AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the prequel to my previous one-shot "News in the Night." In that story Anakin made several references to breakdowns that occurred between him and his new Jedi Master right after Qui-Gon died. I figured that deserved a story of its own. Here it is!
WARNING: FLUFF. KLEENEX (or Puffs, etc.) ALERT. CUTE!ANI. ANGSTY!OBI. NO SLASH, just father/son style affection, or brotherly affection.
Disclaimer: I don't even own my own car. Do you truly think I own SW? I rest my case.
Dark. Quiet. Cold.
Way too cold for Tattooine.
Then where am I?
I blink my eyes open and look around. It is really dark in here. I can just barely see my hand when I put it in front of my face. I can hear a waterfall from somewhere outside.
Okay, this is really starting to creep me out. A waterfall? I'm definitely not at home here. Where would I be where there are waterfalls outside my room?
Oh. I know where I am now. Naboo. I'm in a room at the palace with my new Jedi Master, Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon was supposed to be my Master, but he—well, he died. A Sith killed him. A Sith is a really evil Jedi, I think. At least, that's sort of how Master Obi-Wan explained it.
Speaking of Obi-Wan, where is he? He's not in his sleep-couch. I can tell because he usually snores extremely loudly, and sometimes he even talks in his sleep. I can't hear anything from over on his sleep-couch now.
I'm kind of scared here. It's so dark, and I've never, ever been this cold in my entire life. I don't even know where the 'fresher is here. What if I really had to go? I couldn't ask Obi-Wan! He hates me already. I can tell because whenever he sees me, he gives me a funny look, like I smell bad or something, which I can't because Padme's friends made sure I got all cleaned up after I got out of that starfighter.
Anyway. I don't mean for Obi-Wan to not like me. I think he's annoyed with me because Qui-Gon wanted to stop training him and start training me. Qui-Gon was sort of like his dad; I can tell because Obi-Wan looked like he was going to cry at Qui-Gon's funeral. I think Obi-Wan is jealous of me. He thinks I stole his dad from him since Master Qui-Gon wanted to train me. I would never do that, though. I miss my mom so much. I know how it hurts inside to lose somebody you love.
I'm shivering now. There's this horrible noise coming from the wall right behind my bed. It sounds like a Jawa going through a garbage disposal. I saw that happen once, and I never want to see it again. I don't think I've ever seen any Jawas on this planet, though. How could a Jawa be going through a garbage disposal if there are no Jawas?
I don't want to get in trouble for getting out of my sleep-couch, but I can't stand that noise any longer. I just have to know what it is. Anyway, isn't being a Jedi about facing the unknown and being brave?
The floor is freezing! Cold feet! Why isn't there a rug here or something?
I can't see anything, either. Where is that light?
Aha! There's the switch.
Ugh, maybe I should turn it back off. It's as bright as Tattooine at noon here now, two suns and all.
Oh, there's a door in the wall. I wonder if whatever's making the noise behind my sleep-couch is in there? It's sounds like it is…
Here's the panel to open the door. Hmm…so many buttons...no, that's the one for the fan…Ooops! I don't need music! Sorry!
Oh, here we go. And…open sesame! Whatever that means.
Hey, I found the refresher! Somebody's in there, but I don't think they're, you know, using it. It sounds like they're crying. I can't tell who it is from this angle. I can just see a little bit of ginger hair—
"Master Obi-Wan!" That's who it is. He sounds like he's hurt. I hope he's not sick.
He didn't even look up at me when I said his name. He's just shaking like he's caught between a pair of power couplets. I've never seen anybody do that before. I really think he might be sick!
"Master Obi-Wan, are you okay?" I know it's a stupid question, but it was the only thing I could think of to say. He still isn't moving from his spot on the floor or looking at me.
Poodoo. Time for drastic measures. I'm going to go over there and make him look at me.
Oh, wow, his head is heavy. This is so much easier to do with Aimee. Come on, Obi-Wan, look at me! I need to make sure you're not hurt too bad!
