Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is the creation of Natsuki Takaya

`Twas the night before Saturday, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even that damn Yuki.

Actually, that was not entirely true...Kyo did detect one creature stirring in a nearby room.

"Kyo-kun... Yuki-kun..."

Kyo gritted his teeth. WHY did she have to speak so clearly and loudly in her sleep?

"Kyo-kun... Yuki-kun... You don't need to cry..."

For that matter, why did she have to talk in her sleep at ALL?

"It's okay...it's okay for two boys to marry each other... Zzzzz..."

And why did she say stuff like THAT? I mean...is that what she is dreaming about? Does she think about it during the day? Is that the way her mind really works? AARGH!

Another night of sleep lost for Kyo Sohma.

Bad Ideas Gone Wrong Productions presents

Side Effects

A Fruits Basket Fanfic by Geoduck

Kyo shuffled into the kitchen. Ordinarily, he would have yawned, but that morning, he didn't feel like he had the strength.

Tohru, as always, was her irrepressible self. "Oh, good morning, Kyo-kun. I've set out the milk for you."

Kyo eloquently grunted his thanks and picked up the large glass set out by the refrigerator.

"Oh my...you look very tired this morning, Kyo-kun."

Kyo shrugged his shoulders, too exhausted to care.

"So drowsy in the morning. You're becoming more and more like Yuki-kun every day!"

This caused Kyo to cough and choke on his milk. "Don't-don't say such stupid things! I'm tired because I didn't sleep last night. It has nothing to do with that stupid rat."

Tohru blinked in cheerful apology. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. You didn't sleep last night? That's not good."

"Uh, yeah. Well, I'll be okay." Kyo was clearly uncomfortable in the face of Tohru's sincere concern.

"Could it be...could it be that you're not eating right?" Tohru panicked. "Is there something wrong with my cooking?"

"No, no, there's nothing wrong. It's not your fault." Actually it WAS her fault, but he'd rather dance the tango with Kagura than tell Tohru exactly WHY that was the case. "I'll--I'll be okay."

"But I can adjust...uh...is it more vegetables? Or more starchy foods? Less fat? Wait, which one is it? Think, Tohru, think."

Kyo winced. "Please, don't go to any trouble. I'm all right." He gulped down the rest of his milk. "Thanks for the milk. I'm gonna go out."

Tohru watched him leave. "But...Kyo-kun", she said quietly. "I've got to fix this. I've got to get him to eat right so he can sleep."

Hatori's phone rang softly. The stoic doctor, who had been engrossed with reading the latest "Lancet", looked briefly at the phone's caller ID, then answered.

"Hatori-san? I'm, I'm worried about Kyo-kun. He's not sleeping, and he's got such large black marks under his eyes, and he walks around like he's in a daze, and..."

"Slowly, please, Honda-san. You say Kyo hasn't been sleeping? Has he shown any signs of illness?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe. I don't know. Oh Hatori-san, what if he's really sick?"

Hatori sighed. "I don't think it's anything to worry about. In all likelihood, he's probably eating too close to when he goes to bed, or he's taking in too much caffeine, or he's studying too many hours, or a combination of those factors. If we leave the problem alone, Kyo will probably adjust his habits, and the problem will solve itself."

Tohru was near tears. "But Hatori-san...isn't there anything I can DO?"

At times, the girl was TOO helpful, Hatori thought. "Well, if you really insist on doing something, you might want to prepare him an herbal tea at night. That will aid to soothe his nerves and help him rest."

"Herbal tea. Right. I can do that. What kind of herbs?"

Hatori paused for a moment. "I've found that one of the best is..."

Kyo tasted the tea, then frowned. `Why is this taste so familiar?' he thought.

Tohru was watching him intently. Too intently. "Hey, why are you staring at me," he snarled non-threateningly.

This flustered her. "What? Er, I wasn't...I didn't mean...I just wanted to make sure your tea was all right."

Embarrassed by his outburst, he flushed. "Uh yeah, it's not bad. What is it?"

"It's herbal tea. Hatori-san said it would be good for you and might help you sleep tonight if you drink it."

"You called Hatori about this? I TOLD you not to worry about me. You didn't have to ask somebody ELSE for help."

Yuki looked over the top of the book he was reading. "You see, Honda-san, it just doesn't pay to help the ungrateful."

"SHUT UP, rat, this has nothing to do with you."

"For which I am grateful, stupid cat."

Tohru, attempting to defuse the situation, did what she does best: she apologized. "I'm very sorry if I offended Kyo-kun...but I had to do something! It's a terrible thing not being able to sleep." Tears came to her eyes. "So if I could do anything to help Kyo-kun, I am happy to do it."

While Yuki pointedly ignored this whole conversation, Kyo flushed redder. "Yeah, well...you don't need to go to any trouble, though."

Tohru beamed. "Making tea is no trouble at all! I just hope it works for you."

It was fortunate for Kyo that he drank Tohru's tea that night: it did help him sleep. And if he had been awake, he would have been very unhappy to hear Tohru talk in her sleep about him, Yuki AND Hatsuharu.

"So the tea really helped you sleep? I'm so glad!" Knowing that she successfully helped someone increased Tohru's cheerfulness by a factor of ten or more.

"Uh, yeah, it wasn't so bad."

"Well, maybe you can have a cup every night from now on, and you'll always be well-rested. Hatori-san told me it was a good herb for relaxation, and I was surprised to hear that Yuki-kun sometimes makes it for himself."

