at all?' Tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink tink.'

''Mother fuckers at the starting line, these mother fuckers doin all kinds of unnecessary exercises with thier legs and shit. On your mark!"

He started to jump around and doing crazy stunts with his legs.

"And the craziest fuckin thing happened. Not only did this mother fucker start runnin, this mother fucker started winning. And you know a hater can't stand a god damn winner. And the last place you wanna be in a mother fuckin foot race, is behind the mother fucker with no god damn foots."

Laughter from the audience.

"I bet them mother fuckers were mad as shit."

He started to jog in place.

"My legs tired ain't your legs tired. His legs ain't tired, he just...tink tink tink... tink tink tink tink. TInk tink tink tink. Just paper clips and sparks everywhere. Tink tink tink. But you gonna have to be in tune with your star fuckin player cause these haters do not play fair. These hating ass mother fuckers at the limping committee let this mother fucker race, and then waited till he won and then disqualified him and said and I quote, 'he had an unfair advantage.'"

Laughter. He then held his hand up to signal to the audience their was more he had to say.

"Are you talking about the mother fucker running with no god damn legs? Is that who the fuck you talkin bout? Poor lil tink tink. Think about that when you think you havin a bad god damn day. Poor lil tink tink, aint that a bitch."

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Flashback end

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Everybody was laughing their asses of at that. After searching and finding no clue and indication and the death Akatsuki's immortals, via heart attack and being buried alive the others decided to just say fuck it and give up. Two weeks later the others were revived and just like always life continued. Crazy shit would happen, some members would die, and then come back to life. And this simply continued for the rest of their natural lives.

Until Sasori was hit by a bus.