Now I'm wishing he'd look away. His head just snapped up, and he's staring at me with these blank blue eyes. His face is all blotchy. He's been crying, I can tell.
Obi-Wan is still shaking. I don't know what to do!
"Master Obi-Wan, what's the matter? Did you hurt yourself?" Trying to be gentle with Master Obi-Wan the way Kitster is with his baby sister.
Master Obi-Wan's still staring at me. Oh, he's opening his mouth a little. Is he finally going to talk?
Oh….help help help!
He's screaming, but I actually don't think you can call it screaming. It sounds like a mix between the Jawa in the garbage disposal and the guys who always crash in Podraces, only ten times worse! It sounds like Obi-Wan's being torn to pieces, and oh, why won't he stop it?
"Master, Master, please, please stop it! Master Obi-Wan, what's the matter? Please, Obi-Wan, please—"
I'm the one shaking now. I can't help it. He won't stop making that awful noise, and I don't know what to do! Why doesn't someone hear him? Why won't someone come?
"Obi-Wan, stop it! Please, stop!" I'm hugging him now, as tight as I can, and we're both shaking hard enough I think the floor is moving. "Obi-Wan, you're scaring me! Stop it! Stop!"
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Help. Help. Help—
Burying my face in his tunic and holding on, begging the moon and stars to please, please, make the sound stop. His shirt smells like soap, not like Mom, who always smelled like the fruit she bought from the stalls. Not like Qui-Gon, who smelled like lightsabers and tea and a little bit like smoke.
I miss them. I miss Mom so much, and I'll never see Master Qui-Gon again! Mom, Mama, please come here. You'll know how to make Obi-Wan stop moaning. You can fix anything! I don't want Obi-Wan to be hurt. He can hate me forever, I don't care! Just make him stop crying!
A pair of arms wrap around me. I can't think who it is. All I know is that they're warm and gentle.
"M-Mom?"
"No, Anakin, it's me."
Obi-Wan! He's okay!
…Isn't he?
"Master Obi-Wan?" I bury my face in his shirt for a second. I can't help it. He's not yelling at me or anything, and right now I'm scared he'll start crying again. That's more important than me acting like a grown-up, right?
When I look up at Master Obi-Wan, his eyes are all red and puffy, and he's frowning. I hope I didn't do anything wrong. I just wanted to make him feel better, honest! I don't want him to send me away.
"Are you all right, Anakin?" He sounds so tired, and his voice is rough from screaming before. It sounds like he has a horrible sore throat. I can't stop myself from asking,
"Are you?"
Ooh. He does not look happy. I wasn't trying to be cheeky. He looks terrible. How's Obi-Wan supposed to take care of me if he can't take care of himself?
"I'm fine." He's pulling away now; or, at least, he's trying to. I'm not letting him go, though. Not until I know he's feeling all better.
Master Obi-Wan glares at me and tries to get up again. "Anakin…" He's not giving up, but I'm not, either. "Anakin, stop it."
"No!" I know I sound like a bratty little kid, but I don't care. I'm scared he'll get really sick, and it'd be my fault because I wouldn't know! I don't want him to be hurt. He's the only person left to take care of me, so it's my job to take care of him.
"Anakin, you let go of me right now."
"I said no!"
"Anakin!"
"Obi-Wan!"
Uh-oh. He's furious now. I've never called him by only his name before. Slave masters don't like it if you don't call them "Master" all the time. I know Obi-Wan's not supposed to be the same thing, but…
I'll just have to talk to him now. I have to know what's wrong, I have to!
"Master Obi-Wan, please, tell me what's wrong! You sounded like a Jawa caught in a garbage disposal, and you were shaking so hard. That's not normal. I don't want you to hurt like that anymore. Please!"
He's staring at me from where he stood up. Then, slowly, he sits down again.
"You—you were worried about me?"
He sounds so surprised!