"The rat? Making tea?"

Tohru looked chagrined. "Yuki-kun might have trouble with cooking, but I think he can boil water for tea...probably." Her expression grew brighter again. "But thanks to Yuki-kun, I was able to get the herbs I needed for the tea."

Kyo seemed vaguely troubled at this revelation. "Herbs? What herbs?"

"The tea included some sage and some mint, but Yuki-kun had some of the main ingredient growing in part of his garden. It's catnip!"

If Kyo had been drinking something at the moment, he would have sprayed it across the room. Alas, he wasn't, and as a result, the world was denied what would have been one of the greatest spit-takes of all time. But he was still pretty darned surprised.

"WHAAAAAAT?"

"Catnip. It's very good to help you sleep. That's what Hatori-san said, and Yuki-kun agreed with it when I told him."

"That damn rat is growing CATNIP? Where is he? I'm going to kill him. I'm going to rip his freaking head right off his shoulders, reach down his neck, and pull HIS ENTIRE BODY INSIDE OUT."

"But you know, Kyo-kun, that catnip really did help and..."

"Better yet...destroy garden first, kill Yuki later." That complex strategy settled, Kyo ran outside.

"You're...you're joking when you say, you're going to destroy the garden, right?" However, it was obvious he wasn't joking. "KYO-KUN!" Tohru chased after the boy, since with Yuki still asleep, she was the only one capable of saving Yuki's garden.

Kyo wasn't precisely certain of Yuki's garden's location (He had his own reasons for avoiding it). He was able to track it down fairly easily however...he just had to follow the strong scent of leeks (That was his reason for avoiding it).

Before long, he found it. "There it is...catnip. Stupid rat. Play dirty, will he?" Kyo vowed silently to bait various locations throughout Shigure's house with cheese in order to mess with the rat's mind.

Kyo knelt down and started methodically uprooting the catnip plants.

"Kyo-kun! Stop! Don't hurt Yuki-kun's garden!"

Kyo felt a little shame--he was embarrassed to face her, so he spoke with his back turned. "I have to do this. Do you know what catnip does to a cat? It's absolutely humiliating."

"But...Kyo-kun, you aren't doing anything embarrassing now, are you?"

"Not in human form. But when I'm a cat...it can last an hour, or more. So I have to destroy it. I know you don't want me to, and I'm not proud of it, but I have to do it. For my own dignity."

"Oh, but Kyo-kun..." Tohru stepped forward.

Kyo noticed that she had suddenly stopped talking. He turned around, and saw her falling towards her, as if in slow motion. He wasn't quick enough to say anything, but he did have time to muse that once again, karma was kicking his ass.

*POOF*

`Must get away...get away from catnip...from lovely, sweet, bubbly catnip! Whee! Twinkle-twinkle, comfy-warm, puffy-fluffy! Rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies!' After that, Kyo's thoughts became rather incoherent.

Tohru watched, embarrassed, as Kyo, in cat form, frolicked in Yuki's garden.

"Well...at least nobody else is here to see this."

"Oh, Tohru, I was wondering where you were. Were you going to make breakfast this morning, or should I?"

"Shi-Shigure-san!"

"Did I hear that stupid cat yelling this morning? I swear, I can't get a moment's peace with him around."

"Yuki-kun!"

`Okay', Tohru thought, `Shigure-san and Yuki-kun are here. But they'll be understanding, right?'

That hope was extinguished as soon as she heard Shigure collapse laughing at the sight of Kyo cavorting through the garden. Even the normally quiet Yuki snickered a little.

"Well," Tohru said aloud to nobody in particular. "It can't get worse for Kyo-kun, can it?"

*POOF*

Kyo continued dancing through the garden in human form. Minus the peculiarly human invention of "clothes", of course.

Shigure was clearly in danger of getting a stroke he was laughing so hard, while Yuki was giggling like a madman.

"Yuki-kun...why doesn't he stop that?", she asked, more to avoid looking at Kyo than to engage Yuki in conversation.

"Well...you see..." Yuki gasped for breath, "catnip doesn't bother him in human form...but when he's a cat it does...and when he transforms back...he's still on a catnip high." He giggled some more.

"Oh...my. Poor Kyo-kun. But...at least the worst is over, right?"

"Hey! Tohru!"

"Good morning to you, Tohru."

"HANA-CHAN? UO-CHAN?"

"Is that...oh my...oh MY!"

"His waves...are very interesting. Very serene."

"I guess I'll have to stop calling him `Orange top.' The top's not the only orange part, heh heh heh."

Tohru buried her face in her hands. Even Yuki was a little embarrassed for his cousin. (Shigure, naturally, laughed even harder).

Yes, there was much humiliation ahead for Kyo Sohma. For years afterwards, this story would be told at various gatherings, both family and social. Shigure would demonstrate (to much laughter) Kyo's carefree dance in the garden. This incident would eventually cause him to question whether he shouldn't simply become a hermit and avoid all human contact for the rest of his life.

But for now...Kyo danced.

END

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I apologize for the rampant use of honorifics. Normally, I dislike honorifics in fanfiction, but for some reason, I can imagine Tohru conversing without them. They just seem to be part of her character.

Evil Asian Genius gave me the fic idea after I noted that in my fanfictions, I tend to humiliate my favorite characters. Snuzzle Genius.

Thanks to my demented brother Arcturus for pre-reading. And thank YOU for reading!