"Yeah! You're my Master. I'm supposed to worry about you!" That's not totally true, but Obi-Wan doesn't know that.
Obi-Wan takes a shaky breath. "I—Anakin, I don't want to scare you…"
Maybe you should have thought of that earlier!
…Sorry. That was mean.
"I don't think you can scare me anymore, Master."
Obi-Wan sighs. He's shaking a little bit again, so I grab both of his hands. He jumps a little but holds on tight. Good.
Obi-Wan closes his eyes for a minute. When he looks at me again, I try not to look at something else. His eyes are hollow.
"I'm the reason Qui-Gon died."
What?
"I didn't think he'd get so far ahead of me," Obi-Wan continues as I stare. "We were dueling the Sith, and I was knocked down to a lower level of the room we were in. By the time I jumped back up, Qui-Gon and the Sith were almost in another room."
He closes his eyes again as if he can see what happened. He's shivering so much that I'm vibrating a little.
"There were these ray shields—I was caught further back. Qui-Gon was separated from the Sith by one of the shields. He—Qui-Gon, I mean—he was on his knees. I could tell he was meditating to get his strength back. He was slowing down so fast…"
Obi-Wan swallows. I think he feels sick, and to be honest, I do too. It has to be a bazillion times worse for Obi-Wan, though. I crawl closer to him and snuggle close.
"The ray shields opened again. They went in the other room and kept fighting. I was only one door away when the shields went back up.
"Qui-Gon was doing his best, but…the Sith…" Obi-Wan pauses and rubs a hand across his eyes. "The Sith was wearing him down. I couldn't do anything. The Sith stunned him and then he—he—he ran him straight through."
No. No. No. I don't want to hear this. I don't want to know!
"My Master, my best friend, the closest person to a father I've ever known, he died because of me! It's my fault!"
Obi-Wan's sobbing. I can't stand this, I just can't! It wasn't his fault. Can't he see it wasn't his fault?
He's not going to listen to me, I can just tell. I've got to do something, though. I can't just leave him like this!
I know what I'll do.
Slowly, inch my inch, I creep closer to Obi-Wan until I'm hovering right next to him. Now for the hard part. I carefully edge over until I'm sitting right in his lap.
I fling my arms around him again.
Obi-Wan goes stiff, just like a bantha in the headlights of a speeder. Oh, please, Obi-Wan, it's okay. I won't hurt you, I promise.
There he goes! Obi-Wan's arms went around me! He's hugging me! I don't think he's going to let go anytime soon, either. He's rocking me back and forward and crying into my hair.
I feel like a snotrag. Oh, well.
Finally, he's starting to loosen his grip. We've been sitting here forever. I haven't really minded, though. If he really hated me, Obi-Wan would hug me, would he?
Anyway, I have more important problems to fix right now.
"Master Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Padawan?" Wow! Obi-Wan called me "Padawan"! That's special. It means I'm his apprentice. He's never called me that before now.
"Master Obi-Wan, it wasn't your fault that Master Qui-Gon died. I know it wasn't! The stupid laser shield got all in your way. You couldn't stop that." Ugh, he's frowning again. He didn't believe me! I'm telling the truth!
"You would never let Qui-Gon get hurt on purpose anyway. You really loved him a lot."
Maybe I shouldn't have said that…Obi-Wan's looking at me funny—
"Oomph!"
I don't think I've ever been hugged this tightly in my whole entire life.
I don't really want him to let go, but he does after a few minutes. At least Obi-Wan is smiling a little bit. It looks like smiling is painful, but I guess that makes sense. He's been crying a lot lately.
"Why aren't you asleep already?"
"Umm…I was kind of talking to you, Master."
He rolled his eyes at me! He is so mean…
Just kidding. Sort of.
"Come on, you. Let's get you back to bed." Obi-Wan grabs my hand and pulls me upright. I keep a hold on his hand as he turns out the light in the 'fresher and shuts the door.
"Watch the buttons, Master. The music gets loud if you press the wrong one."
I can't tell in the dark, but I'm pretty sure Master Obi-Wan is smiling a little bit again. "I'll keep that in mind, my very young apprentice."
Very young! "I'm not that little!"
Obi-Wan laughed at me! Oh, well. It's better than him crying again, or even worse, screaming. I never want to hear that again in my entire life.
Oops. I said that last part out loud.
"Sorry, Master."
Obi-Wan sighs again. "It's all right, Anakin. Come on, get in your sleep-couch."
No way! No way is he making me go away now!
"I don't want to!"
"Anakin, you have to go to sleep." Obi-Wan's using his warning voice. Ugh.
"I know that. I don't want to sleep alone. I want to stay with you."
Obi-Wan's breath catches. Did I offend him?
"You want to sleep with me." It's not exactly a question, the way he says it.
"Uh-huh." I actually do feel really little now. I probably shouldn't have asked. I'm too big for that kind of thing anyway.
Obi-Wan blows out a big breath. "Well…all right."
I knew I was wrong—wait, did he just say "All right"?
"Really?"
The smile's back in his voice. "Yes, really. Just for tonight, though," Obi-Wan warns as I scramble onto his sleep-couch. I don't care if it's only for tonight. I just need to make sure my Master's safe and sound.
//That's…why do you worry about me so much, Padawan?//
Did he just do what I think he did?
//Master? Are you inside my head?//
I can hear Master Obi-Wan trying not to laugh, but at the same time, I know he's not making any noise. This is interesting…
//Why are you in my head?//
//I can hear some of your thoughts, and you can hear some of mine. It's part of the Master-Padawan connection.//
Really? Weird.
//How come I couldn't hear your thoughts before?//
A sigh from Obi-Wan's direction. //I'm not sure. I think, though, I didn't really—I wasn't sure that we'd be the best pair. Tonight, though, you proved me absolutely wrong.//
//So you don't hate me anymore?//
Oh, poodoo. I didn't mean to say that! Obi-Wan stiffens.
"Did you really think I hated you?" His voice is a little bit wobbly, like he's trying not to cry again. I'm not sure I won't cry, either.
"Uh-huh." I don't know what he's thinking, and that scares me. What if he starts hating me now? What if he thinks I hate him? I don't hate Obi-Wan!
Suddenly Obi-Wan pulls me into a hug so that I'm using his chest like a pillow. "I never hated you, Anakin. I was jealous, sometimes—"
"You were scared of having to leave Master Qui-Gon like I had to leave my mom," I whisper.
"Yes, I was, but that's no excuse. I never, ever, hated you, Anakin. I can promise you that."
I can't stop smiling. Obi-Wan doesn't hate me, so he won't send me away! He needs me, anyway. I can tell he does.
"You're stuck with me, Master!"
Obi-Wan groans. "It's a pleasure, Padawan."
I stick my tongue out at him even though I know he can't technically see me. "Why do I get the feeling you're making fun of me, Master?"
He just groans again and messes up my hair. "Go to sleep now, please."
"Only if you will."
Obi-Wan hesitates for a minute. Come on, Master, please! I don't want you to get all sad again!
"All right," he finally says. "Let's go to sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."
That sounds exciting.
"Are we going to have more adventures?" I mumble into Obi-Wan's chest. I'm getting sleepy and surprisingly warm lying here. If I just close my eyes, I bet I'd dream of being at home.
I can still hear Master laughing from somewhere above my head. "With you around, my very young Padawan, I have no doubt that we will have more adventures," he whispers. "Very many wonderful adventures together."
I never noticed before, but Obi-Wan actually does smell like more than soap. He smells like Qui-Gon, too, like lightsabers and tea and a little like smoke. Maybe I'll tell him that sometime. I think he'd like that. Right now, though, I'm so sleepy and comfortable next to Master that I might just fall asl…
Love? Hate? Read and review, bitte und danke! NOTE: All flames are used to keep Anakin warm.
Love y'all,
Icey